May Update for 2019

 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31



This has been my "go to" verse, since high school.  I thought I knew what it meant then, but now I know even more.  It's assurance.  It's encouragement.  It's telling me to be still more often - and wait on the Lord.  I tend to run ahead and try to figure it ALL out.  I want to make a way or at least know the way.  I get terrible headaches rolling things around in my head.  And I have had to work really hard to remember HE is in charge - not me.  I am not.  He is.  What wonderful news to remember.

I have not been able to write.  It is slowly coming back.  I have been in survival mode and trying to do all of the things I mentioned in March.  Now it's almost June, and I am still struggling to get by most days.  But God promised He would not leave me.  And I keep praying.  A lot.

Andrew continues to do well physically.  He is running and working and has not had any seizures!  We are well past the six month mark!  He is still looking at grad school in the fall and continues to plan.  I have stepped way back and try not to help unless he asks me.  I don't think I have been an overbearing mother, but he had to depend on me longer than most; so he is enjoying his independence, and I am getting used to it.  I pray for him more than ever - really, for all my boys.

Peter and Will continue to work.  We don't see either of them nearly enough, even though Will still lives here, but we have fun when we are together.  And I love and appreciate them more than they know.  Right now, Peter is fun but a voice of reason and understanding to me.  And Will is mostly fun and comic relief when I really really need it.  

Sam graduates soon from Hardin Park.  He has grown even more, since I posted in March.  We were able to go to Disney World and Sea World on a short trip a few weeks ago.  It all started when Cindy wanted to take Karen to Sea World on a special vacation (I know some of you don't know who these family and friends are, but that is okay!).  I told her I was in if we could go to Disney World too - since I wanted to take Sam - and she and Karen worked there in college.  So we added Whitney (and tried to add another, but she could not go!) and took off!  We pooled all of our gift cards, bonus points, and birthday money and had a very wonderful few days for a very little cost.  The resort where we stayed could not have been nicer - the people and the place.  We had a wheelchair, and people could not have been more accommodating.  I would have handed out a hundred awards for people who helped us in so many ways at the parks, gas stations, restaurants, etc.  And I would have only given out two or three complaints.  Sam was a huge help, and he had a wonderful time, despite some diabetes issues.  We had help from our own doctor and nurse and friends.  God provides even when things we think are in place fail.  And really, it gives us a chance to see Him work.  He has done it for my family in many ways that I've seen and tons more that I haven't.

We have continued to help my parents with their downsizing.  It's so wonderful to lighten the load.  And I continue to do that, even though it's taking forever it seems, at my own home.  Their home has had quite a few things changed - floors, walls, etc.  And I was quite insistent that they needed an island in their kitchen.  It came last week, and it looks beautiful and will make storage so much easier for my mom.  I'm so glad they listened to my idea!  That was my only one.  But one level living is so much easier on both of them, and we are thankful they are settling in well.

Pete is preaching a revival tonight.  And I am still at home writing this.  I'll have to tell him how James does on Jeopardy!  We have wonderful help coming to our home almost every day now - except for Fridays and Sundays.  It has been such a blessing to have help with Sarah - for her too.  We are still just trying to keep things safe and calm.  And one night, I could not get two of the boys where they needed to be and be at home.  And that night we found out we cannot be gone - just like that everything changed again.  So we are so very thankful for those who recommended extra special help.  And we are getting more soon, as things get worse.  I don't go to church very often at all, and I was offered a name tag not long ago.  But I did get to go at Easter and Mother's Day.  And it's no fun, when that's the only time you can go!

So I was thinking about people who only go at Christmas and Easter but COULD go the rest of the time but choose not to.  It's easy to find things to do on Sunday morning.  It's like bonus time!  But I also feel very depleted, because I don't have what I get at church.  It's more than the singing.  It's more than the sermon or the interaction with others.  It's ALL of of it.  And I cannot wait to get back.  We are praying about it, because I don't want someone else to have to miss so that I can go.  So I listened to Greg Laurie this week during church time.

This is a quick - but not short - update.  I feel the burden lifting some, and I think that is why I could write.  I have talked to God a lot about my burdens, and I am having trouble just laying some down.  And I know He knows.  And the home situation is wearing at best.  And I can see where He is working in all of that.  

I will update again, but we appreciate all of those who pray for our family.  And I wanted you to know we are still here and praising Him still.  We praise Him for who He is AND for all He has done.  And that "all"  should be ALL ~ because giving us salvation through Jesus Christ was enough.  And He still walks with us in our time here.  I hope in all of the real struggles I share, that I make it clear that He is always here and always provides.  I can do nothing without Him.  And I want others to see that He is there to help them too.  And then maybe they will accept His gift of salvation through Jesus. 

Pete said that God has laid it on his heart to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Jesus came as a man, lived a perfect and sinless life, died on the cross for our sins, and ROSE from the dead.  That is the Gospel - the good news, the best news ever.  All we have to do is believe it and accept the gift.

We can accept His gift of salvation by believing that we sinned and are in need of a Savior; and Jesus is the ONLY One who can save us.  I hope you have found forgiveness and peace in Jesus.  It's the only way I get through.  I still have a tough time, because I live in a fallen world.  But no matter what, I have the hope that only comes in knowing Jesus.

Thanks for reading.  And thanks for praying for our family. 

In the midst of the chaos, He is right here.

Joshua 1:9 New International Version (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I am redoing a room upstairs for Sam.  And it will have a Joshua 1:9 theme.  Sam has grown about a foot - just a few inches shorter than his Aunt Whitney, as of yesterday.  He may have passed her today!  We are getting rid of "younger" things and making a peaceful room that will, hopefully, give him a sort of refuge.  He has left his room and bathroom downstairs to Sarah, his grandmother, and now shares my bathroom - preferring it to the one his brothers share. One day, he will understand how something so easy for him to give up was actually very unselfish and made the whole transition much easier.  This mother has moved several rooms of furniture into a home that was pretty full, and I hope to have the excess gone and everything else put up soon.  It's time.

We quote Joshua 1:9 in relation to diabetes.  The 24/7 member of our family that we wish was not here.  We wish it had never invaded our days and nights and schedules and plans - and everything else.  Sam has a CGM now - he got it in October.  He has a new insulin and a new endocrinologist.  His retired, and the new one was not good.  So we just got a new doctor.  And we both really like him, and Sam is doing much better with his numbers after one visit.  He is running some, growing a ton, and getting ready for high school next year - eek!  His getting ready is more difficult than most.  We have to plan for special help, work around his reading classes at ASU, and make sure he is comfortable in the high school his brothers attended not long ago.  He is running middle school track.  The first few practices were nothing less than painful - physically for him - but also for me to watch him with so many children who ignored him.  It's hard.  But he has really been hanging in there and not asking to miss practice.  I am so thankful for his attitude and that the other day he allowed me to walk with him at the high school during warm up instead of him walking alone...again.  And I talked the whole time and told stories, and he laughed.  His blood sugar was too high or too low, and I had told his coach I was waiting to see what he needed anyway.  So with his diabetes and learning disabilities and social difficulties right now, he is doing remarkably well.  And I am thankful God shows me things and encourages me.

When Sam graduates in June, we will end our time at Hardin Park.  Andrew started there in 1999.  20 years.  Lots of great memories.  Lots of challenges.  I will miss the school.  I will miss a lot of people there.  But it will be time to move on; and, for Sam's sake, I am ready.  I am ready for Sam to be in a new place (as big and scary as our one high school can be) and to grow and flourish.  His difficulties will be used in his life somehow, I am sure.  It's been hard not to be able to drop him off and let him go and do his work.  It's been hard to go to meetings and leave feeling so discouraged and biting the inside of my cheek so I would not cry.  It's been hard to watch friends abandon him.  But God will use all of that.  I would not trade him for anything and constantly pray for him.  He is the sweetest, most thoughtful young man.  He is quiet and shy, but he is so funny and loving at home.  He sees things most of us miss.  And he helps me before I have realized I need his help.  When I start to wish things were different, I remember that MRI that shows some things that should not be there.  And I am so very thankful it affects his learning and has not yet caused seizures.

Which brings us to Andrew.  He just got his license back!  After almost two years!  He has had to not drive before, but it has never been this long.  He has his car registered (as his truck was destroyed in a wreck with his dad in April) and his insurance and is ready to go.  And has already gone.  To Bristol.  To church.  To work.  To hike.  Out to eat.  We are so tickled for him.  We hope this will take away some of the closed in feelings he's had since last year.  To be so limited and then to stay in that tiny little room for two weeks (the length of which may or may not have been partially a medication oversight by Duke) would be enough to push anyone over the edge - especially one taking so much medication.  He seems more and more himself.  No seizures.  He is working 40 hours a week at ASU in food services and hopes to hear from graduate school soon.  He is ready to get out and do things, and I pray for him constantly too and have started a couple of Rubbermaid boxes with bedding and towels and extra kitchen things.  I know it will be hard not having him around (because he's always been one of my favorite people), but I would not wish for him to stay with us; especially when he is 25 and wants to get out on his own.  

Peter is out on his own still, in Charlotte.  He does not call every day, but he takes time to call me and Sam a few times a week.  He works hard and has been helping Julianna some with her dog Rigby during tax season.  We miss him, but we are happy he is working hard and being helpful.  I will never ever forget the time he spent with me taking care of Pop during his last week of life last February.  Peter stepped up and did whatever needed to be done - and did it lovingly and well.  One of my favorite things Pop said that week was, "Get Peter over here to do it.  He'll do it right."  Pop was trying to sound gruff, but he gave Peter a high compliment.  And Peter will never forget that time he spent and how God helped him do whatever needed to be done.  He would gently pull the velcro on Pop's neck brace, so Pop would feel some relief - even though he did not move the brace.  When he comes home, we are all excited to see him, especially the dogs who can barely contain their excitement.  

Will is home and works with Solid Ground Grading still.  He has had some challenges this year too.  But he has taken responsibility in certain places and not whined or blamed things on others.  And that shows a lot!  He went with us to visit Grandmother before she died in October.  She loved that he reminded her so much of her brothers.  He saved the day on her funeral day by bringing Sam's extra insulin pen that we had somehow left earlier without.  He also was there, with his brothers and cousins and uncle, to carry Grandmother's casket at her funeral.  She would have loved to have seen that.  Will sleeps in the big bed that Pop made, patterned after a Restoration Hardware bed.  His room is huge, and the queen bed fits in there easily.  I hope one day that he will have the patience to try to build some furniture.  I know he could do it - if he wanted!

Pete and I appreciate all of our friends and family and helpers.  We appreciate our church family and friends.  It's been a tough bit, and we have had people help in ways we could not have imagined.  We have also had to team up and help each other through what I call "the complaint department" ~ which he is better at managing than I am.  It was so hard to be away from home stuck in a hospital with some pretty serious stuff and continue to manage that department.  And we have had to have some little talks to get back on track and not get bogged down in feeling left out or let down or discouraged.  We can only really count on God.  And of course it hurts when someone lets us down or hurts our feelings, especially when we are in a storm.  But it's also something that brings us closer to God, our constant, the One Who never changes.  And Pete always reminds me that we have done the same to our friends and loved ones, even if we did not realize it.  I pray I have grown more in this area and don't dwell on things too long.  Things that don't really matter in the long run.

Pete takes care of his mom and takes her to Winston every Friday to eat lunch with Meg and, sometimes, Charlie.  Sparing details, she is much worse but is safe and probably the calmest she can be right now with him (us).  She does not know Pete is her son, but she knows he is always around and helps her with whatever.  But I cannot count the times that he tells her to "ask Meg" who handles most of her affairs.  I still don't thing we will be able to truly grieve for Pop until later.  Maybe others in our situation understand.  So we pray a lot.  Because it's just hard.

Next February, we are planning on a Holy Land Tour.  We have several people signed up and a few more coming on board.  We hope to have 25-30 in our group.  A smaller group would be fine, but Pete has worked so hard to get the cost down as cheap as he could get it that he would love more people to be able to go.  I am so excited to go walk where Jesus walked.  

We have lots going on in our extended family and with our friends.  This looks to be an exciting year.  We look back on last year and see how tough it was.  And this year has already had some challenges.  But we are still able to laugh - only because we know we can turn it all over to God.  Oh, I have to turn it all over again and again.  I know it's not as easy as it sounds!  But I know God is with me.  He does not want me to fear but to charge ahead knowing He is with me wherever I go.  That brings such comfort.

And as I have felt so bogged down by life and some of its heavy and dark and depressing weights, I have tried to climb out of the dark by reading and studying my Bible more.  And I am behind.  But I know the days I read are better days.  I pray constantly.  Being still and reading and having that quiet time is hard for me right now.  But I keep trying.  And there is nothing like it.  Sometimes it's best at 2:00 am with low blood sugars and alarms going off (what did we do without the CGM???).  Sometimes it's best on a Sunday afternoon.  But any day with special quiet time with the Lord is a much better day.  

I've also felt such a burden for lost people.  We watched American Gospel, Christ Alone at church.  It's a little over two hours, and you can rent it on a lot of sites for $4.99.  There is a lot of "stuff" out there that is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It's not just ~ Jesus loves you, so live however you want.  NO!  It's that Jesus loves us so much that He died for our sins.  If we don't need to repent of our sins to make a way back to God, why did He have to die???  That Jesus is God, lived as a sinless man on this earth, went to a cross to die for ALL of our sins, and then He rose from the grave.  That is the Gospel.  And I feel such a burden to share it.  We have ways at church that we share.  And we have some great events coming up.  But I pray for people all of the time, individually and collectively, that they will hear the truth and be saved.  I am so grateful that Jesus died for me.  And that is enough.  BUT, He cares about all of the above, and that makes life so much different.  Because a life full of difficulties can also be a life full of Hope ~ that's only found in Jesus.  And what He did.  

I pray for our country, our leaders and their families, our military men and women and their families, and lots more every day on our way to school in the car.  I know a lot of our problems right now stem from untruths.  It's hard to watch.  And it's hard to be silent.  But I hope that God will help me be still until it is time to speak up.  I try to pray instead of responding to people or even starting something in anger.  And sometimes I fail.  But praying is one of the best, most effective, and, sometimes, only things I can do.  So I do it.

Thanks for reading this.  I will end with a Mercy Me song.  Best News Ever.

"Best News Ever"  Mercy Me

Some say, "Don't give up"
And hope that your good is good enough
Head down, keep on working
If you can earn it, you deserve it
Some say, "Push on through"
After all, it's the least that you can do
But don't buy what they're selling
It couldn't be further from the truth

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Some say, "Don't ask for help"
God helps the ones who help themselves
So press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind
Some say "He's keeping score"
"So try hard, then try a little more"
But hold up, if this were true
Explain to me what the cross is for!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever

So won't you, come
Come all you weary and you burdened
You heavy-laden and you hurting
For all of you with nothing left
Come and find rest!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever!
Best news ever...

It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Merry Christmas ~ 2018

April D. Green Photography, 2018




I wrote last year that I knew this year would be tough.  I think I was thinking of Andrew's brain surgery mostly and that by Christmas all would be well again.  Well, I was wrong.  This year was actually much tougher than I imagined.  But I can say (and have said it lately) that God has been here for every single step.  And while everything does not look like it will be resolved by Christmas, I do know God won't leave.  I know that for sure.

Last Christmas, we spent the day with Pete's family at his sister's house.  His dad was in a wheelchair and looked so much worse than he had just a little bit before.  Pete and I decided we would go and visit every chance we got.  We started that after the first of the year and decided we needed to go more often.  Then his dad fell at the end of January.  I remember Pete's sister Meg calling him right as church started that Wednesday evening.  She was very upset and leaving her home to go up to Roanoke, VA, where their dad was being transferred by ambulance.  I got Pete out of church, and we rushed home to pack while our church family stayed and prayed.  He rushed up to Roanoke in the dark,, while I tried to get someone on the phone who would update us on Pop's condition.  I finally got to a nurse who knew Pop was there.  Then I hit the HIPAA wall - which I knew was coming.  So I asked him to tell Pop his family was coming and that we loved him.  And he said he would tell him.  Meg got there first, and Pete got there soon after.  His dad's neck was broken, and he was in a great deal of pain.  His cancer was so much worse, but he wanted to leave palliative care to go home to die.  So he came back home that Saturday by ambulance.  Pete came home, and Meg made a chart to cover his care at home with their mom.  Peter and I went on Monday.  Peter had to leave Tuesday afternoon for a job interview, so I was there until Wednesday night alone.  While Peter was there, he did every single thing Pop needed.  He was so helpful and so good at helping.  Peter and I had stopped at a little store a few minutes before Pop's house.  We both felt inadequate to help - and a little afraid.  But we prayed and just jumped right in - not really knowing what to expect.  I was so overwhelmed and so busy that I did not realize all that was going on with Pete's mom.  I knew things were not right, but my attention was more on his dad.  Pete came on Thursday to trade with me, and he and Meg were there with their dad when he died on Friday afternoon.  I cried my eyes out after I left Thursday and thought about turning around - but I had to get home to Andrew and Sam.  I had kissed Pop and told him I loved him.  He was able to tell me he loved me.  He had told me a few things earlier that morning when Meg had taken Sarah to get some coffee in downtown Floyd.  He told me things about me and the boys.  I will never forget the encouraging things he said.  I was coming back Saturday, in two days, but I knew he would not be there.

After the funeral, Pete's mom tried to stay at her house by herself, but she would call Meg to come and get her.  But then she would want to go right back home.  Pete brought her to our house some, and she even went to Laurinburg for a little bit with Charlie.  To make a long story short, she has been staying with us since late spring.  She has Sam's room and hallway with his bathroom.  Sam has graciously moved upstairs and is spread out all around.  Sarah has dementia and goes back to the doctor this week.  It's hard.  And it's very sad to see. It's really taken over my whole family's life right now.

In April, Peter moved to Charlotte to start a new job.  We miss him, but he seems to be doing well.  He lives with a friend who lived at our house for a few months.  Julianna finished her graduate degree, so she is back in Charlotte working.  That works out well for them!

At the end of April, Pete was in a horrible wreck.  He could not sleep and was going to do one of his cleaning jobs around 2:00 am.  He called me at a little after 2:00 am and told me he could not call 911 himself.  I hopped up and called 911 for him and got Will to take me to the accident -  not knowing what happened or if he was okay.  We went the wrong way - which ended up being better for what we saw - and came upon a big truck that had run a stop sign and hit the front corner of Andrew's smaller Ford Ranger, that Pete was driving because his car was in the shop.  The front end and tire got most of the impact.  It could have been so much worse.  The other guy was fine with his air bags, but Pete was bruised and cut and actually had a crack in his kneecap and neck.  Andrew's truck was totally demolished, and it was scary to see Pete leaned up against the firetruck with blood all over his head and face and down his clothes.  An ambulance finally came to check him out (we still have operator problems), but he had Will drive us to the hospital.  He passed out in the ER, and that's when the doctor finally started doing some tests.  We did not leave until he was checked out well.  We are so thankful, and we praise God for keeping both men from getting hurt worse.

