Merry Christmas!  I'll post our Christmas card here for those I missed!  I really need to update my list!

I used this scripture passage in the past but felt it was fitting again this year.  As I get older, time is getting shorter.  The ONLY thing that matters in my life is sharing Jesus, pointing to Him, and praying those who don't know Him will come to know Him.  Of course family is important.  Jobs are important.  Responsibilities are important.  However, time drainers and material things are not.  As my brother says about "stuff" - Less is more!  Casting away all of the things that don't matter gives more time for the most important.

  

We just cannot know how good God is until we realize how bad we are.  All of us.  Every one.  I'm so thankful He saved a wretch like me!

May you know the JOY of Christmas as we celebrate, worship, and adore the Savior of the World ~ Jesus Christ ~ the One who loves us most!

Praying for everyone who reads this blog!

Here is a little bit of what happened (and what did not!) in 2024:

Pete's mom Sarah died February 6, 2024, at our home.  She probably had a stroke while in respite (the few days Hospice cares for patients to give caregivers a break) at the Hospice House.  The last time I saw her interact with anyone was when the nice men came to pick her up in an ambulance to take her.  Usually Pete drove her, but she'd had some sort of episode a few days earlier; and he thought the transportation Hospice offered would be better.  One man spoke to her, and she smiled at him.  When she came back, she was not responsive and never was again.  We knew she had been getting worse, and the nurses had already planned some different things.  We already had a hospital bed, and we kept her at home from the Tuesday she returned until the next Tuesday, when she died.  Family and friends were able to visit during that time.  We had lots of people come by to pray for her ~ and us.  It's a bit of a blur, but we remember lots of prayers and lots of kindness.  The Hospice nurse who answered the middle of the night call could not have been kinder or more respectful.  It was the same for the men from the funeral home who came at 2:00 am.  Sam was a huge help during that time also.  Sarah lived with us for almost six years.  It was a grueling battle for her (and us) with dementia.  We appreciate all of those who helped and prayed during that time.  We had a memorial time at the house Pop built in Floyd for both Pop and Sarah.  Even though Pop had a funeral in 2018, I did not truly believe Pete and I could mourn him until after Sarah died.  It's hard to explain, but we included both of them with lots of pictures and memory books. 

At Easter, Pete started a church in Abingdon.  We had a praise team and lots of family and friends - even from Boone, NC, and Nashville, TN, to come and support it.  But it did not take off, so we closed it.  Again, we were thankful to all who helped and supported the efforts.  We hope that what he did do was used to bring someone to the Lord.  We were able to go back to East Bristol where Pete is now the pastor.  Again, we are thankful for that!

We lost our Lucy Girl.  And I still cry sometimes when I exit the interstate and don't see her white fluffy self in our yard.  She was struggling, and we knew we did not have long.  So we spent most of her last days doting on her but also allowing her to find her special spots in the yard or on the porch or in the house to rest.  She died in her favorite spot in the kitchen right next to the treat box.  She was such a good girl and such a blessing to our family.  I remember praying for a special dog, and she was it.  She woke me up countless times to a seizure or low blood sugar.  She was the first to comfort someone who was sick or hurt.

All of the sudden, Sadie seemed so old and sad.  It was awful!  She would even go and sit on Lucy's grave site.  So we adopted Jack ~ another Golden Retriever this summer.  He is so different from but also so much like Lucy in some ways.  So we don't feel like we replaced her.  Jack has been so good for Sadie - and the rest of us.  

No one questioned his name.  He's named after Laura Ingalls' dog on Little House on the Prairie.  He is now as tall as Sadie.

What we have not gotten done is our house.  Pete almost has the tile backsplash done in the kitchen.  After Christmas, I am going to find someone to finish it and grout it.  Then the kitchen will be 98% done!

We've waited patiently (so patiently) for over two years for the shed dormer upstairs ~ adding two bathrooms and a laundry room.  We have almost broken down the bedrooms and covered everything in plastic.  But then something happens, and the date gets pushed out...again.  So we are hoping to get that done in the spring.  It's looking like Sam and I may have to demo, and Pete will instruct us on how to put it back together!  For something that was supposed to be done before we moved in, we have been patiently waiting.  After all of that, we can continue to work on the front porch and hang the wallpaper in the front entry!  Maybe this will be the year to get it done.

Pete did finish the back porch, and it makes a huge difference in the house.  The glassed in porch smelled so musty, and taking it back to an open porch looks so much more like this house.  Pete and Sam also started a fence on one side of the house, so Jack and Sadie can play for an hour or two at a time outside.  They literally moved all of the living room furniture around one time playing!

