The race the afternoon after Will gave blood at school earlier in the day was painful to watch. He is tough. He was born that way. And to see him struggle and not be able to do anything about it was hard. He got into some trouble for not making a good decision on a meet day, but I knew he had not thought about that and was trying to do something good. Like, give blood that could help someone. So I overlooked that and just prayed him through that rough race. And then he had some great races when he looked smooth and strong. I remember him running The Bear one year and coming up the mountain holding his shirt (so I did not recognize him). Until one of Peter's friends asked Peter if the next person was Will, I was worried about him making it the whole way! He loved biking more than running, but he thought he would give it a try. Ninth! I already knew he was tough but not that tough! I remember watching him run, and sometimes win, road races for good causes. That was fun, but I never took it for granted.
Then there was Peter. He had some tough races with his stress fractured foot (that we did not know about) for about a year. He had foot pain, but our medical insurance was bad that year, so I did not push for an MRI until months later when it still hurt and hindered his running so much his senior year. No one felt worse than I did when that stress fracture showed up. He wore a brace for months and could not finish track. That's when he kind of gave running up. He still runs some now, and that makes me feel better; because I know he has that talent. It was fun to watch him have a great race, like the year he got second at regionals in Charlotte. He made the front page of sports in one big city beside the guy who won. He ran a great time, and I was so happy for him. I am glad he has that race, because his senior year fell apart. His state meet was terrible to watch, and someone was ugly to him in the midst of his own pain. And he felt so bad. And I felt bad and bad for him. He just had to put that behind him, but it was hard to end his running on that note. Maybe he will be out there one day running with his brothers again. He is so strong now that he can do handstands and all kinds of crazy strong things.
Andrew has never been slack in his training. Never. So it's what his body will do that can be a problem, not lack of effort. Now we know, of course, what is wrong there. But back when he was in high school, it was frustrating to be up and down. It's frustrating now too, even though we know why he gets sick so suddenly and gets wiped out. I remember one cross country meet in Lenoir. They were lining up, and the announcer named Andrew as their top runner the week before, when he'd had a good race and was first on the team. Pete and I were happy that he got some attention, because he was overlooked a lot in a lot of things. Andrew did not care about attention but loved having good races. If a teammate had a good race, he has always been happy for them. And he was always happy for Peter to beat him. He got his name on the gym wall at Hardin Park for a mile he ran. He told us that he hoped Peter beat his time the next year. I always remember that is how Andrew is. His best races have been unexpected. I was not sure in 2015 if he could run The Bear. And he won! And this past fall, he was so sick he could not run a home meet but was first on the team at a huge meet the next week. The hot, dry weather really got some of his teammates and a lot of other runners. But Andrew ran a great time and was untouched by the elements -which is a miracle! He was Sun Belt Conference runner of the week, voted in by coaches at the other Sun Belt schools. We were so happy for him. I know some people cheer Andrew on in whatever he does, because they know how hard he works and tries to overcome his illnesses. And I also know, the hard way, that others have no clue, but yet sometimes comments still hurt. That is me being his mother, of course.
Sam has run a few races. He ran his cross country race this fall and did well pacing himself. He won a medal, because of his place with sixth graders. He wasn't first, but he perservered. I was so thankful to watch him. He reminds me a lot of Andrew. It's hard sometimes to be his mom. I want him to fit in and be able to read and do his school work. And that is just not how it is right now. But even though it's hard, because I hate that it's hard for him, I always remember when God told me I was Andrew's mother when he was a newborn in NICU and He would help me take care of him. And I know He meant that for all of my boys. And Sam is the sweetest, most thoughtful person I know. And I know some great ones. He has such a precious heart.
This week has been a little weird in that people have wanted to remind me in different ways that my boys are not perfect. There have been a few different people in different ways about different boys. And as their mom, my first instinct is to lash out. But I won't. I have tried to let it make me pause and see where the negative comments come from. That right there will take care of a lot, if I consider the source and motivation. My boys will not be on FB looking perfect 24/7. And I don't want to give that impression, because it does more harm than good. They are real, and they are not perfect. They come from imperfect parents, but parents who love them and want them to be men of God. And that is a process. And I know I have to keep putting them in God's hands and trusting Him. And I know He loves them more than we do.
So Sam and I will climb into our car early Monday morning and make another long trip for Andrew's last track meet. I know I will cry at some point. He came home last night and said it was hard to believe he had just finished his last workout as an ASU track athlete. He was a little bit sad. But his dad reminded him that he can keep on running (which he plans to do) and maybe he will let his dad help coach him?
And just when the negative or thoughtless comments bother me more than they should, God will show me a glimmer of something that changes my attitude and perspective and reminds me to pray for these boys entrusted to us on this earth instead of using my energy being upset. As parents, it is always good to encourage each other and point out the good things our children do. And I appreciate those who take the time to tell me things they see and observe.
I trust Philippians 1:6 that says " Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" ~ I will choose to put my trust in that. Whether it's illness, or learning difficulties, or behavior, or whatever it is, I will keep asking God to work on my boys to complete the good work He started in them. And in me. He's not finished with me yet either!
