I knew today that she would not be here much longer. But I also thought that weeks ago. Each time she told me she loved me and kissed my face, I knew it could be the last time. Today, I told her I loved her; and she struggled to form the words. So I told her I knew she loved me. I tried not to cry. But tears were spilling out of my eyes while I told her I loved her and what a blessing she was. I wanted to tell her it was okay to go on ahead - that Jesus was going to meet her. But I didn't. I just let her know she was an extra special gift.
We talked weeks ago about what happens when one dies - when they know and have accepted Jesus. She nodded while Pete talked, and she even chimed in a little bit. Grandmother knew she was going to see Jesus when she died.
I have never seen someone who is at home dying with hospice have so many visitors. Grandmother had lots. I told her today that her driveway and yard looked like a parking lot with so many cars. She has had children and grandchildren and great grandchildren rotating in to help her, along with some wonderful friends and caregivers. She had her brother visit and other special friends and neighbors. She has heard people caring for her, even when she could not really respond. When she could respond, she always said she was just fine. And she would smile. And her blue eyes would just twinkle. I told her that I wish my blue eyes were as pretty as hers.
Grandmother,
I miss you already. I love you so much. I remember so many years ago you were having a hard time, and my brother wrote you a card and told you that you were the glue that held our family together. You took that "glue" title and ran with it.
I remember going to your house and riding the bus or taking a cab to a movie - "The Apple Dumpling Gang" or another Disney or Don Knotts movie. I remember the Cameo theater.
I remember eating those doughnuts from The Giant supermarket. They were huge with milk chocolate frosting on them. That was a huge treat at your house. Krispy Kreme was later.
I remember you telling us stories about your brothers and sisters. And other family members. What a blessing to have been a part of such a big family. One of your favorite stories to tell me was one of your brothers accidentally put dishwashing soap on his hair instead of hair oil to go out at night. It rained, and he had little bubbles on top of his head!
I remember so many things about you from when I was little. But I also remember so much from not long ago.
I called you one time to tell you that my house almost fell apart when Pete had flown to Texas for work. A pipe burst, my furnace was acting up, we were expecting a blizzard, and my car was very sluggish in starting. I figured out that my phone would not dial 4's, and most plumbers had a 4 in their phone number! My washing machine was frozen up, and water was pouring through the light fixture in my dining room! My friend sent her husband, and Russell came to help me. You told me that my life sounded like "Little House on the Prairie." I remember calling you years later, after we laughed so much about some of those things, and telling you one of my boys was really sick. I told you my life was now more like "Marcus Welby, MD." We did not laugh as much, but you listened as I told you about one doctor visit or another and how overwhelming it all was. I remember I was talking to you while I was at a shopping center in Blowing Rock.
I remember calling you one Saturday as I left a cross country meet near Raleigh. You told me your story about the bird who walked by your bed. You had been sitting on the edge of your bed and saw a bird walk by. You rubbed your eyes and looked again. I told you that he had probably been walking around for a while and was surprised you had just noticed him. You laughed later telling me how Dad was trying to safely get him out of your house!
So many memories. So many books you shared, we shared. I remember taking you to the bookstore when my boys were little and spending an hour or so picking out books. Then we'd go eat at McDonald's. I wish we had done that more often. I am sure you had those books read in a week or less! The other day, when your words were very few, you asked if I had gotten some more books from your room.
And you loved your puzzles. I will cherish the framed one you gave me. I remember that Christmas Eve when most of my family "helped" with your current puzzle. After 30 minutes, we had placed one piece! I cry when I think of the pretty puzzle in my gift armoire that I bought you for Christmas this year. I knew I could not go wrong with books, puzzles, or Precious Moments gifts for you.
And frogs. You collected frogs. You finally had to tell us you had enough frogs. They were coming out of your ears! I think maybe the frog laundry hamper pushed you over the edge! But I did bring you that soft stuffed green frog the other week, and I told you to toss it at anyone who got on your nerves. You never tossed him, and he was still sitting in the window behind your bed.
No one can sew as straight as you! I will cherish my pillows and, especially, my running t-shirt quilt you and Whitney made me. I remember you hemmed Andrew's shorts, when he was so little, and they were so long. I wish I had your sewing skills. I love that you kept some gifts I made you when I was so little! You recently gave me a Christmas ornament I made. I can remember making it and how excited you were. You kept it all these years and knew to give it back this year...
You always acted like you were so happy and excited to see me! I remember watching you in the hospital and at home. When you were able to greet a visitor, that visitor felt like your favorite person. And you did it again and again! You opened your eyes so wide and acted like you had been waiting just for them. I know others felt what I did, and it makes it even more special to me. You truly loved all of your friends and family. Everyone was a favorite, and everyone was loved by you.
Lisa had it right today when she said you were in a beautiful room. What a pretty room with so many windows to see outside and let light in. We are so thankful you died at home in a pretty room and not somewhere else. We knew you were happy to be home.
There are so many more things I want you to know. But my brain is tired, and my eyes have too many tears right now. So I reserve the right to add to this later. I just feel sad for me - though I would not wish you back from Jesus for anything. And I feel so incredibly blessed to be this old and still have my grandmother. I will remember, and hope I do the same, when your words became so few that you asked about us ~ did I get some books, was Ben paid for mowing your yard, when is Andrew's surgery. It was never about you. You were "just fine" - and you meant it. I love you so much, Grandmother. I will miss you so much. Just knowing you were across the hill (and two states over) in Abingdon. But now I will know you are with Jesus. And I will see you again. And that makes Heaven even sweeter today. I hope you have already seen those you have missed for a long time. I hope you have seen baby Katelyn and all of those babies in our family that we never met. Oh, I am so thankful I saw you today. I love you so much, Grandmother. I'll read a book and watch a Hallmark movie this week in your honor.
Russell put this song on his facebook. I just love it. It's truth. Here it is for you, Grandmother. You already know it, so you don't need it. But we hope those you love who don't yet know Jesus will hear and put their hope in the One living Hope ~ Jesus Christ. I cannot believe you are gone. We will celebrate you later this week. It will be sad not having you there, but we would not take you back from Jesus for anything. See you soon.
How great the chasm that lay between us
How high the mountain I could not climb
In desperation, I turned to heaven
And spoke Your name into the night
Then through the darkness, Your loving-kindness
Tore through the shadows of my soul
The work is finished, the end is written
Jesus Christ, my living hope
How high the mountain I could not climb
In desperation, I turned to heaven
And spoke Your name into the night
Then through the darkness, Your loving-kindness
Tore through the shadows of my soul
The work is finished, the end is written
Jesus Christ, my living hope
Who could imagine so great a mercy?
What heart could fathom such boundless grace?
The God of ages stepped down from glory
To wear my sin and bear my shame
The cross has spoken, I am forgiven
The King of kings calls me His own
Beautiful Savior, I'm Yours forever
Jesus Christ, my living hope
What heart could fathom such boundless grace?
The God of ages stepped down from glory
To wear my sin and bear my shame
The cross has spoken, I am forgiven
The King of kings calls me His own
Beautiful Savior, I'm Yours forever
Jesus Christ, my living hope
Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope
