I've thought about writing a post about living with someone with dementia and some ways to help (or not help!). I have lived with someone with dementia for way over five years, and I have some things that may be useful to someone else. These are things that have happened or not happened, but I hope they will help someone else in the same situation!
Helpful ways to help those taking care of dementia patients:
Check on them - write a text or email or call or mail something. When distant family used to call (even infrequently), it helped keep the patient busy for a few precious minutes. Or it helped brighten the day of the caregiver. Just try to take the time to reach out.
Pass along when someone else checks on them or the patient. It makes them feel not quite so alone. It makes them feel like someone cares.
Send the patient something, even if they don't know it. Pajamas, cozy socks, a zip up hoodie, a coloring book or magazine, a book with lots of pictures, or a snuggly blanket. Some things can keep the patient busy and help things stay calm. Others keep the patient neater and cleaner and saves money for the caregivers. My aunt got my mother-in-law the softest hooded full zip sweatshirt. It works so well, because she's always so cold and fits right over her clothes or pajamas. Friends have gotten the softest socks. My brother and sister-in-law gave a soft blanket to go with the ones my sister had gotten. It all helps in all kinds of ways.
Send a simple gift to the caregiver(s). A manicure or pedicure for the caregiver. Or favorite candy or a book. Something as a treat if there are children - like a gift card to a favorite store or restaurant. Just something to show care or appreciation by the way of a small, simple gift.
Offer to sit for an hour or two while the caregiver runs errands or has a quick lunch with friends or family. Some times of day are easier to manage, and usually caregivers are happy to schedule some time during those times.
Offer to come and stay a day where the patient lives to let the caregivers have a day to spend together working on a project, visiting a child, or just taking a break. The patient will be in familiar surroundings, so it's easier for everyone.
Try to work holidays or visits around what is easiest for the caregivers who work their lives around the patient. See how these times can be made easier and less stressful. And since the caregivers are used to working things out themselves, don't expect them to ask.
Check on the patient's needs every once in a while to see if they need any items you can easily get for them. Hygiene items or things like extra bibs or other supplies mean a lot to the caregivers.
Remember that caregivers have little time for themselves, so think of ways to give them some extra time - even if it's just a couple of hours.
Try to make the drive. Caregivers seem to go overboard to accommodate everyone else. See if there are ways to help them by coming to them every so often or finding the easiest places to meet. Patients will get to the point where they cannot ride in the car, so it would be good to go ahead and plan accordingly.
If you are truly concerned about the days or the week a loved one has had, be the one to call and check on them. See if the caregiver needs any extra help during extra stressful times. Be prepared to change plans and check on the loved one in person if possible.
In some cases, hiring someone to come and clean the caregiver's house would be a huge help - even if it's just a couple of rooms or the refrigerator. Or take their car to be serviced or washed. Every day errands get pushed back with limited time to do them.