Andrew graduated from Appalachian in May.  Even though he has gone to school for six years, he graduated with one degree and one internship short of another full degree.  He had his EMU testing in July.  It was supposed to be a week or so that stretched into two weeks.  He had a bad seizure that dislocated his shoulder (again) before they put the electrodes IN his brain, so he did not have another for eight days.  It was a long two weeks with lots of prayer and lots of waiting and frustration.  He finally had two seizures that were deemed enough for the information they needed.  We were all tired and frustrated and concerned.  We think a medication oversight was the reason he had the seizure that morning.  We hope we are never in that situation, but I learn more each time about how you have to keep up with every single thing yourself.  In spite of all of that, all the information was obtained.  We know that was all God.

Following that hospital stay, we waited to see if he was a candidate for brain surgery (even though those were two smaller brain surgeries to put the electrodes in and take them out).  He was, and we finally got on the schedule for October.  The time in between was awful and dark and can be found on Andrew's blog - some of the details, but not all.  We ended up taking him totally off one seizure med that we truly believe set off a huge depression, that he had never had to deal with before.  And we are thankful for those who stepped up to help him through those dark months - doctors, a counselor, and my family who took him over to Abingdon and kept him busy during that time.  We also appreciate the others who knew and prayed.  It was as if all of the years of struggles finally crowded in all at once and just about took over.  We are so thankful he is still recovering from all of that, and we trust it will all be used for good at some point.

Andrew had his surgery on Wednesday, October 24, and we were home on Saturday.  We dropped Sarah off at Meg's on our way to Duke on Tuesday and picked her up on our way home Saturday.  It was a very tough week for a lot of reasons.  I felt a weight lifted after the surgery and the doctor reported how it had gone.  He is a good Christian man, and that he prays over Andrew and the surgery made a huge difference to us.  Seeing the brain pictures he took with his iPhone was amazing.  But Andrew was not fully back to himself, so it was difficult to help without helping too much.  He did have a few visitors, and that helped him a lot.

So far, Andrew has not had any seizures.  He remains on two seizure medications with the hope of cutting them down in the spring.  He has been back to the neurologist and the neurosurgeon at Duke for his post op appointments.  He helps watch Sarah during part of the day, and he will look for a job soon to keep him busy as he applies to graduate schools.  He cannot run yet, but he walks several miles a day.  We still pray for complete healing and for all of the scary side effects to go away and stay away for good.  We appreciate our doctors in Boone and Charlotte for all of their help during all of this.  God certainly has blessed us with some great doctors who really care.

During the time Andrew was over in Abingdon, he got to spend a lot of time with my family and see and check on my grandmother a lot while she was at home with Hospice.  Grandmother fell in her yard and broke her arm about the time Andrew went to Duke in July.  She was 93 and lived alone until that fall.  One thing led to another, and she ended up home with Hospice.  She died on October 7.  I had been going over once or twice a week to see her and check on Andrew.  I was sick that morning, the 7th, and did not go to church.  I decided after lunch that I really needed to go see her that day and not wait until Monday afternoon.  I got home in the evening, and my brother called me sometime later that night to tell me she was gone.  She was resting with her favorite channel, the Hallmark channel, playing.  Whitney and Laura were spending the night with her.  Whitney noticed her breathing had changed and was checking on her and asking her if she was okay.  And then she was just gone - to Heaven.  Just like that.  I miss her so much already, but I would not wish her back in that hospital bed.  She had so many visitors and friends and family care for her in her last weeks.  She would just smile, and her blue eyes would twinkle.  And that's how I remember Grandmother.  I am sad, but not for her.  She is in Heaven with so many she has not seen in a long time.  One of the last things she asked me was if Andrew had had his surgery - and had Ben been paid for mowing - and did I get some more of her books to read.  She was still checking on everyone else.

So this year has been hard.  And while we have had some great moments, we have had some of the toughest I've ever known.  There have been more things that have been heavy weights ~ some things with Sam and Will.  There have been times of dealing with mistakes made - things that are hard to watch and I just pray lessons were learned that won't be forgotten.  There are concerns looming on the horizon about Sam and his learning disabilities and how to handle high school next year.  Sam did get a continuous glucose monitor, and we love having the fire truck siren go off in the middle of the night when he is dangerously low.  We don't know what we did before!  I have seen struggles with others' behavior and hurt for those hurt.  There have been so many funerals to attend - and so many that we could not attend.  We have lost loved ones and friends.  But God has made a way through the little and the big struggles.  And He still is.  My goal this year is the read the Bible through again.  I've already ordered a new Bible to do just that.  I think that goal will help me a lot.  This past year has been the year with the most prayers.  It is close to another year in the recent past, but this one definitely required even more prayers on my part.

