Christmas is just a little bit away! I cannot even believe it's here already. I know that is what most people are thinking now. My schedule seems to get busier and busier while I try harder and harder to slow down! I am thankful God has given me some good bursts of energy to get some things done lately - things long neglected this year. And I am so excited to have my helper help me wrap gifts tonight and tomorrow. I love doing it, but I keep waiting to get other things done. And I finally ordered Christmas cards - just today! So they will be late, but that's okay.
This year has been tough for sure. Some days I am tired and feel discouraged. And I let myself think back and think ahead. Both of those can be good and bad. I just think, for me, perspective makes a huge difference. I can either look at what has been tough and what I may have lost, or I can be thankful and praise God for the miracles He has done in our family this year. I want to be thankful and am, even on tough days.
Pete is doing great. He wants to run, and it's so discouraging that he cannot yet. But the neurologist reminded him the other day that it's only been a little over six months. His speech seems more difficult, and it's easy to tell when he is tired. And sometimes that is in the morning. So he started speech therapy again. He needs to slow down and enunciate more. But his speech therapist (who worked with me in Admissions some when she was a student!) thinks he is great. Pete wore his third (3rd!!!) heart monitor over Thanksgiving. The one he wore last did not stay on long but had shown some abnormalities, which won us a trip to the cardiologist. He only wore one again, because I begged. It stayed on for nine days, and I just prayed that it would show something if it needed to. We have not gotten those results yet. The neurologist wanted one more MRI before the end of the year, so we are going to Winston for that on Friday evening. We are helping Pete's parents move some things to Virginia the next day, so that works out well. So I am praying that all of these tests are good and that Pete continues to improve and is able to run this coming year. He was so happy to go to Israel in the fall. And he is still planning out our Christmas vacation to remodel our bathroom. So even though it's been so hard to see him struggle, I just flash back to that room at Baptist when he could not even twitch his right side; and I am thankful. It's the perspective. God is so good.
Andrew is doing well. He wants to get another major and finish out his running at Appalachian, so he is not going to graduate in the spring. We appreciate his hard work, and I remember when he used to study two or three times as much to make things stick. And I am thankful that he can put in the study time and see the results now. He had a super great cross country season (after winning The BEAR in July) and really contributed to the team - as one of their top runners. He made all conference like Pete when he ran at Appalachian. Coach Curcio acknowledged that in the newspaper article, and that put a smile on Pete's face. Andrew changed medications after having a little trouble in the fall. He seems to be doing great on this one - a super charged version of the old one. He goes to his two check ups this week and next in Charlotte. He also has an eye appointment and regular check up. I am trusting all of those will go well. He looks great and acts great.
Peter is working and going to school still. He ran a 5K the other day on a dare and got second. His time was slow, and it hurt; but he did it! He is having another MRI this coming week on his shoulder that keeps bothering him. Will is hopefully finishing up school and is working with our neighbors. It's good to have my boys home, and I am so thankful for all God has done in our family this year. When I see grease stains on my pretty white kitchen cabinets, I simply don't care. It's that perspective.
And Sam is still my brave little person. His diabetes is pretty much under control with constant checking and switching and middle of the night checks. He has had a tough time with school, mainly because of his reading and learning issues. We found out at the first of the year that he had something like a stroke before he was born too (like Andrew). And it affected a learning area in his brain. He has some appointments coming up, and we hope to figure out the best plan for him. He is so thoughtful and helpful. He really came out of his shell at church the other night when some of the ladies asked for his help filling shoe boxes. He talked and talked and told them how he filled his. It was simply wonderful to see him so excited and talking at church.
I have seen a lot this year, and I hope I have learned a lot. I have had so many people come from nowhere and give words of comfort, or encouragement, or wisdom. I appreciate their willingness to take the time to share with me. Our family appreciates all of the prayers prayed for us. We appreciate all of the help given to us this year. Sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end, but we have truly been blessed by so many. Every time we turn around.
We trust what we share of our lives will encourage others. My testimony is that I cannot go through this alone. And I don't. God has told me He is with me so many times this year. And I knew for a fact it was God. I had the opportunity to share my testimony at a friend's church in late spring. We had it planned before the strokes, and one thing after another happened. And I did not want to talk to people, but I never heard God tell me to wait. Getting ready for that, I revisited a lot of places in my life. And it's like a ribbon weaving throughout my story - His grace and mercy and love. And I am so thankful He let me see that so clearly.
This Christmas time, now, I want to be keenly aware of Him and of what He wants me to do. I want to see things I may have missed before. Sometimes when things come crashing in or are torn down, it's not a bad thing. We can sift through and find what is of Him and rebuild with Him. We can get rid of what was never part of His plan. I pray that I can do this. Nichole Nordeman's song "The Unmaking" has been a blessing to me. In Big Daddy Weave's "My Story" - he sings that "to tell you my story is to tell of Him." And I want Him to be the star of my story. So I will take my story with its times of heartache and despair and fear and let God use it to show others what He can do. I just don't want to get in the way - like I tend to do when my perspective gets shifted by the things of this world.
Merry Christmas from our family. We are so thankful for everyone who allowed God to use them this year to help our family - and in years past too. We praise God for who He is and what He has done. And we celebrate the birth of Jesus, His only Son, born in a lowly manger. Who came to save even me.
~~
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
~ Happy 24th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball ~
Today is a day to remember. And to be thankful. And to have hope. And though I always cry some tears on this day, I feel that joy deep in my soul that I KNOW where she is and where I will go to see her again.
As life can get harder and harder, Heaven gets more and more real. I am so thankful Jesus came and died for even me so that I can live with Him one day. His precious and most painful gift is free, and all I had to do was accept it and believe it. Why would I want to live for anyone else? I want to live for the One who died for me. The only One who could.
I am so thankful that I will see this little person again. I don't know what she will look like, but I know I will know her.
Happy 24th Birthday, Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. We love you and will see you again.
~~~~~~~~
I cannot believe tomorrow is Katelyn's 22nd birthday. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven ~ if there is a need to celebrate when in Heaven on just certain days! I got a text this morning from a dear friend/sister. She asked something, and I knew exactly what she was asking about ~ Katelyn. We all come back to this place this time of year. It's sad, but it's so much more than that. The first years were hard because Katelyn was the first baby in the family and for most of our friends. We did not yet know about all of the blessings that would come. So we felt the loss and felt it very acutely. We still feel the loss, but we can see how God has worked; and that gives us hope and peace.
November 20th will always be a day of reflection for me. I can still feel that cinder block wall. I still remember having my brother right there with me ~ knowing exactly how I was feeling and sharing that time of sorrow and concern. I can see my mom sitting in the waiting room. I can see my aunt talking to my uncle. The memories are so sharp. I remember Little Caesars in Winston and the chair that a nurse brought outside the NICU for me to sit on while Whitney visited in the nursery. I remember driving my grandfather back to the road to go home in a small rental car. So many memories half my lifetime ago ~ that seem like yesterday.
I know He lives. And I know we will see her and others we have lost. What a blessing and what hope we have. If you don't have that, please ask someone about it now. The gift of eternal life is free and just needs to be accepted.
This is last year's post ~~~~~
I wrote this original post two years ago. I just read it again...and cried. It seems like it could not be 21 years ago, and then it seems like a lifetime ago. The first weeks were the hardest. Then the first months. God was with us. He is still with us even now - He never left. Never will.
I know one of God's tiniest angels
She slipped into our lives one cold night
Not meant to stay for long
This precious little bundle
She taught us love in her short time on earth
And when it was time to go
She slipped out of our lives
But not out of our hearts
Where she will stay
And we will see her again...in Heaven
(a revision of the poem I wrote a year after she died)
Every year is one year closer...
2011 Post This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one.
Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact. ~~~~~~~~
I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.
Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.
In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures. She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.
My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.
Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.
Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful.
I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.
That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.
I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!
Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most. ~~~~~ Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!
All of Me (Matt Hammitt)
Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start
As life can get harder and harder, Heaven gets more and more real. I am so thankful Jesus came and died for even me so that I can live with Him one day. His precious and most painful gift is free, and all I had to do was accept it and believe it. Why would I want to live for anyone else? I want to live for the One who died for me. The only One who could.
I am so thankful that I will see this little person again. I don't know what she will look like, but I know I will know her.
Happy 24th Birthday, Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. We love you and will see you again.
~~~~~~~~
I cannot believe tomorrow is Katelyn's 22nd birthday. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven ~ if there is a need to celebrate when in Heaven on just certain days! I got a text this morning from a dear friend/sister. She asked something, and I knew exactly what she was asking about ~ Katelyn. We all come back to this place this time of year. It's sad, but it's so much more than that. The first years were hard because Katelyn was the first baby in the family and for most of our friends. We did not yet know about all of the blessings that would come. So we felt the loss and felt it very acutely. We still feel the loss, but we can see how God has worked; and that gives us hope and peace.
November 20th will always be a day of reflection for me. I can still feel that cinder block wall. I still remember having my brother right there with me ~ knowing exactly how I was feeling and sharing that time of sorrow and concern. I can see my mom sitting in the waiting room. I can see my aunt talking to my uncle. The memories are so sharp. I remember Little Caesars in Winston and the chair that a nurse brought outside the NICU for me to sit on while Whitney visited in the nursery. I remember driving my grandfather back to the road to go home in a small rental car. So many memories half my lifetime ago ~ that seem like yesterday.
I know He lives. And I know we will see her and others we have lost. What a blessing and what hope we have. If you don't have that, please ask someone about it now. The gift of eternal life is free and just needs to be accepted.
This is last year's post ~~~~~
I wrote this original post two years ago. I just read it again...and cried. It seems like it could not be 21 years ago, and then it seems like a lifetime ago. The first weeks were the hardest. Then the first months. God was with us. He is still with us even now - He never left. Never will.
I know one of God's tiniest angels
She slipped into our lives one cold night
Not meant to stay for long
This precious little bundle
She taught us love in her short time on earth
And when it was time to go
She slipped out of our lives
But not out of our hearts
Where she will stay
And we will see her again...in Heaven
(a revision of the poem I wrote a year after she died)
Every year is one year closer...
2011 Post This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one.
Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact. ~~~~~~~~
I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.
Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.
In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures. She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.
My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.
Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.
Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful.
I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.
That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.
I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!
Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most. ~~~~~ Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!
All of Me (Matt Hammitt)
Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
It's November!
I cannot believe we are already in November! The last few months have flown by. I am determined to remember this year as one for which to be thankful - instead of being the hardest year in my life!
Pete is still determined to keep moving on with his healing. And we remain so thankful for the strides he has made, and we try to be patient moving forward. We went to a PA at Baptist last week. He wore a heart monitor for a couple of days before it fell off - a great new one from Johns Hopkins that attaches without any wires. We hope it gave any information needed, if he had anything going on. I had to just pray about that. This is the second heart monitor he has had, and they just don't work after a couple of days. He may or may not get better with the tingling that comes from the brain. It's called Central Pain Syndrome. He has started to work out again, after a short break. He wants US (the two of us!) to tackle a much needed bath renovation over Christmas. So that is a good sign - that he is looking forward to that and has been planning it out in his mind. His speech continues to improve, and his limp is still there; but it can get better. It's only been almost six months.
Andrew is great. His new medicine seems to be working. His running is really coming together. School is good. He was 6th at the Sun Belt Conference meet in GA on Sunday. The article (http://www.wataugademocrat.com/sports/asu_sports/vandenberg-helps-mountaineers-to-second-place-finish-in-sun-belt/article_d03d445d-e284-533e-9fac-bd8cc5b62854.html) also mentions his dad who was all conference all four years many years ago. Coach Curcio did not mention that he was right there with Pete one year! Sam and I drove to Georgia to watch Andrew and got to enjoy eating breakfast and catching up a little bit with Coach Weaver. It was a great race to watch, and I am so thankful for what God does in Andrew's life. His life is a testimony. His abilities are not his own. He works so hard, but God brings it all together; because it really should not come together like it does. I know. I am his mother and have been there on the really rough days and in the really rough nights. Instead of being proud, I am just so thankful. I want others to see how God works. It's not always like it was Sunday, but I see so many ways and places He works. In my other boys too.
Peter is good and is working hard. He and Will (who is a busy person himself) were at the scene of a wreck on the way home from church Sunday. Peter called me right before we left the meet. To make a long story short, I was once again thankful; because they could have really been hurt. Peter was following Will, who was hit by a car after she lost control and hit another car before bouncing off and hitting him. The important thing was that no one was hurt. The boys said the other two cars were badly damaged. We are dealing with a headlight and a bumper - not much compared to what could have happened.
Sam has had his diabetes check up, and his a1c was down a little bit. But we still check him a lot and get up and check in the night. We still find some lows, and some extreme highs. He has not felt well and has had some vision issues, but his eye check up is Thursday; so we are trying to hold on until then. We went to a geneticist last week and are waiting for insurance approval to have some lab work done. I hope it comes before the end of the year. I get so frustrated when I try to get what my children need, and the insurance makes it so hard sometimes. But I know God knows all of that. Sam is my helper and checks on me to see what I might need. I appreciate his sweet little spirit.
The other week Sam asked Andrew if he thought there would ever be a cure for diabetes. Andrew said that he hoped so. Sam said, "Well, I hope it's a pill. I don't want anyone putting a fake pancreas in my body." Andrew and I just looked at each other, and before we could react, he said, "Peter told me about that. I just want a pill." So we had a good laugh - even though we know some would welcome an artificial (as opposed to "fake") pancreas. Sam does not want a pump or CGM right now either. And this would have been the year to try it if he wanted.
I am looking forward to the regional cross country meet in Virginia next week. I am about done with all my travel. I have been to Winston and to Charlotte so many times lately, it seems. But it's good to wrap all this up before the end of the year.
One of my church family members wrote an article about some of our struggles this year and in years past. The link is http://www.wataugademocrat.com/aaw/features/running-toward-hope-with-wendi-vandenberg/article_1c6350e4-6464-11e5-8596-a3a290c8917d.html. I hesitated to do the interview, but Pete reminded me that we can always point others to our Help. And I hope that is what this does. I can do nothing. God helps me through. I just need to keep my eyes on Him.
As we come to the end of the year, it's natural to reflect and look back. This year, it's been tough; but I know for sure that God is with me. I have felt Him when I have had my moments of fear and sadness and, even, despair. I want to keep moving away from the things of this world and looking ahead to eternal life. And I want others to see someone like me, imperfect and inadequate, and see how much God can help us. You won't find anyone perfect here, but I hope to be one with a true love for Jesus that shines through in spite of me and my imperfections and ugliness.
Thanks to all of you who pray for our family. We love you and appreciate you so much!
Pete is still determined to keep moving on with his healing. And we remain so thankful for the strides he has made, and we try to be patient moving forward. We went to a PA at Baptist last week. He wore a heart monitor for a couple of days before it fell off - a great new one from Johns Hopkins that attaches without any wires. We hope it gave any information needed, if he had anything going on. I had to just pray about that. This is the second heart monitor he has had, and they just don't work after a couple of days. He may or may not get better with the tingling that comes from the brain. It's called Central Pain Syndrome. He has started to work out again, after a short break. He wants US (the two of us!) to tackle a much needed bath renovation over Christmas. So that is a good sign - that he is looking forward to that and has been planning it out in his mind. His speech continues to improve, and his limp is still there; but it can get better. It's only been almost six months.
