Merry Christmas 2017!

We are so thankful for the blessings God has given us this year.  He goes over and beyond whatever we can think up ourselves.  We've had a lot of changes lately, and 2017 promises to be challenging.  But we are resting in Him ~ or at least trying our best!

Peter is graduating this semester!  He is not walking, which is fine with us.  But he is graduating and just finished his internship with ASU Police.  We are happy to have an Appalachian graduate.  We are happy for him and pray extra for him as he starts a new chapter!  We love his entertaining ways and the help that he gives when we need him.

Will still works with anything big and loud he can get his hands on.  He has gifts that I pray he will use for the Lord.  He has come through and been a big help on some tough days.  We love him and appreciate him and are thankful he is in our family!

Sam is still working on his reading at Appalachian.  He continues to take over more of his diabetes care at times and is the best helper I have ever had.  It's like he knows what I need before I do, and he is right there with whatever I need when I turn around!  We pray school becomes easier for him and that his brain will just start working despite all of the learning disabilities.  But we are so thankful for his heart and his caring ways.  He is a huge help and blessing.

Andrew will graduate in the spring after his internship and last couple of classes.  He was getting a double major until he learned he needed to do one more thing.  He can always do that later and will have a great resume for grad school, should he choose that route.  His seizures have become more difficult to manage, so he is going through a process at Duke and looking at brain surgery in late spring or summer.  We all (and I am not kidding when I include Pete, Sam, and me) survived several days at Duke over Labor Day in the Epilepsy Monitoring Unit.  It was rough, but he had six grand mal seizures in 24 hours and dislocated his shoulder during one (but at that point could not communicate with us, so it stayed that way for over a day).  He had those seizures after his meds were stopped.  He is on three of the strongest and best medications, and they are just not doing a good enough job.  We asked people to pray he would have enough seizures for them to track, and what happened amazed everyone.  We had to ask everyone to pray for them to stop again.  And they did.  That was all God.  And He kept Andrew safe.

Pete just took his last trip to Israel for a while.  He has been 10 times and been on about 12-14 different tours (with different pastors).  He has taken a full time job as the pastor of Rutherwood Baptist Church.  They have welcomed us like they have always known us, and we look forward to serving the Lord there.  We are excited to be there.  And we are thankful.  He continues to try to run every once in a while, but he is finishing out the year working at both jobs.  So he is busy every day.  But God provides what he needs, and he knows it.  His heart is to preach the Gospel and love people.  He wants to touch as many people with the Good News of Jesus Christ while he is still here.  He has had the experience of thinking "Is this it?" before rolling onto the floor, when he had his strokes.  It has made him feel the time is short.  And the time to tell people is shorter than it was yesterday!

I still work at Blue Ridge Pediatrics in the back and appreciate my time there so much.  I pay the bills for the office, so I am not into the medical part; but I sure do learn a lot!  I also have taken over some of Pete's cleaning jobs.  Andrew usually helps.  It fits my schedule of working and taking care of all of the extra doctor appointments, reading lessons, and taxi service runs!  I have been in physical therapy for the last several weeks with my dizziness and balance issues.  From my physical therapist to my usual "helpers" and "encouragers" to people I hardly ever get to see, I know God is telling me to slow down and have that "Be still" time.  I am hoping to feel more like myself in the near future.

So...I don't have the energy I usually have to write a comprehensive update.  But there are lots of blog entries from this year.  And in every one, I have to be thankful.  God does things for me every day that I do not see.  And He has done some amazing things this year and gave me a front row seat.

A friend just shared something from Streams in the Desert.  And it has inspired me to be more thankful and cheerful and hopeful and not feel I have to see the big picture.  I am trying my best to learn to live with faith and trust - even when I am so weary.

As we get closer to Christmas, I feel like I struggle to get everything done so that I might "Be still" and get to "feel" the season.  It's not the presents and decorations or the music and the get togethers.  I love all of that too.  It's the simple message that a King was born in a lowly manger for me...and you...and everyone else.  And it's a time to try to get back to the simple and share that.  This world is not our home.  I want to live like that and share the most wonderful Gift.  There is NOTHING better.

So while we are at Duke or while we are at church or at work or at school or on campus or at Walmart, I want to be focused on Him.  And when bad things happen or difficulties come, I want to keep my focus on Him.  That will make my life better and, I hope, speak to someone else in a way that they will want to know Him too.  That's pretty much it.

Pete and I were given the great gift of going to The Cove and the Billy Graham Training Center in Asheville to see Mark Schultz and stay in one of the lodges overnight.  You can bet I will go back there as soon as I have a chance.  The atmosphere and feeling in every corner of that place was peaceful.  It was a huge blessing.

Mark sings a song called "When Love Was Born" ~ the words below:

Starlight shines, the night is still
Shepherds watch from a hill
I close my eyes, see the night
When love was born

Perfect child gently waits
A mother bends to kiss God's face
I close my eyes, see the night
When love was born

Angels fill the midnight sky, they sing
Hallelujah, He is Christ, our King

Emmanuel, Prince of peace
Loves come down for you and me
Heaven's gift, the holy spark
To let the way inside our hearts

Bethlehem, through your small door
Came the hope we've waited for
The world was changed forevermore
When love was born

I close my eyes, see the night
When love was born

I have so many Christmas songs that I love.  I love the part in this one ~ "Bethlehem, through your small door, Came the hope we've waited for, The world was changed forevermore, When love was born."  Anyone who has been to Bethlehem in Israel knows that a church sits on top of the cave where they say Jesus was born.  It's not a huge barn out in the middle of a big field.  It was probably small and cramped and not clean.  But in that "small door" to the world, the Savior of the world came ~ for me...and you.  It gives me chills and tears to think about.  Such a joyous birth.  But it means nothing without Easter.  And that's why I celebrate Christmas ~ because Christ came down for you and me.  And I love it.  And I love Him ~ for who He is and what He did and what He continues to do.

Merry Christmas!  Thanks to those of you who pray for us!  We cannot thank you enough!!!

November 24th Update ~ Thanks for asking about Andrew!

I thought I would quickly update this, because so many of you have been so good to ask about Andrew.  And I am so much a whirlwind sometimes that even my close friends cannot keep up with my scattered messages!  So here is a quick update and a Thanksgiving message (from Reverend Thrasher and Susan).

Andrew had a seizure at work on campus a couple of weeks ago.  We did not have church because of fog, so we were at home and heard my phone.  Andrew called to tell me.  When I got to the student union, he was sitting at a table by himself.  I did not expect any emergency workers to stick around, but I wish someone had been there to tell me what happened.  I had pretty vague information to give to the doctor, but we were mostly thankful he was okay.  He had a bit of a warning and was able to get down on the floor and not fall.  He had patches all over him, so we knew the EMT's checked him over really well.  New dog tags are on the order list - to help someone call us faster if it happens again.

I emailed his doctor at Duke, and he increased his newest medication.  He takes it at night, but it made him dizzy for a while.  He seems to be tolerating the higher dose.

The whole thing was very discouraging as he was just a couple of weeks from driving.  He was frustrated, then resigned.  And it's hard to watch.  He is concerned about his spring internship, so we are trying to find out what driving is needed and how to cover that.  I told him it would be covered.  This is not his fault, so we will cover it or get him help to get wherever he needs to be.

The doctor also emailed and told us that all of his tests he has had so far all point in the direction of surgery still being an option.  Andrew will meet with a neurosurgeon sometime in the near future and look at a May surgery date.  The surgery would follow another stay in the hospital similar to what he did over Labor Day.  But it will be much worse.  The one good (?) thing we know is that sometimes they do surgery during the hospital stay.  I really cannot imagine how much recovery he will have to have with the preliminary surgeries and then a big surgery.  I am trying to be informed without getting too far ahead.  And again, I have offered to look into a seizure alert dog.

The recent seizure was the first he has had on all three medications.  My straightforward, practical friends will remind me that this could be God's way of preparing us for what we need to do.  And God knows I go into a lot of things with the brakes on.  I am not brave or adventurous.  I struggle to be obedient.

Andrew asked if I wanted to help at the Crowder concert last week.  I told him I would (and I would be there with him should he need me!).  I ended up selling merchandise most of the night.  I learned to use the small credit card machine and got to use all of my math skills in adding up totals and changing cash!  We went in with Coach Ward and Dawn for a few of the acoustic songs (my favorites that he sings).  Farthing was almost totally full, and it was like being in a big church service.  It was a boost for sure.  And a blessing.

So that is Andrew's latest update.  We cannot begin to thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  Toby helped me set up our new insurance policy, so we will be prepared to hopefully have broad coverage for Andrew and whatever he decides to do.

~~~~~~~

Pete has been gone this week for his last Holy Land trip for a while.  Sunday morning was quite eventful in that our visiting pastor collapsed in the pulpit.  And being new, I did not want to be bossy; but I was.  I yelled at people to call 911 and go meet the first responders.  I asked people to come up and pray for him.  And (Praise the Lord), he will be okay.  He had a combination of some things that made him not feel well, and we are so thankful this special man will be back in the pulpit and preaching God's word in the next little bit.  What a servant's heart.  He did not want to give up on preaching his message - Psalm 1.  It was not his usual Thanksgiving message, and it really spoke to me.  The deacon who filled in for him did not know his message was Psalm 1 and spoke from Joshua 1.  But he had Psalm 1 as a scripture right in the middle!!!!  Now that is God.  And I am thankful for ALL He did Sunday.

At the beginning of our Thanksgiving meal at Boulder Look Stone Company, Reverend Thrasher opened with a short message before praying over the food.  He asked if we would want to be "one of the nine" ~ and, at first, no one spoke up.  Then Mrs. Thrasher did.  I will cut and paste his daughter Susan's account:

Daddy opened our 35+ family gathering this afternoon with a question. Do you want to be among the 9? Mom was the first to say “I don’t” and Whitney Jessee Ball followed with “If Mrs. Thrasher says not me than I sure don’t want to be!” We all agreed. Here’s why:
From Luke 17
11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy[a] met him. They stood at a distance 13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

14 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

Let’s us all be thankful for our many blessings today and every day!

~~~~~~

I was with Whitney - trusting Mrs. Thrasher's judgment.  And she was right.  We don't want to be like the nine lepers who did not even think to thank Jesus for healing.  And I knew I needed to be counting my blessings and getting ready for this next year already.  And what a great reminder.  God has already blessed me with so much.  He won't desert me.  He won't let me down.  Anything we face ~ He will be right there.  He always is.

This coming year looks tough and overwhelming.  We have Andrew's stuff (for lack of a better word) and something else that I don't have permission to share.  And others around us have big things going on - new things that are overwhelming  It all looks daunting and almost impossible for someone like me to navigate.  But I want to wade through the waters with my eyes on Him.  I want to prepare my heart to be depending on Him and not swayed by every little or big thing that comes along.

David Jeremiah said in his radio message last night that to know God's will, we need to give thanks in everything.  The rest will become clear if we are thankful first.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."   1 Thessalonians 5:18

This makes sense to me when he puts it so simply. 

After eating and visiting, my boys headed home.  Whitney and I went to look for Pete a coat for church.  We saw some extended family while we were out.  It was great to run into people we never see!  Today, I think I have finished two "projects" and can wrap them up.  And I ordered Sam's favorite pj's that are usually on sale this day of the year.  I really wanted to go shop somewhere but just did not have it in me.  It turned out okay, because I think everything I needed was right near by or online!  I put my wreath Luke made on my front door, and we hope to get our tree tomorrow.  I cannot wait to breathe in that Christmas smell!  Whitney came and helped me clean and organize and get rid of things one day last week.  We hope to finish the upstairs tomorrow and make another trip to the dump.  I am still working on simplifying the "things" in my life.  Now if I can just get these boys together for a Christmas picture while it's still light out!  I may have to bribe them with a meal from Cookout or Cracker Barrel!

Thanks again for asking about Andrew.  Thanks mostly for praying.  We appreciate it more than you know.  One of my new favorite Christmas songs is "Noel" ~ Lauren Daigle.  Here are the words and the link.  "Come and see what God has done" gives me chills!  He gave us this great Gift on Christmas.  I want my main mission to be to share about Him while I am here - just like the pastor last Sunday who was determined to share what God placed on his heart.

"Noel"  Lauren Daigle (Chris Tomlin)

https://www.google.com/search?q=noel+chris+tomlin&oq=noel+chris+tomlin&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i61j0l4.6760j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Love incarnate, love divine
Star and angels gave the sign
Bow to babe on bended knee
The Savior of humanity
Unto us a Child is born
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

Son of God and Son of man
There before the world began
Born to suffer, born to save
Born to raise us from the grave
Christ the everlasting Lord
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

I will update again around Christmas with anything new.  Thanks for reading and praying!

Andrew's Duke Appointments ~ November 1

We took off for Duke again yesterday morning at about 5:40.  My dad went with us.  We stopped in Wilkesboro to grab a quick breakfast to go.  We got to Durham pretty early - which is better than a little bit late!  So we found the building on Morreene Road and returned about 30 minutes before Andrew's 10:00 appointment.  They took him back soon after we checked in.  A little bit later, they came to get me.  We were not sure what to expect, but it was not several hours worth of testing!