Will and Sam on Pop's tractor.  The tractor was sold in an online auction two days before Pop died.  It did not leave his house until the day after he died.  I was thankful he was not watching all of his tools and equipment leave, while he was stuck in a hospital bed watching out the big window.  But he was happy those things would be going to good homes, knowing he would never need them again.  Just still thinking of others in his last days.



And even though I still have a handful of thank you notes to write, my family wants to thank everyone who has helped us this year in so many ways.  We have been so blessed by gifts, encouragement, notes, messages, and, most of all, prayers.  We appreciate it all so much.  It's been very overwhelming in the best way.  To see people visit my grandmother.  To see people take time to come to her service.  To see people step up and keep Andrew busy and contact him and check on him.  To have people tell me something they remember that lets me know God knows where I am at the moment.  To get a card in the mail or a text or message.  To just be encouraged or told we are prayed for and prayed over.  It all counts in those blessings.  And it all has helped.

I pray as we are in the Christmas season that my family's year will somehow bring glory and honor to God.  He is good.  Always good.  He has made a way through the most difficult of situations. My testimony is not about what I do- but what God can do through me AND in spite of me.  I hope others see that I depend on Him.  I choose to.  I must.  He is the only One who never changes.  He loves me the most.  Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, so it's a great time to come to know Him or rededicate our commitment to trust Him and follow Him.  That's what I am doing.

One of my main verses this year has been Romans 12:12.  It's been my aim and still will be.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

I sang "It Is Well" at Grandmother's service.  My knees were shaking, but all of the words came out.  I believe it is well only because of God.  There is no other way to have peace.  We don't always sing all of the verses, so I am copying them here.  And if you've never read the story behind the song, please Google it.  I am going to see Pop and Grandmother again.  What glorious hope there is in knowing that!  And I believe God will be with us in the end of 2018 and in in 2019 and beyond.  What a wonderful truth!  Merry Christmas!


"It Is Well"  Horatio Spafford

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well with my soul,
     It is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

April D. Green Photography 2018

Andrew Update - November 13, 2018

Thank you for all of the prayers for Andrew!  He is doing well, and we are so very thankful!

Andrew's surgery went well on Wednesday, October 24.  We brought him home on Saturday, October 27!  That is just amazing.

We took Andrew on Tuesday to check in.  He got into a good room for the night.  Our hotel was just across the street, so that was very helpful - to be able to run back and forth and take turns.  His surgery was Wednesday, and he was not done until evening.  Actually, it was faster than we expected - they got started later than we thought.  So when the surgeon came out to talk to us, I hoped nothing was wrong.  He was smiling and had brain pictures on his iPhone.  They got everything they had identified and everything they could around it - without leaving deficits.  He was able to move his arm and leg in recovery, so that was great.  Part of what they took out was not normal brain tissue, so it seemed that it was the likely culprit of the seizures.  They still worked to get everything finished up, and we got to see him later in ICU.  We were so thankful, and we felt a weight lifted off our shoulders, literally.  We really felt the prayers.  I know I teetered on the edge a few times - how could I not?  But I know they pulled me back ~ those prayers.

The hospital stay was uneventful.  Andrew had run in a road race in Charlotte on Saturday, October 13.  He won for the third time in a row.  The people in charge treat him like a celebrity.  They know a lot of his struggles and knew he was going to have brain surgery - after already having two in the summer.  They were so happy to see him and let him know!  We were able to meet a woman from Florida who has a scholarship in her son's name.  Her son died of complications from CVID.  He also had seizures.  Andrew has been the recipient of the scholarship two different times, so it was so wonderful to talk to her in person and for her to meet Andrew and see how much her work has helped.  We also got to talk to Dr. Patel, his immune system doctor (for lack of a better title!), about getting his immune system pumped up before surgery.  He did a two week infusion and then another one week infusion a couple of days before we went to Duke.  He has had no issues with infection.  It was good to have that advice face to face.  Dr. Patel also got him Carolina Panthers tickets for last Sunday.  He and Peter went to the game.  It was a good game to attend with great donated seats!

One day, he threw up a few times, but he was okay after Ginger Ale - probably the pain medication.  He has been able to get by mostly with Tylenol.  Last Friday, he had an episode that he thinks lasted about two minutes that felt like a seizure was coming.  Sam called me, and I flew home.  But it stopped.  The doctors say that is reported a lot and is normal after this surgery.  They gave him valium to put under his tongue if it happens again.  He has not had any other issues.  Pain has been very minimal.  He has been tired, but that was to be expected.  He has been on some good long walks and even a hike.  He just cannot run for six weeks - no bouncing up and down.

This past Friday, Andrew got his sutures out (poor Dr. Zimmerman and one of our sweet nurses).  He could finally wash his hair Sunday and probably feels like a new person!

