I wrote last year that I knew this year would be tough. I think I was thinking of Andrew's brain surgery mostly and that by Christmas all would be well again. Well, I was wrong. This year was actually much tougher than I imagined. But I can say (and have said it lately) that God has been here for every single step. And while everything does not look like it will be resolved by Christmas, I do know God won't leave. I know that for sure.
Last Christmas, we spent the day with Pete's family at his sister's house. His dad was in a wheelchair and looked so much worse than he had just a little bit before. Pete and I decided we would go and visit every chance we got. We started that after the first of the year and decided we needed to go more often. Then his dad fell at the end of January. I remember Pete's sister Meg calling him right as church started that Wednesday evening. She was very upset and leaving her home to go up to Roanoke, VA, where their dad was being transferred by ambulance. I got Pete out of church, and we rushed home to pack while our church family stayed and prayed. He rushed up to Roanoke in the dark,, while I tried to get someone on the phone who would update us on Pop's condition. I finally got to a nurse who knew Pop was there. Then I hit the HIPAA wall - which I knew was coming. So I asked him to tell Pop his family was coming and that we loved him. And he said he would tell him. Meg got there first, and Pete got there soon after. His dad's neck was broken, and he was in a great deal of pain. His cancer was so much worse, but he wanted to leave palliative care to go home to die. So he came back home that Saturday by ambulance. Pete came home, and Meg made a chart to cover his care at home with their mom. Peter and I went on Monday. Peter had to leave Tuesday afternoon for a job interview, so I was there until Wednesday night alone. While Peter was there, he did every single thing Pop needed. He was so helpful and so good at helping. Peter and I had stopped at a little store a few minutes before Pop's house. We both felt inadequate to help - and a little afraid. But we prayed and just jumped right in - not really knowing what to expect. I was so overwhelmed and so busy that I did not realize all that was going on with Pete's mom. I knew things were not right, but my attention was more on his dad. Pete came on Thursday to trade with me, and he and Meg were there with their dad when he died on Friday afternoon. I cried my eyes out after I left Thursday and thought about turning around - but I had to get home to Andrew and Sam. I had kissed Pop and told him I loved him. He was able to tell me he loved me. He had told me a few things earlier that morning when Meg had taken Sarah to get some coffee in downtown Floyd. He told me things about me and the boys. I will never forget the encouraging things he said. I was coming back Saturday, in two days, but I knew he would not be there.
After the funeral, Pete's mom tried to stay at her house by herself, but she would call Meg to come and get her. But then she would want to go right back home. Pete brought her to our house some, and she even went to Laurinburg for a little bit with Charlie. To make a long story short, she has been staying with us since late spring. She has Sam's room and hallway with his bathroom. Sam has graciously moved upstairs and is spread out all around. Sarah has dementia and goes back to the doctor this week. It's hard. And it's very sad to see. It's really taken over my whole family's life right now.
In April, Peter moved to Charlotte to start a new job. We miss him, but he seems to be doing well. He lives with a friend who lived at our house for a few months. Julianna finished her graduate degree, so she is back in Charlotte working. That works out well for them!
At the end of April, Pete was in a horrible wreck. He could not sleep and was going to do one of his cleaning jobs around 2:00 am. He called me at a little after 2:00 am and told me he could not call 911 himself. I hopped up and called 911 for him and got Will to take me to the accident - not knowing what happened or if he was okay. We went the wrong way - which ended up being better for what we saw - and came upon a big truck that had run a stop sign and hit the front corner of Andrew's smaller Ford Ranger, that Pete was driving because his car was in the shop. The front end and tire got most of the impact. It could have been so much worse. The other guy was fine with his air bags, but Pete was bruised and cut and actually had a crack in his kneecap and neck. Andrew's truck was totally demolished, and it was scary to see Pete leaned up against the firetruck with blood all over his head and face and down his clothes. An ambulance finally came to check him out (we still have operator problems), but he had Will drive us to the hospital. He passed out in the ER, and that's when the doctor finally started doing some tests. We did not leave until he was checked out well. We are so thankful, and we praise God for keeping both men from getting hurt worse.
Andrew graduated from Appalachian in May. Even though he has gone to school for six years, he graduated with one degree and one internship short of another full degree. He had his EMU testing in July. It was supposed to be a week or so that stretched into two weeks. He had a bad seizure that dislocated his shoulder (again) before they put the electrodes IN his brain, so he did not have another for eight days. It was a long two weeks with lots of prayer and lots of waiting and frustration. He finally had two seizures that were deemed enough for the information they needed. We were all tired and frustrated and concerned. We think a medication oversight was the reason he had the seizure that morning. We hope we are never in that situation, but I learn more each time about how you have to keep up with every single thing yourself. In spite of all of that, all the information was obtained. We know that was all God.
Following that hospital stay, we waited to see if he was a candidate for brain surgery (even though those were two smaller brain surgeries to put the electrodes in and take them out). He was, and we finally got on the schedule for October. The time in between was awful and dark and can be found on Andrew's blog - some of the details, but not all. We ended up taking him totally off one seizure med that we truly believe set off a huge depression, that he had never had to deal with before. And we are thankful for those who stepped up to help him through those dark months - doctors, a counselor, and my family who took him over to Abingdon and kept him busy during that time. We also appreciate the others who knew and prayed. It was as if all of the years of struggles finally crowded in all at once and just about took over. We are so thankful he is still recovering from all of that, and we trust it will all be used for good at some point.
Andrew had his surgery on Wednesday, October 24, and we were home on Saturday. We dropped Sarah off at Meg's on our way to Duke on Tuesday and picked her up on our way home Saturday. It was a very tough week for a lot of reasons. I felt a weight lifted after the surgery and the doctor reported how it had gone. He is a good Christian man, and that he prays over Andrew and the surgery made a huge difference to us. Seeing the brain pictures he took with his iPhone was amazing. But Andrew was not fully back to himself, so it was difficult to help without helping too much. He did have a few visitors, and that helped him a lot.
So far, Andrew has not had any seizures. He remains on two seizure medications with the hope of cutting them down in the spring. He has been back to the neurologist and the neurosurgeon at Duke for his post op appointments. He helps watch Sarah during part of the day, and he will look for a job soon to keep him busy as he applies to graduate schools. He cannot run yet, but he walks several miles a day. We still pray for complete healing and for all of the scary side effects to go away and stay away for good. We appreciate our doctors in Boone and Charlotte for all of their help during all of this. God certainly has blessed us with some great doctors who really care.
During the time Andrew was over in Abingdon, he got to spend a lot of time with my family and see and check on my grandmother a lot while she was at home with Hospice. Grandmother fell in her yard and broke her arm about the time Andrew went to Duke in July. She was 93 and lived alone until that fall. One thing led to another, and she ended up home with Hospice. She died on October 7. I had been going over once or twice a week to see her and check on Andrew. I was sick that morning, the 7th, and did not go to church. I decided after lunch that I really needed to go see her that day and not wait until Monday afternoon. I got home in the evening, and my brother called me sometime later that night to tell me she was gone. She was resting with her favorite channel, the Hallmark channel, playing. Whitney and Laura were spending the night with her. Whitney noticed her breathing had changed and was checking on her and asking her if she was okay. And then she was just gone - to Heaven. Just like that. I miss her so much already, but I would not wish her back in that hospital bed. She had so many visitors and friends and family care for her in her last weeks. She would just smile, and her blue eyes would twinkle. And that's how I remember Grandmother. I am sad, but not for her. She is in Heaven with so many she has not seen in a long time. One of the last things she asked me was if Andrew had had his surgery - and had Ben been paid for mowing - and did I get some more of her books to read. She was still checking on everyone else.
So this year has been hard. And while we have had some great moments, we have had some of the toughest I've ever known. There have been more things that have been heavy weights ~ some things with Sam and Will. There have been times of dealing with mistakes made - things that are hard to watch and I just pray lessons were learned that won't be forgotten. There are concerns looming on the horizon about Sam and his learning disabilities and how to handle high school next year. Sam did get a continuous glucose monitor, and we love having the fire truck siren go off in the middle of the night when he is dangerously low. We don't know what we did before! I have seen struggles with others' behavior and hurt for those hurt. There have been so many funerals to attend - and so many that we could not attend. We have lost loved ones and friends. But God has made a way through the little and the big struggles. And He still is. My goal this year is the read the Bible through again. I've already ordered a new Bible to do just that. I think that goal will help me a lot. This past year has been the year with the most prayers. It is close to another year in the recent past, but this one definitely required even more prayers on my part.
And even though I still have a handful of thank you notes to write, my family wants to thank everyone who has helped us this year in so many ways. We have been so blessed by gifts, encouragement, notes, messages, and, most of all, prayers. We appreciate it all so much. It's been very overwhelming in the best way. To see people visit my grandmother. To see people take time to come to her service. To see people step up and keep Andrew busy and contact him and check on him. To have people tell me something they remember that lets me know God knows where I am at the moment. To get a card in the mail or a text or message. To just be encouraged or told we are prayed for and prayed over. It all counts in those blessings. And it all has helped.
I pray as we are in the Christmas season that my family's year will somehow bring glory and honor to God. He is good. Always good. He has made a way through the most difficult of situations. My testimony is not about what I do- but what God can do through me AND in spite of me. I hope others see that I depend on Him. I choose to. I must. He is the only One who never changes. He loves me the most. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, so it's a great time to come to know Him or rededicate our commitment to trust Him and follow Him. That's what I am doing.
One of my main verses this year has been Romans 12:12. It's been my aim and still will be.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12
I sang "It Is Well" at Grandmother's service. My knees were shaking, but all of the words came out. I believe it is well only because of God. There is no other way to have peace. We don't always sing all of the verses, so I am copying them here. And if you've never read the story behind the song, please Google it. I am going to see Pop and Grandmother again. What glorious hope there is in knowing that! And I believe God will be with us in the end of 2018 and in in 2019 and beyond. What a wonderful truth! Merry Christmas!
"It Is Well" Horatio Spafford
- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.- Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
- Refrain:
- Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul. - My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! - For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. - But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! - And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
