Merry Christmas ~ 2019

Sam and I just got back from little Emma Kate's baby dedication in Abingdon.  It was beautiful and special, and we were so happy and thankful to be there.  We got to see lots of people we missed on Thanksgiving - because Sam ended up sick at school on that Wednesday!  You cannot be around new babies and older people when you throw up and have a fever!  So Pete went one way with his mom to Winston on Thanksgiving Day.  The older boys went the other way to Bristol.  And Sam and I stayed home.  I needed to be around family and had looked forward to Thanksgiving for months.  We were going to Bristol - all of us - and then were going to host Pete's family on Friday.  When those plans fell apart, Pete told me to go on to Bristol, and he would take his mom to Winston with his family.  I did not want to be separated again for the third year, but I agreed.  Then Sam got sick...

It took until that Wednesday evening to start getting him back on track, trying to miss the ER and fluids to get his blood sugar back under control.  Then at 10:00 pm, he turned around; but we knew we could not go to Bristol.  I appreciated those who called to check on me and to remind me that there is a lot to say for solitude.  And there is.  I am one who needs time alone.  And I rarely get it right now.  So I cried a little with disappointment, but then I set Sam up with Christmas movies and cleaned my white kitchen cabinets inside and out for most of the day.  God used that task to keep me busy and occupied.  I also scrubbed the baseboards and wood floors.  I was tired at the end of the day, but I did not sit home and cry!  And so today was so much sweeter, because I got to see most of the same people and hold little Emma.  As a bonus, I got to hold Buddy, Luke's new Beagle puppy, who is adorable.  That family cannot handle much more cuteness!  Babies and puppies are good for people like me!  (And P.S.  I did go the day after Thanksgiving and got to hold Emma a lot!)

In his sermon today, Stan talked about the Christmas story and peace.  His message was from Luke, but he also talked about the peace that only comes from Jesus.  He asked if there was ever a time when we realized we sinned - whatever sin it is - and we needed a Savior.  We can repent of that sin and accept the gift of salvation that only God can give through His Son Jesus.  What a glorious and wondrous time we celebrate at Christmas!  We celebrate the birth of our one and only Savior of the World.  I am so thankful to know Him!  I pray that all of my family and friends will realize the simple truth that we all sin (Romans 3:23), we are all separated from God because of one sin (Romans 6:23), and Jesus is that only bridge back to God (John 3:16, John 14:6)!  We sure don't want to stand alone without Jesus when we have to answer for our sins.  I pray that for people I don't know!  And I pray that those of us who know it will SHARE it (Mark 16:15)!

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We are sending Christmas cards, but they will be late!!!!  It's beyond my control, so I am sending them when I can!  We love getting Christmas cards and thanks to those who send them to us.  And for those who don't, we totally understand!!!

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Andrew can drive again tomorrow!  He's had one seizure since surgery.  We are hoping he will get on a good schedule soon, and that it will help.  He has worked physically hard for many months saving money to go back to school.  And he has been too exhausted to even run - and running helps keep him even.  He also takes way too much medication, and I hope his neurologist at Duke will work on that harder in the near future.  He still needs lots of prayers.  So please don't stop.  I keep handing him over to God.  It's all I can do.  And the more I realize that, the more peace I have.  He will be 26 next week, so he is in charge of his medical stuff.  I am his "consultant" and have taken a back seat.  We did have a great visit to his immunologist/infectious disease doctor the other week, where he acknowledged how hard he has been on his body the past several months, with his work and schedule.  So that's a start!  I hope he will realize his life will have to have good balance, starting with his time with God.  And I pray that same thing for all of my boys.

The other boys are good.  One will be home soon.  One will drive again soon too (long story, but God works in bad circumstances I have seen firsthand) and works really hard every day with great bosses.  And another needs to be reading better before he can drive, but we are working on that!  He is doing better with his new diabetes pump, and I would rather have learning disabilities with brain problems instead of seizures for him.  God is showing me the good in all of the seeming "bad" situations.  If it were up to me, I would probably (foolishly) try to choose an easier path, but I would not trade these boys for anything.  At least they have a mom who prays for them constantly, and they know I have limits ~ which will help them see even better how God works!  I want them to see parents who pray for them and keep handing them to God, the One who loves them the most.

I look at all my "lists" of things I can (and do - sorry to say) worry about.  And I cannot check anything off!!!!  So I know part of what I am learning is to give it to God.  Not check off the lists but to give it to Him and keep on going.  I learn every single day.  And I fail and worry every day too.  I am telling you, because maybe you feel the same.  It used to be Christmas letters that could make some of us feel so inadequate and like failures.  And I know I have written things in a way to "show" certain people that they did not bother me with all of their information!  Duh!  I would totally give away that it did indeed bother me!  Now Facebook can do it all year!  But we have to remember that we are in God's hand.  He hears us.  He loves us beyond what we can comprehend.  And we wonder where we went wrong or why everything has to be so hard or so difficult.  And I've learned, and still have to remind myself, that I need to be happy for others and then step away and look for the blessings I can see in my own life.  I can start with so many things - the first being Jesus.  Tonight I want to be at the Point of Grace Christmas concert with my family.  But I had to get home to be the evening sitter for Pete's mom.  And I told my sister-in-law as hard as they tried to work it out for me, it just wouldn't work out this time.  And I need to accept this is life right now.  But I do get to go to The Cove tomorrow and spend the night with some of the people I love the most.  And God did work that out.  For Andrew to be able to drive tomorrow and take care of Sarah.  And for Laura and Emma to take care of Sam with his diabetes AND new pump.  Sometimes there is not a good substitute that we can see right away, but I am seeing and thankful for this one!  I know so many have worse trials, and it's certainly not a contest.  But whatever we are in, we can give thanks; because God loves us, each and every one, and is working in each of our lives.  ("In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"  1 Thessalonians 5:18) 

So take it from the person no one would trade places with 99% of the time ~ God is here.  He is working.  I just need to be still and listen and trust.  (“Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10) 

Another great verse that a friend sent me is Exodus 14:14 ~ "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

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We wish you a Merry Christmas!  We hope you rest in the peace that can only come from knowing the one true Hope of the world ~ Jesus Christ!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."   Romans 15:13

May Update for 2019

 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31



This has been my "go to" verse, since high school.  I thought I knew what it meant then, but now I know even more.  It's assurance.  It's encouragement.  It's telling me to be still more often - and wait on the Lord.  I tend to run ahead and try to figure it ALL out.  I want to make a way or at least know the way.  I get terrible headaches rolling things around in my head.  And I have had to work really hard to remember HE is in charge - not me.  I am not.  He is.  What wonderful news to remember.

I have not been able to write.  It is slowly coming back.  I have been in survival mode and trying to do all of the things I mentioned in March.  Now it's almost June, and I am still struggling to get by most days.  But God promised He would not leave me.  And I keep praying.  A lot.

Andrew continues to do well physically.  He is running and working and has not had any seizures!  We are well past the six month mark!  He is still looking at grad school in the fall and continues to plan.  I have stepped way back and try not to help unless he asks me.  I don't think I have been an overbearing mother, but he had to depend on me longer than most; so he is enjoying his independence, and I am getting used to it.  I pray for him more than ever - really, for all my boys.

Peter and Will continue to work.  We don't see either of them nearly enough, even though Will still lives here, but we have fun when we are together.  And I love and appreciate them more than they know.  Right now, Peter is fun but a voice of reason and understanding to me.  And Will is mostly fun and comic relief when I really really need it.  

Sam graduates soon from Hardin Park.  He has grown even more, since I posted in March.  We were able to go to Disney World and Sea World on a short trip a few weeks ago.  It all started when Cindy wanted to take Karen to Sea World on a special vacation (I know some of you don't know who these family and friends are, but that is okay!).  I told her I was in if we could go to Disney World too - since I wanted to take Sam - and she and Karen worked there in college.  So we added Whitney (and tried to add another, but she could not go!) and took off!  We pooled all of our gift cards, bonus points, and birthday money and had a very wonderful few days for a very little cost.  The resort where we stayed could not have been nicer - the people and the place.  We had a wheelchair, and people could not have been more accommodating.  I would have handed out a hundred awards for people who helped us in so many ways at the parks, gas stations, restaurants, etc.  And I would have only given out two or three complaints.  Sam was a huge help, and he had a wonderful time, despite some diabetes issues.  We had help from our own doctor and nurse and friends.  God provides even when things we think are in place fail.  And really, it gives us a chance to see Him work.  He has done it for my family in many ways that I've seen and tons more that I haven't.

