We had a sunny day in Boone today, and, while I really don’t
mind rain, I was glad for the break especially for those who had flooding.
I am asking for prayer for Andrew this Friday as we go to two
appointments in Charlotte. The first is
a work-in at 8:30 at the pulmonologist, and the second is a few miles down the
road at 10:00 with the immunologist. We
will leave super early because of traffic – which means we will have to get
home as soon as we can after The Bear!
Andrew is looking forward to running the race again this year,
but he is so tired this week. I am
trying to keep his “tired” in perspective – he could not finish his 12 mile run
yesterday after church and had to stop at 11 ½.
Pete told him he could just run more today – of course he was
kidding!
For some reason, I have dreaded these appointments – well, one
of them. I keep thinking that the
treatments (weekly infusions) were supposed to be 18 months to two years. We have passed the two year mark, and he has
struggled a lot with bronchitis and pneumonia-like illness since our last visit
in December. I looked back over his
appointments, and I feel disheartened that he has had to take strong
antibiotics several times. This is
exactly what the infusions are supposed to help. And while he is still getting sick so
frequently, I don’t think stopping them is the best thing for Andrew.
And there is more. I
try not to borrow more things to worry about, but it is right in my face. And it’s overwhelming, and it’s hard. And I worry that Andrew will feel discouraged
which makes me feel like I have to hide mine.
So for the other things weighing in with these, I feel a constant pull
and tug; and I cannot seem to let it go or get anything checked off my worry
list. And I know better! I know so much better!
So Carla printed off Andrew’s labs since January, and I have
his sick dates and prescription dates.
It just does not look like he is doing better.
I know Who the Healer is.
I know Him very well, and I trust Him to take care of Andrew. And it’s not that I think He needs me. But I do feel that He called me to be Andrew’s
mother, and I do feel He uses doctors and medicine to help people. But it is never cut and dry. There are choices, hard choices. You have to choose the doctor and medicines
carefully. I have chosen before and
wrecked something else in his fragile body.
I did not do it on purpose. I
have learned to listen and ask more and not just trust anyone. And I believe Andrew has really good doctors
who care about him and want to help him.
Peter was really sick last Friday. He had a horrible headache, and I tried to
get him squared away so he could go to sleep and wake up much better like we
usually do. But he started throwing up
and could not seem to stop or to feel better.
I methodically did all I knew to do (including calling a friend to run
it by her!). And I put my hands on him
and whispered a prayer for him. I
practically had to carry him from the bathroom to my bed, and I could still do
it. And I wanted him to feel better
fast. I wanted him to turn the
corner. I wanted him well. And when he finally fell into a fitful sleep,
I made sure he had a cool cloth on his pounding head and a fan to give him some
soothing noise and a cool breeze.
And when he felt better, I wished all of their illnesses were
like that. Quick and then better. No residual effects. No rush to the ER or the specialist. I let myself, in my tired state, feel a
little sorry for myself. I took my eyes off
of Him, and now I am trying to regain my focus.
Psalm 56:3 says, “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” David was hiding from the Philistines. Now there is real fear. I think my problem is fear. It’s not that I don’t trust God. It’s not that I don’t have faith. I just let that fear creep in. And I know He is stronger than anything I
fear. But I get wrapped up in it. And He will help me unwrap myself. He wants me close to Him and not bound up by
fear.
So please pray for Andrew this Friday – and this Thursday as
he and Will will be running up Grandfather Mountain. And Sam who has crazy numbers with no
explanation right now. And Peter who is
starting to run again. Please pray for
me that I will be able to remember quickly Who conquers fear and everything
else that comes against me, as a child of God.
