Old Post ~ Friday, September 9th

This is from Friday, September 9 ~

Please pray for Andrew today. He had a terrible night. He is exhausted - we all are. He is resting right now, and he has had a small bit of food and some liquids. He is pretty weak, but he should be okay after some rest.

Thanks. We appreciate the prayers so much. I was able to talk to him for just a little bit about doing what we need to do in the moment; and even though it seems like it will be forever, God knows the plans for Andrew's life and holds them in His hand. I needed the reminder just as much as Andrew. We were talking about medications for him, but we were talking about so much more.

Last night, I was so tired. I had just come home from laughing and crying at Jan's funeral. And if you knew Jan, you know what that means. It was an emotional night; but it was also a celebration of her life, a reminder that there is an eternity (and where do we want to spend it), catching up and hugging and loving on friends I have not seen in forever, and coming together with many to support and uplift her family in their time of great grief. At least that is what I got from it. And then I came home to Andrew having a horrible time. I don't mean to be vague, but I know you don't need details to pray; and he is a teenager who needs to know that I don't share every single thing about his life. But this scares me so badly because I know he could die. So I was looking at that last night; and after he got settled the first time, this song kept running through my head:

Still I Will Trust You (Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir)

I've climbed a mountain, I've walked a valley low,

and there's a hand guiding me where to go.

So I cannot question when storm clouds come my way,

for I have placed my trust in You, and You alone.

Still I will trust You, Still I will follow

Still I will listen to Your every calling.

While the storm it rages on, and I can't find my way,

Still I will trust You, Lord.

When in my dark hour, You restored my weary soul.

You led me to that resting place and made me whole.

So I cannot question, though stormy billows roll,

My faith is secure, safe is my trust in You alone.

Still, I will trust You, Still, I will follow.

Still I will listen to Your every calling.

While the storm, it rages on, and I can't find my way,

Still I will trust You, Lord. Yes,

I will trust You, I will follow, to Your every calling.

While the storm it rages on, and I can't find my way,

I will trust, You, Lord. I will trust You, Lord.

It was "Still I Will Trust You." It just kept going on and on. And though we were up several times, I was able to keep getting up. And though we were scared, we were able to do what we needed to do. Because He was right in the storm with us. And it's not easy, but it's much easier than trying to do any of this without Him. And we also were not expecting this, so Andrew was right with us where he needed to be - not in his room alone with no help. And I have gotten to the place where I do not check on him every single night and multiple times on most of those nights, so please pray we will check when we need to and can rest and let him rest.

Thanks again. I will let you know how he does this weekend.

Love,

Wendi

Andrew - Please keep praying!

Andrew goes back to the immunologist in October. He is doing okay, but he is not running anywhere near his best times. We want him to be better and healthy, but it's a killer to see him struggling so when he runs.

I flooded the altar at church this morning with tears. I carry a lot of worry about these guys that I give over to God and promptly take back. Things bother me so much. I want to give Andrew his independence, but I also need to keep taking care of him. I keep praying but need to stay more and more and more in God's word to show me what to do and how to wade through these waters with him. It's overwhelming. I cry because he does not have what I want him to have. He cannot do what I think he deserves to do right now. It hurts. It hurts my heart and my gut. And it pops up a lot - the hurt, the fear, the pain. So I need to keep remembering to turn it over. God knows Andrew better than even I do. He knows what He has in store for Him. So I need to trust more too.

So after I left the altar today, I resolved to do better ~ to let God do what He does. And to trust and try to have the peace that He CAN give.

I talk about Andrew all of the time. He would fall over if he knew how much! But he does appreciate prayers and concerns. He just does not want attention for his illnesses. He doesn't mind a little for a great race. He ran about a minute slower Saturday than he did earlier in the season, but he kept going. He did not drop out and blame it on a cold or a hurt leg. He did what he could even though he was disappointed. I don't think he was embarrassed, but I know he is disappointed.

Now if I were in the hospital with Andrew trying to fight pneumonia, I would be happy if he could go to school and may not even think about running. But, thankfully, we are not. He is living his life, and I just want him to be able to do some things he enjoys. He does not require a lot. He would not even let me get him something for lunch Saturday. He was worn out, but he did not want any special attention! He does not get that from me!

Thanks for praying for Andrew - for his health and his goals. We still would love to see him shoot up out of all of his clothes. I do know one thing for sure right now. The absolute worst thing to say to me in passing is that being short is not so bad! No, it's not. But I have worked and prayed for 14 years for Andrew to be where he should be and am not giving up yet. I want to, but I cannot. So please pray for that. I think if he could shoot up, it would take care of some other issues too.

Thanks again! Have a great fall week!

Happy 16th to Peter!

Peter turned 16 today! It was a low key day, and we did not even eat his cake today! Grandad and Mimi brought a cake yesterday, and Whitney brought yummy sugar cookies with icing today; so his black and gold ASU chocolate cake will have to wait until tomorrow evening! He enjoyed opening a few gifts and getting some money for running shoes and his bank account. No wrapping paper with polka dots or zoo animals or farm scenes this year for Peter! And while he is working on his driving, he will have his learner's a little longer. He is also saving for a car like Andrew did!

I remember when he was born. I was talking to a resident, and all of the sudden the nurse jerked an oxygen mask from somewhere and put in on my face when Peter's heart rate decreased. He was born by c-section a little while later while his daddy and his Aunt Whitney, suited up in gowns, watched. Finally, Pete came over to me and told me he was a boy and looked just like Andrew. Well, he had the first part right. I tried and tried to slick down his little hair when he was a baby. How was I to know how beautiful that hair was if I would just leave it alone? I finally figured that out, and today we can spot Peter earlier in the race by his hair rather than the color of his uniform!

Peter was so good for Andrew. He taught Andrew to climb up on the couch. He showed Andrew how to make bigger bubbles in the tub. He made Andrew laugh! They were such great buddies and so close! They are still very close though each has his own interests. But they are always there for each other!

Peter was always such a great little preschool person. He included everyone who wanted to be included in what he did. If they were building something, which he was always doing, he would ask they wanted to help with this part or that. He included everyone and showed great leadership potential. He loved to play in one corner next to the driveway at one rental house with his bulldozer and dump truck. As long as no one touched those two toys while he was playing with them, he was fine. He took up for himself but was not an instigator. If a bigger child tried to take Peter's stuff, he would hang on for dear life and not let go. He was not one to be trampled on. We are excited to see what God has in store for him using these characteristics as he gets older!

Happy Birthday to Peter! We love you so much! And we are so proud of your race Saturday ~ setting a course record! We cannot wait to see you run next week!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Will turned 14 on September 4, and I missed the blog!!!! Will was born while we lived in Davidson ~ though he was born in Bristol, TN ~ long story! He lived in the living room of a little rental house there and then occupied a small space in our bedroom in an apartment when we moved back to Boone! I remember when we moved into an adorable rental house, and he had his own room. He was almost one, and he started sleeping so much better! And so did we!

Will was always building. He was a tiny baby when Pete started renovating the HP house. Then he worked with his daddy on the new house. He loves to hunt, bike, fish, boat, run, ride on anything, and run heavy duty equipment! Will will be something big!

Will is my number one babysitter for Sam ~ even though he does not love the title. He kept him for me in the mornings this summer while I worked. He took great care of him until he graduated from HP last year. Will is one to get things done - if he wants to!

He is running cross country this fall and has done well - running many PR's. He was sick last week, so we will see how he does Saturday on a fast course.

Happy Late 14th Birthday to Will! We love you and thank you for all you do for us!

Good Week this week!

So far we are having a good week! Pete is out of town all week for training for work. Sam's strep that made him very sick Friday and Saturday is getting better. It's amazing what a bite here and a sip there with lots of prayer and a few grapes will do for low blood sugar. Will's strep test today was negative, but he got some good rest today after I picked him up early from school. Andrew and Peter are doing well.

Today marks two years with diabetes in our family. It's ironic that I visited the ICU at WMC to check on someone today, and I almost got lost going back to the elevators. It's been a little while! Yet, I can still remember sitting in that chair. I was so tired. Every time I closed my eyes when things were calm...the diabetes educator would appear. I began to dread to see her coming. It's hard to learn when you are overwhelmed and exhausted. But we had to do it. I still remember when one of my dear friends from work came by to bring Sam some goodies. She was there to see me check his bsl for the first time. Sam and I both cried! I remember when Pete texted me late one night to say he had given Sam his first shot with the syringe. And yes, we came home with a vial of insulin and tiny syringes! Pens are the best invention ever! I remember all of the visitors Sam had during the day. And I know I missed a lot when I went home at night. What a few days! So thankful to be on this side! We could not have done it without all of the prayers, help, encouragement, and support! I remember wanting badly to rewind back to the week before and have more time without diabetes. I would still give it back if we could. But I am thankful for all of the new things available to make life better with this disease.

Andrew is doing well. We just went over some of his AP History information for a test tomorrow. I kept thinking, "YES!" when he was telling me the difficult information off his notes. He has struggled so much with remembering what he studies, and I know things are so much different now. I am so happy about this! It seems his little brother may be having some of the same struggles earlier, so I hope we can figure that out soon. And Andrew just applied to Appalachian! He is excited, and we need to go over his information from the college fair to see what to do next. I tread carefully with this. As an Admissions person for 20+ years, I know most of what to do; but we are taking our time and doing what he needs. We got his senior proofs today. Laura and I both said we could not believe it at the same time ~ even though she was doing this last year!

So September 20th is an anniversary of sorts for us but also a time to be thankful. September 22nd was much worse, but everyone made it through that night too! It is amazing to look back and see what He has done in our lives.

Charles Stanley was talking about salvation tonight on WMIT (I think). He was talking about our individual gifts of salvation. Whatever stands in the way of us accepting that gift individually will not be a "good enough" excuse when we stand before Him. I keep thinking of everything we try to figure out and put into our "boxes" so we can believe. Does it matter that we don't understand everything? I have figured out (by now) that we do not have to - and we cannot anyway. How in the world can I ever think my mind can even begin to understand all of the good and wonderful things (and also the impossible to understand horrible things)? One of the boys has had to study another religion in one of his classes and said it was "too deep." He was telling me some of it and said he got lost. No wonder! Sometimes we try so hard to explain away the simple gift opting for something difficult and complex. But Charles Stanley reminded me how simple it is and how personal and how wonderful tonight.

Thanks again for everything!

Love,

Wendi

Sam is 7!

My little, tiny, precious boy is seven! I cannot believe it, and it seems no one else can either! He is enjoying his time in the first grade, and he is ready to work hard this year to overcome some obstacles thrown in his way.

He is such a joy. He is so full of love, and he loves to hug and kiss on the whole family. He hugged Will's soaking wet head Saturday after his cross country race, and it was so sweet. He was telling Will he loved him and was proud of him.

I was telling Sam about the day he was born last night as he and Peter lay in bed. I told him about deciding on his name on the way to the hospital and how Peter was the first brother to hold him - and hold back tears at the same time. From the moment that child was born, he has been loved fiercely by his brothers.

When he got glasses, they were worried someone would laugh at him. And they told me what they would do when someone did! When he had his eye surgery and then his hernia surgery a month later, they were there to comfort him and help keep him quiet. When he had trouble talking, they encouraged him and ran to get whatever he needed whether he could say it well or not! And when he was diagnosed with diabetes, they took the news almost as hard as Pete and I did. They had lots of questions and concerns for their precious little brother. So they have all learned to care for him. They check his blood sugar, they give shots, they count carbs, they figure ratios, they do it all!

They cheer him on in life. He loves them like they are his heroes, and they love him like he is the greatest thing ever.

It's a little odd to have a senior and then one just in the school door. But I think it balances out. While the time goes way too quickly whether they are in preschool or high school, these boys will always have each other. I am so thankful God gave them to us for a while.

Happy Birthday to Sam! We love you! And we are so thankful for you!

Run! Run! As fast as you can!

Tomorrow three Vandenberg boys will run in the Clash of the Classes here in Boone. They run a shorter race beginning with freshmen ~ 8 races in all. Sam and I will be there to help. We are excited to see their first meet of the season - Will's first season and Andrew's last high school season. Here we go.

I am rejoicing in Andrew's independence as he drives more and more. It's good for him, and I am thankful for it. But I know this year will fly by too quickly. Just last week, he was sick again. And that makes me feel desperate to get him better. This is it for high school...but not for life.

I want my children to know they are loved. I want them to know they are special. I want them to know most of all that God wants them with Him for eternity. And I want them to be so accepting and grateful that they want to bring others along with them. I want them to invest in eternity ~ not earthly things. I want them to be responsible and respected here so they can be lights for the One who gives eternal life.

So I don't want everything to be about them. I don't want them to crave attention for themselves. I want them to do well in school, run well, and feel the excitement of a job well done. And then I want them to bow their heads and give thanks and credit where it's due.

I don't want them to be known for themselves but rather for the One who is allowed to shine through them.

Tomorrow, we will be cheering on lots of runners in the cross country races. We hope they have something to rejoice over, and we pray they will praise God for what He does in their lives ~ even a good race or run.

A quick update!

Thanks for asking about Andrew this week ~ but most of all for the prayers. He is on another antibiotic, and he is no worse. He has been able to run, so that is good enough for him! And he has enjoyed school this week, so he must not be miserable during the day. I am thankful for a new school with air conditioning. Although we will have to keep watching him and make sure he gets totally better, I am also thankful he is not worse as he continued to get last week. All I know this week is we cannot give up. We just keep giving it over to God and letting Him take care of it. And I have to watch my attitude and my frustration. But He knew that and gave me a radio show to listen to...

The woman was on Focus on the Family, and I only caught part of it. She was talking about parenting and "overparenting" and "underparenting" ~ and she had great points for each. On one side, she talked about children who never saw their parents while they served as pastors or missionaries; and she talked about balancing and how there was no specific formula. I think she was directing people to look at what God has for them instead of getting caught up and forgetting their family. And then she talked about how she used to pray for her children. And then she realized and remembered they are on loan to her. That one struck me most. I always want my children to feel special and loved, but I don't want them to think they are "better" than everyone else. I have tried to help them be empathetic and not strive to have focus on them. For any accomplishments, I want their lives to point to Him. But I have prayed for certain things for them, thinking that is how I should pray. But as the years have gone on, I realize my own prayers have changed so much. I don't want them to have to go through things, but they will. So I want to remember to pray that they keep their eyes on God ~ no matter what or where they are. And when we go through frustrating or difficult times, they won't be as focused on the time as they will on Who will help them through. That is the goal, of course. I fail all of the time, but it makes all of the difference when I remember to put my focus back on Him and not my circumstances!

So instead of being frustrated (which I have been again recently!) and worn down, I have once again been reminded to keep looking at Him. I don't know why my eyes drop or fall down so quickly, but they do often. I am thankful for the reminders placed before me.

I love Nichole Nordeman's music. I heard part of a new song on the radio one morning while Peter was driving us to work. So my full attention was not on the song! It's about Ruth and Naomi but can also represent a lot of relationships God gives us to help on here on this earth. I am thankful for all of the ones He has put in my path to help me.

Please remember a dear family at home with a family member who will probably be meeting Jesus face to face soon. They have been so much on my heart and my mind. I know a lot of you know Wendell and Wanda and Brittany and Shannon. They are leaning on Him, and I know they appreciate all of your prayers.

Have a great weekend. And thanks again for the prayers for our family. Peter and Will had a good first week too. Sam is checking his bsl in the office before lunch, and he is doing a great job along with the team of people helping him. We are thankful for all of them too!!!!



I'm With You (Nichole Nordeman)


Love is a hurricane in a blue sky,
I didn't see it coming, never knew why,
All the laughter and the dreams, all the memories in between, washed away in a steady stream.
Love is a hunger, A famine in your soul.
I thought I planted beauty, but it would never grow.
Now I'm on my hands and knees, trying to gather up my dreams, trying to hold on to anything.
We could shake our fists in times like this when we don't understand or we could just hold hands.

(Chorus)
You and me , Me and you, Where you go I'll go too, I'm with you, I'm with you,.
Till your heart finds a home, I won't let you feel alone, I'm with you , I'm with you, with you.

You do your best to build a higher wall.
To keep love safe from every wrecking ball.
When the dust is cleared you will see the house that love rebuilt, guarding beauty that lives here still.

(Chorus)
It's you and me , Me and you, Where you go I'll go too, I'm with you ,I'm with you.
Till your heart finds a home, I won't let you feel alone, I'm with you, I'm with you.

Who can say I'm left with nothing?
When I have all of you, all of you, yeah.
In the way you've always loved me.
I remember. He does too.

(Chorus)
It's you and me, Me and you, Where you go I'll go too, I'm with you, I'm with you.
Till your heart finds a home, I won't let you feel alone, I'm with you, I'm with you.
Me and you are gonna make it through me and you.
I'm with you, I'm with you, with you.