We have continued to help my parents with their downsizing.  It's so wonderful to lighten the load.  And I continue to do that, even though it's taking forever it seems, at my own home.  Their home has had quite a few things changed - floors, walls, etc.  And I was quite insistent that they needed an island in their kitchen.  It came last week, and it looks beautiful and will make storage so much easier for my mom.  I'm so glad they listened to my idea!  That was my only one.  But one level living is so much easier on both of them, and we are thankful they are settling in well.

Pete is preaching a revival tonight.  And I am still at home writing this.  I'll have to tell him how James does on Jeopardy!  We have wonderful help coming to our home almost every day now - except for Fridays and Sundays.  It has been such a blessing to have help with Sarah - for her too.  We are still just trying to keep things safe and calm.  And one night, I could not get two of the boys where they needed to be and be at home.  And that night we found out we cannot be gone - just like that everything changed again.  So we are so very thankful for those who recommended extra special help.  And we are getting more soon, as things get worse.  I don't go to church very often at all, and I was offered a name tag not long ago.  But I did get to go at Easter and Mother's Day.  And it's no fun, when that's the only time you can go!

So I was thinking about people who only go at Christmas and Easter but COULD go the rest of the time but choose not to.  It's easy to find things to do on Sunday morning.  It's like bonus time!  But I also feel very depleted, because I don't have what I get at church.  It's more than the singing.  It's more than the sermon or the interaction with others.  It's ALL of of it.  And I cannot wait to get back.  We are praying about it, because I don't want someone else to have to miss so that I can go.  So I listened to Greg Laurie this week during church time.

This is a quick - but not short - update.  I feel the burden lifting some, and I think that is why I could write.  I have talked to God a lot about my burdens, and I am having trouble just laying some down.  And I know He knows.  And the home situation is wearing at best.  And I can see where He is working in all of that.  

I will update again, but we appreciate all of those who pray for our family.  And I wanted you to know we are still here and praising Him still.  We praise Him for who He is AND for all He has done.  And that "all"  should be ALL ~ because giving us salvation through Jesus Christ was enough.  And He still walks with us in our time here.  I hope in all of the real struggles I share, that I make it clear that He is always here and always provides.  I can do nothing without Him.  And I want others to see that He is there to help them too.  And then maybe they will accept His gift of salvation through Jesus. 

Pete said that God has laid it on his heart to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Jesus came as a man, lived a perfect and sinless life, died on the cross for our sins, and ROSE from the dead.  That is the Gospel - the good news, the best news ever.  All we have to do is believe it and accept the gift.

We can accept His gift of salvation by believing that we sinned and are in need of a Savior; and Jesus is the ONLY One who can save us.  I hope you have found forgiveness and peace in Jesus.  It's the only way I get through.  I still have a tough time, because I live in a fallen world.  But no matter what, I have the hope that only comes in knowing Jesus.

Thanks for reading.  And thanks for praying for our family. 

In the midst of the chaos, He is right here.

Joshua 1:9 New International Version (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I am redoing a room upstairs for Sam.  And it will have a Joshua 1:9 theme.  Sam has grown about a foot - just a few inches shorter than his Aunt Whitney, as of yesterday.  He may have passed her today!  We are getting rid of "younger" things and making a peaceful room that will, hopefully, give him a sort of refuge.  He has left his room and bathroom downstairs to Sarah, his grandmother, and now shares my bathroom - preferring it to the one his brothers share. One day, he will understand how something so easy for him to give up was actually very unselfish and made the whole transition much easier.  This mother has moved several rooms of furniture into a home that was pretty full, and I hope to have the excess gone and everything else put up soon.  It's time.

We quote Joshua 1:9 in relation to diabetes.  The 24/7 member of our family that we wish was not here.  We wish it had never invaded our days and nights and schedules and plans - and everything else.  Sam has a CGM now - he got it in October.  He has a new insulin and a new endocrinologist.  His retired, and the new one was not good.  So we just got a new doctor.  And we both really like him, and Sam is doing much better with his numbers after one visit.  He is running some, growing a ton, and getting ready for high school next year - eek!  His getting ready is more difficult than most.  We have to plan for special help, work around his reading classes at ASU, and make sure he is comfortable in the high school his brothers attended not long ago.  He is running middle school track.  The first few practices were nothing less than painful - physically for him - but also for me to watch him with so many children who ignored him.  It's hard.  But he has really been hanging in there and not asking to miss practice.  I am so thankful for his attitude and that the other day he allowed me to walk with him at the high school during warm up instead of him walking alone...again.  And I talked the whole time and told stories, and he laughed.  His blood sugar was too high or too low, and I had told his coach I was waiting to see what he needed anyway.  So with his diabetes and learning disabilities and social difficulties right now, he is doing remarkably well.  And I am thankful God shows me things and encourages me.

When Sam graduates in June, we will end our time at Hardin Park.  Andrew started there in 1999.  20 years.  Lots of great memories.  Lots of challenges.  I will miss the school.  I will miss a lot of people there.  But it will be time to move on; and, for Sam's sake, I am ready.  I am ready for Sam to be in a new place (as big and scary as our one high school can be) and to grow and flourish.  His difficulties will be used in his life somehow, I am sure.  It's been hard not to be able to drop him off and let him go and do his work.  It's been hard to go to meetings and leave feeling so discouraged and biting the inside of my cheek so I would not cry.  It's been hard to watch friends abandon him.  But God will use all of that.  I would not trade him for anything and constantly pray for him.  He is the sweetest, most thoughtful young man.  He is quiet and shy, but he is so funny and loving at home.  He sees things most of us miss.  And he helps me before I have realized I need his help.  When I start to wish things were different, I remember that MRI that shows some things that should not be there.  And I am so very thankful it affects his learning and has not yet caused seizures.

Which brings us to Andrew.  He just got his license back!  After almost two years!  He has had to not drive before, but it has never been this long.  He has his car registered (as his truck was destroyed in a wreck with his dad in April) and his insurance and is ready to go.  And has already gone.  To Bristol.  To church.  To work.  To hike.  Out to eat.  We are so tickled for him.  We hope this will take away some of the closed in feelings he's had since last year.  To be so limited and then to stay in that tiny little room for two weeks (the length of which may or may not have been partially a medication oversight by Duke) would be enough to push anyone over the edge - especially one taking so much medication.  He seems more and more himself.  No seizures.  He is working 40 hours a week at ASU in food services and hopes to hear from graduate school soon.  He is ready to get out and do things, and I pray for him constantly too and have started a couple of Rubbermaid boxes with bedding and towels and extra kitchen things.  I know it will be hard not having him around (because he's always been one of my favorite people), but I would not wish for him to stay with us; especially when he is 25 and wants to get out on his own.  

Peter is out on his own still, in Charlotte.  He does not call every day, but he takes time to call me and Sam a few times a week.  He works hard and has been helping Julianna some with her dog Rigby during tax season.  We miss him, but we are happy he is working hard and being helpful.  I will never ever forget the time he spent with me taking care of Pop during his last week of life last February.  Peter stepped up and did whatever needed to be done - and did it lovingly and well.  One of my favorite things Pop said that week was, "Get Peter over here to do it.  He'll do it right."  Pop was trying to sound gruff, but he gave Peter a high compliment.  And Peter will never forget that time he spent and how God helped him do whatever needed to be done.  He would gently pull the velcro on Pop's neck brace, so Pop would feel some relief - even though he did not move the brace.  When he comes home, we are all excited to see him, especially the dogs who can barely contain their excitement.  

Will is home and works with Solid Ground Grading still.  He has had some challenges this year too.  But he has taken responsibility in certain places and not whined or blamed things on others.  And that shows a lot!  He went with us to visit Grandmother before she died in October.  She loved that he reminded her so much of her brothers.  He saved the day on her funeral day by bringing Sam's extra insulin pen that we had somehow left earlier without.  He also was there, with his brothers and cousins and uncle, to carry Grandmother's casket at her funeral.  She would have loved to have seen that.  Will sleeps in the big bed that Pop made, patterned after a Restoration Hardware bed.  His room is huge, and the queen bed fits in there easily.  I hope one day that he will have the patience to try to build some furniture.  I know he could do it - if he wanted!

