One more update to "Rough day"

Andrew has done okay this weekend. He has rested a lot ~ just what he needed. He studied a lot today for his exams and did okay with his infusion. He bled a lot, so the couch cushion cover is soaking! And it took way too long, but at least it's done for another week.

Sam is doing better, it seems. He has a new pen for his insulin and a new back-up ordered. He looks a little bit better colorwise.

Peter did some Christmas shopping over the weekend ~ I know because he was asking for wrapping materials. Will helped the neighbor put up Christmas lights and hunted and studied for his English EOC. We had a long discussion about apostrophes. It's a tough one, but he did get the correct form of pronouns. That is a great grammar ear! I could be a grammar teacher and would love to keep on learning it - there is so much I don't remember, but it's fun to me!

Pete's uncle died unexpectedly yesterday, so he will be going to the funeral on Tuesday in Charlotte. We are sad for the family, especially this time of year. And Pete's dad also lost his oldest sister to cancer earlier this year. We are praying for all of them. It will be a tough Christmas for all of them as they miss their loved ones.

Thanks for checking on Andrew!

Update to "Rough day"

We saw Dr. Adams a little bit ago, and he called in an antibiotic - the last one we used last time he was sick that seemed to work. Since antibiotics are way overused, we have to look for just the right one to help. Andrew has not overused them though! Because he heard some crackling sounds in Andrew's lungs, we are being safe with him.

He is resting right now. He was able to eat a good lunch. And we are making him drink a lot of Gatorade (per someone else's shared wisdom). Hopefully, this will be a fast recovery. He has a lot to do this week and a birthday to celebrate!

Sam is doing okay. He has a bad batch of test strips, so we have had to prick his poor little fingers way more than we should. He is resting too. Last night he was good to check on Andrew and cover him up on the couch.

Thanks for all of the prayers! We need them!

Rough Day

Please pray for Andrew. He had a rough afternoon and ended up not making it to Liberty University to the meet he has really looked forward to running in this weekend. He is home now - I picked him up in Wilkesboro. The team turned around and ate at the new Chick-fil-A so he could rest and wait for me.

Thanks. I just talked to Sam's doctor's office in Charlotte and changed some of his stuff yet again. He just does not feel or look good a lot. So I thought we would be on a better track this weekend. This all came out of the blue with Andrew. I saw him after school to get his computer, and I remember thinking how good he looked today. And I know he is so disappointed. I know I am.

I had my little fit and cried "It's not fair" many times before calming down on my drive there. I thought I was "running on empty" earlier this week, so I am not sure what I am running on now. I am trying to keep looking up. I know I will. It's just hard to keep getting off track - in so many ways. I have really been encouraged by Casting Crowns' new CD "Come to the Well" - it talks about running on empty and coming to the well where He has already done all of the work and paid the price for us. I will write more on my blog this weekend - www.sixvandenbergs.blogspot.com so I won't clog up so many email accounts. I was going to write some funny stories of Christmases past. Maybe I will do that still.

Thanks for praying.


The Well (Casting Crowns)


Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
I have what you need,
But you keep on searchin,
I've done all the work,
But you keep on workin,
When you're runnin on empty,
And you can't find the remedy,
Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life,
Chasin what's missing,
But that empty inside,
It just ain't gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy,
And the world leaves you high and dry,
Just come to the well

[CHORUS:]
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

So bring me your heart
No matter how broken,
Just come as you are,
When your last prayer is spoken,
Just rest in my arms a while,
You'll feel the change my child,
When you come to the well

[CHORUS:]
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well
Yeah
Leave it all behind
The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full,
Of love beyond measure,
Your joy's gonna flow,
Like a stream in the desert,
Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me,
Cause you came to the well

[CHORUS:]
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Merry Christmas 2011!

It's hard to believe it's almost Christmas time again! The year just flew by!

We have so much for which to be thankful. And that is my thing to remember - counting my blessings. The same day my friend Paula reminded me of this recently, I also read about it in one of my devotionals. So no matter what comes, I can still see the blessings around me. When things tip over or tilt or seem scary or frustrating, I am still blessed. When I look at certain people, my life seems so hard. But when I look at others, my life does not seem quite so tough. I know God wants me to look at where I am and appreciate where I am and do my best where I am. So many things creep in and bother me and keep me from being what God wants me to be where I am. So I am trying not to let them creep in!