I hope this explains why my other blog is so far behind!  I hope to have something to add soon ~ at least the porch and fence!  

Pete took me to New England this past fall.  I've always wanted to go.  Even though we were in Boston and Cape Cod and not Maine, I still felt like I was in the middle of a Murder, She Wrote episode!  We took the ferry to Nantucket one day and walked by the infamous bookstore several times ~ only to see it on the news a couple of weeks later.  I met an Iroquois Indian who said he was one of four on the island.  He told me I needed to find the other three, but I told him that I probably wouldn't if they looked like him - light hair and blue eyes.  He also has a home near Charlotte, so we had an interesting conversation even though I was not sure why he stopped to talk to me - I'd lost Pete for a few minutes.  It was probably because the locals were so friendly.  We were amazed at all of the houses and buildings, the cleanliness and neatness of the grocery stores and gas stations, the beauty of the beach, and just the differences from the south.  We stayed at an old inn and had the pool right down the stairs from our room, so I was able to do PT for my leg every day at least once!  We were able to walk to the beach.  We had the best seafood we bought already cooked at a grocery store and liked it so much we had it three nights in a row!  It was also on sale which was another plus!  I cannot wait to go back!  Pete was afraid I'd pick out a house and want to stay.  But I'll be happy just to visit again!

As we wind up 2024, we look back and see major changes in our family and our lives.  We hope to be able to serve God more and more in 2025 and spend even more time with the ones we love!

Merry Christmas!!!

Living with a person with dementia - some ways to help

 I've thought about writing a post about living with someone with dementia and some ways to help (or not help!).  I have lived with someone with dementia for way over five years, and I have some things that may be useful to someone else.  These are things that have happened or not happened, but I hope they will help someone else in the same situation!

Helpful ways to help those taking care of dementia patients:

Check on them - write a text or email or call or mail something.  When distant family used to call (even infrequently), it helped keep the patient busy for a few precious minutes.  Or it helped brighten the day of the caregiver.  Just try to take the time to reach out.

Pass along when someone else checks on them or the patient.  It makes them feel not quite so alone.  It makes them feel like someone cares.

Send the patient something, even if they don't know it.  Pajamas, cozy socks, a zip up hoodie, a coloring book or magazine, a book with lots of pictures, or a snuggly blanket.  Some things can keep the patient busy and help things stay calm.  Others keep the patient neater and cleaner and saves money for the caregivers.  My aunt got my mother-in-law the softest hooded full zip sweatshirt.  It works so well, because she's always so cold and fits right over her clothes or pajamas.  Friends have gotten the softest socks.  My brother and sister-in-law gave a soft blanket to go with the ones my sister had gotten.  It all helps in all kinds of ways.

Send a simple gift to the caregiver(s).  A manicure or pedicure for the caregiver.  Or favorite candy or a book.  Something as a treat if there are children - like a gift card to a favorite store or restaurant.  Just something to show care or appreciation by the way of a small, simple gift.

Offer to sit for an hour or two while the caregiver runs errands or has a quick lunch with friends or family.  Some times of day are easier to manage, and usually caregivers are happy to schedule some time during those times.

Offer to come and stay a day where the patient lives to let the caregivers have a day to spend together working on a project, visiting a child, or just taking a break.  The patient will be in familiar surroundings, so it's easier for everyone.  

Try to work holidays or visits around what is easiest for the caregivers who work their lives around the patient.  See how these times can be made easier and less stressful.  And since the caregivers are used to working things out themselves, don't expect them to ask.

Check on the patient's needs every once in a while to see if they need any items you can easily get for them.  Hygiene items or things like extra bibs or other supplies mean a lot to the caregivers.

Remember that caregivers have little time for themselves, so think of ways to give them some extra time - even if it's just a couple of hours.

Try to make the drive.  Caregivers seem to go overboard to accommodate everyone else.  See if there are ways to help them by coming to them every so often or finding the easiest places to meet.  Patients will get to the point where they cannot ride in the car, so it would be good to go ahead and plan accordingly.

If you are truly concerned about the days or the week a loved one has had, be the one to call and check on them.  See if the caregiver needs any extra help during extra stressful times.  Be prepared to change plans and check on the loved one in person if possible.

In some cases, hiring someone to come and clean the caregiver's house would be a huge help - even if it's just a couple of rooms or the refrigerator.  Or take their car to be serviced or washed.  Every day errands get pushed back with limited time to do them.