Pete and I appreciate all of our friends and family and helpers.  We appreciate our church family and friends.  It's been a tough bit, and we have had people help in ways we could not have imagined.  We have also had to team up and help each other through what I call "the complaint department" ~ which he is better at managing than I am.  It was so hard to be away from home stuck in a hospital with some pretty serious stuff and continue to manage that department.  And we have had to have some little talks to get back on track and not get bogged down in feeling left out or let down or discouraged.  We can only really count on God.  And of course it hurts when someone lets us down or hurts our feelings, especially when we are in a storm.  But it's also something that brings us closer to God, our constant, the One Who never changes.  And Pete always reminds me that we have done the same to our friends and loved ones, even if we did not realize it.  I pray I have grown more in this area and don't dwell on things too long.  Things that don't really matter in the long run.

Pete takes care of his mom and takes her to Winston every Friday to eat lunch with Meg and, sometimes, Charlie.  Sparing details, she is much worse but is safe and probably the calmest she can be right now with him (us).  She does not know Pete is her son, but she knows he is always around and helps her with whatever.  But I cannot count the times that he tells her to "ask Meg" who handles most of her affairs.  I still don't thing we will be able to truly grieve for Pop until later.  Maybe others in our situation understand.  So we pray a lot.  Because it's just hard.

Next February, we are planning on a Holy Land Tour.  We have several people signed up and a few more coming on board.  We hope to have 25-30 in our group.  A smaller group would be fine, but Pete has worked so hard to get the cost down as cheap as he could get it that he would love more people to be able to go.  I am so excited to go walk where Jesus walked.  

We have lots going on in our extended family and with our friends.  This looks to be an exciting year.  We look back on last year and see how tough it was.  And this year has already had some challenges.  But we are still able to laugh - only because we know we can turn it all over to God.  Oh, I have to turn it all over again and again.  I know it's not as easy as it sounds!  But I know God is with me.  He does not want me to fear but to charge ahead knowing He is with me wherever I go.  That brings such comfort.

And as I have felt so bogged down by life and some of its heavy and dark and depressing weights, I have tried to climb out of the dark by reading and studying my Bible more.  And I am behind.  But I know the days I read are better days.  I pray constantly.  Being still and reading and having that quiet time is hard for me right now.  But I keep trying.  And there is nothing like it.  Sometimes it's best at 2:00 am with low blood sugars and alarms going off (what did we do without the CGM???).  Sometimes it's best on a Sunday afternoon.  But any day with special quiet time with the Lord is a much better day.  

I've also felt such a burden for lost people.  We watched American Gospel, Christ Alone at church.  It's a little over two hours, and you can rent it on a lot of sites for $4.99.  There is a lot of "stuff" out there that is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It's not just ~ Jesus loves you, so live however you want.  NO!  It's that Jesus loves us so much that He died for our sins.  If we don't need to repent of our sins to make a way back to God, why did He have to die???  That Jesus is God, lived as a sinless man on this earth, went to a cross to die for ALL of our sins, and then He rose from the grave.  That is the Gospel.  And I feel such a burden to share it.  We have ways at church that we share.  And we have some great events coming up.  But I pray for people all of the time, individually and collectively, that they will hear the truth and be saved.  I am so grateful that Jesus died for me.  And that is enough.  BUT, He cares about all of the above, and that makes life so much different.  Because a life full of difficulties can also be a life full of Hope ~ that's only found in Jesus.  And what He did.  

I pray for our country, our leaders and their families, our military men and women and their families, and lots more every day on our way to school in the car.  I know a lot of our problems right now stem from untruths.  It's hard to watch.  And it's hard to be silent.  But I hope that God will help me be still until it is time to speak up.  I try to pray instead of responding to people or even starting something in anger.  And sometimes I fail.  But praying is one of the best, most effective, and, sometimes, only things I can do.  So I do it.

Thanks for reading this.  I will end with a Mercy Me song.  Best News Ever.

"Best News Ever"  Mercy Me

Some say, "Don't give up"
And hope that your good is good enough
Head down, keep on working
If you can earn it, you deserve it
Some say, "Push on through"
After all, it's the least that you can do
But don't buy what they're selling
It couldn't be further from the truth

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Some say, "Don't ask for help"
God helps the ones who help themselves
So press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind
Some say "He's keeping score"
"So try hard, then try a little more"
But hold up, if this were true
Explain to me what the cross is for!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever

So won't you, come
Come all you weary and you burdened
You heavy-laden and you hurting
For all of you with nothing left
Come and find rest!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever!
Best news ever...

It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever
It's not good news
It's the best news ever