Andrew and I interviewed with Dr. Stuart.  We really liked her.  Our interview that usually lasts 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours was about 30 minutes.  The questions were pretty straightforward and easy for us to answer.  It was all about getting a baseline for Andrew ~ and other things.  I left around 10:40 to go and do an errand and bring Andrew's lunch back to him, at their suggestion.  Dad and I went to Marshall's, TJ Maxx, and Walmart in record time.  I was looking for something specific, and he kept up pretty well.  We got Andrew (and us) lunch from Cook Out.  When I got back, I waited and went back and talked to him while he ate.  He only took about a 15 minute break and started back.  They knew we had to be at the hospital around 4:00 for his MRI.  He was done around 3:45!  That was a long day!  He did paper tests and all kinds of tests, but he did not seem tired.

While in the waiting room, I was on Facebook and saw a plea from a mom about her son who has Hunter's Syndrome.  The mom's hesitant post was shared by a Proverbs 31 woman that I liked on Facebook.  The name sounded familiar.  He is a Molly's Kid - Molly Grantham from WBTV - and also a boy one of my lifetime friends has mentioned on Facebook (good old facebook!).  The mom was asking people to go to BCBS on Facebook and leave a one star rating and request that her son get his medication.  I jumped all over that.  Her post was gracious, not mean or scathing or ugly, but it was a plea.  She had fought her battle for two months privately with many hours logged, and BCBS still could not get through their own system to get her three year old son his medication.  I admit my blood pressure also went up a little.  I was happy to help her and thankful she asked for help.  I hesitated to be public with Andrew's issues in 2015.  He did not get his immune system meds until AFTER Easter.  By the time I had people who had some strong pull offer their help, the issues were almost resolved.  And because he was an NCAA athlete, I could not use some of that help.  So I understood her hesitation, because complaining on Facebook has been especially bad in 2017.  But she had a valid concern and issue, and I am thankful she posted it in her gracious way.  I also prayed for the little boy Finn and his family.  So I felt like I did something useful during my time at the doctor's office waiting.  And, praise the Lord, this morning there was an update that the new CEO of BCBS called the parents last night and said they would make things right for Finn.  I was so thankful and happy for them.  These parents need to spend their time with their family and not on the phone with a company trying to help them do their job!

Then, on the news on TV in the waiting room, I saw a familiar face pop up!  It was Ms. Eva from our old church.  She is the 101 year old woman making dresses for OCC.  I loved watching her on television.  She has NO idea how many people have viewed the video Samaritan's Purse made of her waking up each morning to make dresses (over 9.5 million last time I looked!).  I saw her in Walmart not long ago, at a funeral, and at church when I visited.  Her story of serving the Lord until the end is so inspiring.  And to know some of the side stories is a joy and a treat!  God can use any of us ~ if we are willing.

We headed over to Duke for the functional MRI after talking to Dr. Stuart.  She said she will attend the next conference discussing Andrew for surgery.  Somehow, that made me feel better ~ knowing she would be there with her input.  She took the time to explain to me (and Andrew) more about his upcoming tests and what was involved and what they do sometimes.  Since we have not met with a neurosurgeon yet, it was helpful (but still daunting).  Andrew checked in a little after 4:00, and they took him on back.  He was back about an hour and came out with another doctor.  The doctor said he did well, and he said they got what they needed for that piece of the puzzle.  They took over 20,000 images!  They gave Andrew things to do in his head while he was having the MRI.  It was very interesting.  I still wish we did not have to be doing this though (just throwing that in).

Dad and I walked down the hall to the gift shop to get a candy bar after Andrew went back.  While I was looking through the tiny area, I heard the friendly women asking a man how he was doing.  He said he was doing great...now.  His wife had just (just) come through open heart surgery.  He looked like someone who had a building lifted off his shoulders.  What a blessing to see him relieved that his wife had done well with her serious surgery.  I thought that rarely in life will we feel such blessed relief.  I hope he is a believer in Jesus Christ.  I know Finn's parents are.  They have said, in what I have read, that they choose JOY, because they choose JESUS.  I don't know how people get through this life without Him.  I really honestly don't.

That joy that you can have in the saddest, most trying times is so real.  It's not what you find on vacation after working too hard at a successful job.  Those times can be great, but that is pitiful (as good as it seems) in relation to real joy.  That little girl on FB who is singing with her children's choir doing her own thing.  To me (and many others), it looks like her joy is bubbling up so much she cannot contain it!  Oh to live like that each day!  And on the very worst days to feel that joy bubbling,  even though it may not be breaking the surface.  We can still feel it.

We are still waiting on another MRI and another test.  Each step determines if Andrew will be a candidate for surgery with expectations of a good outcome, or that it ends up being too risky.  I pray they find what they need to know to make the best recommendation.

In the meantime, he has fought another battle with MRSA.  But he feels his brain is finally back to normal after his EMU visit.  He looks forward to driving again soon.  I count it a privilege to have extra time in the car with him, but I am sorry for the reason I do.  And I look forward to a break from that traffic circle at the library, where I have almost been run over several times from people who do not yield at the yield signs and one particularly aggressive Appalcart driver!  In England, they use the traffic circles so well - not so much here!

We appreciated that Peter took care of Sam yesterday ~ took  him to school and picked him up.  He had to get him a little early.  Sam had a stomach ache.  The night before, I gave him the wrong insulin.  I have only done that twice in eight years.  A mom told me when he was first diagnosed that I would do it at some point.  She had told me not to panic and to check his blood sugars and get as many carbs as I could in him to offset it all.  All of these years later, I remembered that and used it. But that is probably why his stomach hurt!  And Will called to check on Andrew and us while we were on our way home.

Pete started his new job at Rutherwood as the pastor yesterday.  He was called two weeks ago.  We have been there for one Sunday service, took a break for them to say goodbye to their interim, and will return this Sunday.  We are excited to be back in a church, and we have been blessed to visit South Fork, Perkinsville, Brushy Fork, Three Forks, and Providence (in Abingdon) during the past few months.  It gave me a reminder of how it feels to be the new person!  He did Wednesday night Bible study without me, since I was not back yet, and said it went well.  He is working part-time there and at Templeton  until the end of the year.  He has one more Israel trip the week of Thanksgiving.  We are excited about his (our) new opportunities to serve the Lord.  He has a real heart for sharing the gospel, which is what Jesus commanded us to do.  He knows how it feels to think, "This is it?" and wants to live like he has very little time to tell friends, family, and strangers the good news; because after his strokes, he knows he was given extra time and a reminder.  It's not just about loving each other - the gospel isn't ~ Jesus gave that in another commandment.  It's about telling them what Jesus did (the greatest love and sacrifice) and giving them the opportunity to accept the free gift of salvation.  If we didn't have sin that keeps us from God, there would be no need for a Savior.  So we need to make sure we share WHY we need a Savior  And we all do, not just ones who sin "certain" sins.  Now that is the BEST way to love everyone.  The effects are everlasting, eternal.