Andrew is great. His new medicine seems to be working. His running is really coming together. School is good. He was 6th at the Sun Belt Conference meet in GA on Sunday. The article (http://www.wataugademocrat.com/sports/asu_sports/vandenberg-helps-mountaineers-to-second-place-finish-in-sun-belt/article_d03d445d-e284-533e-9fac-bd8cc5b62854.html) also mentions his dad who was all conference all four years many years ago. Coach Curcio did not mention that he was right there with Pete one year! Sam and I drove to Georgia to watch Andrew and got to enjoy eating breakfast and catching up a little bit with Coach Weaver. It was a great race to watch, and I am so thankful for what God does in Andrew's life. His life is a testimony. His abilities are not his own. He works so hard, but God brings it all together; because it really should not come together like it does. I know. I am his mother and have been there on the really rough days and in the really rough nights. Instead of being proud, I am just so thankful. I want others to see how God works. It's not always like it was Sunday, but I see so many ways and places He works. In my other boys too.
Peter is good and is working hard. He and Will (who is a busy person himself) were at the scene of a wreck on the way home from church Sunday. Peter called me right before we left the meet. To make a long story short, I was once again thankful; because they could have really been hurt. Peter was following Will, who was hit by a car after she lost control and hit another car before bouncing off and hitting him. The important thing was that no one was hurt. The boys said the other two cars were badly damaged. We are dealing with a headlight and a bumper - not much compared to what could have happened.
Sam has had his diabetes check up, and his a1c was down a little bit. But we still check him a lot and get up and check in the night. We still find some lows, and some extreme highs. He has not felt well and has had some vision issues, but his eye check up is Thursday; so we are trying to hold on until then. We went to a geneticist last week and are waiting for insurance approval to have some lab work done. I hope it comes before the end of the year. I get so frustrated when I try to get what my children need, and the insurance makes it so hard sometimes. But I know God knows all of that. Sam is my helper and checks on me to see what I might need. I appreciate his sweet little spirit.
The other week Sam asked Andrew if he thought there would ever be a cure for diabetes. Andrew said that he hoped so. Sam said, "Well, I hope it's a pill. I don't want anyone putting a fake pancreas in my body." Andrew and I just looked at each other, and before we could react, he said, "Peter told me about that. I just want a pill." So we had a good laugh - even though we know some would welcome an artificial (as opposed to "fake") pancreas. Sam does not want a pump or CGM right now either. And this would have been the year to try it if he wanted.
I am looking forward to the regional cross country meet in Virginia next week. I am about done with all my travel. I have been to Winston and to Charlotte so many times lately, it seems. But it's good to wrap all this up before the end of the year.
One of my church family members wrote an article about some of our struggles this year and in years past. The link is http://www.wataugademocrat.com/aaw/features/running-toward-hope-with-wendi-vandenberg/article_1c6350e4-6464-11e5-8596-a3a290c8917d.html. I hesitated to do the interview, but Pete reminded me that we can always point others to our Help. And I hope that is what this does. I can do nothing. God helps me through. I just need to keep my eyes on Him.
As we come to the end of the year, it's natural to reflect and look back. This year, it's been tough; but I know for sure that God is with me. I have felt Him when I have had my moments of fear and sadness and, even, despair. I want to keep moving away from the things of this world and looking ahead to eternal life. And I want others to see someone like me, imperfect and inadequate, and see how much God can help us. You won't find anyone perfect here, but I hope to be one with a true love for Jesus that shines through in spite of me and my imperfections and ugliness.
Thanks to all of you who pray for our family. We love you and appreciate you so much!
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Thankful in October
I have not posted in a little while. It's been so busy, and I think I will be hopping until the end of the month. But that is okay. I am so thankful I can do what I do, and I am thankful for what God has already gotten us through this year!
I will start with Pete. He is doing great. We are grateful. We are seeing great blood pressure numbers. He does so much, too much. He still walks with a limp and cannot yet run. But he did go on his trip to Israel and did well despite being very tired - which we totally expected. But the trip outweighed him being tired, and it did him a lot of good. There was a little more going on over there this time (in Israel), so that was different; but he and the group were safe. He still has tingling on his left side. It has been there since the last stroke, but no doctor seems to address it; since there have been other pressing issues (his right side). After calling Baptist a few times, I got him in with a PA at the end of the month; and he will still see the neurologist in December. It's like walking around with his arm and leg feeling like they are trying to wake up from sleep - just like when your foot falls asleep in church and tingles until you can discreetly shake it on awake. We have to make sure he eats enough, but he has become a better patient. And we are all thankful for that.
Andrew is great. He is having a great cross country season. You can see some of his pictures and his results on www.goasu.com. He has had a great PR - about 45 seconds. He ran yesterday in Kernersville and has conference in GA on November 1. I have made my reservations to go watch that race! We just have to keep him away from sick people and the flu. He went to a hematologist in Charlotte last week for possible clotting issues. Long story short. We really really liked the doctor. She was not concerned even though she could not give any guarantees about the future. But she did not even do labs, which was a good sign. She requested Pete's records from Baptist to check something that is auto-immune and told me what it was so I can ask in December if that has been checked out. Over the last 15 years or so, doctors have mentioned sending Andrew to a hematologist; so I am glad we finally went. And we were so happy to not have a reason to go back! Andrew's new seizure meds may be another miracle. We are hoping they are. He has not had any problems, and we feel good about how he is right now.
Peter is still having a hard time with his shoulder. He goes to a shoulder doctor next week. We hope they find what is bothering it soon. He has gone through a lot of appointments and tests and PT. Otherwise, he is doing well and still in school and working.
Will is set to finish his last class in December/January. We are praying that all works out. God has certainly worked in that situation, and we are so happy to have him home. He is working with our neighbors and comes home very dirty from very hard work in the dirt. He has helped me with some projects in the house - a new mantle, fixing Andrew's bed, and other things on my long list.
Sam is good. He has his endocrinology and eye doctor appointments in the next couple of weeks - on different days of course! His numbers have been up and down. He felt sure he had strep, but he suffered through the symptoms and high numbers for a week with no positive strep. We have had to change and adjust and change back so many times in the last few weeks. He has had some low lows in the night, so we are changing once again. He is still very happy and compliant, and we pray he stays that way. It sure makes all of this easier.
And for me. I just am so thankful for what we have and where we are. When I get tired, I remember to be thankful that we are all at home. No one is in the hospital or away. The laundry and grocery shopping are a true blessing. I try to cut off the urge to whine. And if I need to cry, I cry. And then God helps me get up and continue on. I don't do anything alone. Well, not anything right.
Thanks for checking on us. Thanks for the prayers.
Love,
Wendi
I will start with Pete. He is doing great. We are grateful. We are seeing great blood pressure numbers. He does so much, too much. He still walks with a limp and cannot yet run. But he did go on his trip to Israel and did well despite being very tired - which we totally expected. But the trip outweighed him being tired, and it did him a lot of good. There was a little more going on over there this time (in Israel), so that was different; but he and the group were safe. He still has tingling on his left side. It has been there since the last stroke, but no doctor seems to address it; since there have been other pressing issues (his right side). After calling Baptist a few times, I got him in with a PA at the end of the month; and he will still see the neurologist in December. It's like walking around with his arm and leg feeling like they are trying to wake up from sleep - just like when your foot falls asleep in church and tingles until you can discreetly shake it on awake. We have to make sure he eats enough, but he has become a better patient. And we are all thankful for that.
Andrew is great. He is having a great cross country season. You can see some of his pictures and his results on www.goasu.com. He has had a great PR - about 45 seconds. He ran yesterday in Kernersville and has conference in GA on November 1. I have made my reservations to go watch that race! We just have to keep him away from sick people and the flu. He went to a hematologist in Charlotte last week for possible clotting issues. Long story short. We really really liked the doctor. She was not concerned even though she could not give any guarantees about the future. But she did not even do labs, which was a good sign. She requested Pete's records from Baptist to check something that is auto-immune and told me what it was so I can ask in December if that has been checked out. Over the last 15 years or so, doctors have mentioned sending Andrew to a hematologist; so I am glad we finally went. And we were so happy to not have a reason to go back! Andrew's new seizure meds may be another miracle. We are hoping they are. He has not had any problems, and we feel good about how he is right now.
Peter is still having a hard time with his shoulder. He goes to a shoulder doctor next week. We hope they find what is bothering it soon. He has gone through a lot of appointments and tests and PT. Otherwise, he is doing well and still in school and working.
Will is set to finish his last class in December/January. We are praying that all works out. God has certainly worked in that situation, and we are so happy to have him home. He is working with our neighbors and comes home very dirty from very hard work in the dirt. He has helped me with some projects in the house - a new mantle, fixing Andrew's bed, and other things on my long list.
Sam is good. He has his endocrinology and eye doctor appointments in the next couple of weeks - on different days of course! His numbers have been up and down. He felt sure he had strep, but he suffered through the symptoms and high numbers for a week with no positive strep. We have had to change and adjust and change back so many times in the last few weeks. He has had some low lows in the night, so we are changing once again. He is still very happy and compliant, and we pray he stays that way. It sure makes all of this easier.
And for me. I just am so thankful for what we have and where we are. When I get tired, I remember to be thankful that we are all at home. No one is in the hospital or away. The laundry and grocery shopping are a true blessing. I try to cut off the urge to whine. And if I need to cry, I cry. And then God helps me get up and continue on. I don't do anything alone. Well, not anything right.
Thanks for checking on us. Thanks for the prayers.
Love,
Wendi
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
September 2015
This week is a little slower than last week, and for that, I am so thankful. The weather is cold in the mornings and warmer in the afternoons. It feels like fall - my favorite season. So my sinuses will hurt, but I love the crisp air and the pumpkins and the leaves changing. I love the cross country season and the cool nights. I just love fall.
Andrew ran third on his team at his opening meet in Boone. Some teammates were close behind him, but he did not let anyone pass him on the way into the finish. He kept his spot - which is a miracle. He also started out faster instead of dead last and was near the first packs from the beginning. I was happy for his time, and he felt like he would have done better if they had run the extra mile instead of just four (due to work on the cross country course).
Then he got sick. I found him Sunday morning (last Sunday) out on the back deck stairs. Lucy had barked, or I would not have gotten out of bed to tell her to not wake the neighbors. I heard Andrew through the window talking to her. And he told me he needed help when I called out to him. He could not walk into the house, but he could crawl. We watched him closely for hours, and he was exhausted and dizzy but did not have a seizure. Then he had two mornings with double vision, so we are changing his meds around. Not a good time to do that - the beginning of cross country. But God knows all, and we are trusting maybe this new med will be easier on his body. I am going to watch him run in SC this weekend and was able to get a hotel room at a great rate in his hotel. He won't see me there unless he needs me!
Lucy got a big bone for her help. She, once again, did not realize how much she helped me (how God used her). She was licking Andrew and trying to comfort him. And she would get beside him so he could pet her head when he was not fully awake.
Sam continues to be better overall with his numbers. It takes checking him in the middle of the night still to find those lows. And we still find some. So that is what we do for now. I am sure it will change soon, and we will just keep doing the best we can.
Peter is working and going to school. His shoulder may be a little bit better, and we were thankful for a good MRI. So we shall see with that. He has not been doing all of his "tricks" for a while, and I know he misses that.
Will is in school to finish that last English, and it's going to take lots of prayers to get him through. He is still not home, but we see him more. And we know he has good people around him. And I constantly pray for God to keep some away. God knows who they are more than I do. I feel like a weight has been lifted, but I feel the constant need to pray urgently for him.
Pete is getting ready for his trip in a little over a week. He is so excited to go back to the Holy Land. And I am happy he will have a break, even though he will be working. I will take him to the airport and pick him up to hopefully help with things that would tire him more. We will miss him, and I will be praying for him constantly for a few reasons - the main ones are his health and the unrest over there and near there.
I am trying my best to keep focused on God and on being thankful. I told Pete a couple of nights ago that I could not check anything off my list right now. But I know I need to be patient. And when more things get piled on, I need to pray more and look to God more. And more and more. That is my only constant. Last week, I had five inches cut off my hair and borrowed Andrew's truck to take a lot of stuff to the dump. I know that simplifying things will help me. And I have been working on that a lot. God gives me a couple of people to remind me to walk and to do things that will make the load lighter. I am thankful for that too.
There are so many things going on right now. So many things change. Nothing stays the same. The new Nichole Nordeman song "The Unmaking" talks about knocking down everything to find God. And that is not a bad thing. It can hurt at the time. But looking at things through that perspective really makes us look to see what else we need to get rid of. Or knock down and rebuild - with His help. I got my new CD yesterday, and there is already another song on it that I love. It takes several Bible characters and shows God's mercy and second chances to them - Paul, Jonah, Peter, and many others. It's fun to listen to to figure out who they are!
I hope this post finds you well. And I hope it finds you leaning on God if you are going through a dark valley. Again, He is always with us. He does not change. We CAN count on Him.
"The Unmaking" Nichole Nordeman
Every stone I laid for You
As if You had asked me to
A monument to holy things
Empty talk and circling
Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
Oh, this is the unmaking
Read more: Nichole Nordeman - The Unmaking Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Andrew ran third on his team at his opening meet in Boone. Some teammates were close behind him, but he did not let anyone pass him on the way into the finish. He kept his spot - which is a miracle. He also started out faster instead of dead last and was near the first packs from the beginning. I was happy for his time, and he felt like he would have done better if they had run the extra mile instead of just four (due to work on the cross country course).
Then he got sick. I found him Sunday morning (last Sunday) out on the back deck stairs. Lucy had barked, or I would not have gotten out of bed to tell her to not wake the neighbors. I heard Andrew through the window talking to her. And he told me he needed help when I called out to him. He could not walk into the house, but he could crawl. We watched him closely for hours, and he was exhausted and dizzy but did not have a seizure. Then he had two mornings with double vision, so we are changing his meds around. Not a good time to do that - the beginning of cross country. But God knows all, and we are trusting maybe this new med will be easier on his body. I am going to watch him run in SC this weekend and was able to get a hotel room at a great rate in his hotel. He won't see me there unless he needs me!
Lucy got a big bone for her help. She, once again, did not realize how much she helped me (how God used her). She was licking Andrew and trying to comfort him. And she would get beside him so he could pet her head when he was not fully awake.
Sam continues to be better overall with his numbers. It takes checking him in the middle of the night still to find those lows. And we still find some. So that is what we do for now. I am sure it will change soon, and we will just keep doing the best we can.
Peter is working and going to school. His shoulder may be a little bit better, and we were thankful for a good MRI. So we shall see with that. He has not been doing all of his "tricks" for a while, and I know he misses that.
Will is in school to finish that last English, and it's going to take lots of prayers to get him through. He is still not home, but we see him more. And we know he has good people around him. And I constantly pray for God to keep some away. God knows who they are more than I do. I feel like a weight has been lifted, but I feel the constant need to pray urgently for him.
Pete is getting ready for his trip in a little over a week. He is so excited to go back to the Holy Land. And I am happy he will have a break, even though he will be working. I will take him to the airport and pick him up to hopefully help with things that would tire him more. We will miss him, and I will be praying for him constantly for a few reasons - the main ones are his health and the unrest over there and near there.
I am trying my best to keep focused on God and on being thankful. I told Pete a couple of nights ago that I could not check anything off my list right now. But I know I need to be patient. And when more things get piled on, I need to pray more and look to God more. And more and more. That is my only constant. Last week, I had five inches cut off my hair and borrowed Andrew's truck to take a lot of stuff to the dump. I know that simplifying things will help me. And I have been working on that a lot. God gives me a couple of people to remind me to walk and to do things that will make the load lighter. I am thankful for that too.
There are so many things going on right now. So many things change. Nothing stays the same. The new Nichole Nordeman song "The Unmaking" talks about knocking down everything to find God. And that is not a bad thing. It can hurt at the time. But looking at things through that perspective really makes us look to see what else we need to get rid of. Or knock down and rebuild - with His help. I got my new CD yesterday, and there is already another song on it that I love. It takes several Bible characters and shows God's mercy and second chances to them - Paul, Jonah, Peter, and many others. It's fun to listen to to figure out who they are!
I hope this post finds you well. And I hope it finds you leaning on God if you are going through a dark valley. Again, He is always with us. He does not change. We CAN count on Him.
"The Unmaking" Nichole Nordeman
This is where the walls gave way
This is demolition day
All the debris and all this dust
What is left of what once was
Sorting through what goes and what should stay
This is demolition day
All the debris and all this dust
What is left of what once was
Sorting through what goes and what should stay
Every stone I laid for You
As if You had asked me to
A monument to holy things
Empty talk and circling
Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
What happens now
When all I've made is torn down?
What happens next
When all of You is all that's left?
When all I've made is torn down?
What happens next
When all of You is all that's left?
This is the unmaking
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
The longer and the tighter that we hold
Only makes it harder to let go
But love will not stay locked inside
A steeple or a tower high
Only when we're broken are we whole
Only makes it harder to let go
But love will not stay locked inside
A steeple or a tower high
Only when we're broken are we whole
What happens now
When all I've made is torn down?
When all I've made is torn down?
This is the unmaking
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
I'll gather the same stones where
Everything came crashing down
I'll build You an altar there
On the same ground
Everything came crashing down
I'll build You an altar there
On the same ground
'Cause what stood before
Was never Yours
Was never Yours
This is the unmaking
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
The beauty in the breaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
Before each beginning
There must be an ending
Sitting in the rubble
I can see the stars
This is the unmaking
This is the unmaking
Oh, this is the unmaking
Had to lose myself
To find out who You are
To find out who You are
Read more: Nichole Nordeman - The Unmaking Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Quick Update
Andrew had a terrible seizure last Wednesday night. He felt something an hour earlier, so when it came on he knew to come on downstairs and had time to find me and tell me. I am so thankful that Pete was able to help him while I called. I could not get my land line to work, so I called on my cell and was transferred; and it took forever. Thankfully, he started breathing after the medicine kicked in. He slept until almost 10 the next morning after getting up at 3 to get ibuprofen He was so tired for a few days. But he seems better now.
It was tough. He had gone since October this time And it's disappointing and scary. We are going to look into getting him a dog. We are not sure if it will help if he only has one or two seizures a year, but we are going to look into it. I stayed home the next day with Andrew and Sam. Sam put Lucy on the bed with Andrew, and he reached over every once in a while and just patted her. I think she was a great comfort to him. And she was happy to sleep on Pete's pillow!
Then Andrew had his time trial not even a week later, on Monday night. He was fifth on the team for the 5000 on the track. I wrote down his splits and knew he changed his form the last lap or so. So I reminded him of the fatigue he should still have, and that probably made a difference. He ran a great time and place, but I could see when his form faltered. So we will just pray he has no more problems and will have a great cross country season. He has worked hard and run many many miles this summer.
We are going to a Carolina Panthers game Saturday. We have never been, and one of his doctors offered him tickets. The same one who emailed me and thanked me for the Bear article and said he was framing it for his office wall. I have tried to talk to Andrew lately about all of this being part of his testimony and that I have only been sharing it all of these years until he was ready. He laughed and told me he appreciates that.
In the midst of all of this, we have changed all of Sam's insulin - literally. We are seeing some great numbers now, but he has to be checked once or twice in the middle of the night for lows. And we are finding lows. I have decided he needs 1/2 units of Lantus (the 24 hour insulin), but we cannot do that unless we go back to syringes. And I am just not up for that. He started school this week with some anxious things, but I think he likes it and is doing fine so far. He will have his special reading teachers and classes soon, and we have to get back on a good schedule for checking him at school. But the first couple of days have been good. I am so thankful for those at school who really go out of their way to help him and learn how to help him. I wish I could give them all raises and new cars.
Peter had an MRI on his shoulder last Friday, and we get results Monday. It's been hurting for a few months, so we hope it's just tendonitis and not anything big. I have become an expert at wrapping an ice pack on him shoulder since his dad could not do it.
Will started back on Tuesday to finish his English. He has already had one big obstacle, and I am so thankful for the way he handled how he was treated. I was not happy. I did not like what happened, but maybe it will pave the way for more positive things the little bit of time he is at the school. He is working with our neighbors, and we have seen him more. Things have changed, and he is seeking out those he knows care for him. And God has people waiting and willing. And I am so thankful for all of that. I wish he was at home, but I know where he is and it's a lot better than not long ago. He still needs a lot of prayers, and I believe he appreciates them.
Pete finished his PT but continues to work out in the pool and at home. He is doing great, and we are very thankful. He has a way to go, but he works hard. Too hard sometimes. We are so thankful for that too.
The other morning when I woke up, I had a hymn running through my head about trusting Him. Then that Brooklyn Tabernacle song, "Still I Will Trust Him" was running through my head. I remember many years ago sitting in that church and it being so different than anything I had been to before. And then I remembered that Will was with me. He was not yet born, but he was there too. And I knew in my heart that God really is right with him. I mean, I know that. But the last several months have almost killed me And tonight as I walked and looked up at the beautiful sky, I knew I had passed midnight finally.
I have to go with Pete for another stroke check up tomorrow. And I need to get Sam's insulin filled - the new one that is not stocked up in the fridge. I have to get Andrew's labs so his authorization will go through for his infusion meds. I need to check on his seizure meds authorization. I have to stay on the insurance company to process their stuff so I can get some of my money back and put it towards their other bills. I have to see what is wrong with Peter. And this is not a hard couple of weeks. But I took a breath, like someone told me to today, because God is in control. And these busy things are good. Things are better when we pass that midnight hour. And it may come again, but it will be one more time that I remember that God got me through.
Lamentations 3:22-23King James Version (KJV)
22 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
God is faithful. He is merciful. His mercies are new every morning.
Thanks for praying for our family.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Sam was BAPTIZED!
Sam was baptized on Sunday, July 19th. His dad was able to baptize Sam and another sweet lady. It was a blessed day for sure. Sam has been so hesitant, but he met Helen at church. She was a little hesitant too, but she desperately wanted to be baptized. So they talked (which was huge for Sam), and they decided they could do it on the same day. That was before Pete had his strokes. So we had to put it off a few weeks.
It's wonderful knowing that all of my boys have been baptized. And though things are far from perfect right now, it's one of the best feelings as a mother.
Thanks for all who pray for us.
It's wonderful knowing that all of my boys have been baptized. And though things are far from perfect right now, it's one of the best feelings as a mother.
Thanks for all who pray for us.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Andrew WON The Bear!
It has been such a blessing to see this and be a part of it. It's way too much for me to explain! We are so happy and thankful. Andrew is happy, and it is an encouragement to some of us who are weary! God is good. He is faithful! It would have been a great night if Andrew had run the race. But he won. That is bigger than I had hoped. I just wanted a good race to encourage him!
Thanks to all of you who pray. What a special night!
Well, I cannot help it. I have to write something to explain why this is so big - so HUGE!
Andrew has so many health issues. You can read back through the blog if you want to see some of them. His biggest issues right now (trying to share without making Andrew cringe) are seizures and immune system issues. He had a couple of days in the last week where he suffered with double vision and dizziness. Of course it was over a holiday weekend, so we did not go to the doctor since it all went away. I had talked to one of our doctors, and he said to keep Gatorade in him; and that seemed to really help. I know something was off. And I was hating that a seizure might be lurking. It's been since October this time, and we are so thankful for that. We don't want any more seizures. Ever. At all.
Then he has been doing his infusions every two weeks. He does them himself now and has for a while. And yes, it's stuff a nurse should do. With a pump and needles and extremely expensive medicine that has to be primed. This keeps his immune system pumped up to ward off upper respiratory infections. He can get bronchitis any time. Suddenly. It can mess with his running and training.
His lungs are great. They should not be. They have suffered bad infections and a lot of them. And because his infections could not be diagnosed for what they actually were, he had them longer until other issues were discovered. His pulmonologist tells us his lung function is great and not that of someone with his history. A miracle and a praise. We just went to his doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he reminded us again. And I let that praise to God roll over me. I needed that reminder in the midst of all else going on.
For these reasons and others, I call Andrew my miracle runner. He has run (and won) races after nights that would have put me in bed for a while. And Pete has said he himself would not have lived through nights Andrew has had. It's all God. He gives Andrew strength and makes a way that seems to not be there. Andrew has run when he should not have been able to run. He works hard, but it's God. He makes that way. We are blessed that Andrew runs for Appalachian, just like his dad did. He is coached by one former Appalachian runner who ran with his dad and also one of his dad's coaches. He was a Sun Belt Conference contributor this spring in the 10,000 meters in Outdoor Track in Gulf Shores, AL. He ran a PR a couple of days after Pete suffered a stroke. I wanted to be there so badly, and Pete had his stroke just a few hours before I would have been on the road to Alabama. I am so thankful I had not left, and I am so thankful Coach Curcio texted me right after the race to let me know the great news and to check on Pete.
There are so many other reasons that made his win a wonderful encouragement to those of us who have known him through these rough times. What a testament to God's mercy and grace and healing and love.
And one more little thing. To hear his dad's voice over the phone. What a wonderful thing to hear. Going up to Grandfather would have been too much for Pete (still recovering from that last stroke). But he was so happy when Andrew talked to him. It was a wonderful boost for him. Pete ran The Bear when there were only 70 runners He has worked the race for many years. So it holds a special place for him.
Thanks for praying for us.
I need to try to round up some Bear t-shirts to send to some doctors who had a hand in this. I know God has guided us to special ones. And I wish I could send a Bear t-shirt to all of Andrew's faithful prayer warriors! We appreciate those prayers so much ~ every single one is heard and matters! We know that firsthand and without any doubt at all.
One of our doctors' wives left this verse on my desk last week. I love the reminder. What a wonderful thing to know.
" The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
Thanks to all of you who pray. What a special night!
Well, I cannot help it. I have to write something to explain why this is so big - so HUGE!
Andrew has so many health issues. You can read back through the blog if you want to see some of them. His biggest issues right now (trying to share without making Andrew cringe) are seizures and immune system issues. He had a couple of days in the last week where he suffered with double vision and dizziness. Of course it was over a holiday weekend, so we did not go to the doctor since it all went away. I had talked to one of our doctors, and he said to keep Gatorade in him; and that seemed to really help. I know something was off. And I was hating that a seizure might be lurking. It's been since October this time, and we are so thankful for that. We don't want any more seizures. Ever. At all.
Then he has been doing his infusions every two weeks. He does them himself now and has for a while. And yes, it's stuff a nurse should do. With a pump and needles and extremely expensive medicine that has to be primed. This keeps his immune system pumped up to ward off upper respiratory infections. He can get bronchitis any time. Suddenly. It can mess with his running and training.
His lungs are great. They should not be. They have suffered bad infections and a lot of them. And because his infections could not be diagnosed for what they actually were, he had them longer until other issues were discovered. His pulmonologist tells us his lung function is great and not that of someone with his history. A miracle and a praise. We just went to his doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he reminded us again. And I let that praise to God roll over me. I needed that reminder in the midst of all else going on.
For these reasons and others, I call Andrew my miracle runner. He has run (and won) races after nights that would have put me in bed for a while. And Pete has said he himself would not have lived through nights Andrew has had. It's all God. He gives Andrew strength and makes a way that seems to not be there. Andrew has run when he should not have been able to run. He works hard, but it's God. He makes that way. We are blessed that Andrew runs for Appalachian, just like his dad did. He is coached by one former Appalachian runner who ran with his dad and also one of his dad's coaches. He was a Sun Belt Conference contributor this spring in the 10,000 meters in Outdoor Track in Gulf Shores, AL. He ran a PR a couple of days after Pete suffered a stroke. I wanted to be there so badly, and Pete had his stroke just a few hours before I would have been on the road to Alabama. I am so thankful I had not left, and I am so thankful Coach Curcio texted me right after the race to let me know the great news and to check on Pete.
There are so many other reasons that made his win a wonderful encouragement to those of us who have known him through these rough times. What a testament to God's mercy and grace and healing and love.
And one more little thing. To hear his dad's voice over the phone. What a wonderful thing to hear. Going up to Grandfather would have been too much for Pete (still recovering from that last stroke). But he was so happy when Andrew talked to him. It was a wonderful boost for him. Pete ran The Bear when there were only 70 runners He has worked the race for many years. So it holds a special place for him.
Thanks for praying for us.
I need to try to round up some Bear t-shirts to send to some doctors who had a hand in this. I know God has guided us to special ones. And I wish I could send a Bear t-shirt to all of Andrew's faithful prayer warriors! We appreciate those prayers so much ~ every single one is heard and matters! We know that firsthand and without any doubt at all.
One of our doctors' wives left this verse on my desk last week. I love the reminder. What a wonderful thing to know.
" The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
Friday, July 3, 2015
Update - July 3, 2015
We don't have any really big news. We have been fighting with blood sugars with Sam on some days - highs and lows. He goes back at the end of July. It's just a little bit discouraging to know they will tell us that we are doing a good job staying on top of things while his blood sugars are not where they should be with the effort we all put in. But he is doing well at his reading clinic and doing well with Andrew while I am at work.
Andrew is doing well. His knee has been hurting off and on some, but he has been running 9-10 miles most days. He biked a couple of days when his knee did not feel right. The Bear is next week, so he is excited about that. I don't know if I can get Pete up there. If I did get him close to the finish, the waiting and standing and late night would probably be too hard on him. I just hope Andrew has a great race. He could use the encouragement, and we could too!
Peter's shoulder is hurting him, but it's probably from overuse - working out, mowing, weed eating, painting, etc. We are keeping an eye on that. It's fun to see him outside playing with his brothers and Lucy. They have such a great time laughing. It's so good for all of them - and us to see it.
We still miss Will. We pray for him constantly. But missing him is so hard still. God knows my heart. He is faithful. I have to learn to be okay with him not being home right now. I have been working in his room as I clear out stuff in the house.
Pete is doing much better. He is more himself again this week. That comes and goes, and he is quiet sometimes. Sometimes it's just because he is so tired. He is still doing PT and OT. He is doing "explosive" moves now to help him get in shape to run. It's hard to imagine not being able to just run across the room or down the hall. So he is anxious to get that back. He wrote out all of his sermon notes last week and was happy to show me he could read them! We take writing for granted too.
I moved around some furniture and am now trying to get rid of more and more stuff. It's in the way - of a lot of things. A lot of people from my office are participating in a yard sale at a daycare in a couple of weeks. I realize that after our neighborhood yard sale and donating tons of stuff that I still have lots to get rid of. Julianna (Peter's girlfriend) came up last night. So Sam and I have been working in his room (where she stays). Bless his little heart. He gave me about five boxes of toys to sell or donate. We kept Legos and Playmobil and GI Joes and matchbox cars. He is a good little worker and helper. I felt like we were on one of those organizing/clutter busting shows. And he was great!
In getting rid of clutter and trying to better organize our home, I have realized that it's the same inside of me. I need to get rid of a lot of petty clutter and organize my priorities. We seem to know that but sometimes don't get around to doing it. I am making more of an effort this week. Just this morning, I heard an old Casting Crowns song. I will praise Him in this storm. In these storms. And I will trust Him. And I will keep trying to be okay in this waiting room and dance and live in spite of circumstances. And I will remember that this is a temporary home.
My mansion is above. And I don't need the best house or best cars on this earth. We cannot take any of that with us. Pete has been going through the book of Acts on Wednesday nights. Paul kept going back to places where he was run out - if that is where he thought God wanted him to share about Jesus. He was not worried about a house or clothes or a car. He wanted to tell people about Jesus. Give them a chance to make a decision to have eternal life. And he suffered for that - greatly. Jesus suffered. Others suffer to tell about Him. I don't suffer. And I need to be more willing to share about Him. To put Him above my material wants and needs. The only only only thing I can take with me to Heaven is people. I don't feel that urgency enough - to share when it's literally eternal life. Literally.
Wednesday night Pete shared a video he said we had seen in FCA. I don't remember it. It's about some guys in a car that wrecks. They are all killed. Then they are waiting in line, and people ahead of them either happily get on the escalator going up or are told their name is not on the "list". There is one Christian in the group. The guy in front of him turns around and asks him what is going on. The Christian explains it to him. The first guy is scared and cannot seem to believe the Christian knew this day would come and had not told him about it! Our reasons of offending people or being a little uncomfortable would seem ridiculous at that point.
My point is that I need to look to Heaven more. I need to not get bogged down on this earth. And while I need to live the life He gave me the best that I can, it needs to be because I am motivated to share Him. Not to be the best in earthly terms. Have the best house. The best car. The best wardrobe. The biggest bank account. The most athletic children. The most successful business. And whatever else can motivate us instead of eternal things.
I know God is speaking to me. He is not punishing me or trying to make me miserable until I see things His way. I believe He is merciful and loves me and wants what is best for me. And I believe it is the same with everyone else. So when Pete is fighting to get his strength and abilities back, God loves him and is helping him. When Andrew tries so hard to do what is right and do his best, God loves him and is right there. When Peter has difficulties and has to put up with so much going on in his family**, God cares about every single one. When Sam has trouble reading or remembering his school stuff or doesn't feel well with his diabetes, God loves him and provides for him. When Will is gone from his family who loves him, God knows where he is and continues to work in his life even when we cannot see. And when I am so tired and cannot seem to catch up on anything, God sends what I need - people or things to help me. He has already been there and knows what we need before we need it. I love this song by Casting Crowns. It reassures me and reminds me that He is in control. I don't need to understand everything but trust. And though it's hard sometimes, I know it deep in my soul - that He loves me and is sovereign (which means He is stronger than anything I fear).
Thanks for praying for our family,
Wendi
**Peter just finished a CPR class. They had four categories from which to choose for a group presentation. The first was CPR for heart attacks, the professor explained. The second was for people with diabetes. So Peter thought that would be a good fit (Sam). The third was for people who suffered seizures - Peter thought about that and how he could easily learn in two groups. Then Peter said the third group was for people with ...(Peter said he knew it was coming) strokes. I think it was an eye opener for him that he could learn in three of the four categories how to help someone in his own home. We are thankful he took the class and learned so much.
And Happy 4th of July! We live in a great and free country and need to pray for our country and leaders every single day. We are not immune from horrible things that happen in the world and need to be so thankful that we pray that our country looks to Him for guidance. Prayer changes things. Talking to myself here!
"Already There" Casting Crowns
From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control
Oh, oh
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
Oh, oh, oh, oh
From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit (x2)
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
You are already there
Andrew is doing well. His knee has been hurting off and on some, but he has been running 9-10 miles most days. He biked a couple of days when his knee did not feel right. The Bear is next week, so he is excited about that. I don't know if I can get Pete up there. If I did get him close to the finish, the waiting and standing and late night would probably be too hard on him. I just hope Andrew has a great race. He could use the encouragement, and we could too!
Peter's shoulder is hurting him, but it's probably from overuse - working out, mowing, weed eating, painting, etc. We are keeping an eye on that. It's fun to see him outside playing with his brothers and Lucy. They have such a great time laughing. It's so good for all of them - and us to see it.
We still miss Will. We pray for him constantly. But missing him is so hard still. God knows my heart. He is faithful. I have to learn to be okay with him not being home right now. I have been working in his room as I clear out stuff in the house.
Pete is doing much better. He is more himself again this week. That comes and goes, and he is quiet sometimes. Sometimes it's just because he is so tired. He is still doing PT and OT. He is doing "explosive" moves now to help him get in shape to run. It's hard to imagine not being able to just run across the room or down the hall. So he is anxious to get that back. He wrote out all of his sermon notes last week and was happy to show me he could read them! We take writing for granted too.
I moved around some furniture and am now trying to get rid of more and more stuff. It's in the way - of a lot of things. A lot of people from my office are participating in a yard sale at a daycare in a couple of weeks. I realize that after our neighborhood yard sale and donating tons of stuff that I still have lots to get rid of. Julianna (Peter's girlfriend) came up last night. So Sam and I have been working in his room (where she stays). Bless his little heart. He gave me about five boxes of toys to sell or donate. We kept Legos and Playmobil and GI Joes and matchbox cars. He is a good little worker and helper. I felt like we were on one of those organizing/clutter busting shows. And he was great!
In getting rid of clutter and trying to better organize our home, I have realized that it's the same inside of me. I need to get rid of a lot of petty clutter and organize my priorities. We seem to know that but sometimes don't get around to doing it. I am making more of an effort this week. Just this morning, I heard an old Casting Crowns song. I will praise Him in this storm. In these storms. And I will trust Him. And I will keep trying to be okay in this waiting room and dance and live in spite of circumstances. And I will remember that this is a temporary home.
My mansion is above. And I don't need the best house or best cars on this earth. We cannot take any of that with us. Pete has been going through the book of Acts on Wednesday nights. Paul kept going back to places where he was run out - if that is where he thought God wanted him to share about Jesus. He was not worried about a house or clothes or a car. He wanted to tell people about Jesus. Give them a chance to make a decision to have eternal life. And he suffered for that - greatly. Jesus suffered. Others suffer to tell about Him. I don't suffer. And I need to be more willing to share about Him. To put Him above my material wants and needs. The only only only thing I can take with me to Heaven is people. I don't feel that urgency enough - to share when it's literally eternal life. Literally.
Wednesday night Pete shared a video he said we had seen in FCA. I don't remember it. It's about some guys in a car that wrecks. They are all killed. Then they are waiting in line, and people ahead of them either happily get on the escalator going up or are told their name is not on the "list". There is one Christian in the group. The guy in front of him turns around and asks him what is going on. The Christian explains it to him. The first guy is scared and cannot seem to believe the Christian knew this day would come and had not told him about it! Our reasons of offending people or being a little uncomfortable would seem ridiculous at that point.
My point is that I need to look to Heaven more. I need to not get bogged down on this earth. And while I need to live the life He gave me the best that I can, it needs to be because I am motivated to share Him. Not to be the best in earthly terms. Have the best house. The best car. The best wardrobe. The biggest bank account. The most athletic children. The most successful business. And whatever else can motivate us instead of eternal things.
I know God is speaking to me. He is not punishing me or trying to make me miserable until I see things His way. I believe He is merciful and loves me and wants what is best for me. And I believe it is the same with everyone else. So when Pete is fighting to get his strength and abilities back, God loves him and is helping him. When Andrew tries so hard to do what is right and do his best, God loves him and is right there. When Peter has difficulties and has to put up with so much going on in his family**, God cares about every single one. When Sam has trouble reading or remembering his school stuff or doesn't feel well with his diabetes, God loves him and provides for him. When Will is gone from his family who loves him, God knows where he is and continues to work in his life even when we cannot see. And when I am so tired and cannot seem to catch up on anything, God sends what I need - people or things to help me. He has already been there and knows what we need before we need it. I love this song by Casting Crowns. It reassures me and reminds me that He is in control. I don't need to understand everything but trust. And though it's hard sometimes, I know it deep in my soul - that He loves me and is sovereign (which means He is stronger than anything I fear).
Thanks for praying for our family,
Wendi
**Peter just finished a CPR class. They had four categories from which to choose for a group presentation. The first was CPR for heart attacks, the professor explained. The second was for people with diabetes. So Peter thought that would be a good fit (Sam). The third was for people who suffered seizures - Peter thought about that and how he could easily learn in two groups. Then Peter said the third group was for people with ...(Peter said he knew it was coming) strokes. I think it was an eye opener for him that he could learn in three of the four categories how to help someone in his own home. We are thankful he took the class and learned so much.
And Happy 4th of July! We live in a great and free country and need to pray for our country and leaders every single day. We are not immune from horrible things that happen in the world and need to be so thankful that we pray that our country looks to Him for guidance. Prayer changes things. Talking to myself here!
"Already There" Casting Crowns
From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control
Oh, oh
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
Oh, oh, oh, oh
From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit (x2)
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
You are already there
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Andrew's Two Appointments
I thought it was hot in Boone. But I was wrong. It was very hot in Charlotte today. Thank goodness for great air conditioning. Andrew and I really appreciated it today.
I told Andrew this morning that we would find a bookstore or two. He never asks to go anywhere, but he loves to wander around bookstores when he has the chance. We stopped in Huntersville this morning on our way, since we were making great time. He went into Barnes & Noble. I ran into Janie & Jack to look for a gift while talking with my sister-in-law Meg on the phone. I did not find a gift (well, not in my price range), but I got Sam two pairs of jeans off the clearance rack. I was happy with my 10 minute to find bargain - which is practical since all he wears to school in the winter is jeans!
Andrew had his first appointment this morning with Dr. Black, the best pulmonologist in the world and one of our very favorite doctors for a lot of reasons. The reason Andrew can run is Dr. Black. We appreciate him so much. That appointment was great. We talked over a lot of things. We talked about Andrew's great lung function, his hard work that helps him stay healthy and out of the hospital, and the fact that after all of those years of infections there is no lung damage. So many things that we can take for granted. But they were right there out in the open to be thankful for today. Dr. Black looks at the whole picture. We are just so thankful for him.
Then we went in search of another bookstore. Concord Mills! While Andrew was in Books A Million, I speed walked to a couple of stores. Vera Bradley was on one end with TJ Maxx on the other. It was nice and cool there. Andrew is very fortunate that we got out of there in about 30 minutes. There were so many places to go. We went on to South Park Mall and stopped at another Barnes & Noble beside it. He still did not find a book! We went on to the mall, because we were starving by that time. He went into the Apple Store while I ran to a couple of places to check on things I had seen online. I was waiting in line to pay and saw the woman in front of me must have had about 13 pairs of Hanna Andersson pj's. They were having a huge sale, but she bought them all for one child, she said! Oh dear! They were cute and soft, but 13? Maybe she will hand them down.
We went on to Dr. Patel's office a little early, but we got out of there pretty late. They were behind which is a rarity. I finished my book and almost fell asleep waiting. That appointment was fine too. Andrew won't have labs until December when he goes back. Dr. Patel wears his Bear shirt that Andrew sent him after he ran really well a couple of years ago. I told him he could tell people he earned that shirt - helping Andrew be able to run.
We came on home and were stopped in traffic twice for a while. We came home on 85, because we could not even get on 77. It was so backed up. We were thankful to have a safe trip.
Right after we pulled in, Will pulled in behind us. We visited for a while. He played with Sam, and it was so good to see them playing together. Peter came out, and they threw the football with Sam (who has quite an arm) and then played dodge ball. It was so good to see him and get to spend a little bit of time with him.
I have struggled the last few days. Things are hard. I am so very tired. And I want to be willing and trusting and sometimes feel I am sliding backwards rather than marching confidently onward. I know God is with me. He is with us. And I think it's another of those times I need to let myself be carried. I have a bad attitude towards some people and things, and I need to let all of that go and let my focus be on Him. I thought of this song the other day. I keep verses on my computer so I don't have to open a book or try too hard to see them. And they help greatly. This song came to mind the other day, and I need to get it in my head and let it play and play. Thanks for praying for us. I think I am going to go and buy the new Nichole Nordeman CD this week - if it has come out! I have missed her new songs! And "The Unmaking" is a great song when we are at the end of ourselves. It makes me feel like God is more in control when I am not at all.
"Strangely Dim" Francesca Battistelli
I told Andrew this morning that we would find a bookstore or two. He never asks to go anywhere, but he loves to wander around bookstores when he has the chance. We stopped in Huntersville this morning on our way, since we were making great time. He went into Barnes & Noble. I ran into Janie & Jack to look for a gift while talking with my sister-in-law Meg on the phone. I did not find a gift (well, not in my price range), but I got Sam two pairs of jeans off the clearance rack. I was happy with my 10 minute to find bargain - which is practical since all he wears to school in the winter is jeans!
Andrew had his first appointment this morning with Dr. Black, the best pulmonologist in the world and one of our very favorite doctors for a lot of reasons. The reason Andrew can run is Dr. Black. We appreciate him so much. That appointment was great. We talked over a lot of things. We talked about Andrew's great lung function, his hard work that helps him stay healthy and out of the hospital, and the fact that after all of those years of infections there is no lung damage. So many things that we can take for granted. But they were right there out in the open to be thankful for today. Dr. Black looks at the whole picture. We are just so thankful for him.
Then we went in search of another bookstore. Concord Mills! While Andrew was in Books A Million, I speed walked to a couple of stores. Vera Bradley was on one end with TJ Maxx on the other. It was nice and cool there. Andrew is very fortunate that we got out of there in about 30 minutes. There were so many places to go. We went on to South Park Mall and stopped at another Barnes & Noble beside it. He still did not find a book! We went on to the mall, because we were starving by that time. He went into the Apple Store while I ran to a couple of places to check on things I had seen online. I was waiting in line to pay and saw the woman in front of me must have had about 13 pairs of Hanna Andersson pj's. They were having a huge sale, but she bought them all for one child, she said! Oh dear! They were cute and soft, but 13? Maybe she will hand them down.
We went on to Dr. Patel's office a little early, but we got out of there pretty late. They were behind which is a rarity. I finished my book and almost fell asleep waiting. That appointment was fine too. Andrew won't have labs until December when he goes back. Dr. Patel wears his Bear shirt that Andrew sent him after he ran really well a couple of years ago. I told him he could tell people he earned that shirt - helping Andrew be able to run.
We came on home and were stopped in traffic twice for a while. We came home on 85, because we could not even get on 77. It was so backed up. We were thankful to have a safe trip.
Right after we pulled in, Will pulled in behind us. We visited for a while. He played with Sam, and it was so good to see them playing together. Peter came out, and they threw the football with Sam (who has quite an arm) and then played dodge ball. It was so good to see him and get to spend a little bit of time with him.
I have struggled the last few days. Things are hard. I am so very tired. And I want to be willing and trusting and sometimes feel I am sliding backwards rather than marching confidently onward. I know God is with me. He is with us. And I think it's another of those times I need to let myself be carried. I have a bad attitude towards some people and things, and I need to let all of that go and let my focus be on Him. I thought of this song the other day. I keep verses on my computer so I don't have to open a book or try too hard to see them. And they help greatly. This song came to mind the other day, and I need to get it in my head and let it play and play. Thanks for praying for us. I think I am going to go and buy the new Nichole Nordeman CD this week - if it has come out! I have missed her new songs! And "The Unmaking" is a great song when we are at the end of ourselves. It makes me feel like God is more in control when I am not at all.
"Strangely Dim" Francesca Battistelli
I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today
But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim
Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh oh oh oh oh oh
When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim
I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come
I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.
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