Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It got here!

It got here!

I meant to update before.  Sam has strep again, and he felt really bad yesterday and the day before.  This weekend, I was so heartbroken to find out one of my friends lost her brother to diabetes complications.  I have been waking up in the middle of the night to check Sam.  We do that when he is off or sick, but waking up to find something has happened during the night is one of my worst fears with Sam.  Sunday, I was in a good place when I left church.  But then I got the news about my friend’s brother.  And to top that off, the devil took away my credit card and ability to write checks for the rest of the day while I tried to get ready for school and snow!  The bank stuff was the regular safety stuff, but the problems  were not connected; so that is how I know it really was the devil trying to get me.  I cut my errands short and was thankful to get home with what I needed (and I saw God’s provision there too!).

I wanted to write a message about Andrew getting his medicine, but it was so negative.  We had to work so hard to get it.  I mean, really?  He has insurance.  Always has.  I had people offering to raise money to pay for a dose, since he was getting sick and missed his first indoor meet.  He had lost a few pounds, and that is in the top five of things that can freak me out about Andrew.  I always think maybe something is going on that we don’t know yet.  It’s not being paranoid, but it’s just trying to be responsible.  I have shared with you before that I asked God to show me (knock me over the head) anything that needed to be checked.  This happened when Andrew was five, and I remember asking Him – very clearly.  Andrew finally did get his medicine (after many people worked on a seemingly impossible task) and has had two infusions.  We will check his numbers again after I check with his doctor.  He is doing much better and feeling much better.  We are so thankful he has his medicine finally, and I am sorry for what it may have cost him to wait and go without.  But God sees the whole picture, and I don’t.  So my attitude has improved, and Pete is glad I did not have to travel anywhere to talk to someone at the insurance company in person.  After calling the insurance company once again today about a letter in the mail, I was told they don’t know how his stuff is straight – because the rest of our stuff is still a mess.  While at first I was annoyed, I see now that God worked it out for Andrew – who needed it.  And then He let me see it today.  That has helped my attitude and my perspective.  I know He will help me get the other worked out.

With all of the snow and sickness and cold and dreary days, it’s easy to get down.  I am fighting that by trying to look at all of my blessings.  They are truly more than I can count.  I don’t mind cold and snow.  I do mind a cold and dreary attitude.  I don’t think that is what God has for me.  But it’s good to feel what others feel sometimes and try to learn from it whatever we can.

When we talked in Sunday School this week, I was reminded that it’s okay to be somewhere in our lives where we don’t want to be or don’t want to be very long.  It’s the waiting room – as I call it.  If I just knew how long or how it would end up, it would be easier.  That is where faith comes in.  When I get weary, I get anxious.  God tells me not to be anxious for anything – He will take care of me (Philippians 4:6).
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

That’s for me.  Pray.  Ask.  Be thankful.  But don’t be anxious.

I have been awakened by a shake of my shoulder. And I found my child not responsive on the floor in his room in the middle of the night.  (And that is not the first time I was compelled to check on him and find him in a place where he needed us.)  I have been comforted by a hand on my shoulder – at least a couple of times.  I know Who it was.  I know Who it is.  I have no doubts.  That’s what I strive to remember.  I get caught up in the frustration and fears.  That is human.  But because I know Him, I can remember He is with me.

Google this song if you need a new great song.  It’s great for running or walking or singing in the car at the top of your lungs.  It’s a great reminder.  Come just as we are.  He takes me when I am mean, scared, frustrated, brokenhearted, impatient, selfish, feeling sorry for myself, and all of the other things.  Thank you for praying for my family.


“Come However You Are”   City Harbour


To anyone walking down a hard road
Worn out with blisters on your feet
To anyone with a heart that's shattered
Doing your best to hold it together
With no prayer to pray and no song left to sing

Whatever pain you're dealing with
Let me offer this

Come however you are
Come with all your heart breaks
Come with all the mistakes you've made
Lay them down at the cross
Give them to the God who loves you
Hurt, scarred, falling apart
Come however you are

To the girl who never had a father
To the guy who thinks he'll never
Amount to much of anything
To those of us who feel unwanted, unneeded, Unloved and desperately incomplete

Come however you are
Come with all your heart breaks
Come with all the mistakes you've made
Lay them down at the cross
Give them to the God who loves you
Hurt, scarred, falling apart
Come however you are

Come with your regrets
Come with the things you can't take
Come with all your fears and all your shame
With everything
Come with the pieces of
Your bruised and broken heart
Don't wait, don't wait

Whatever pain you're dealing with
Let me offer this

Come however you are
Come with all your heart breaks
Come with all the mistakes you've made
Lay them down at the cross
Give them to the God who loves you
Hurt, scarred, falling apart
Come however you are

Come however you
Come however you are
Come however you
Come however you are
Come however you
Come however you are
Come however you are

Saturday, January 4, 2014

The Graveside Visit

The Graveside Visit        


One of the best visits I had at Christmas was at the grave site of little Katelyn.  I think of Katelyn all year.  I think of her especially on her birthday, November 20 (1991) and on the day she died, Christmas Day (1991).  I try to visit her grave on Christmas Eve.  It is a time to slow down and stop and remember and reflect.  It’s a time to tell her I know she is not there.  It’s a time to cry and remember what is important while we are here on this earth.  My nephew had made his sister a wreath shaped like a cross.  I have seen square wreaths and letter wreaths but not a cross.  I could see where some other special people had remembered Katelyn too and left things there for her.  I had just brought myself, and Pete.

Part of that reminder is that the important things are not hustle and bustle, even though some of us try to do that to have a meaningful Christmas and not just for the craziness of it all.  It reminds me that things are not important.  The visit reminds me that it’s okay if I did not do everything I set out to do.  I have all year to be thoughtful and kind.  I don’t have to rush around and make myself and others miserable.

Visiting Katelyn’s grave reminds me that my family is so very important.  My friends.  All of them.  We just never know when we will not have more time with them here. 
I still did not get to see everyone I wished I could see on Christmas Eve.  I did not get to go to all of the homes and visit all of the loved ones I wished I could.  Sometimes my dad and I would visit eight to ten homes in one swoop.  Other Christmas Eves we stopped after a few because of something that happened.  Once I got to spend several hours alone with someone when the family had a medical emergency during our visit.  It was a sweet sweet time, though unexpected.  And when my sister joined us later, she was able to share it too. 

Above Katelyn’s grave is the one of my great grandfather.  He was my grandfather’s stepfather.  My grandfather’s father was killed in the coal mines when my grandfather was a little boy, the oldest of three.  During the Great Depression, my grandfather helped support his family that included his stepfather and new little brother.  My great grandfather loved my sister.  He loved me too, but she was very special to him.  So it is very fitting that her first little baby is buried right near him.  

Next to him is my great grandmother.  She always made sure I got in the front of the line when tons of family lined up in her small kitchen to make sure I got mashed potatoes.  She made the best, and she knew that was probably all I would eat!   It’s so unreal to see on her stone that she was born in 1899!

Next to my great grandparents are my paternal grandparents.  My grandmother died soon after my great grandmother did in 1996.  Peter was just a baby.  She had battled cancer a few times, and the last time she was home for about a year before she died.  We spent time together in a blizzard after my great grandmother’s funeral.  My grandmother said she wished she could join her in Heaven soon, and she did – at Easter time.  We talked that day, and I read the Bible to her.  It was a special time. 

My grandfather lived several years longer.  He was the most generous man.  He worked hard all of his life.  And he would do anything for us.  I remember him telling me through tears that he prayed for Andrew every night, after Andrew started getting illnesses.  He also liked to always try to slip me a $100 bill.   My mom told me to take it sometimes – it was his way of helping.  He died after suffering two aneurysms.  I stayed with him a lot in the hospital during what was supposed to be a girls’ weekend.  I remember getting to the hospital and seeing him after my brother called.  My brother-in-law took me to eat and filled me in.  When the family went to church Sunday, I spent that time alone with him.  We had gone through photo albums, and I told him stories of all of the great grandchildren.  Some of his dear friends, one a Virginia delegate, came to visit him on their way to church.  He was a much loved man who did more than we will ever know.  I still picked up the phone to call him at special times even years after he was gone. 

Even though it is sad when I miss them, I also realize how very blessed I have been in my life.  I still am very blessed with the family and friends God has given to me.  He has put so many wonderful people in my life.  To me, it’s amazing just how many there are.

The best part about the visit is knowing I will see them again.  And when I lose someone else, I know I will see them again if they go to Heaven.  There is an urgency to tell people and point them in that direction.  I feel it more and more as I get older.  I hope this year to be a better step for people to send them in the right direction so they can know the saving grace of my Savior.