We are thankful for everyone who has prayed and helped us in so many ways.  We have had everything we need and not had to worry about our hotel or food or medical bills at all this last round.  We are so thankful for what God provides.

Andrew goes back at the end of November and again in December.  He is still taking the two big seizure meds.  If all goes well, they will start taking him off of those in a few months.  The hope is for him to take a low dose of one (without side effects).

His shoulder popped out of place on the way to Duke, so I need to have Dr. Fleming look at him again before the end of the year.  It has not popped out since.  He can ease it back in himself, but it's not something we are familiar with!

I knew this year would be hard.  Just not this hard.  So much loss.  So many family and friends affected by illness and death.  So many things to do to clear out and clean out.  It's been very overwhelming.  But God has been right here.  He has been here on scary days - and there have been many of them.  He has been here on hard days.   He has been with us when we are exhausted.  He has been right there when people pick a terrible time to complain or accuse or hurt.  He has been with us through it all.  I only hope my eyes will stay open to things I have learned - things I need to pay more attention to and things I need to let go and not make issues.  I hope and pray I will remember in those long, dark hours in the night or day that I need to keep turning it all over to Him.  He wants to take all of the burdens.

So we are so thankful for the things we can share - and the things we cannot. 

Sorry this is overdue.  Thanks for checking on Andrew.  Thanks most of all for praying!

We continue to hold to the HOPE that is eternal ~ through Christ Jesus!  One of my NEW favorite songs by Mercy Me!

"Best News Ever"  Mercy Me  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyBMEDKiKaI)
 

Some say, "Don't give up"
And hope that your good is good enough
Head down, keep on working
If you could earn it, you deserve it
Some say, "Push on through"
After all, it's the least that you can do
But don't buy, what they're selling
It couldn't be further from the truth

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Some say, "Don't ask for help"
God helps the ones who help themselves
Press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind
Some say, "He's keeping score"
So try hard, then try and lean on God
Hold up, if this weren't true
Explain to me, what the cross is for

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever

So won't you come
Come all you weary and your burdened
You heavy laden and you hurting
For all of you with nothing left
Come and find rest

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever

It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

Thank you, God, for Grandmother

My precious grandmother died tonight.  My brother just called me.  He woke me up.  My sister and niece were with her.  My sister just called to tell me she died peacefully.  We had prayed specifically for that.  She has had a tougher last few days.  She has not rested like she has been able to do.

I knew today that she would not be here much longer.  But I also thought that weeks ago.  Each time she told me she loved me and kissed my face, I knew it could be the last time.  Today, I told her I loved her; and she struggled to form the words.  So I told her I knew she loved me.  I tried not to cry.  But tears were spilling out of my eyes while I told her I loved her and what a blessing she was.  I wanted to tell her it was okay to go on ahead - that Jesus was going to meet her.  But I didn't.  I just let her know she was an extra special gift.

We talked weeks ago about what happens when one dies - when they know and have accepted Jesus.  She nodded while Pete talked, and she even chimed in a little bit.  Grandmother knew she was going to see Jesus when she died.

I have never seen someone who is at home dying with hospice have so many visitors.  Grandmother had lots.  I told her today that her driveway and yard looked like a parking lot with so many cars.  She has had children and grandchildren and great grandchildren rotating in to help her, along with some wonderful friends and caregivers.  She had her brother visit and other special friends and neighbors.  She has heard people caring for her, even when she could not really respond.  When she could respond, she always said she was just fine.  And she would smile.  And her blue eyes would just twinkle.  I told her that I wish my blue eyes were as pretty as hers.

Grandmother,

I miss you already.  I love you so much.  I remember so many years ago you were having a hard time, and my brother wrote you a card and told you that you were the glue that held our family together.  You took that "glue" title and ran with it.

I remember going to your house and riding the bus or taking a cab to a movie - "The Apple Dumpling Gang" or another Disney or Don Knotts movie.  I remember the Cameo theater.

I remember eating those doughnuts from The Giant supermarket.  They were huge with milk chocolate frosting on them.  That was a huge treat at your house.  Krispy Kreme was later.

I remember you telling us stories about your brothers and sisters.  And other family members.  What a blessing to have been a part of such a big family.  One of your favorite stories to tell me was one of your brothers accidentally put dishwashing soap on his hair instead of hair oil to go out at night.  It rained, and he had little bubbles on top of his head!

I remember so many things about you from when I was little.  But I also remember so much from not long ago.

I called you one time to tell you that my house almost fell apart when Pete had flown to Texas for work.  A pipe burst, my furnace was acting up, we were expecting a blizzard, and my car was very sluggish in starting.  I figured out that my phone would not dial 4's, and most plumbers had a 4 in their phone number!  My washing machine was frozen up, and water was pouring through the light fixture in my dining room!  My friend sent her husband, and Russell came to help me.  You told me that my life sounded like "Little House on the Prairie."  I remember calling you years later, after we laughed so much about some of those things, and telling you one of my boys was really sick.  I told you my life was now more like "Marcus Welby, MD."  We did not laugh as much, but you listened as I told you about one doctor visit or another and how overwhelming it all was.  I remember I was talking to you while I was at a shopping center in Blowing Rock.

I remember calling you one Saturday as I left a cross country meet near Raleigh.  You told me your story about the bird who walked by your bed.  You had been sitting on the edge of your bed and saw a bird walk by.  You rubbed your eyes and looked again.  I told you that he had probably been walking around for a while and was surprised you had just noticed him.  You laughed later telling me how Dad was trying to safely get him out of your house!

So many memories.  So many books you shared, we shared.  I remember taking you to the bookstore when my boys were little and spending an hour or so picking out books.  Then we'd go eat at McDonald's.  I wish we had done that more often.  I am sure you had those books read in a week or less!  The other day, when your words were very few, you asked if I had gotten some more books from your room.

And you loved your puzzles.  I will cherish the framed one you gave me.  I remember that Christmas Eve when most of my family "helped" with your current puzzle.  After 30 minutes, we had placed one piece!  I cry when I think of the pretty puzzle in my gift armoire that I bought you for Christmas this year.  I knew I could not go wrong with books, puzzles, or Precious Moments gifts for you.

And frogs.  You collected frogs.  You finally had to tell us you had enough frogs.  They were coming out of your ears!  I think maybe the frog laundry hamper pushed you over the edge!  But I did bring you that soft stuffed green frog the other week, and I told you to toss it at anyone who got on your nerves.  You never tossed him, and he was still sitting in the window behind your bed.

No one can sew as straight as you!  I will cherish my pillows and, especially, my running t-shirt quilt you and Whitney made me.  I remember you hemmed Andrew's shorts, when he was so little, and they were so long.  I wish I had your sewing skills.  I love that you kept some gifts I made you when I was so little!  You recently gave me a Christmas ornament I made.  I can remember making it and how excited you were.  You kept it all these years and knew to give it back this year...

You always acted like you were so happy and excited to see me!  I remember watching you in the hospital and at home.  When you were able to greet a visitor, that visitor felt like your favorite person.  And you did it again and again!  You opened your eyes so wide and acted like you had been waiting just for them.  I know others felt what I did, and it makes it even more special to me.  You truly loved all of your friends and family.  Everyone was a favorite, and everyone was loved by you.

Lisa had it right today when she said you were in a beautiful room.  What a pretty room with so many windows to see outside and let light in.  We are so thankful you died at home in a pretty room and not somewhere else.  We knew you were happy to be home.

There are so many more things I want you to know.  But my brain is tired, and my eyes have too many tears right now.  So I reserve the right to add to this later.  I just feel sad for me - though I would not wish you back from Jesus for anything.  And I feel so incredibly blessed to be this old and still have my grandmother.  I will remember, and hope I do the same, when your words became so few that you asked about us ~ did I get some books, was Ben paid for mowing your yard, when is Andrew's surgery.  It was never about you.  You were "just fine" - and you meant it.  I love you so much, Grandmother.  I will miss you so much.  Just knowing you were across the hill (and two states over) in Abingdon.  But now I will know you are with Jesus.  And I will see you again.  And that makes Heaven even sweeter today.  I hope you have already seen those you have missed for a long time.  I hope you have seen baby Katelyn and all of those babies in our family that we never met.  Oh, I am so thankful I saw you today.  I love you so much, Grandmother.  I'll read a book and watch a Hallmark movie this week in your honor.

Russell put this song on his facebook.  I just love it.  It's truth.  Here it is for you, Grandmother.  You already know it, so you don't need it.  But we hope those you love who don't yet know Jesus will hear and put their hope in the One living Hope ~ Jesus Christ.  I cannot believe you are gone.  We will celebrate you later this week.  It will be sad not having you there, but we would not take you back from Jesus for anything.  See you soon.

Living Hope

Phil Wickham

How great the chasm that lay between us
How high the mountain I could not climb
In desperation, I turned to heaven
And spoke Your name into the night
Then through the darkness, Your loving-kindness
Tore through the shadows of my soul
The work is finished, the end is written
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Who could imagine so great a mercy?
What heart could fathom such boundless grace?
The God of ages stepped down from glory
To wear my sin and bear my shame
The cross has spoken, I am forgiven
The King of kings calls me His own
Beautiful Savior, I'm Yours forever
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Then came the morning that sealed the promise
Your buried body began to breathe
Out of the silence, the Roaring Lion
Declared the grave has no claim on me
Then came the morning that sealed the promise
Your buried body began to breathe
Out of the silence, the Roaring Lion
Declared the grave has no claim on me
Jesus, Yours is the victory, whoa!

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Jesus Christ, my living hope
Oh God, You are my living hope

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM