Andrew's Conference Meet

We were so thankful to be able to see Andrew run his last track conference meet in Louisiana.  Even though he had no PR's, he still was 9th in the 10K (31:54) and 10th in the 5K (15:16).  I know those races were hard.  He was so tired.  But he did very well.  I am amazed to look at his 10K splits, and I knew there were a few slower laps here and there.  But overall, he ran really good splits, and I cannot help but think the slower ones were from the fatigue from his immune system.  Knowing all of that, I was still so thankful.  Because he was able to go and run.  His team flew, and I think it was a good time for him.

He is already sick again though.  He went to the doctor Friday and has another two week round of his best antibiotic and was instructed to do three breathing treatments a day for a while.  One side of his lungs was clear, but the other side was awful.  He was moving air very well, so we did not have get an x ray.  We went and cleaned Thursday evening, and he did not remember me talking to him on the way home.  He was out of it, and I was concerned that he was not doing the same things in order.  So we are watching him closely.  He sat in the rain and cold for Luke and Emily's graduation at JSB this morning, and he was so tired by the time it was over that he could not even eat.  I brought him home, and he has slept a lot.  He has done a breathing treatment but still sounds awful.

This is exactly what I have warned my insurance company about while I was begging them to get him his medicine.  Their actions caused him to miss most of his senior track season.  And I just pray we can get him better before he has a seizure or gets pneumonia.  I know God will take care of him no matter what.  But I am struggling again with that anger.  When things calm down a little bit, I will try to focus all of this "wasted" energy on bringing Andrew's situation to attention of people who may be able to do something about it.  This is not the first time with this medicine.  They have held it up in January before.  And they have held it up waiting for authorization that they could be very vague about.  They have also done this with his seizure meds before, causing him to half doses until I could get it straightened out after days of constant work on my part and his doctor's office.  They also changed Sam's insulin to a different "preferred" brand last year which caused a delay - because his prescription on file was for the insulin he had used since 2009.  We also had to buy new insulin pens.  Our insurance covers the insulin cartridges with a co-pay, but they won't pay for the pen that you have to use to give the insulin!  And since those pens malfunction on occasion, we have to stock up some.  It's very frustrating, and I need to do something constructive and helpful with this.

Sam's best part of the meet was wearing his ASU shirt and hat and sitting with Andrew and his friends on Saturday night watching other friends run.  He felt so big.  Andrew is such a great big brother.

It was a good meet with a lot of great performances from Appalachian athletes.  It is sad to me that these events are so far away and that I am not really familiar with any of the other teams in the Sun Belt.  I felt like the Southern Conference was much more familiar!

Thanks for those of you who pray for Andrew and our family.  I would ask that you remember him in the next few days as he tries to get rid of most of this before summer school starts - Chemistry 2 with a lab!

Thank you!

Wendi

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

This verse is for me.  I think I feel more discouraged than angry.  I just need to keep turning all of this over to Him.  God already knows what is coming!

I love that new song by Lauren Daigle.  I do trust in Him and need to remember that when things come my way and cannot get checked off my list.

"Trust In You"

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

May 9, 2016

Just a quick update!  

Pete leaves for Israel tomorrow for 10 days.  He is so excited.  I have gotten his "surprise" candy at least five times, and he has found it and eaten it.  So I got a little more today, and we'll see.  He already found it!  The Holy Land is usually one of the safest places for American tourists, and I try to remember that when I hear things on the news.  I need to get his itinerary so I can email it to Rev. Thrasher - and anyone else who wants to know where he is!  Sometimes we look every day to know where he is.  And he is good about texting me.  But sometimes when he has been gone, it's been good enough to keep everyone alive - literally.  We hope this is one of those times where it's nice and calm on both sides.

Sam and I leave near the end of the week to drive to the conference meet with my dad.  He will love Nichole Nordeman, Mercy Me, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Beth Moore by the time we get home.  We are excited to visit a church there on Sunday morning.  It will be a long trip, but we are so excited to see Andrew and his team run.  Sam put them in our prayer journal at Sunday School yesterday - "Andrew and his team."

Andrew feels much better, and we thank those of you who have prayed for him.  He is still a little bit tired, but he seems to be much much better.  He is flying, so his trip won't be as long.

Peter will help me get some of our odd jobs done before I leave, and I am thankful for his willingness to go late at night to get things done.  I don't like being in places alone after dark!  

Will gets his diploma soon!  He won't walk at graduation, but I am so happy for him.  I cannot thank his one teacher enough.  I know she will be thrilled too.  Not all teachers are the same, and God gave us an extra special one to help Will get to this place.  Looking back over his entire education, those special teachers made a huge difference and played a part in getting him to this point.  I remember his second grade teacher making a huge impact one time with something she said.  I told her about it a couple of years ago, and she did not remember it at all.  But he does.  And I do.  It's true that teachers impact more than we know.

Sam had his last reading lesson today for a few weeks.  He is doing really well.  And I love to sit in the observation room and see him actually learning things.  He catches himself, and I saw one time when the light bulb came right on.  And he was so excited, and his teachers were too!  It's slow, and it will take time; but I can already tell a difference in him.  And I think he knows he can actually learn to read.  We pray every morning on our way to school, and he knows we have been praying about his reading for years.

I got to meet with a special friend today that I have not seen in forever.  She is going through some medical issues - just had surgery for cancer.  And now she must decide what treatment path to take.  I am praying that her second opinion at Duke will give her peace and clarity.  It was such a blessing to hug on her today and to meet her children that I have not met before!

I also feel so thankful that someone else has only one more chemo treatment to go.  I don't have permission to share, but I am thankful that God has seen this special person through his journey thus far.  And I know He will continue to.

So much illness and sadness.  Missing children and young people.  Confused and hurting people.  People who need the Lord.  Our sermon Sunday was on salt and light.  Matthew 5:13-16 from The Sermon on the Mount.  Pete will get to go where Jesus was when He preached - the Mount of Beatitudes.  I want to spend more time praying and being what God wants ME to be on this earth - to be salt and light.  To be what He wants me to be.  Not what I want to be.  Or how I want to seem to people.  You've probably figured out by now that I am NOT that person most people want to be like!  I think people have started running and hiding when they see me in Walmart!  No one strives to live in the sometimes constant chaos of my life.  My life is not perfect or orderly or desirable.  

I did not get that song "Blessings" when it first came out.  My friend Lisa told me to listen to it.  Then after a few times of listening, it  hit me.  The things that DON'T tie us to this world are blessings, because this is not our home.  Oh, to be that perfect person who points others to Christ constantly because my focus is constantly on Him and not my circumstances.  And not on what others are doing or have.  And not  how great everyone else seems to be doing on Facebook.  I cry thinking of wasted time and opportunities.  But because His mercies are new every morning, I still can strive every day to be that light.  To be that salt.  To be the one He wants me to be. 

Okay, the "quick" was a stretch.  Thanks for reading this.  Thanks to those who pray.  

If you want to see track meet results, they should be under Sun Belt Conference.  I think there is a championship tab, and you can go to Outdoor Track and Field.  Dad and I are not technical geniuses, so we won't be posting pictures from the meet on Facebook!  Besides, we cannot do that and time and write splits and cheer.  We are just praying for good efforts and a safe trip for everyone.

Love,

Wendi

Update

Thanks for reading this!

 

Andrew is doing well, except he has been sick for the last few weeks.  And I have struggled with anger during this time.  I begged BCBS since the first of February when I knew there was trouble showing he had insurance to the drug company.  Once that was fixed, the reimbursement rate for the company (that we have used since he was diagnosed a few years ago) was way too low (like from 42% to 3%).  So the drug company - after having weeks of trouble even reaching BCBS - found us another company.  I tried to get one dose on my credit card - whatever we could do.  I warned BCBS through phone calls and private FB messages that this would probably happen.  They did not care as they held up his meds for over two months.  So he has had a bad upper respiratory infection with coughing and bad fatigue.  He has missed every track meet since the 5000 he ran in Charlotte.  And we started him on antibiotics even before the doctor thought we really needed to.  It escalated fast, and he is on round 2.  I have talked to BCBS twice in the past week for an hour each time.  They called ME.  Maybe I am on their priority list, because they know that I know I have proof of contact and begging.  They did offer to maybe get a gift card to "compensate" for what Andrew has been through.  We are in the process of getting a case manager, and I told them a gift card (and I don't think I said "stupid" gift card) would not make up for Andrew missing most of his senior track season.  

 

I also told them, since they asked about my issues, that he could be susceptible to that liver disease or lipodystrophy that went away and has not come back.  I told them there was no explanation for the remission of those things except God and that I was trusting God would keep them at bay while Andrew's immune system is still so low.  They always start out with an attitude, but at the end of the conversation really act like they understand that we need help getting our stuff.

 

Andrew has not had a seizure during this time, but he did call us one day from campus and could not use his legs.  We got him into the peds office in a wheelchair, and Dr. Zimmerman gave him fluids for a few hours.  During that time, he could not even stand up alone to go to the bathroom.  He could not walk.  It was scary, and that does make me angry at Blue Cross.  But I also know that God had His hand on Andrew.  And I share that with the insurance people, so they will know that I am upset and want things fixed BUT that our family does not totally rely on them.

 

So we are praying Andrew will be back to himself by conference in mid-May.  He has run two PR's in the 5K and 10K.  And that is a huge praise, because those are the only times he has had!  My dad, Sam, and I are driving to Lafayette, LA, to watch Andrew run.  My dad does not know (unless he reads this email) that I am planning the trip with some good stops in mind.  He likes to eat inside a restaurant while Sam and I like to run into a favorite store or two on a break and go through a drive-thru.  So we will compromise and have had some help planning some stops in places we have never been  Sam and I went to BIrmingham, our halfway point, for indoor conference; so at least we have been that way already and know what to expect.

We are thankful Dad is going (I am 48, but he said I am not going alone), because Pete will be out of the country.  He leaves for Israel right before we leave.  And he is so excited.  Andrew won't graduate in May, because he has added a nutrition major.  I know his brain is working well, because he has done really well in his first Chemistry class, probably one of the toughest subjects at Appalachian.  Andrew has not always seen good grades with his studying, so we are very thankful his brain seems to work better with his school work.  He had a few tough  years while we changed his medications, and he had more seizures.

 

Sam has started reading lessons at ASU.  He was evaluated, after Laura got one of his notebooks I keep and showed it to her supervisor.  Her supervisor is wonderful and told me after his second evaluation that he needs intense one on one help, and she believes she can teach him to read.  I got tears in my eyes, and she told me I was so sweet.  Then I told her that I had prayed about his reading for years.  I knew something was wrong.  And though he has had some really good teachers, he needed that one on one.  And what is on paper at school is not always what will work.  He has struggled with a huge amount of anxiety this year, and I hate to say I did not have a clue how bad it was.  He does not act out.  But we have also been to Asheville to Olson Huff twice, and I saw it clearly in those weeks.  We are working on plans for next year, and that will include getting him the help he needs to read and whatever else he needs to feel comfortable and learn.  We have been praying so hard about all of this, and God just keeps bringing people, since March, to give us answers.  So we know He will help with the rest.  Sam is already talking more about what bothers him and handling things much better.   He was able to run into Boone Drug Friday alone (we're in there all of the time, and they know us!) to get a book he had seen, and he ended up having someone get it for him!  He was beaming, clutching that Star Wars book, when he waited for me on the sidewalk.  He could not have done that even a few weeks ago.

 

During all of this stuff, Sam has had some very low blood sugars.  He also had trouble feeling his legs when he got into the car one day after school (weird that there were two instances of that!).  But his blood sugar was in the 50's, so his knees probably felt extremely weak.  He was fine when our wonderful nurse had checked him, but he dropped right before school let out.  I was just thankful he was able to eat Smarties all the way home where he was still a little lower than he should have been.  So that was a fast, scary drop.  We went to the endocrinologist two weeks ago and found his a1c had drastically dropped - a great thing since it had been creeping up despite our best efforts.  The doctor was extremely pleased, and Sam and I celebrated with a big Lego set that he had wanted since before Christmas.  It was on the clearance table at the Lego store when we went into South Park to grab lunch.  God had it right there for him.  Now, we are changing everything around again as he starts to creep up again and don't know if it's illness or just the up and downs of diabetes.  But we are determined to keep on top of things.  And we continue to thank God for the help He always gives.

 

Peter is finishing his junior year at Appalachian.  He just ran a 5K at school yesterday.  We are happy he is running some again.  He is also on a mission to help our dog lose weight.  He's done a great job, and she is so much more active.  We have all been on board.  He will be surprised to return home tonight to find she's lost 10 more pounds, since Will shaved her this afternoon!  He left the mountains of white fur on the back deck.  If it blows into the neighbors' yards tonight, they will think they have awakened to snow in the morning!

 

Will is working on getting his CDL still and has part of it.  It's a little weird to see him driving such huge things, but we think he was born that way  I am just hoping and praying he will recognize where his gifts and abilities come from and do things to honor God with those talents.  He has good people in his path that we know God has orchestrated.  So we continue to pray over all of our boys continually.  We are so thankful God is faithful.

 

Thanks for reading this and thanks for praying for us.  We cannot begin to explain how much it means to us.

 

Wendi

February 2016

It's hard to believe February is already flying by!  It's cold here in Boone today.  It snowed and stopped and snowed and stopped and now is snowing again!  This weekend, I got in a lot of wood from our last pile outside at the back of the house.  I was so thankful to see there was more than I thought.  I made it a game, and I worked on it for about two hours.  Andrew had helped me with a cleaning job earlier in the day.  Peter was not around, and Will was getting ready to go somewhere.  Peter finally got back and helped with a couple of loads, and one of Will's friends helped get some in and chopped a lot of kindling.  I have never appreciated help as much as I seem to now.  Pete has always been there to do everything - even if I helped.  But I am a little protective of him.  It's hard when he insists on doing all that he can, so I am thankful when others pitch in to help when he is not looking!

On the other side of the house, Pete was taking our neighbor's dog (puppy) out, since they were out of town.  I asked how it was.  It was crazy trying to get a leash on her.  It was so funny.  The dog is so funny and full of energy.  She and Lucy are friends, but Cokie has a million times more energy.  So Pete was pretty occupied while I was working.  With the cold today, I am so happy all of that wood is in the basement snug in the corner and not outside!

Everything is just so busy busy busy.  I don't seem to have time to catch my breath some days, and it's frustrating to me.  I think back to when my boys were little and should have been taking up all of my time, but this time in life seems much harder.  I always had a schedule.  It was flexible, but I usually had an hour to myself when they napped and another hour or two after they were in bed.  It's not even running here and there and everywhere.  It's just the amount of stuff that always needs to be done, and I don't feel like I ever check anything off my list!

So I have determined to do better.  I have seen my husband frustrated and tired, and I know he feels the same way to an extent.  So I have been praying about what to do differently.  And I know God will let me know.  He knows my focus is on what needs to be done next - and not always on Him.

Sam and I made handmade valentines in Sunday School to send to people.  We started out with 8-10, but we mailed 22 this morning.  We still have a long list, but we will have to send Easter cards too.  When I think of all of the people who would love to get something in the mail, I feel terrible that my plans never materialize nearly like I would like.  In a world that has gone to technology, it's so nice to get something in the mail.  At Christmas, Pete's boss gives each employee money and a foster child to buy gifts for.  He gives the money and list to me.  This year, we ordered most of what was on the list; and Sam loved getting the packages and sorting and wrapping everything.  This year, we are saving to buy a goat for a family through Samaritan's Purse.  That's our Sunday School project. 

Will had a vehicle parked outside our garage that looked ready for the junk yard.  No engine.  No tires.  On blocks.  I know some neighbors were probably thrilled to drive by it each day.  To me, it was a reminder that my boy is at home.  So I cherished the sight.  Today, the vehicle went up the road.  Motor in.  Tires on.  New paint job.  I see so much there that God can use, and I pray many times each day that he will use his gifts and talents for God.  He is just 18, but I pray and pray.  When I wash those dirty clothes for him and fold them (when he has not done his own laundry), I consider it a privilege.  I do have a kind of funny story from the other night, but I will save it for another time.  He did scare me (not on purpose), and I told his friends that if I were ever going to cuss, it would have been then.  So we are safe there.  Not a bad word came out of my mouth or even came to mind.  I listened to a video that was talked about as controversial today, and it had bad words and trash in it.  That is what our young people listen to- some of them.  It hurts my heart.  And that bad stuff will come out at some point, if it's constantly going in.

Peter is on a roll with his tests the past couple of weeks.  I pray for him all of the time too.  Sam and I pray in the car every morning to get us started.  But most of the time. I pray before I even get out of bed.  It is good to pray, and it reminds me Who is in control - before I get off on my own tangents.  Peter has been on my heart more than usual, and I feel like God is working in his life.  And I am so very thankful.

Andrew ran at ETSU on Friday night.  He ran a PR in his 5K.  He ran a 15:10.  He was fourth and needs to run a few seconds faster to make conference.  So he goes to Marshall this weekend.  I want to go, but I am not sure I can work that out.  So I am praying for his safety and his race.  He has great coaches, great friends on the team, and a great trainer.  His trainer called me before he started working with their team, and his questions made me feel like he had taken the time to see what he could do for Andrew and how to be prepared in case Andrew needed help.  Not many people go that extra bit, and they cannot know how much I appreciate those that do.

Which brings me to another thought I had Friday night.  I passed the turn-off to a school Andrew was so excited about attending.  Pete went with him for a visit to see about running.  They were treated so well, and they were both so excited.  Even with scholarships, it would be very expensive; but Pete was determined to do that for Andrew.  I went to orientation with Andrew.  I knew about orientations and how they worked.  I wanted to be impressed.  I wanted to feel at peace.  I wanted to like the place!  Everything sounded good on the surface, but I had misgivings.  His schedule interfered with practice, which should not have happened at a school that size -if they were looking out for you.  I talked to the people who were so animated on the stage talking to parents at orientation - when they stopped talking to each other in the hallway and noticed that I had some questions.  When I expressed my concern about him living in a residence hall with his emergency situations, one woman kind of informed me that he was not the only one on campus with health problems.  I wanted to go in the bathroom and cry.  I kept praying.  The rest of the story is that Andrew had a horrible night a few weeks before he went.  I had tried really hard to be positive and supportive.  I had bought his few things for his room - he's a minimalist mostly.  I had packed them in a corner - his comforter, new sheets, few dishes, clothes rack, etc.  But it was Andrew who told me that he could not go.  That was right on the heels of an email from my aunt who gives advice but not usually to me.  She had pretty much told me that I could trust the Lord, but sometimes He was telling me not to do what I was trying to trust Him to take care of!  Boy, that answer was right in front of me.  I am so thankful that everything else worked out for him to go to Appalachian. He had been accepted, and he was not living in a hall; so that helped.  But God worked it all out.  All of it.  There were so many details.  So as I drove by the turn-off on Friday, I let that feeling of thankfulness wash over me - all the way down to my toes. 

Sam is still struggling so much in school in so many ways.  We pray about that every day and what to do.  He has an appointment in March in Asheville where he went when he was four.  He won't see the same doctor but will see a PA.  I don't know what is important enough to get an appointment with the doctor he has already seen.  But I am hoping the PA will be what he needs.  Snow days are a bit of relief for him.  He really appreciates the break from what is really hard for him.

Pete continues to work hard.  Too hard.  I think this year will be the year to cut back on some things.  We/he cannot keep up the pace like we have for so long.  And it's probably working against us.  We work extra jobs to pay for our medical bills, but now that affects our insurance price which is now through the roof.  So we will see what we need to do to get in a better way there.  I would love to take a huge load off his shoulders.  Right now, we need to learn ways to save more money than earn more money!  He is so tired.  And it makes me frustrated sometimes.  Well, a lot of times lately.  I keep praying about this and asking God to show us what to do.

Thanks for reading this long update.  We live each day very thankful right now.  Last  year at this time was hard.  Little did we know that it would get much harder.  But I can tell you that God was right with us during it all.  And no one can dispute that.  I was there, and I know.  That's the thing about our testimonies.  They are ours.  We just need to be better about sharing them.

Happy snow days!

Happy New Year! 2016

Happy New Year!

We are so happy to begin the new year with all of the promises God has for us.  It's not that any year is promised to be easy, but God promises He is with us.  And that makes all of the difference when starting, or continuing, any journey!

And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.   Deuteronomy 31:8  


I thought I knew what that verse meant before last year!  He has proven it to be true over and over.  We are so thankful for where we have come and where we will go ~ with Him.

We are thankful for family and friends who have helped us this past year in so many ways ~ so many.  We appreciate when people allow themselves to be used by God to help others ~ in this case, our family.

We spent Thanksgiving AND Christmas together as a family, and it was wonderful.  And it was a blessing.  And we loved it and appreciated it more this year than we could have any other year.

While Christmas seems to slip by too quickly, once it gets close, we have determined to keep it in our hearts more this year than ever before.  We have our special nativity from my grandmother, which will stay in a special place all this year.

We plan to have some advent Bible studies.  We don't want the JOY of Christmas, the true joy of the real meaning of Christmas, to fade until next December.

We want to feel the excitement that decorating seems to bring ~ when we know Christmas is coming soon.

We want to feel it all year long.  To carry it with us every single day of the year.  Because Jesus has come.  He is with us now.  Every single day.

~~~~~~~~~

Pete is doing better.  He has reached a plateau of sorts, and it has been hard on him.  He is doing well with medicines and blood pressure.  He has figured out what makes him feel better, and what may make him worse.  He still cannot run, but he is still hoping for that this year.  That right foot just needs to pick up.  He is renovating our bathroom right now.  It's taken a lot out of him, but he is doing it.  I am helping a little bit and will help more as we do it in stages.  We have had a few setbacks - things taking longer than they should and a chipped counter on my dream vanity (bought very much on sale!).  Oh well.  Will and his friends took care of demo day after it started getting to be too much for Pete.  I think it took them 20 minutes!  I scraped the popcorn ceiling off AND cleaned up the mess.  The boys have been good to carry or help carry anything heavy.  We are in the process of sending the vanity back and replacing it with my #1 dream vanity first choice color (still on sale).  And we are excited to use leftover wood flooring for the floor.  Hopefully, what I learned years ago doing the kitchen will come back to me!  Pete has planned it out in stages, so it would not be too much at once.  And it will mean more ~ that we did it as a family.

Church is good.  Pete has some of the young men at church read the scriptures, so that helps save his speech for his sermon.  His speech got worse, but his speech therapist released him once again.  She told him to slow down and speak more softly.  That has helped, but it's hard to use so much energy just to talk some days.  But his thoughts and words go together well, so we are very thankful for that.  Strokes are hard and mean and can be so devastating.  It's still hard to believe he had so many.  But he did, and we are thankful for what he is doing now and what God has for him this year.  It may not be our plan, but we want to be content with His plan.

Andrew is running indoor track.  He had his first meet at ETSU today.  His form fell apart with about 3-4 laps to go in the 3000, but he was still within a few seconds of his PR.  So what a PR he would have had if the air had not been so dry and sucked out some of his energy with a cough.  He finished cross country very strong and was a huge contributor to the team.  We are already looking forward to The Bear again this year.  When I have a tough day, I like to think back on that night and see my child run up and win.  It reminds me of the miracles God performs ~ sometimes when we least expect them.  I wanted him to finish and had no idea, no clue, he would win.  What a huge blessing for our family who was struggling through such a tough couple of months!

This was from a few years ago when Pete was able to be at The Bear.

Andrew winning in 2015.  His dad was so excited when Andrew called him from the top to tell him!  What a beautiful and encouraging night!

 He is senior but just added another major.  So he will be continuing on another year or so and using up all of his running time he has left.  He has done well in school and was the Student Athlete of the Week one week.  I would not have known if people had not sent me pictures of the billboard at the televised football game.  We are happy his studying stays with him.  It has not always been that way.

Andrew was too busy working concessions at the game to notice his picture up there!

Peter is a junior at Appalachian.  He changed his major, and I hope he does not go into any field that causes great worry for me!  Just kidding, kind of.  He is in Criminal Justice.  He works and goes to school.  He is our comic relief a lot of times.  He loves to do anything outdoors - ski, climb, run, play basketball, hike, and many other likes.  He is in the right place to do all of those things while going to school!  Peter recently ran a 5K on a dare and got second.  His time was nothing like his times before, but he ran extra and had not been running.  I was happy he was out there.  He loves to take our dog Lucy on long walks.  And she gets so excited now when he picks up the leash.  He has been fighting a shoulder/arm injury for a while now, but we have tested and MRI'd about all we can and hope time will heal him.  Fortunately, we can still call on him to do some heavy lifting and helping.  It's good to have him at home still - to hear his voice and know I can check in with him.

Peter and Julianna ~ who is here for a visit.  She has done laundry and helped wash Lucy!  Among other things!

Lucy waiting to go for a walk.


Will just finished his English!  I have wanted to say that for so long, and he finally did it!  With help.  Lots of help from God and his teacher.  I am so thankful for teachers like Ms. Wellborn.  She never gave up on him, and I know for a fact God sent her to help him.  And us.  Will still works with our neighbors.  They have been very good with him and to him.  He helps them with all kinds of things, even climbing trees and working on trucks.  We are so thankful to have him home.  We love his greasy Carhartt pants and filthy work t-shirts.  Love having them in our house.  God has worked so much in this situation.  And though it's not perfect, it shows what He does and can do.  And will do.  And we give Him all of the praise and glory for it!

Will loves cutting trees.  And we pray for his safety constantly!


Sam is holding his own with his diabetes.  It's so draining to keep up with all of it all day every day and all night every night.  He is so compliant but threw a huge fit at the doctor when he got some other shots the other day!  I thought it must have been time for a melt down, and I am thankful he only has one every couple of years!  He really struggles at school for a lot of different reasons.  We are thankful for those who are there to help care for him.  He has a few appointments in the coming months to see if we can figure out his learning difficulties or disabilities.  We know he has some brain damage from a probable prenatal stroke (like Andrew's that causes seizures).  It's in his learning and focusing area.  And there are his eyes and his blood sugars.  It's tough.  But he is so smart and sweet and has the biggest heart.  God will help us figure all of this out too.  But it's frustrating.  And it's hard to see him so miserable some days.  He loves to play outside.  Andrew is his biggest play buddy.  Then Lucy.  Then he'll play outside alone.  He has been able to be out there a lot more this winter, so far.  And he has been a close second to Will with the dirtiest clothes - which only means he was having a great time!
                              

 

For me, I am just going to try harder and harder to trust God with everything going on in this life.  I want my story to glorify Him.  To bring attention to Him.  To not be about me.  And especially not about me whining and complaining.  He has so many places to work in my life, because I cannot do anything right alone.  He is always there to help me.  I just have to remember to call on Him and let Him take over!

We hope you have a great New Year and that God works mightily in your lives this year.

If you don't know Him.  If you don't trust Him.  Please make this be the time you do.  It's an eternal decision.  It's the best decision that you will ever make.  To accept the FREE gift of salvation.  The price has been paid.  Don't waste that one!  Accept it.

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" Romans 3:23

But wait!  GREAT news!

" For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." 

John 3:16

I have already accepted the priceless gift and aim to share it more this year.  There is no better news to share.

~ Merry Christmas 2015! ~

Christmas is just a little bit away!  I cannot even believe it's here already.  I know that is what most people are thinking now.  My schedule seems to get busier and busier while I try harder and harder to slow down!  I am thankful God has given me some good bursts of energy to get some things done lately - things long neglected this year.  And I am so excited to have my helper help me wrap gifts tonight and tomorrow.  I love doing it, but I keep waiting to get other things done.  And I finally ordered Christmas cards - just today!  So they will be late, but that's okay.

This year has been tough for sure.  Some days I am tired and feel discouraged.  And I let myself think back and think ahead.  Both of those can be good and bad.  I just think, for me, perspective makes a huge difference.  I can either look at what has been tough and what I may have lost, or I can be thankful and praise God for the miracles He has done in our family this year.  I want to be thankful and am, even on tough days.

Pete is doing great.  He wants to run, and it's so discouraging that he cannot yet.  But the neurologist reminded him the other day that it's only been a little over six months.  His speech seems more difficult, and it's easy to tell when he is tired.  And sometimes that is in the morning. So he started speech therapy again.  He needs to slow down and enunciate more.  But his speech therapist (who worked with me in Admissions some when she was a student!) thinks he is great.  Pete wore his third (3rd!!!) heart monitor over Thanksgiving.  The one he wore last did not stay on long but had shown some abnormalities, which won us a trip to the cardiologist.  He only wore one again, because I begged.  It stayed on for nine days, and I just prayed that it would show something if it needed to.  We have not gotten those results yet.  The neurologist wanted one more MRI before the end of the year, so we are going to Winston for that on Friday evening.  We are helping Pete's parents move some things to Virginia the next day, so that works out well.  So I am praying that all of these tests are good and that Pete continues to improve and is able to run this coming year.  He was so happy to go to Israel in the fall.  And he is still planning out our Christmas vacation to remodel our bathroom.  So even though it's been so hard to see him struggle, I just flash back to that room at Baptist when he could not even twitch his right side; and I am thankful.  It's the perspective.  God is so good.

Andrew is doing well.  He wants to get another major and finish out his running at Appalachian, so he is not going to graduate in the spring.  We appreciate his hard work, and I remember when he used to study two or three times as much to make things stick.  And I am thankful that he can put in the study time and see the results now.  He had a super great cross country season (after winning The BEAR in July) and really contributed to the team - as one of their top runners.  He made all conference like Pete when he ran at Appalachian.  Coach Curcio acknowledged that in the newspaper article, and that put a smile on Pete's face.  Andrew changed medications after having a little trouble in the fall.  He seems to be doing great on this one - a super charged version of the old one.  He goes to his two check ups this week and next in Charlotte.  He also has an eye appointment and regular check up.  I am trusting all of those will go well.  He looks great and acts great.

Peter is working and going to school still.  He ran a 5K the other day on a dare and got second.  His time was slow, and it hurt; but he did it!  He is having another MRI this coming week on his shoulder that keeps bothering him.  Will is hopefully finishing up school and is working with our neighbors.  It's good to have my boys home, and I am so thankful for all God has done in our family this year.  When I see grease stains on my pretty white kitchen cabinets, I simply don't care.  It's that perspective.

And Sam is still my brave little person.  His diabetes is pretty much under control with constant checking and switching and middle of the night checks.  He has had a tough time with school, mainly because of his reading and learning issues.  We found out at the first of the year that he had something like a stroke before he was born too (like Andrew).  And it affected a learning area in his brain.  He has some appointments coming up, and we hope to figure out the best plan for him.  He is so thoughtful and helpful.  He really came out of his shell at church the other night when some of the ladies asked for his help filling shoe boxes.  He talked and talked and told them how he filled his.  It was simply wonderful to see him so excited and talking at church.

I have seen a lot this year, and I hope I have learned a lot.  I have had so many people come from nowhere and give words of comfort, or encouragement, or wisdom.  I appreciate their willingness to take the time to share with me.  Our family appreciates all of the prayers prayed for us.  We appreciate all of the help given to us this year.  Sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end, but we have truly been blessed by so many.  Every time we turn around.

We trust what we share of our lives will encourage others.  My testimony is that I cannot go through this alone.  And I don't.  God has told me He is with me so many times this year.  And I knew for a fact it was God.  I had the opportunity to share my testimony at a friend's church in late spring.  We had it planned before the strokes, and one thing after another happened.  And I did not want to talk to people, but I never heard God tell me to wait.  Getting ready for that, I revisited a lot of places in my life.  And it's like a ribbon weaving throughout my story - His grace and mercy and love.  And I am so thankful He let me see that so clearly.

This Christmas time, now, I want to be keenly aware of Him and of what He wants me to do.  I want to see things I may have missed before.  Sometimes when things come crashing in or are torn down, it's not a bad thing.  We can sift through and find what is of Him and rebuild with Him.  We can get rid of what was never part of His plan.  I pray that I can do this.  Nichole Nordeman's song "The Unmaking" has been a blessing to me.  In Big Daddy Weave's "My Story" - he sings that "to tell you my story is to tell of Him."  And I want Him to be the star of my story.  So I will take my story with its times of heartache and despair and fear and let God use it to show others what He can do.  I just don't want to get in the way - like I tend to do when my perspective gets shifted by the things of this world.

Merry Christmas from our family.  We are so thankful for everyone who allowed God to use them this year to help our family - and in years past too.  We praise God for who He is and what He has done.  And we celebrate the birth of Jesus, His only Son, born in a lowly manger.  Who came to save even me.

~~

~ Happy 24th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball ~

Today is a day to remember.  And to be thankful.  And to have hope.  And though I always cry some tears on this day, I feel that joy deep in my soul that I KNOW where she is and where I will go to see her again.

As life can get harder and harder, Heaven gets more and more real.  I am so thankful Jesus came and died for even me so that I can live with Him one day.  His precious and most painful gift is free, and all I had to do was accept it and believe it.  Why would I want to live for anyone else?  I want to live for the One who died for me.  The only One who could.

I am so thankful that I will see this little person again.  I don't know what she will look like, but I know I will know her.

Happy 24th Birthday, Katelyn Elizabeth Ball.  We love you and will see you again.

~~~~~~~~


I cannot believe tomorrow is Katelyn's 22nd birthday. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven ~ if there is a need to celebrate when in Heaven on just certain days! I got a text this morning from a dear friend/sister. She asked something, and I knew exactly what she was asking about ~ Katelyn. We all come back to this place this time of year. It's sad, but it's so much more than that. The first years were hard because Katelyn was the first baby in the family and for most of our friends. We did not yet know about all of the blessings that would come. So we felt the loss and felt it very acutely.  We still feel the loss, but we can see how God has worked; and that gives us hope and peace.

 November 20th will always be a day of reflection for me. I can still feel that cinder block wall. I still remember having my brother right there with me ~ knowing exactly how I was feeling and sharing that time of sorrow and concern. I can see my mom sitting in the waiting room. I can see my aunt talking to my uncle. The memories are so sharp. I remember Little Caesars in Winston and the chair that a nurse brought outside the NICU for me to sit on while Whitney visited in the nursery. I remember driving my grandfather back to the road to go home in a small rental car. So many memories half my lifetime ago ~ that seem like yesterday.

I know He lives. And I know we will see her and others we have lost. What a blessing and what hope we have. If you don't have that, please ask someone about it now. The gift of eternal life is free and just needs to be accepted.


This is last year's post ~~~~~

I wrote this original post two years ago. I just read it again...and cried. It seems like it could not be 21 years ago, and then it seems like a lifetime ago. The first weeks were the hardest. Then the first months. God was with us. He is still with us even now - He never left. Never will.

I know one of God's tiniest angels
She slipped into our lives one cold night
Not meant to stay for long
This precious little bundle
She taught us love in her short time on earth
And when it was time to go
She slipped out of our lives
But not out of our hearts
Where she will stay
And we will see her again...in Heaven
(a revision of the poem I wrote a year after she died)

Every year is one year closer...

2011 Post This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one.

Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact. ~~~~~~~~

I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.

Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.

In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures. She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.

My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.

Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.  

Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful.

I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.

That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.

I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!  

Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most. ~~~~~ Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!

All of Me (Matt Hammitt)

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
 And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

 I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start