I have gone to Physical Therapy for two weeks for my dizziness and increasing loss of balance I have had since June.  Some of you know I have really struggled the past few months to get all of my stuff done.  It's been exhausting.  I did not not want to go to PT when the ENT suggested it.  But I went (with a bad attitude).  Kaylea came out to get me.  She did Pete's PT when he had his strokes two years ago, and I know God is using her to help me.  She has helped.  It's not all better, but I am on my way and not feeling like I will feel this terrible for forever!  I have jury duty on Monday for the first time ever (I mean, Will served last year at age 19, and Pete has served twice!) and hope my walking is better by then.  God is good.  He provides.

I know this is long.  I just felt a lot on my heart to share.  As we see the trees changing and looking so beautiful and see snow on the same day in October, it reminds me how fast things change and how fast time is flying by.  And it's important to share in case there isn't another chance.  This is my very favorite time of year, but it gets by me faster and faster each time it comes around.

I have been listening to Lauren Daigle a lot.  I had her CD in my van when we were at Duke over Labor Day (and boy did we need those words during that trying time!).  Pete listened to it as he and Sam drove back and forth to the hotel.  And Sam and I did too.  We love every single song.  The last two are especially my favorites right now.  The next to last talks about asking God to let me see His kingdom (opportunities to share), let my heart overflow with passion for His name, "let my life be a song revealing Who You are ~ You are Salt and Light."

Mrs. Thrasher has always told me to keep singing.  She doesn't mean my solos in church.  They can be a blessing if God touches what leaves my mouth before it reaches others' ears!  But she is talking about the song of my life and how God works.  You know my WHOLE testimony is that I cannot do it, but He can.  And you can watch me try to remember that and give it to Him and let Him work.  I don't want you to remember me as the smartest, most organized mom/woman in the world, because I am not ~ and that's not my goal.  I want you to see that God works in my life to help me get anything done that's right.  And my job is to seek Him and let Him and not get in the way.   I fail regularly, but I keep trying.  I think this song says what she has been telling me for many years.  If you need a new CD, I suggest this one.  It has been a blessing.  I will put the lyrics below.

Thanks for reading this.  Thanks for praying.  We feel the prayers.  Thank you for those who send messages in whatever way ~ of encouragement.  They are blessings.  We are walking through this time with our eyes on Him, knowing the enemy wants to steal our joy and take our focus away from Him.  I want to keep looking for Him in every thing.  I want Him to show me the way.  I want to give Him praise and glory and honor in everything.  He has already given me everything.  And I am entrusting every single one on my prayer list and on my heart to Him too ~ because these days, there are so very many.

Proverbs 3:5-6King James Version (KJV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

"Salt & Light"  Lauren Daigle

Oh the beauty of the King
You make righteous those who seek
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light

Oh the love that set me free
You bring hope to those in need
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are

For You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
You are salt and light
For You are salt and light
For You are salt and light

Back to Duke Today

We took off this morning and went back to Duke.  We got to Durham a little early, so we shopped a little at one of my favorite TJ Maxx stores.  It brought back memories ~ Andrew and I always stopped there after our Duke or Chapel Hill appointments when he was much younger.  We saw the Red Lobster where my parents, Dwayne, and I ate before watching Whitney and her all American race at Duke many years ago (too tired to figure out the year!  But I do remember she was ranked 30+ in the nation and was 17th of the girls who stepped up to the line and ended up 3rd with a huge PR!).  Andrew got to go to a bookstore, so he was happy about that!  Then we headed on over to Duke.

Dr. Luedke just started running in the mornings with his dog, so he was in great need of coffee.  And I thought, "Oh no."  But it got better from there.  He talked mostly to Andrew, and I wrote lots of notes.

Andrew was happy to find out he looks like a good candidate for surgery.  But there is more testing first ~ even before meeting with a neurosurgeon.  I have been coasting a little (or a lot) for the past few years in my medical stuff.  I have been able to at least handle what has come our way.  I admit that I cry sometimes feeling overwhelmed.  I get a lot of headaches thinking or overthinking things.  I get stomach aches and feel sick sometimes.  But that is because I am not medically inclined.  And today, I felt all of those things and more as I listened.  I'll spare the details of what made me feel sick, but I will share the next steps we discussed.

Andrew will go back to Duke for another MRI, an FMRI (functional MRI), DTI (diffusion tensor imaging), and neuropsychometric testing.  All of these sound like a breeze compared to what he has been through and what will come, should he want to continue on this path.

After these, if things go well, he would meet with a neurosurgeon who would discuss in more detail what the surgery would involve.  Andrew would also have another surgery where they would place electrodes on his brain to track his seizures - like what he did before, except invasive.  This is where I wanted to just go on and walk out of the room.  But Andrew is shaking his head to continue.

Andrew's information would be in conference again by a team of doctors.  They would try to determine if they could get what they need without causing harm to his movement or speech or anything else.  They would hope to gain as much of that information as they could with the additional testing ahead of time.

The kind of lesion Andrew has on his brain, front lobe, and that it is on the right side should work in Andrew's favor.

If the surgery is successful, he would have a 50-60% chance of being seizure free.  If the surgery does not stop the seizures, it could reduce their frequency and/or severity.

Andrew does not have that many seizures (well, he was doing well until spring).  But he is at risk for SUDEP (death) and in danger for other accidents, and he is restricted in what he can do or where he can live.  So it's a "pretty significant intervention for a pretty infrequent problem."

Up and down.  Up and down.  That is how I felt when the doctor talked.  But he was making sure Andrew understood what he was saying.  Then, he turned to me and asked me how I felt.  I told him we wanted Andrew to continue to do what he wanted, and we would go from there.  He is going to try to get him scheduled for the tests by the end of the year.  Andrew has finally met his out of pocket for the year (after our insurance decided to process things differently, so it cost extra this year).  Our premiums will probably double (per our BCBS letter), and the deductibles and out of pocket continue to rise exponentially, so we will have to start saving now to provide what he needs.  The ACA has almost put my family under the last few years, but God has provided.  He will continue to provide.  I must admit that I wish I had knowledge ahead of time of how that will happen.  I pray for the healthcare situation for my family and many others I know who are affected.  That is a factor in all of this.  I am trying to get Andrew some sort of supplemental insurance to help the cost after the huge premiums.  I hope we can use some of the tax money we have paid in for years to take care of our own child.

So we left with a future appointment, a letter telling BCBS not to withhold meds because that could kill Andrew in just a few days (the doctor worded it a little better), and expectations of new testing pretty soon.  And I was glad to get out of there.

This morning, I dreaded going.  I was driving Sam to school, and Mercy Me started singing "Even If." 

"I know You're able and
I know You can. 
Save through the fire by Your mighty hand.
But even if You don't,
My hope is You alone..."

Oh, the tears started rolling down my cheeks.  For some reason, Sam had gotten into the back seat, so he did not see me.  I am glad I got that out of my system before we went.

This morning, I read Psalm 13.  You can read the story of that Psalm in my blogs about Sam and how the Thrashers gave it to me when I was holding the landline phone at the hospital while stretching to hold Sam's foot while they prayed with me over the phone.  I feel I start out whining but then praising God for Who He is and what He does.

Psalm 13King James Version (KJV)

13 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?

2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;

4 Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

I just stuck it in here, because I am sure someone else needs to read it too.  Six short verses, Reverend Thrasher said.  David goes from being "forgotten" to trusting God and rejoicing.  I want to be there too.  

I also got a voicemail from one of my best encouragers from Middle Fork.  When she did not reach me, she left a voicemail and a text.  She knew I needed to hear the word "workable" and the other word "peace."  I know God can give me that.  So I am resting (trying my best) in that.

I have had people feel comfortable enough to tell me over the years that they don't see how I deal with something like seizures in child.  They could never do that, they say.  I used to immediately ask God why I have to be that person?  Why my child?  But in my older age, these horrible things can be a blessing.  I know how it feels to HAVE to trust in Him.  I have had to CRY out to Him.  I know how it feels to be DEPENDENT on Him.  Nothing gets you like your child having something awful!  So even though I would give this back (and still keep the other sicknesses, Lord!), I know it all draws me closer to Heaven and further from this earth.  It keeps me focused on eternal things more.

We had a good, although loud at times, conversation on the way down.  I know Andrew believes Jesus died to save us from out sins and that He is the only way to get back to the Father (God), since we have all sinned.  John 14:6.  But we were off on other subjects, and we were trying to talk/debate some important issues.  And I finally told Andrew that it's a lot in perspective.  I don't have time to tear apart a fellow Jesus follower's work (by Jesus follower, I mean someone trying to live as Jesus wants us to - really, not the way we want to or the way we want to compromise or interpret - so I mean a true Jesus follower), when I should be too busy trying to point people TO Jesus and show them who He is and what He did - and then what they can do to spend eternity with Him.  We pretty much ended it there.

Dr. Luedke seemed a little impressed (for lack of a better word) that Andrew had such success in a short time in the EMU.  So I told him that we prayed, and the seizures came.  He laughed and said the EMU was weird and different, because it goes against what they normally try to do.  So I told him we had tons of people praying and one friend kept saying "Praying backwards!"  Because we all were.  Now we are all praying forward again.  And except for that one special test he may have in the next few months, I will continue to ask people to pray for no more seizures.

That's how we left it.  We appreciate all of the love and prayers.  I know that is what kept me calm, because this is hard for someone like me.  Very hard.  I don't want Andrew to have to do any of this.  I am ready to throw in the towel and get another job and get him a seizure alert dog.  And if he decides to do that, we will.  But right now, the only way to get through this (for me) is to pray.  And we appreciate all of the prayers prayed for us - for Andrew.

Thank you.  I am posting one more verse.  Short and simple.  And thankfully, true.

Philippians 4:19King James Version (KJV)

19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Andrew Update ~ September 16

We went to see Dr. Fleming in Wilkesboro on Friday for Andrew's shoulder.  He said it looked good and told Andrew what to do and not to do.  It's a good thing he is a runner and not a baseball or football player!  He is out of his sling but is limited in what he can do.  He hopes to start his food services job back this week.  I went with him last Saturday to the Hospitality House to fix dinner with Andrew and a nice young man from the high school.  Looking back over this week, I am surprised he could function as well as he did!  I was just supposed to be his hands, and he told me what to do.  I only messed up a little bit in the serving line, but I learned a lot and was so appreciative of the way Andrew worked there.  And how he was.  Two older men told me I had a good boy.  They saw a lot of him earlier in the summer and had not seen him for a while.  When people showed true concern for his arm in a sling, he shrugged it off and told them he'd fallen.  When they pushed for more details, I told him later that that is how lying (even little ones are) is.  It gets out of hand and bigger and bigger fast!  We went to see Dr. Zimmerman Saturday for a place Andrew showed me on his leg - MRSA again.  It's already getting better, but we are not ready for something new to keep popping up!

We have not heard from Duke, but Pete remembers them saying maybe 4-6 weeks.  I am expecting them to make an appointment to discuss their findings.

We weighed Andrew when we took him to the peds office - 121.  And that is after me stuffing food in him (as much as I could anyway) for a few days after we got home.  He is now getting his appetite back, but I would guess he'd lost 5-6 pounds at least.

He told me today he thinks he is about 75-80% back.  He has texted me a few times about the same things, looked at his schedule each day to see what classes and where, and just dropped out of conversation suddenly.  But he is aware of it and feels he is getting better.  We so appreciate his professors and everyone being patient and understanding with him.

We went to the cross country meet today.  It was fun to watch and talk to people I had not seen in a while.  Andrew really enjoyed it.  I only knew three of the runners on the team!  I recognized more girls.  But it's totally different now!  But it was still so exciting.  We look forward to conference on our home course at the end of October.

Sam has helped me clean some today.  Andrew and I loaded his truck down last night and added a bunch of stuff to the free yard sale at our old church.  I tried to sneak it in before Kristin saw me, but she drove up while we were unloading.  Nothing like last minute donations!  But we put them in their appropriate places and hoped they found good homes!

We have been working on Sam's room and making it more of a teenager room - not too much though!  We have about 2/3 of it done.  So he helped me clean other places today and clear out some things.  I am constantly "clearing out" and have no idea where all the "stuff" comes from.  So if it's not dear, it's going out the door!  We went through our kitchen cabinets and drawers yesterday and sent a lot to the sale.  I still wish someone from TV would come and use their talents on my house!  The clearer it gets, the better I feel!

Peter is out working with ASU police tonight observing.  I pray for him as he sees things he is not used to seeing.  And I have tried to remind him of some of his special qualities - like helping people with health issues like his brothers.  Someone appearing drunk may be diabetic or having a seizure.  And I hope he will be able to use what he has seen in his life to help others.

We are still so thankful to be home.  We are so thankful for all of the prayers prayed and the people who prayed them.  I saw my little "just turned 13" year old sitting in that chair in the corner of Andrew's room with tears in his eyes, and I felt terrible.  But then I had to remember this is our life, and we just have to keep going and doing what we need to do.  Pete and I were careful to spend time with him, when we were not in the room; but he liked coming to check on Andrew.  Sam and Daddy used the tunnel, while Mom and her dizziness did better crossing the busy street.  Sam and Pete found a "favorite" Mexican restaurant near our hotel.  They also had fun shopping for candy for Pete.  Sam and I kept Cook Out busy in the evenings and took Andrew breakfast from McDonald's each morning, whether he could eat it or not (we always hoped!).  Sam and I went to the "big mall" and looked in the toy store and my favorite stores (that we don't have in Boone).  We found the laundry at the hotel and washed clothes after a few days.  Sam was always so helpful and seemed good to just spend time with us.  We read some at night and tried to swim, but it was chilly and rainy a lot.  Peter and Will seemed fine at home.  Will called each day to check on Andrew.  Peter prefers to text.

Thanks again for praying.  We keep praying for healing and direction.  We also appreciate the food, the cards, the money, the hotel gift cards, and all of the other support we received!  It helps ease the burden of a trip you don't want to take when  you know others are praying and take time to let you know they care.

We hope to have some good news soon!  Don't forget to go to church tomorrow.  Sundays are always better with church!

Home from Duke!

We got home this afternoon and are so thankful to be home.  While we see pictures of people vacationing in the little mountain town where we get to live, it makes us even more homesick!  We were happy to climb that mountain and hit the fresh, cool air.

We left Wednesday morning at about 7:00.  We got to Durham and waited for another call.  The one we had earlier said they would call back at 1:00.  Then the 1:00 call said they would call back at 3:00.  We got a call and went on to the hospital admissions where Andrew checked in, and we waited.  And waited.  The man in admissions said they did not have a bed for Andrew, when the caller said his bed was ready.  We finally got up to the 4th floor late that afternoon.  He was hooked up and ready to go by 6:00 or so.  And then we waited again.

Thursday came and went.  Andrew had some tingling in his hands, and he was already getting a little closed in - the room was very small, and he had to stay in bed.  He studied Chemistry.  We had a word puzzle match.  He did not sleep.  He stayed up very late Tuesday night and slept only a couple of hours on Wednesday.  He drank a lot of caffeine.  One resident frowned on that, but then I realized she frowned a lot anyway.

We had instructions on what to do.  We hit the button (I called it the Jeopardy button) if he had a seizure.  And they would run in to help.  He had an IV sticking out of his forearm, in case emergency meds were needed.

Friday came and went.  He had more tingling.  We know some people go the EMU (epilepsy monitoring unit) and never have seizures.  He was off all of his meds, so he had to stay in the bed.  We did not talk among ourselves, but we were feeling like he may not have one.  Andrew was feeling very closed in.

On Friday evening, on the way back to the hotel, I cried.  I was so disappointed that the trip seemed to be in vain, unless we wanted to just stay and stay and stay.  But then I remembered that sometimes we have to just claim victory before we see it.  So I asked people on Facebook and through text messages to pray at 6:00 p.m.  Pete was on the phone with me and had his hands on Andrew and prayed.  And I slept better.

The next morning I got a text from Andrew that he'd had a seizure at 1:40 in the morning.  It was bad, Pete said.  Then the doctor came in and said they needed five seizures.  We felt a little dejected again.

So we asked people to pray again.

And here they came.  The next one was with me.  Andrew started taking very deep breaths and went so fast into a terrible seizure.  I hit the button and yelled for help.  As several nurses responded and worked on him with oxygen and suction, I held his big toe and prayed.  I prayed out loud that God would help him.  And He did.  Everything calmed down.

Pete and Sam came back not long after.  I took Sam to get a sub at Subway downstairs in the hospital, and Pete called me while we were in line to tell me he'd had another.  We rushed back upstairs as he was coming out of it.  So that was three.

Andrew had tons of leads on his head.  They were there to record information during a seizure.  He was also videotaped by two cameras pointed straight at the bed.  During those seizures, and because the leads had been on since Wednesday, some came off.

We were concerned that the information would not be complete without all of the leads, but someone told Pete that the one person in the hospital who could fix them over the weekend was "busy".  So that was our first concern.  Andrew did all he was supposed to do.  We prayed for seizures.  He had them, but they could not keep the equipment fixed?  We became very frustrated.

Someone did come and fix the leads, but in the six seizures he had, some information was not recorded.  And he was in the EMU.  The neurologist told me that the ones they got fully were enough.  And the others confirmed what the good recorded ones said.  But we still were not happy that those other seizures may have been in vain.

All in all, he had six awful, horrible seizures in 24 hours.  Sam and I had gotten in the car to leave, and Pete called again.  So we ran back in to check on him.  He had another one soon after.  And the last one was on Saturday night around 11:30 pm.  By that point, they had already started him back on one of his meds.  Pete insisted they restart all of them.  He did not think Andrew could take much more.

One nurse said every seizure he had was like running a marathon on his body.  And he ran six marathons in 24 hours.

So on Sunday morning, the neurologist came by and told me he could send Andrew home with a fourth seizure med, or he could stay another day.

Andrew was still hooked up to the machines, but he was so out of it.  He would not wake up for anything.  He ate nothing on Saturday or Sunday.  He barely drank.  We could only wake him up enough to take his seizure meds.

So I decided he needed to stay one more day.  I was afraid to take him home.  And Pete agreed.  Andrew's shoulder or arm had been injured in the third seizure.  Andrew's back had started to hurt so badly that he was almost in tears.  When he was out of it, he asked if I could go to Boone Drug and get some aspirin or something.  He never takes pain meds.  So Pete had rolled him onto his stomach to try to relieve the back pain.  And he started having a seizure, so they had to roll him back.

After that seizure, he was crying out in pain.  We could not touch his right hand or arm or even his finger tip.  He kept pointing to his wrist and then his shoulder.  They came in to x-ray but only had orders for his wrist.  He continued to writhe in pain, and so we asked for the shoulder x-ray (that we had asked for in the beginning).  X-ray came again and did his arm.  And Andrew continued to cry with pain.  We finally had let the side of the bed down and somehow that helped.

They gave him pain meds in an IV.  He slept.  So when the doctor came in on Sunday morning, I told him that Andrew was in severe pain and asked if someone could possibly check his shoulder.  He ordered the shoulder x-ray.  Hours later, another doctor we had not seen before said apparently Andrew's shoulder was dislocated.  We waited a long time for anyone to come.  And I was gone by then.  And am glad I was.

Pete said it was awful.  Andrew was so out of it but came to as they put a big needle in his shoulder and moved it around.  And then a man and woman pulled and tugged his shoulder back into place - we hope.  No wonder he moaned in pain.

This morning, the same neurologist said we would follow up with ortho.  He said that dislocated shoulders were common with the type of seizure Andrew has.  So I wondered why when I wondered out loud a few times if his shoulder could be dislocated, why did they not check it?

There are some things we learned while in the EMU.

1)  We thought Andrew would be checked on much more frequently than he was.  So it was a good thing we both were there and could switch off.  Sometimes our backs hurt from leaning over the bed for long periods of time making sure Andrew did not pull off his leads - which was our job.  We were the only ones who seemed concerned about how much he did or did not eat or drink.  At times he was monitored, and then he just was not.

2)  We thought we would be told what to do to help Andrew.  And we were told some things.  But we should have let the bed down flat if at all possible during a seizure to minimize the wear on his back.  While we did not want him to choke, it would have helped to have him down and turn him on his side.

3)   We should have thrown a fit about his shoulder.  We knew something was wrong if he was in that much pain.  The nurses looked helpless and told him to try to "breathe through it" ~ and that was just not possible.  I saw my dad writhe in pain with his shoulder and I should have pushed harder.

4)  We should have written down specific questions to ask the doctor.  Communication was not good, which was probably why the leads were not fixed in a timely manner and his shoulder hurt way too long.

If we had known how wearing it would really be, I don't know if any of us would have gone!  But Andrew literally had to suffer to get the information to see if he has other options, other than more medication.  So we will be thankful they got the info and super duper thankful he is done and okay.

As I write this, Andrew finally woke up.  He had a long bath.  It takes a long time to get the glue out of your hair!  Pete and I both worked on his hair for a long time.  He is resting on the couch.

I am trying to email his professors and work supervisor, but he cannot remember his password yet!  So we will watch him closely the next few days and get his shoulder checked and wait for the next step at Duke.  They mentioned a PET scan - and I am not sure why.  He has never had one of those.

Thanks to all of you who pray.  We know others stay much longer in the hospital and have different outcomes.  So we are so thankful for what ours was.  But it was still rough, and we are still thankful God was there every minute.  He really showed Himself through those specifically answered prayers!  We pray that speaks to someone and shows who He is!

We prayed God would be glorified in all of this, and He has been!

My new favorite song is "Salt & Light" by Lauren Daigle.  Here are the words.  I love the part where He "redeemed my story" and "let my life be a song revealing who You are" ~ gives me chills!

"Salt & Light"  Lauren Daigle

Oh the beauty of the King
You make righteous those who seek
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light

Oh the love that set me free
You bring hope to those in need
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are

For You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
You are salt and light
For You are salt and light
For You are salt and light

Getting ready for Duke

I keep reminding myself that these next days are tests - not surgery.  But I feel apprehensive.  Pete and I agree it is just backwards to hope Andrew has seizures that can be tracked.  He will have an IV in case rescue medications are needed.  That's what we are headed into!  But God will be with him, and us.  And I know that in my heart.  And when I know things in my heart, I just have to remember not to get caught up in the moment.

I have packed most of my stuff and Sam's.  I have Andrew's extra stuff packed - pj's, blankets, movies, etc.  I wish we were packing for vacation.  But we are not.  I just hope the trip is not long.  I hope it's fast and helpful and what he needs to know.

Pete and I have worked to get some of our responsibilities done or covered for the rest of the week.  I am heading to bed soon to read and go to sleep early.  I am so tired.  Being dizzy makes me so tired every day.  But I am still going, and I am thankful for that.  I have an ENT appointment in September.  I will never complain about aches and pains again when I am not dizzy!

Sam turns 13 on the day we leave, Wednesday.  We won't know until that morning what time we need to be at Duke.  So we will leave early and get the call on our way.  They will wait for Andrew, but we want to get there and get done!  If he has a later time to check in, we hope to find somewhere special to go and play some games or something.  He won't complain about spending his birthday that way.  He is a team player for sure.

My parents are coming to help at my house, so people will be in and out at all hours with Will's job and Peter's internship on different ends of the day.  I am glad they will be here some.

It's cool today.  Feels like fall.  And I am thankful for all God gives us.  He is giving me more and more peace.  I know, because I have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.  The devil tried to pile stuff on today - frustrations, irritations, and ugliness.  But it floated off - mostly.  I believe in spiritual warfare, and I am so thankful God helps me.

Thanks for those who pray.  We don't need good luck or happy thoughts.  We just need and ask for prayers.  Those are what work.

I will try to update while we are gone.  If I cannot, I will once we get home.

Thanks again!

 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18New King James Version (NKJV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

When You Cannot Drop Your Child Off At School...

I love looking at pictures of college drop offs.  I love seeing the transformed rooms.  And I remember how I felt when I was dropped off.  The first day was hard, but it got easier as new friendships were made and new independence was found.  Pete remembers too, and we laugh because we both cried when our parents left!  I tell him (even though he did not know me yet!) that he should have called, and we would have cried together.  

I always dreaded thinking of college drop off for my boys!  I knew I wanted to have the kind of relationship with them that they always knew they were welcome at home!  I have tried to make sure they know when they grow up and out that we want them to visit often!

But that's not how it has worked out.

Andrew went to talk to a school about 1 1/2 hours away with Pete.  He was so excited that they wanted him to run and would give him a scholarship.  The scholarships, athletic and academic, would help; but the school was very expensive.  But Pete was determined he could go wherever he wanted, because he'd worked so hard.  And he said we'd find a way to pay for it.

I was the one who took him to orientation and got a completely different feel from the feeling they described.  I could not shake it and remember talking to the "very animated during the presentation" school leaders about a couple of concerns about Andrew's safety while in a residence hall.  I felt like I got the eye roll and looks to each other of "helicopter mom" which I totally did not appreciate.  So I kept praying for peace about it, but peace would not come. I tried to chalk it up to lack of faith or just ongoing concern I've always had for Andrew and his health.

We shopped for his college stuff.  He's a minimalist, so it did not take long!  We found a great Tommy Hilfiger preppy comforter set and cotton sheets at TJ Maxx.  We got some navy blue towels and wash cloths at Walmart.  We bought a few dishes and a plastic box to put under his bed.  And I think we were done!!!  I wanted to enjoy picking those things out.  But I could not get peace.

One night, about a month before he was to leave, Andrew had a terrible seizure.  It was one of the worst, and we sat at the kitchen island late into the night after he needed to get up and get something to drink.  And we talked.  And he told me he was afraid.  He was afraid something would happen, and no one would be there to help him.  He had never talked like that before.

And there was the email from my aunt.  My aunt can tell you what she thinks, but she had never really told me what she thought I should do about anything!  But she sent an email and told me that sometimes when we are trying to follow what God wants us to do and have faith, that we are missing His direction.  The reason I could not have peace was not because I was overprotective.  It was because Andrew was not supposed to go there!

But Andrew did have to decide.  And he did.  And fast forward to Plan B.  Plan B was the best plan all along, and God knew it.

Andrew has been able to run at Appalachian most of five years - figuring in some injured seasons.  He joined his dad as an all conference cross country runner - the first father-son duo to do that.  And he did it in the very difficult Sun Belt Conference - had one of the best races of his life at the best time!  He was coached by coaches who knew him from birth and knew us since college.  He won The Bear in 2015 which is organized by his coaches and people who work with him at school.  He has had professors who have watched him grow up.  My friends have observed him over the years and reported back to me things that other parents would never find out (nothing private!) - because their children didn't get to go to school with friends and family.  I know some do, but Andrew's experience has been so unique.  Even more than Peter's who goes to Appalachian too.  Because (good for Peter but not for Andrew) some people remember Andrew because of his struggles.  But they have also had a front seat to those successes that come. And they cheer him on, because they are not luck or flukes.  They are the work of the Lord in Andrew's life.  He has done things he should never have been able to do.

When Andrew first went to Dr. Patel in Charlotte and found out his immune system was pretty much null and void, he was going about his everyday life.  And he should not have been able to live like that!  His numbers were so low he should have been in a hospital!  He is a walking/running miracle!

Andrew never moved in the residence hall at Appalachian.  He had to live at home.  Thankfully, we all like living with each other!  He is a joy to have around, and we appreciate his help.  For him, we know he does not want to live with us forever but doesn't seem to mind it right now!

Sometimes I feel a little twinge when I see the pictures.  And I wish Andrew could have moved into whatever residence hall and whatever college he wanted.  But he would never change his time at Appalachian, so it's easy to accept and be thankful.  Now, we want him to be able to move into his own place at some point soon and be independent.  That's why we are helping him pursue this neurological testing.  And if that does not work out, the seizure alert dog and tiny house in the backyard are on the list of things to check on.

But maybe you feel that twinge too.  Maybe your child did not get into college.  Maybe they procrastinated or did not work hard in high school.  Maybe they have left home to be independent a little too early.  Maybe they will never have a chance to live away from you because of other reasons.
God knows.  He knows how you feel.  And you can feel overwhelmed and wonder why your life or your child's life could not be easier.

And it doesn't have to be college!  I wish with all my heart that I could drop off my seventh grader and trust that he could read directions and would be able to do his homework and assignments and be successful and love school.  But he cannot read!  And he is almost 13!  And though we are working on that with ASU and making progress, it is so painfully slow when I keep seeing 13 next week.  And high school is looming.  And parents lament their children going to high school, and a panic rises up in me; because my own child is no where ready.  And I have stop and pray about it.  I have prayed for this ever since Sam was four, and I knew something was wrong.  And I was put off a lot - by everyone.  So here we are.  And I am his mother.  So no matter who put me off or misdirected me, I am the one (Pete too) who wants him to read and be able to "do school" normally.

So drop off at middle school will be hard.  It's hard to sit in a meeting with people wondering out loud what Sam will be able to do.  Will he drive?  Ever live alone?  I am wondering how they see him!  And that panic rises again.  And I have to bite my lip not to cry and pray even more.

Or maybe your child dropped out of school.  I had one who did - twice.  And I can be ashamed and think I did not do a good enough job when Satan was sneaking around and got by me.  But that child would not have had a mother who prayed more for him.  And God helped him get his diploma.  It took a lot of help from a very select group of people.  But it happened.  And it was all God.  And looking back, school was not easy for him a lot.  And college was not something he wanted.  And so now praying he will be a good, responsible worker in whatever he chooses is what I pray.  If he had moved into a residence hall, they would have sent him home after he moved some walls around and drove his truck around campus too loudly.

God knows what we want and hope for our children.  We just have to pray our children find the way God has for them - the best way.  And not all of those ways look the same.

I appreciate so much when someone compliments one of my boys.  I have had times when I was convinced that people went out of their way to make sure that I knew my boys were not perfect.  And I heard other children praised and getting awards and wondered if I was good enough as a mother.  But it's not about other people and their praise and approval.  It's about God.  So if my child did not get recognized for something, God will let me know (somehow) if they did something responsible or tenderhearted or thoughtful or Christ-like.  And those things are most important to me.

I look at young people who struggle in other families.  Some of them have all of the support they need, and they struggle.  And I pray for them.  And I know their parents wonder what happened too.  So the only thing I can be sure of to tell them is that God knows.  He knows.  I don't have answers but must trust that these young people will be ready to answer God's call when it comes ~ some because of their experiences and some in spite of them.

As school starts tomorrow, Sam and I will pick up our morning prayers on the way to school.  We have been thrilled to hear from a couple of people we have prayed for for so long. They told us in one way or another that they felt those prayers.  We always pray for the missing student from ASU and hope he is found soon.  We count it a privilege to pray.

I did get to take one child to college, Peter.  We got his few things ready, and he moved in one day without us!  It worked out for him that he moved into his dad's old residence hall at a non-busy time.  And just like that, it was done!  So God let me have that one "normal" drop off.  And I did not seem to miss much, because Peter certainly did not need me!  He knew we were here, and that was enough for Peter.

I find myself praying harder and more often for my boys every day.  And I prayed a lot before.  Each has a lot going on.  And it's overwhelming.  And I pray for others too.  I have a heart to pray for young people.  Life is tough, and I pray for God to give them what they need.  And then I try to keep my eyes and ears open for those opportunities to be an encouragement or a light or a voice of truth to them.  I want to be salt and light in a world full of junk cleverly disguised as something else that a lot of times seems good. I pray I don't miss those opportunities while doing something else - like thinking too much of myself or how hard things can be.

I leave with the words to one song I love.  A high school friend posted this on Facebook a year or two ago.  I want my children to know I pray and love them and that God is their constant, not me.  And a favorite verse, because God is not a mean father waiting for us to mess up.  He wants what is best for us.  And He loves our children even more than we do.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11


"When I Leave the Room"  Natalie Grant

Good night
Looks like we made it through the day
The moon sighs
And I know that we're okay

Sleep tight
I love to watch you drift away
I would come with you but on my knees I'll stay

Good night
Five little fingers holding mine
Take flight
Into your dreams and lullabies

There's nothing more that I can do
But just fall more in love with you
And ask the angel armies to stand by
When I leave the room

I'm gonna fail you
I already have
Ten thousand times
I will fall down flat

You'll have a seat in the front row
Of everything I don't know
And all I'm trying to be
You'll see

Good night
There will be storms that we come through
In time
We will slay dragons me and you

I'll always wanna hold you tight
Keep you safe with all my might
So I will leave Jesus next to you
When I leave the room

And you will run ahead
As if you know the way
And I will pray more
Then one should have to pray

There will be words we can't take back
Silences too
And I'll be on my knees
You'll see

One night
When I am old and unsteady
You'll want me to fight
But I'll tell you that I'm ready

When there's nothing left to do
I will still be loving you
Then you'll fold your fingers into mine
And I will let Jesus hold you tight
When I leave the room