It's hard to believe Andrew is a senior this year! Andrew was diagnosed with a severe immune system deficiency in the spring. A pulmonologist asked to see his medical records last year and referred us to a new immunologist in Charlotte. That doctor saw Andrew in February and ran some tests. The test results were "alarming" he said. Andrew's labs were rerun a week later and came back the same. The doctor said that he has never seen someone up walking around with those numbers. Not only was Andrew up walking around, but he was going to school and running! We went to the children's hospital in Charlotte for his first IVIG treatment. Then we had a home health nurse to come and show us how to do the infusions at home once a week so we would not have to go monthly to get them - so he would not miss school. He has recently taken over the treatments that neither of us thought we would ever be able to do! The plan is to keep a check on his numbers which are hovering right near the normal range and try to go without the replacement in a year or two. We pray that this is the case. They want to diagnose him with CVID, but they cannot because he keeps not following the norm - which in this case is a huge blessing! He still fights some other issues, but he has done better. We just pray for the IVIG to be temporary and for him to grow! I think the growing would show that he is overcoming all his body has to fight and fight for.

Sam is doing well with his diabetes. He is sometimes up and down and, literally, all around. But he is cooperative, and we just keep trying. He has excellent care at school, and the boys still do a lot for him. It is tough and never ending, but he is accepting of it. He has some other issues that have not been defined, but we trust that they will go away after a while and not cause him any problems. He is growing and loves to watch his brothers run. He ran his first cross country race and won a medal in his age group! Will ran with him, and he loved it and kept asking when his next race would be. I am thankful he is healthy and can run!

Will is a freshman this year and was our third boy on the cross country team! He ran well and did well giving up his afternoons every day to practice. He still enjoys many things ~ hunting, working, biking, running, playing with Sam, visiting, and many others.

Peter is a junior and ran too, of course. He had some really good races, but I know he has some great ones in there still! He helps me a lot, but he also loves to spend time with his friends. He is very anxious to get his license soon!

We appreciate all of those who pray for our family and encourage us in so many different ways. We are truly blessed. Thanks! And Merry Christmas!

May the One whose birth we celebrate bring you the peace that only He can bring ~ from the sacrifices He made for each one of us! We pray that those who have not accepted His free (to us) gift of salvation will see clearly that they need it this season and will happily accept it!

Weekend Getaway!

We just got back (this evening) from a weekend getaway. Get away from what? Well, lots of things. The every day routine, the on and on responsibilities, the hurt feelings, the overwhelming things of every day life and life, the insurance company, the feelings of hopelessness, the weight of the world, the weariness that has set in...

But I did not want to just get away from my family! They were probably happy for a little break though!

I started off on Friday afternoon right after lunch. I borrowed Andrew's truck so I could leave my van at home and took off with my bag of weekend clothes and anticipation for a fun weekend. It was fun...but so much more.

On the winding road to Damascus, I listened to some Christmas music and then to Casting Crowns' new CD ~ Come to the Well. Well, that did me in. I heard the words of one song and just crumpled and cried off my little bit of make up! The song talked about all God has done for us, but we just keep on and on trying to do it ourselves. We can come to the well and get our thirst quenched, fill that empty spot, and be ready to be a spring in the desert. When he gave the analogy of a child needing rest, I realized that that is me! I know I am a child of God. I just have not been acting like one! I try to go it alone. I try to be brave and figure out and fix and be ahead and...I am so worn out. It was such a relief and such a weight off my shoulders. I felt tired but renewed. Exhausted but rejuvenated. I felt hopeful. I resolved to remember the feeling!

After leaving Bristol, we drove straight to Susan's new place on the river near Cookeville. It was beautiful - set out in the dark night, a light shining to welcome us. It's a resort. A retreat. A place where one could really talk to God without many distractions. Lisa worried about coyotes and Big Foot and whatever else comes out of the woods after dark, but I knew deep down she could feel the special atmosphere too. She did make me sleep closest to the door! (Because she knew I did not mind!).

After a great night's sleep - even after a "sound" woke up everyone but me, we had eggs, bacon, and toast in the picnic shelter that attaches the "place" to a massive stone fireplace. We had a fire to knock off the chill and enjoyed eating outside bundled in our pj's! It was so peaceful and restful, and we talked and laughed and caught up. We walked to the pump house and saw the pond and spring house. I kept sending pictures (until Russell politely requested no more since he has no texting in his plan - he needs to change that!).

Skipping the outdoor shower, we got ready in two bathrooms with stone and tile and authentic stone sinks with a faucet that looked like a pump off of Little House. Then we headed out for some fun. We went to the outlets in Lebanon looking for specific things on our list. I was so determined to find mine that I forgot to look at Stride Rite (if they had one!) for Sam's shoes! But I did find things I needed to make every day a little easier, and the other girls found some good and some spectacular deals. We left there and went on to Mt. Juliet when we ate at Chick-fil-A (a new favorite of Susan who heard about it from guess who ~ of course, Whitney). Then we shopped a little more and met up with a friend.

Then we took off for another adventure in Normandy. We went to Susan's friend's cafe where a live band was going to play. We ate there and met the very special owner who needs lots of special prayer this Tuesday as she gets some test results back. In the short time we were there, we knew we had met someone very unique and extra special. It was fun to sit at our table by the door and people watch before and during the show. If we were budding country music artists, we would have been pleased to know who was in the building with us, I am sure!

We drove back to the river and slept a good night again. Another breakfast outside watching the sun light dance off the swift river was restful. Bacon and eggs taste even better eaten outside! We got to spend a little more time with Susan and then drove pretty much straight home and back to our lives. But hopefully not back to those things mentioned in the first paragraph!

Sometimes we just need to change our scenery a little bit. We need to be able to look past what is right in front of us all of the time. We need to sometimes GET past those things. When I am tired, I hold on to more things that beat me down. I let my feelings get hurt easily. I worry more about things of concern...and every other thing. I don't make the best choices sometimes ~ not bad ones but ones that don't help me along on bad days.

Sometimes I feel like the storm has gone on for years. I feel like somewhere along the way I stopped waiting for it to pass and just braced myself to hold on and hold up during the storm. Since it never went away, I never moved on. I am going to try to move on - even in the storm. Reverend Thrasher sent me the message about being able to dance in the rain. Live in the storm. Keep going. Serve while waiting. Wait patiently on the Lord. He is my Father. He loves me in a way that cannot really be imagined. He gave His own Son for ME! He does care about my worries and struggles and wants to take the burden. All He asks is that I give it to Him. I am trying. I will try harder.

I am so blessed to have had such a weekend. I am so tired. I have so much to do this week. But I am going in with a new attitude.

Happy 20th Birthday ~ Katelyn Elizabeth Ball!

This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one. Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact.

~~~~~~~~

I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.

Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.

In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures.

She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.

My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.

Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.

Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful. I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.

That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.

I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!

Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most.


~~~~~
Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!


All of Me (Matt Hammitt)

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away

And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start

State Meet!

Well...I made it through the whole day without crying (because it was Andrew's last state meet in cross country!). I did not even think to cry. He ran so well for the first 2/3 of the race! He looked like himself - very strong and passing people right and left. The last bit got him, but he still ran a great time with a solid place. For those things I am very thankful. Peter had a great race. It was not his greatest, but he was 8th in the 4A State; so he did well! He is growing and learning and figuring things out!

I ran to the finish when I saw Andrew struggling at the end, but he did not need me. I went with him to get water, and I thought how much I appreciate that he does not want attention, does not bring attention to himself, and just matter of factly goes on about his life. I learn from him but also feel it's my place to "help" his perspective sometimes when he is a little hard on himself.

I don't know if any cross country boys' parents read this, but if you know them, please pass this on. Today, the boys (some graduated!) helped the girls...again. Earlier in the season, I was working at the finish line and asked one of the boys to run some water over to one of our girls who had a hard time at the finish. When I turned around a couple of minutes later, many of our Watauga boys were handing water to ALL of the girls in the finish chute - not just from WHS. I was so proud of them. I did not tell them to do that - they came up with it on their own! And today we had some girls have tough finishes. One took off his shirt so one could lie down on the patch of grass near the mud. Another got water for the girls. They were very good about checking on them. I am so proud of how they act!

Foot Locker is the Saturday after Thanksgiving! Brings back all of those Kinney Meet memories!