Merry Christmas 2022!!!

 Merry Christmas 2022!!!

Merry Christmas 2022!  We are excited about the season of Christmas ~ celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

The scripture we chose for our Christmas card is not the "normal" Christmas scripture, but it's such a reminder of what we are and are not and what HE is!  And what He's done!  And that's what Christmas is all about!

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." 

I Timothy 1:15-17

What am I and am I not?  I am not perfect.  I am not worthy.  I am a sinner, the worst of them all, and need a savior.

THE BEST NEWS?????  That Savior came down on Christmas in the lowliest of places for you and for me.  

Don't determine to follow Jesus because of someone like me.  Remember, I'm the worst of the worst.  But I hope you will pursue knowing Jesus, because of who He is.  He came for us all.  Not all will accept Him.  Not everyone realizes they need a savior.  But we all need Him.  And He came!

That's what Christmas is ALL about!  Jesus Christ - our Lord and Savior!

(A picture of a shepherd boy in Bethlehem I took in February 2020!)

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As an update for our family ~ because we seem to be all over the place ~ so I'm sharing the following!

Last January, we got to celebrate Christmas with Peter and Julianna who flew in from Colorado and even got snowed in with us for a day or two!  We had the best time playing games and watching movies and just hanging out!  Peter, Julianna, Will, and I even went to TJ Maxx and the mall!  It was so fun to be with them!

Will and Laiken were engaged, and we celebrated their wedding on September 24!  We are so blessed to now have TWO daughters!

Sensing my need to visit my little Colorado people again, Pete made reservations for us and Sam to fly to see them in November.  We had a great visit with them!

We played at Top Golf in Colorado and had so much fun, so we celebrated Andrew's birthday a little early with a trip to Top Golf in Charlotte!  

In the middle of all of that, Sam started his senior year of high school!  My baby!  He is so helpful and fun and intuitive and smart and has a memory better than mine!

We also got a brand new great nephew five months ago, Maddox, who joined his greatest big sister Emma who turned three in October.  They are certainly the best, and we love seeing them and spending time with them.  Emma is a real encourager, laugh creator, and all around great little person to be around!  And Maddox is the smiliest and sweetest baby ever!  We appreciate that Laura and Ethan share them with all of us!

We lost some precious people this year.  One of my first "big" bosses died and brought together lots of people from the olden days in Admissions ~ while we traded texts back and forth with updates and when we traveled to his funeral to support his family.  

We also lost my pastor's wife, Louise Thrasher.  She has always been in my life.  The Thrashers have been through all of the ups and downs with me (and millions of others).  We know she is with Jesus.  She spent her last days and weeks talking to people about Jesus and praising and worshipping Him.  In fact, the night before she died, she was at a Worship Night in the Train Station in Bristol.  We miss her, but I think I will always see her smiling face and hear her encouraging words until I see her again.  And that's a gift, because she always encouraged me in a way that only one who had Jesus shining through her could.

In April, we sold our house of 15 years ~ right after renovating many things I had wanted to do over the years!  We didn't close until June, so we continued to pare down and give away and sell and throw away lots of stuff.  That sure lightened the load!  We moved into an apartment in Vilas and are so thankful for the friends renting it to us ~ me, Pete, Sam, Sarah, and, of course, Sadie and Lucy!  It has a beautiful view on a hill that will keep me from work on snow days!

We started looking at homes and lots in Bristol and Abingdon in the spring.  I really wanted a home on Valley Street in Abingdon, so I could walk downtown.  Or I would have settled for a house on Solar Street in Bristol that had the most amazing windows in the kitchen and the prettiest staircase.  Or the pretty blue house near my old church that had a window seat and a few fireplaces!  I thought he'd agree on the house my dad's principal lived in, when he was a child.  But Pete was scared of my choices and the enormous work he could see involved.  We decided to build and even picked out a lot.  But the cost of building right now is so high.  While we were going back and forth, a house we had seen online continued to drop in price; and so we went to see it with Tracy - my high school friend and running teammate ~ and a most patient, helpful, and fast to get back to you realtor.  The in between story is very long.  Really, it is.  The longest closing in the history of house closings!  But we both decided the location, the home and its potential, and just the general feel of the place made it a home we both happily agreed upon!  It's close to Boone being right at Exit 19.  

So we are renovating and planning to move in the spring after Sam graduates.  It's getting a new kitchen, new bathrooms, paint, and some updating on plumbing and electrical during all of that.  We will update the outside some too!  If it looks familiar, you've seen it as you exit I-81 North at 19.  I've always thought it was the cutest little house!  If you can still find it on realtor.com, there are some great aerial pictures!  It's on Maringo Road in Abingdon.  

We are thankful and excited to move closer to family, but we will miss our friends in Boone!  We'll only be a little over an hour away and hope to have a garage full of bikes, so we can have people visit and ride on the Virginia Creeper Trail!

Pete is still hoping to find a church to pastor.  He will be ministering and pastoring in some capacity!  We are just praying about where!  Since we left our last church, two years ago, we have visited and attended some good churches; and he's ready to get back to preaching and pastoring.  He still has all of his cleaning jobs now and has to spend most of his other time with his mom.

Sarah (Pete's mom) has lived with us for almost five years ~ since soon after Pop died.  Her dementia gets worse every few months, it seems.  She does not know who we are or what goes on.  Some days are calmer, and some are very busy keeping up with her.  We have a sitter who helps occasionally, and Andrew can still help some for short amounts of time.  Hospice respite has been a huge help - giving us 4-5 days of a break each month for the past few months.  We appreciate the little breaks we have here and there.  We were able to take Sam to Charleston for a few days over spring break, and she stayed with Charlie.  Meg kept her when we went to Colorado in November.  We are thankful for these breaks and know firsthand how caregiving can completely wear you out and wear you down - especially when it's in your own home!  We appreciate all of the prayers prayed for our family!

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We pray this Christmas season brings you closer to Jesus ~ the one and only Savior of the World.  He is our Light and our Salvation.  Our Hope.  Our Joy.  Our Peace.

Love,

Wendi

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

A Long Overdue Update!

 After I broke my leg, things came to a standstill of sorts!  I felt behind in absolutely everything, but I also felt God's hand on me keeping me from getting too agitated with all my limitations!

We flew to Colorado in June for Peter and Julianna's wedding.  I was treated differently at the different airports, and I appreciated those at the airports and on the flights who asked how they could help.  I was able to get to my seat by holding onto seats - with gloves!  Dwayne and Whitney drove out to meet us, so they were our tour guides.  We spent some quality time with Julianna and Peter and her family.  The wedding was beautiful, and we are so happy Julianna is officially in our family!  They came home in August and had a celebration at Sky Retreat.  It was beautiful too, and more family got to see them dressed up in their wedding clothes!

I was cut off from physical therapy at the very beginning of August - no tapering, no plan.  Just cut off!  The hospital and my insurance did not do well there.  I was still using a walker.  I used Youtube to figure out how to walk with crutches and then a cane.  I am still using a cane.  I go to the pool to swim and do PT three times a week.  I still am making a little progress, but I am anxious to ditch the cane and walk on the Greenway with my friends!

We got to celebrate Christmas with Peter and Julianna at their visit in January.  We got snowed in and played Monopoly and watched movies.  And ate.  And they all walked in the snow.  It was over too soon, but we will see them again soon!

Andrew's Duke video came out today, and we are taken back to 2018 and all of the time leading up to that.  It was not an easy time, and it's wonderful to see him sharing in that way of his - to help others.

You can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7fsZWWXNFU

"I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1

A Broken Leg

 On Saturday, March 13, Sam and I were going to take our very excited dogs for a walk.  We usually put the harnesses and leashes on them in the mudroom or out on the back deck.  Sam had Lucy.  I had Sadie.  I walked outside holding Sadie's leash.  It's common for them to run down the deck stairs and back up in excitement.  When Sadie ran down, I didn't think anything about it.  She did not run back up this time!  She took off in the yard - with me still holding the leash!

I flew off the back deck - several steps up - and was airborne for a second and remember thinking that this was not going to end well.  I bounced down the stairs hitting both ankles.  I landed in a heap on the asphalt driveway after hitting my arm and ribs and head and face.  I could not even make a sound at first.  I knew I was hurt!  Then I started crying - loudly!

After about 30 minutes in the driveway, I was able to sit up but could not get up!  Pete finally told me I would have to go to the ER - that I had probably at least twisted my knee.  Then we decided to call Watauga Medics because I had started shaking badly and could not move that leg.

The man and woman who came to get me could not have been nicer.  I apologized for bothering them.  They took me on my first ambulance ride to the hospital just about three miles away.

They didn't seem that busy, so I did not think much of it when I got instant attention.  It went by so fast until the doctor said I had broken my leg!  I could not believe it.  I had a plateau tibial fracture - right below my knee.  And he said he would send me upstairs where the surgeon would call me.  I was ready to go on home with a leg brace!

It was a very very long night.  The pain was so terrible.  They finally gave me morphine to knock me out!  I had talked to the doctor, who reminded me of one of our pediatricians at work that I really like, so I figured that was God telling me he was okay.  He was going to put on an external fixator on Sunday and send me home.  A what?  Whatever.  Just let me go home!  So the next day I went to have surgery and got to see Dr. Nguyen and wished I'd just seen him at the store or somewhere!

The surgery went well, and I woke up to a huge Star Wars looking contraption on my leg.  And I stayed another night.  I could just feel those dollar signs, but I was in a lot of pain.  I went home on Monday, my birthday!  When we got out to the parking lot to get me in the van (thank goodness I have a Honda van!!), we didn't know how to get me in the car!  I finally pulled myself up into the back seat and was stretched out across the whole back with that thing on my leg.  Pete hurried home, because I was already exhausted!

When we got home, it took forever to get me in the house.  I sat on the stairs after getting to them hopping with a walker.  No weight at all could go on the broken leg.  We eased me up one step at a time.  When we got to the top, we looked around and found a sturdy chair and got me into that.  Then we stood me up and moved the chair into the house, so I could sit on it and swivel around and use the walker to stand.  It was crazy.  Don't let anyone tell you that you won't use things you learn in school.  We have to use ratios and fractions and percentages and all kinds of math with diabetes.  With getting into the house, we used all kinds of physics and probably geometry and who knows what else to figure out how to maneuver and where I could pull up and where I could not.  

I was home until I went back on Thursday for my repair surgery.  William (bless his sweet little heart) came and backed me down the stairs in the wheelchair like the physical therapist had shown Pete.  We heaved me and my monstrosity of a leg back into the car, and I was already about to cry from all of the effort.

We got to the hospital and asked for a blue wheelchair like they'd wheeled me out in.  It had a place to hold up my heavy broken leg.  They couldn't find one, so we had to make a regular one work - until we got into the doors and I was almost in tears.  The kind lady at the front table put a trash can under my leg to give me some relief.  And finally, someone brought a blue wheelchair.

We went to outpatient surgery and checked me in.  I gave them my information and insurance - just like I did in the ER.  In fact, I told Pete not to forget my pocketbook; because I knew they'd want all of my information when they took me in the ambulance.  Then we went to a room to wait.  And I was pretty calm for someone having another surgery in such a short span of time.  But I was ready to move on and get it done!

Surgery went well.  Pain was pretty managed with pain medication.  I got to go home on Friday.  We got me into the car a lot faster, when we left.  Getting back into the house was a challenge, but we did that faster too.  I was relieved.  PT came and helped again.  My leg was still very heavy with all of the bandages and the leg brace.  But it was better than the external fixator.

One of my dear nurse friends came to change my bandages.  I could not look.  She told me things looked good and came back every couple of days to change it.  I still could not look.

I went back to the Ortho after four weeks.  We decided to try leaving the house through the front door.  That was not the best choice, but we did it.  I sat in the waiting room and watched people come in and be called back.  We waited a long time.  I was a little nervous about getting my 36 staples out, and I was getting really tired sitting in a chair with my leg straight out.  Finally, we got called back.  We went to the other end of the building, so I was thankful they got me a wheelchair.  My x-rays looked fine - nothing had moved.  And getting the staples out was not fun, but it was not as bad as I thought it might be.  They told me to come back in four more weeks.  We left in the rain, but I had mastered getting into the car quickly with a little help.  We got home and got into the house

So in the meantime, I have been doing PT a lot.  I have to get my extension back - straightening my leg and my knee bent to 90 degrees.  I have worked hard to meet those goals - almost - before this Friday.  I am hoping that they will let me "walk" with the walker instead of hopping on one foot.  After I master that and can bear weight more, I can graduate to a cane.  I also do a lot of arm exercises that have helped build up my stamina for dragging myself pretty much everywhere I go!

I've only been out of the house for one other appointment!  Since I cannot stand well or balance well, I cannot take a chance on putting weight on my leg.  So I hope this Friday will give me a bit more freedom!  I have things to do!

Our family has been majorly blessed by so many people in so many ways these last several weeks.  We appreciate everything - but mostly the prayers.  This healing and stretching and strengthening is going well, but it's so hard to sleep at night with so much aching in my legs.  But I sleep so much better than I did at first.  I would only make it until 11:30 to 2:30 and then be up in the recliner watching Alfred Hitchcock, so my brain was not just zeroing in on the pain.  We asked for more pain meds to get me through the night, but then we decided I would just use Tylenol.  So I feel better knowing all of that is gone, even if it does mess with my sleep!

I had bad scare in the middle of the night when Pete went to do one of his cleaning jobs - because he woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.  Sam's CGM was showing he was rapidly dropping.  He wouldn't answer his phone, and I was about to panic.  By the time I called Pete or anyone else, he would be too low.  So I was able to get out of bed myself and get to the front hall to yell for him.  Once we got his blood sugar up above the 40's, he helped get me back in bed!  God provides!  Because I would not have thought I could do that - and I did not do it alone!

I've also had Sarah to deal with this whole time.  This has put a huge strain on everyone around me, and I am very thankful for everyone's help.  I can watch Sarah for a little while, but I cannot fix her food or anything; because I cannot get around without the walker yet.  And I cannot balance long enough to do it.  My days to watch her were Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I hope I can start doing that again soon to free Pete up for his part-time job!

Peter asked if I'd gone outside and gotten some Vitamin D.  No.  We have to keep the doors locked or Sarah is gone.  So I have felt a little bit cooped up but not as bad as you would think.  And that is all God.

I've watched movies with my two movie buddies.  I've read.  I've prayed.  A lot.  In the middle of the night is a great time to pray extra. 

I am still learning.  I will never take walking for granted again.  I am in the waiting room that I've talked about a lot - again.  I am trying to be patient and be a good patient.

God never leaves us.  A broken leg is not the worst thing.  But it is hard and makes you dependent on others.  And that's where I am able to see God's provision during this time.  And I know there is more that I cannot see.  At the very least, I have gained a new perspective in a lot of things and in a lot of ways.  I just want this to bring glory and honor to God.  Someone told me weeks ago that I handled this well, and I told her that I was stuck with myself all day and didn't want to be stuck with my "mean" self.  And I've tried to watch my attitude and have even called people to pray for me and my attitude on tough days.  And I am thankful they stop and pray for me right then!

Thanks for reading this!  It is long, but I wanted to write it so I can read it again later and remember how thankful I am to walk!!!

 

 

One of God's tiniest Angels ~ Happy 29th Birthday Katelyn Elizabeth Ball (November 20, 1991 ~ December 25, 1991)

 I know one of God's tiniest angels.  She slipped into our lives one cold night and showed us so much in the five short, but precious, weeks she was with us.  Then she slipped away to Heaven on Christmas Day.  We think about her often.  We celebrate her birth in November and pray quietly on Christmas.  We remember her.  We love her.  And we cannot wait to see her again!  This is the HOPE we have in Jesus.  

This year, as I remember little tiny Katelyn, I give thanks for the time we had with her.  For knowing her.  For how God has used her life to teach me and remind me of so many things.  

I always pray for her parents, her younger siblings, her grandparents, and all of our other family and friends who are remembering her too!

I am going to cut and paste some past blog entries I wrote about Katelyn.  I always pray I will learn something that will help me be a better light for Jesus in this world.  

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Today is a day to remember.  And to be thankful.  And to have hope.  And though I always cry some tears on this day, I feel that joy deep in my soul that I KNOW where she is and where I will go to see her again.

As life can get harder and harder, Heaven gets more and more real.  I am so thankful Jesus came and died for even me so that I can live with Him one day.  His precious and most painful gift is free, and all I had to do was accept it and believe it.  Why would I want to live for anyone else?  I want to live for the One who died for me.  The only One who could.

I am so thankful that I will see this little person again.  I don't know what she will look like, but I know I will know her.

Happy 24th Birthday, Katelyn Elizabeth Ball.  We love you and will see you again.

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I cannot believe tomorrow is Katelyn's 22nd birthday. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven ~ if there is a need to celebrate when in Heaven on just certain days! I got a text this morning from a dear friend/sister. She asked something, and I knew exactly what she was asking about ~ Katelyn. We all come back to this place this time of year. It's sad, but it's so much more than that. The first years were hard because Katelyn was the first baby in the family and for most of our friends. We did not yet know about all of the blessings that would come. So we felt the loss and felt it very acutely.  We still feel the loss, but we can see how God has worked; and that gives us hope and peace.

 November 20th will always be a day of reflection for me. I can still feel that cinder block wall. I still remember having my brother right there with me ~ knowing exactly how I was feeling and sharing that time of sorrow and concern. I can see my mom sitting in the waiting room. I can see my aunt talking to my uncle. The memories are so sharp. I remember Little Caesars in Winston and the chair that a nurse brought outside the NICU for me to sit on while Whitney visited in the nursery. I remember driving my grandfather back to the road to go home in a small rental car. So many memories half my lifetime ago ~ that seem like yesterday.

I know He lives. And I know we will see her and others we have lost. What a blessing and what hope we have. If you don't have that, please ask someone about it now. The gift of eternal life is free and just needs to be accepted.


This is last year's post ~~~~~

I wrote this original post two years ago. I just read it again...and cried. It seems like it could not be 21 years ago, and then it seems like a lifetime ago. The first weeks were the hardest. Then the first months. God was with us. He is still with us even now - He never left. Never will.

I know one of God's tiniest angels
She slipped into our lives one cold night
Not meant to stay for long
This precious little bundle
She taught us love in her short time on earth
And when it was time to go
She slipped out of our lives
But not out of our hearts
Where she will stay
And we will see her again...in Heaven
(a revision of the poem I wrote a year after she died)

Every year is one year closer...

2011 Post This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one.

Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact. ~~~~~~~~

I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.

Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.

In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures. She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.

My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.

Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.  

Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful.

I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.

That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.

I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!  

Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most. ~~~~~ Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!

All of Me (Matt Hammitt)

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
 And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

 I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start

A long long time ago...

A long long time ago, I started sending emails asking for prayer.  I had a computer in an extra bedroom in my house across from Hardin Park.  I was scared and asked people to pray for Andrew.  I remember sitting in the chair at the computer not afraid to send a message asking everyone I knew to pray for him.  He had so many issues.  I was so ill-equipped to take care of him.  I believe it was the best thing I ever did.  Then later, I started a blog.  My email had been changed, and I had difficulties setting it back up.  But for years, I know people prayed when they got an email from me.  With a blog, it's not always read.  But I still believe that the people who have read it through strokes and surgeries and a bad diagnosis or two have prayed.  And we are so thankful for each and every prayer.  Sometimes I share on Facebook.  But for a long time, it's been difficult to write.  So I've decided to take the advice of some who have been so dear over the years and start again. 

I had about a year to prepare for our Holy Land trip in February.  I was on a roll getting into good walking shape, eating well, and reading about the places we would go.  Then everything fell apart again, and I was stressed getting ready, getting everything I left in place, and just not feeling as ready, prepared, and organized as I meant to be!  But God worked it all out.  He gave me my sister to take care of ALL of Sam's stuff.  And she did a great job.  She had Andrew and Will to help some, but she had to learn to change his new insulin pump site and wake up to give him something to eat when he got low at night.  She was up a lot one night when Lucy, our Golden Retriever, decided that thunderstorms were just not her thing.  She took on organizing projects and cleaned, of course, while she was at my house!  And I did not worry about Sam one bit like I thought I would.  I only talked to them a little and texted a little.  And they were great.  The others were all fine too.  I had lots of other help in many different ways, and I appreciated it all!

The trip to Charlotte was great.  I did well on the long flight, once I figured out how to open the bathroom door!  And we had the very best group of people.  We only had 17, which ended up being a great number to get in and out of places pretty quickly.  We had a wonderful guide, and we could not have had a better bus driver. I got quite attached to everyone and cried when I left them!

One of the first few days, we were on the Sea of Galilee; and I sat by myself in the middle of a pretty good sized boat.  We thought that would lessen my chance of being sea sick.  So I sat still and enjoyed the boat ride and watched the others.  I was listening to the music being played, and a song I knew came on.  I knew when I got home, I would have things to deal with.  I just didn't know exactly what.  But I felt like God was giving me that time to be still.  Not only to be still, but to be still in the place of the storm on the sea.  Where Jesus walked on water.  Where Peter did until he took his eyes off Jesus.  Where Jesus calmed the storm.  What a blessing that be still time was on the Sea of Galilee.

While most of my trip was documented on my Facebook to help me organize and remember my pictures when I got home, I am still working on my photo book.  I am excited to get it done.  The pictures are all of the trip through my eyes. 

I wasn't sure what Pete was talking about when he talked about going HOME.  But the minute we got to Israel, I felt at home.  I felt at peace.   I was not worried or concerned and never felt unsafe.  We walked around at night in Jerusalem in groups, and it felt safer than downtown Boone!  It was special to be in the land of God's chosen people, the Jews.  And to be where my Lord and Savior walked on this earth.  He is a Jew.  And it's hard to understand why there are so few Christ followers there.  So hard to understand.  But then, I look at myself.  And all around me.  I stick to what I know and have been taught to some extent at least.  And that's what they do.  So I should not be too hard on them, when I do the same with other things.  And people around me do too!

Going to Bethlehem with a special guide, George, was one of my favorite days.  I did not plan to buy many gifts for people - I just did not want to be caught up in that - not knowing how my time would be.  But we did have time to go into shops and the market (multiple times!), so I made a point to look for the most primitive Nativity sets.  I found some simple ones for some of my special people.  There is just something about having a simple Nativity set from Bethlehem or Jerusalem.  It just takes me back.  So we went down under a big church to the place where a star is there to represent where Jesus could have been born.  We are in Bethlehem at a site, and it's representing Jesus' birth.  And I was overcome with thankfulness for the birth of my Savior.  It's hard to describe.  That Mark Schultz song "When Love Was Born" kept running through my head.  We went in a small door to enter the church - not the big front door.  It was the line that says, "Bethlehem, through your small door, came the Hope we've waited for.  The world was changed forevermore, when Love was born."  Chills!

Another day, we saw this beautiful rainbow over Jerusalem.  We saw so many rainbows on this trip.  A lot of them were while we were in a moving bus.  They were extra spectacular and are always such great reminders that God keeps His promises.  Every single one.

On the last day, we went to the Garden of Gethsemane.  I brought home olive branches from there to make something special for my boys.  That is where Jesus prayed in anguish before He was arrested.  It was hard to imagine him arrested at night and lowered into a hole into a stone cave at Caiaphas' house to be held as a prisoner.  It was hard to be the place where He was beaten and scourged.  It was hard to imagine what we've seen on TV and seen in our minds - that we were standing in those places.  It was so real.  We don't have to go to Israel to know that and be thankful for it.  But to be there was a gift of remembrance.  He did all that for me.  And you.

And then, Golgotha (Calvary, Place of the Skull) where our special guide Allison from Scotland talked to us about "her" Savior Jesus.  And I wanted to come home and talk about Jesus like she does.  She told us how He would have been more at a crossroads instead of up on a hill, for the utmost humiliation and suffering.  She got tears in her eyes talking about Jesus.  She then took us to the EMPTY tomb.  Then we had communion and sang some praise songs.  What a special gift to be there and experience what we did.  I got a special gift or two in that gift shop just because of where it was and a prayer shawl right outside.  It was the hardest place and the most special, where my Lord and Savior laid down His perfect life for me.  And everyone else.

The last night, I took this picture out of our hotel window.  We stayed in nice, safe hotels.  The air, the calm, the atmosphere was something I was not ready to leave.  It's hard to explain, because I was ready to get home; but in some ways I wanted to stay.  I think that's the pull of the Holy Land.  Being where Jesus was while on this earth was an amazing gift and experience.  And I am forever thankful and changed because of it.  I don't know if I'll get to go back, but I would never go on a big trip anywhere else.  I would choose Israel first!  I know the second trip would be just as wonderful - even though it's hard to imagine a better guide, special guides, or bus driver.

So we came home and got caught back up in life pretty quickly.  And things were going on that I did not know about.  And then the COVID-19 came and is still here.  I still work three days a week at the Peds office.  I still clean at a church and just spring clean in place of things I don't clean while we don't have church.  I help sometimes pack the meals to be delivered twice a week to church and community members.  I had to cancel our Easter Egg Hunt but sent our gifts and prizes to another place for children to have before Easter.  I've had the hardest time not seeing baby Emma as she grows faster and faster.  And I've been sad for the weddings that have been "changed" by some of my favorite young people.  I miss Peter in Charlotte.  I miss so many.  But in some ways, this unexpected change has been a break.  It's been a time to spend more time with Sam and his school work.  We walk/run some days and get to talk and work on his running form.  We've worked on some things that are always on the back burner.  We finally got the training and code to update his insulin pump. 

It's been a time to stop and look back.  I don't want to lose that special feeling that I had in Israel.  I don't want to forget how Allison talked about her Savior Jesus, who is my Savior too.  I don't want to forget the horrible imaginings of what Jesus endured for me.  I want to be bold like the Peter who taught about Jesus until his last day.  I want to be strong and courageous like Joshua at Jericho.  And while I am always busy during this time it seems, it has been a good little break in the midst of the unknown.  It's so stressful for some because of their jobs or because they cannot work or open their businesses.  So I pray a lot for our country.  And I pray God will show me when and what I need to do.  Because no matter how hard it gets, God is still in control.  He is still with us.  And He wants us to turn to Him.  What a load off my shoulders that is.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  I Peter 5:7