Thank you, God, for Grandmother

My precious grandmother died tonight.  My brother just called me.  He woke me up.  My sister and niece were with her.  My sister just called to tell me she died peacefully.  We had prayed specifically for that.  She has had a tougher last few days.  She has not rested like she has been able to do.

I knew today that she would not be here much longer.  But I also thought that weeks ago.  Each time she told me she loved me and kissed my face, I knew it could be the last time.  Today, I told her I loved her; and she struggled to form the words.  So I told her I knew she loved me.  I tried not to cry.  But tears were spilling out of my eyes while I told her I loved her and what a blessing she was.  I wanted to tell her it was okay to go on ahead - that Jesus was going to meet her.  But I didn't.  I just let her know she was an extra special gift.

We talked weeks ago about what happens when one dies - when they know and have accepted Jesus.  She nodded while Pete talked, and she even chimed in a little bit.  Grandmother knew she was going to see Jesus when she died.

I have never seen someone who is at home dying with hospice have so many visitors.  Grandmother had lots.  I told her today that her driveway and yard looked like a parking lot with so many cars.  She has had children and grandchildren and great grandchildren rotating in to help her, along with some wonderful friends and caregivers.  She had her brother visit and other special friends and neighbors.  She has heard people caring for her, even when she could not really respond.  When she could respond, she always said she was just fine.  And she would smile.  And her blue eyes would just twinkle.  I told her that I wish my blue eyes were as pretty as hers.

Grandmother,

I miss you already.  I love you so much.  I remember so many years ago you were having a hard time, and my brother wrote you a card and told you that you were the glue that held our family together.  You took that "glue" title and ran with it.

I remember going to your house and riding the bus or taking a cab to a movie - "The Apple Dumpling Gang" or another Disney or Don Knotts movie.  I remember the Cameo theater.

I remember eating those doughnuts from The Giant supermarket.  They were huge with milk chocolate frosting on them.  That was a huge treat at your house.  Krispy Kreme was later.

I remember you telling us stories about your brothers and sisters.  And other family members.  What a blessing to have been a part of such a big family.  One of your favorite stories to tell me was one of your brothers accidentally put dishwashing soap on his hair instead of hair oil to go out at night.  It rained, and he had little bubbles on top of his head!

I remember so many things about you from when I was little.  But I also remember so much from not long ago.

I called you one time to tell you that my house almost fell apart when Pete had flown to Texas for work.  A pipe burst, my furnace was acting up, we were expecting a blizzard, and my car was very sluggish in starting.  I figured out that my phone would not dial 4's, and most plumbers had a 4 in their phone number!  My washing machine was frozen up, and water was pouring through the light fixture in my dining room!  My friend sent her husband, and Russell came to help me.  You told me that my life sounded like "Little House on the Prairie."  I remember calling you years later, after we laughed so much about some of those things, and telling you one of my boys was really sick.  I told you my life was now more like "Marcus Welby, MD."  We did not laugh as much, but you listened as I told you about one doctor visit or another and how overwhelming it all was.  I remember I was talking to you while I was at a shopping center in Blowing Rock.

I remember calling you one Saturday as I left a cross country meet near Raleigh.  You told me your story about the bird who walked by your bed.  You had been sitting on the edge of your bed and saw a bird walk by.  You rubbed your eyes and looked again.  I told you that he had probably been walking around for a while and was surprised you had just noticed him.  You laughed later telling me how Dad was trying to safely get him out of your house!

So many memories.  So many books you shared, we shared.  I remember taking you to the bookstore when my boys were little and spending an hour or so picking out books.  Then we'd go eat at McDonald's.  I wish we had done that more often.  I am sure you had those books read in a week or less!  The other day, when your words were very few, you asked if I had gotten some more books from your room.

And you loved your puzzles.  I will cherish the framed one you gave me.  I remember that Christmas Eve when most of my family "helped" with your current puzzle.  After 30 minutes, we had placed one piece!  I cry when I think of the pretty puzzle in my gift armoire that I bought you for Christmas this year.  I knew I could not go wrong with books, puzzles, or Precious Moments gifts for you.

And frogs.  You collected frogs.  You finally had to tell us you had enough frogs.  They were coming out of your ears!  I think maybe the frog laundry hamper pushed you over the edge!  But I did bring you that soft stuffed green frog the other week, and I told you to toss it at anyone who got on your nerves.  You never tossed him, and he was still sitting in the window behind your bed.

No one can sew as straight as you!  I will cherish my pillows and, especially, my running t-shirt quilt you and Whitney made me.  I remember you hemmed Andrew's shorts, when he was so little, and they were so long.  I wish I had your sewing skills.  I love that you kept some gifts I made you when I was so little!  You recently gave me a Christmas ornament I made.  I can remember making it and how excited you were.  You kept it all these years and knew to give it back this year...

You always acted like you were so happy and excited to see me!  I remember watching you in the hospital and at home.  When you were able to greet a visitor, that visitor felt like your favorite person.  And you did it again and again!  You opened your eyes so wide and acted like you had been waiting just for them.  I know others felt what I did, and it makes it even more special to me.  You truly loved all of your friends and family.  Everyone was a favorite, and everyone was loved by you.

Lisa had it right today when she said you were in a beautiful room.  What a pretty room with so many windows to see outside and let light in.  We are so thankful you died at home in a pretty room and not somewhere else.  We knew you were happy to be home.

There are so many more things I want you to know.  But my brain is tired, and my eyes have too many tears right now.  So I reserve the right to add to this later.  I just feel sad for me - though I would not wish you back from Jesus for anything.  And I feel so incredibly blessed to be this old and still have my grandmother.  I will remember, and hope I do the same, when your words became so few that you asked about us ~ did I get some books, was Ben paid for mowing your yard, when is Andrew's surgery.  It was never about you.  You were "just fine" - and you meant it.  I love you so much, Grandmother.  I will miss you so much.  Just knowing you were across the hill (and two states over) in Abingdon.  But now I will know you are with Jesus.  And I will see you again.  And that makes Heaven even sweeter today.  I hope you have already seen those you have missed for a long time.  I hope you have seen baby Katelyn and all of those babies in our family that we never met.  Oh, I am so thankful I saw you today.  I love you so much, Grandmother.  I'll read a book and watch a Hallmark movie this week in your honor.

Russell put this song on his facebook.  I just love it.  It's truth.  Here it is for you, Grandmother.  You already know it, so you don't need it.  But we hope those you love who don't yet know Jesus will hear and put their hope in the One living Hope ~ Jesus Christ.  I cannot believe you are gone.  We will celebrate you later this week.  It will be sad not having you there, but we would not take you back from Jesus for anything.  See you soon.

Living Hope

Phil Wickham

How great the chasm that lay between us
How high the mountain I could not climb
In desperation, I turned to heaven
And spoke Your name into the night
Then through the darkness, Your loving-kindness
Tore through the shadows of my soul
The work is finished, the end is written
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Who could imagine so great a mercy?
What heart could fathom such boundless grace?
The God of ages stepped down from glory
To wear my sin and bear my shame
The cross has spoken, I am forgiven
The King of kings calls me His own
Beautiful Savior, I'm Yours forever
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Then came the morning that sealed the promise
Your buried body began to breathe
Out of the silence, the Roaring Lion
Declared the grave has no claim on me
Then came the morning that sealed the promise
Your buried body began to breathe
Out of the silence, the Roaring Lion
Declared the grave has no claim on me
Jesus, Yours is the victory, whoa!

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free
Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me
You have broken every chain
There's salvation in Your name
Jesus Christ, my living hope

Jesus Christ, my living hope
Oh God, You are my living hope

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM

Tomorrow ~ 9 years with Diabetes!

It's not really a day to celebrate.  But it is a day/time to remember.  And if I step back and see things clearly, I can see God's hand in the start of this journey - even before this day - and as we have traveled along.

I had just returned from almost a week of travel in Chattanooga, TN.  I got home late Thursday night.  I did not notice anything wrong with Sam on Friday, but I did decide I would take him back to the doctor the next week if he'd had any accidents.  On Saturday evening, he threw up a little bit.  I thought, "Oh no!  A stomach bug!"  I knew if he was sick, I would have to miss my baby niece's baptism Winston the next morning.

He woke up sick, but Will cleaned him up and put him in bed with him.  He threw up again, and Will got me.  I put Sam in the tub and almost gasped.  He looked like a little gray skeleton.  He had lost six of his 30 something pounds.  He did not look like that Friday!

Pete said I had to take him to the ER - not to wait.  He took Andrew and Peter and went on to Winston.  Will had begged to stay with me, and I was so thankful he did...

I remember looking up at the ceiling in the ER and silently pleading with God to not let it be diabetes - something the doctor's booming voice mentioned right away.  I did not know much about diabetes, but I knew we did not want it.  I already had enough stuff, right?  We wouldn't get diabetes TOO, would we?

The answer would be ~ yes.  Yes, we would.

It was a delicate balance - to bring his blood sugar down without throwing his whole body off more.  It was a hard day.  Sam was tired and so thirsty and felt AWFUL.  Will was such a big help.

I remember the days that followed.  I was so exhausted.  Pete and I knew we would never be able to give Sam shots.  Was there any other way?  No.

We both learned and cried and learned and cried more.  I remember asking God to put me back in Chattanooga to come home for a do over.  He did not.

We still give lots of shots.  We hope to get a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) soon.  And a pump after that.  Our endocrinologist has retired, and we have a new one.

We still wish diabetes was not in our family.  It's 24/7.  It's very expensive.  It's draining.  It's old.  But Sam is still here, and that is the most important part.

We know people don't understand.  We did not either.  But we have to ask for help wherever he is.  And we have to keep asking until we find someone to help when we are not there.  Thanks to ALL of you who have helped.  We also have to try to keep explaining to others why we need help.

We have stories of children not diagnosed in time.  We have stories of people who go to sleep and don't wake up again.  We try so hard to keep Sam safe and healthy.

So on this day (nine years later), I would go back to September 19, 2009, and tell myself:  Tomorrow, things are going to change.  You will never sleep the same.  You will never come home without checking blood sugars.  You will never again eat without making sure Sam's blood sugar is checked and carbs are counted.  Make sure you know how to count carbs and figure ratios.  Make sure you can give a shot.  Pray.  Pray a lot.  But before tomorrow, try to get a good night's sleep.  You will need it.

That's what I would say.  And then I would say this:  It will be okay.  You will have people appear and tell you things that will help get you through.  You will be so overwhelmed, but I promise it will get better.  God will provide.  He will.  In all kinds of ways you cannot even imagine.  So don't give up.  You cannot anyway.  You are fighting for your son's life.  Fight with God's help.  Let Him help.  Actually, just give it all to Him.  Let others help.  Make some new friends who understand your new way of life.  And lean on your true friends for strength and encouragement.  Tune out what you don't need.  You have another focus now.  But most of all, focus on God.  He will never leave.  He will send a dog to wake you up on a dangerous night.  He will shake your shoulder if you need to wake up and find a child who desperately needs you.  He will take over when you are too exhausted to wake up to your alarm.  Rest in Him.

And now, I can look back at the scary times He has brought us through.  We will keep on fighting.  And we will keep on depending on Him.  Some of my favorite verses to remember:

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."    John 14:6

^“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  II Corinthians 12:9

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”  Philippians 4:13

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

So tomorrow, we will "celebrate" nine years of God's faithfulness to our family!

 On Saturday, October 6, at 8:30 am, we will walk to bring awareness to Type 1 diabetes.  We will love on and encourage those fighting it.  And we will put those warning signs out there for ones who don't yet know.  Link to sign up:          

 https://www2.jdrf.org/site/TR?fr_id=7595&pg=personal&px=10967372

Update on September 3, 2018

April D. Green Photography ~ Moses Cone Estate ~ June 2018

This has been a very quiet blog from a very tired author!  This will be a short update, and I will update again soon.  We so appreciate those who check on us, and we especially appreciate those who pray!

Andrew goes back to the neurosurgeon on September 14.  This has been a tough little stretch, and we are anxious to get back and get a plan and a timetable.  He can run again - earlier than they originally said.  He is staying in Abingdon right now with my sister and her family.  They have kept him very busy during this waiting time.  He has been able to do some light work and go on rock deliveries.  My dad and nephew have kept him occupied painting my nephew's house.  And they have taken him to do some fun things.  Things he would not be doing at home!  He is also able to visit Grandmother lots more than I am and gives me good updates.  She is home with Hospice.  Andrew ran with Laura, and he has run with Waylon, her energetic dog.  He has only had one episode, and it was milder than usual.  We appreciate their love and help for him.  He has even visited Virginia Tech and watched my nephew finish a 30 mile trail run in Damascus.

The other boys are good.  Everyone has stuff going on, and I just pray...a lot.  I open my eyes in the morning and close them again praying for these boys.  And I pray for them every night when I crawl in bed.  And many many times in between.  Sam starts back his reading at ASU soon.  Of course I feel like it's crunch time, since he is in 8th grade.  But I just keep praying.

Maybe your life is not perfect right now.  Maybe you feel like nothing is going right.  Just keep praying.  That's what I am doing.  And looking in my Bible for my answers.  I have so much to be thankful for, and I have some big things hanging over my head.  Some days I dread getting out of bed.  I am trying to have that "be still" time and get sidetracked so easily - with big stuff.  Really big stuff.  So I keep trying and praying...a lot.  I know God is there.  Some days He just puts something right in front of my nose, and I appreciate those reminders that only He and I know about!

We are clearing out Pop and Sarah's house in a couple of weeks.  The Floyd house has sold, and we are moving things out.  If you see anything for sale on my Facebook page, please buy it or share with someone who may!  I have a lot to clear out to bring some of her furniture for her.  We don't know what will happen in the coming months, but some things will come to our house and go in Sam's room instead of storage.  So Sam's room has been spread ALL over the house.  That's why I told Pete I would get rid of a lot!  He is running the donate vehicle - to Hebron or Goodwill.  I have to clear out Sam's whole closet too!  Will has no idea (yet) that most of his room will be moved out in the next week or so to make room for some furniture Pop made and an old spindle bed that was Pete's grandmother's.  He will love it...when I get it all done!  As long as I keep him in cotton sheets and covers with good pillows, he is good.

It was so sad to go into the house today with Pop not there.  We talk about him every single day many many (many) times.  And that has hindered my grief in a way.  So today, looking at the spot where his hospital bed was and passing the dumpsters a few miles from his house where I almost turned around and went back (to his house) on February 8 brought some tears.  I did not turn around that day.  I had to get home to Sam and Andrew.  Pete had arrived in my car, and I stayed a while and went home.  I was coming back in a couple of days, but I knew when I kissed him and told him I loved him, it was the last time on this earth.  He had gone downhill so fast in the few days I was there.  It will always be one of my hardest and most blessed weeks.  It was an honor and privilege to care for him for a little tiny bit, and he was the best patient ever.  I got another of his LL Bean totes for Peter with the same initials.  I am thankful he is in Heaven and not in pain.  I could hear his voice and see his face, and I just let myself miss him (without all of the extra stuff surrounding it). 

And speaking of good patients, my grandmother is just as sweet and precious as can be.  If she is able, she lights up when a visitor steps up to her bed; and her blue eyes just sparkle.  She makes everyone feel like they are a favorite ~ without making anyone feel any less!  She says she is "just fine" when she answers to everyone asking how she is.  She kissed me and told me she loves me last week.  I have not been this week and plan to see her tomorrow.  She was able to see and enjoy my extra special pictures of the boys I printed for her.  My grandmother is going to Heaven.  Pete talked to her a couple of weeks ago - soon after she came home with Hospice.  Pete, Sarah, Sam, Will, Peter, Julianna, and I went to see her on a Saturday morning.  Pete read to her and asked her questions -which she was able to answer without hesitation.  So even though this time is very very hard, there is peace and hope for Grandmother...and for all of us.

Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I am trying to keep this in the front of my mind every minute of every day.  I know God is here.  And He is faithful.  And He loves me.  Why else would He send Jesus?  So thankful for Him.

Thanks for reading and for praying.

Andrew Update ~ July 12, 2018

Instead of the excitement of The Bear, we are here at Duke.  I thought about the nice cool air on top of Grandfather Mountain.  The excitement.  The anticipation of seeing the first runner and looking to see who it is!  The year Andrew won!  The year Will decided to run and got 11th after riding his bike a lot.  Hiking up the trail and walking down the road.  Seeing tons of friends we don't see often and making new ones.  We really missed it tonight, but we hope others had fun.  We hope to be back next year.

We will miss the marathon too on Saturday.  Andrew and his dad and Peter have helped at the finish with the food and drinks for as long as I can remember.  Pete did it and then started taking the boys.  They loved helping their dad and Coach Curcio.  I took over a few years ago and had such fun.

I have been taking up entirely too much space on facebook, so I thought I would write an update and then update a little bit there.  It's past my bedtime already, so I will try to make this short!

We got here Tuesday and came to Andrew's pre op appointment.  There seemed to be confusion on whether or not he was going to be admitted Tuesday.  We finally were told he would be, so we went over to the main hospital (from the clinics) and were put on the neuro floor.

We were there and watched a whole movie on Pete's lap top, while we waited for someone to talk to us.  We had one nurse tell us he was leaving soon, so another nurse came in near the end of the movie.

I left around 9:00, and Pete fell asleep.  Before I left, I told two nurses I had Andrew's meds and was not sure what they were going to do.  They said they would use meds from the pharmacy, and I knew that; but we always bring his medications.  I don't think he had any seizure meds on Tuesday night.  And I don't know if that was planned, but I was surprised because they did not want him to have seizures before or during the placement of the electrodes ~ the brain surgery.

So on Wednesday, I thought to ask Andrew if he'd had a shower the night before.  He had not.  He was supposed to use special antibiotic sponges if we had stayed at the hotel.  I told the nurse.  She got him some bottled stuff and a towel, so he could take a shower in the bathroom in his room.  He had to be super careful because he did already have an IV.  I was not feeling really good at that point, and I called Pete to bring a hair dryer; because he had a little bit of time before they were taking him to get ready for surgery.

Pete brought it, and I dried Andrew's hair.  He was sitting in the bed, and a doctor came in to talk to him.  I heard him draw a big breath.  I heard him start another, and I told the doctor he was getting ready to have a seizure.  He did.  It was awful.  A really bad one.  No one came in.  The doctor was on one side, and I was on the other talking to him and praying for him.  When it ended, he rolled over in pain.  I knew it was pain.  I told the doctor something was not right and that I hoped he had not dislocated his shoulder.

He had.  His right shoulder...again.  Just like last time we were here.  Fast forward past many conversations and hours of terrible pain, and they set Andrew's shoulder in place when he was put to sleep for his original surgery.  He went in around 12.  It was hard to leave him.  But the doctor prayed a wonderful prayer and even prayed scripture.  That made it easier.  But it was hard to let him go.

We had a few updates while in the waiting room.  It took much longer than we thought and were told.  But we knew we were getting updates.  Another fast forward to talking to the neurosurgeon.  Dr. Haglund said all of the electrodes went in fine...except one.  They had to get it back out.  So they had to cut a hole in his skull to get it out.  I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, but I also felt calm (so thanks for the prayers).  Dr. Haglund stayed until they got Andrew awake, so he could check his left side and also make sure he had not had extra bleeding.  Then Andrew was moved to neuro ICU and had the VIP room on the end on the 8th floor.  It had the prettiest view.  He slept well and was up pretty early.

By the time I got there about 7:30, Andrew was sound asleep but had been up and walked a loop around the ICU with his nurse.  He ate a tiny bit of fruit and drank some chocolate milk.  He slept and then walked two more loops before the techs hooked him up to the monitors.

Then they put him in a smaller bed and moved him back to the EMU (epilepsy monitoring unit) ~ in the same room as last fall!

He has slept a lot today and eaten very little.  His head hurt just a little bit.  His shoulder feels good, so far.

There was talk of unwrapping his head and pulling one electrode out just a tiny bit - but that would be bedside.  As a man, who was in his surgery yesterday, started to unwrap his head, I asked if they were still doing it.  Our nurse had just told us they did not have to after all.  Fast forward again.  The man called his boss who called someone else.  And Andrew's head stayed wrapped.

He also is not supposed to take all of his meds tonight.  So we will see.  He may start having seizures tonight.  They don't want them lumped together, so we are praying there is some space and rest in between.  But...that is part of the reason we are here.  The seizures are not on anyone's schedule!

Andrew was up a lot Tuesday night getting an MRI and CT and other tests.  So the lack of sleep and medicine probably set him off.  He had a plan to drink caffeine and not sleep, so we will see.

Thanks for praying.  God has given us assurance when we have needed it.  We don't know what we would do without Him.

I am off to bed.  Pete is returning to Boone Saturday to conduct a funeral.  He will stay for Sunday morning services and then come back.  Whitney is coming to stay with us while he is gone.  Sam is having way too much fun in Bristol and Abingdon.  My grandmother is sick and in the hospital, so everyone is stretched a little bit thin there.  I appreciate their help.  We appreciate everyone's help and prayers.  Especially those prayers.

Part of what Dr. Haglund prayed was Philippians 4.  We also just had it read at church, and verse 8 really spoke to me.  But 6 & 7 really helped yesterday!

Thanks again for praying.

We will be here in the same place until next Wednesday, the 18th, when the electrodes will surgically be removed.  Then he will have to stay another couple of days to recover.  We hope to find out in a few weeks if they think the big surgery will help him.  He will also have follow up for his shoulder.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Meditate on These Things

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.  Philippians 4:6-9

We leave on July 10th

I have to stay up for a little while tonight, and I am too tired and hot to work more on the house; so I will update this one more time before we go to Duke next week.

This week will be a slight challenge with doctor appointments in Winston and Charlotte.  I have a lot to get done at work before I go, but we have been planning; and I hope to have most of it done by Monday anyway.

Pete's mom will be here until next Sunday.  She has been with us almost six weeks.  When she first came, we thought it was for a few days.  But it quickly became apparent that things had drastically changed.  While others are still working on doctor appointments and other things, we have tried to answer questions and keep things calm and peaceful, as much as we can.  But tonight, after asking similar questions all day, she was even more confused.  Pete actually got out of bed to show her her room and bathroom (Sam's room and hall bath).  Not two minutes before, I was telling her about Pop, when she showed me his picture again and asked about him, and how Meg would be able to tell her tons of stories when she visits with her.  She will go to Charlie's first - her oldest son.  And then Meg's the next week.  The first time she asked Pete who his parents were, it made him cry.  Now she is having trouble remembering Pop.  It is heartbreaking.  Pete is so patient with her and jokes with her and gives us all a good laugh and break in the middle of tough days.  We would appreciate prayer for her - and peace and calm.  We have had some good talks, and we have had some really tough days.  The boys, especially Sam and Andrew, have been really good with her.  We know things will probably change once we get back from Duke, if she continues to change so much and so fast.

Today has been a day of washing bedding on almost everyone's beds, bathing two big dogs, cleaning kitchen cabinets and the floor, packing some things we will need on our trip, cleaning out cabinets, throwing away a bunch of stuff, and then watching a good movie on TV.  I am tired but happy to have gotten so much done.  Will had mowed with a mower he is trying to sell, so that was extra helpful - and we got those stripes in our yard.  Pete had put up an extra handrail on our back steps for his mom.  He worked on it and finished it yesterday when 421 was closed, and he knew he could not risk not being able to get back home if he was needed.  Last week was Bible School, so I could not do much during the week.  It was fun, and I am so glad children came and that we had such wonderful help.

So next Monday, I will try to get everyone ready.  Sam is going with Whitney and Laura.  His suitcase has been open on an extra bed in Peter's room for over a month.  He has so many things packed and is so excited!  I hope they are ready for him.  He spent his 13th birthday last year at Duke, so we are thankful they offered to keep him.  It's tough on a young man to be right there and watch all he had to watch and experience.  We take it for granted, but I sometimes step back and see a boy who struggles with so much.  Yet, he is the one who calmly alerts me to things and slips up beside us with Andrew's emergency medicine during a seizure, without us even asking yet.  He calmly gets wash cloths and waits to see what else we may need.  When Sam was very young, Andrew had a seizure while resting on the couch while I had run to get the other boys at school.  Sam just patted him and told him he would be okay and did not let him fall.  God will have a special place for him, and I have to remember that - especially when school gets harder and harder.  On this trip, I am happy he does not have to go; but I am also sad that I won't have the best companion and buddy.  He and Pete found some great lunch places in Durham last year and would go to the Dollar Tree.  And there is no one who can get you out of that hospital maze and back to your car like Sam!

Peter visited us for a short time this weekend.  We miss him so much.  Will will be home and watching and feeding the dogs while we are gone.  My parents will be here some to help and check on things, as will some of my friends.  So the house will be well watched.  Our neighbor and Will's boss is very familiar with our house, as it was his grandmother's house.  So it makes us feel better to know they are there.  We appreciate the help that we have and what has been offered.  We have people taking over our extra cleaning jobs and Pete's church responsibilities and appreciate ALL of them.

Right now, we are on schedule to go to Duke on Tuesday, July 10.  Andrew has an appointment with the anesthesiologist after lunch.  Then they will send us on over to the hospital.  He will spend the night and have surgery the next day, the 11th.  Then he will go to ICU for the night, since it is brain surgery.  My friend who has been through all of this with her husband told me to make sure Pete stays with him there.  If all goes well, he should be in the EMU by Thursday and get hooked up and taken off his meds.  That already seems like a long time to us.  I will ask people to pray for them to get the information they need once he is ready to go.  I know he dreads it.  I do too.  But we pray this will be the path to more independence and freedom for him.  We all hate these seizures.  It's gotten so much harder as he has gotten older.  Pete and I will be there the whole time, unless he feels he can come back for Sunday morning services.  If he does, Whitney will come down to be with us.  One of us has to be in the room at all times.  Our hotel is a five minute walk away, so we can switch off more often.  I think that will help.  Pete is the one who can sleep in those hospital chairs.  Andrew can have visitors, but the rooms are tiny.  He probably won't know anyone is there after a few days. 

I know most people don't understand.  I would be scared of someone with seizures if I did not have to deal with it. I still am.  It's watching my phone all of the time.  It's calling or texting Andrew to ask him a random question when I hear an ambulance and want to make sure it's not for him.  Running upstairs if I hear something fall or hear a noise.  Sleeping in the floor or on the couch to make sure we hear him at night.  It's being on high alert, only to calm down and to be hit again.  It's so unpredictable.  I have been told many times by well meaning people that they just could not handle having to deal with a child with seizures.  And I want to scream, "I cannot either!!!"  But that's the WHOLE point.  I cannot.  Andrew cannot.  Pete cannot.  We have to depend on God.  We have to.  And we want to, so that works out.  But we are hoping and praying that God heals him through this surgery.  We know He can.  We just don't know if it's His plan for Andrew.  It's hard.  I would trade it.  I remember Pete telling a doctor at the hospital at one of our most overwhelming moments (when Sam was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes) that he would much rather Andrew have diabetes too - instead of seizures.  Oh, if we could choose.  But we can't.

We have to remain hopeful and be thankful for all of those God has put in our paths to help us.  There are some the same for Pete and me and some different.  Yes, I get my feelings hurt when people don't act like they care or ask about Andrew, even when his upcoming stay is right in front of them.  BUT, they are people.  I have missed many things too.  That is why I am updating now instead of later.  I will ask people to pray when we need that for him, but I need to step back and pray and study my Bible and get ready myself.  Because as much as this feels like it's about me too, it's really not.  Pete and I will be there to help him. And our focus needs to be and will be on him.  God gave him to us for a reason, and we need to do our very best with His help.  So we need to be as ready as we can to be there with him and for him.

On Wednesday, July 18, he will have the "strips" surgically removed.  They don't do it earlier, even if he has all of his seizures in 24 hours like last time.  I think it has to do with messing with his brain again so soon.  He will come home that Friday or Saturday.  He will have to sleep a certain way because of potential swelling.  Dr. Zimmerman is taking his staples out here a couple of weeks after.  He will probably take six weeks to recover.  Whitney and Laura got him a recliner, so that he can rest in the family room where we can keep a better eye on him.  He tried it out last night and really liked it.  He has kindles and a tablet, so we are trying to make sure all of those are ready to go.  We are getting him a gel pad to sit on to hopefully help his lower back in that bed.  And Pete and I will try to get the bed down when he starts having a seizure, so we can hopefully save his back and shoulders some.  We learned some things ourselves last time.

We will go back in August and see the neurologist for a follow up.  As soon as everyone meets and discusses the results of this EEG, we will meet with the neurosurgeon again (a neat story about him in an earlier blog post).  If he is a candidate for the big surgery, he will find out then.  He can stop the process at any time.  But Andrew knows that the medications are not working for him now for some reason.  Truly, Andrew and I agree that the "big" surgery does not sound as bad as what we are getting ready to do.  But, we also remember that what we are doing is not as bad as what we originally thought.  So all of that helps.

I guess another reason I needed to go ahead and write this is because if I think about it too much, I feel physically sick.  Like I could just throw up.  In my earlier days, I had trouble visiting my grandmother in the hospital.  I would literally turn green.  I went to see Eric Kistner after he had his tonsils out and just about passed out.  I was white as a sheet.  God has worked it out for me to go into all of these hospitals and not have any issues now.  But I know how I am deep down.  But the thing is, He does too.  And He will get me through my part in this.  I think this sick feeling is a reminder to give it to Him.  It's not me at all.

I am sure Andrew would appreciate cards.  I have no idea what the hospital does, but our home address is 361 Harrison Road, Boone, NC  28607.  I am sure he will love to hear that people are praying.

This is long, so I will close.  Thanks to those of you who pray.  Thanks for those who encourage us in many ways.

I heard this Natalie Grant song today.  It's always a good reminder to me about what I should want.  And it helps my focus.

More Than Anything ~ Natalie Grant

I know if you wanted to you could wave your hand
Spare me this heartache and change your plan
And I know any second you could take my pain away
But even if you don't I pray

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Help me want you Jesus more than anything

You know more than anyone that my flesh is weak
And you know I'd give anything for a remedy
And I'll ask a thousand more times to set me free today
Oh but even if you don't I pray

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Oh Help me want you Jesus more than anything

When I'm desperate and my hearts overcome
All that I need you've already done
When I'm desperate and my hearts overcome
All that I need you've already done

Oh Jesus Help me want you more than anything

Help me want the Healer more than the healing
Help me want the Savior more than the saving
Help me want the Giver more than the giving
Help me want you Jesus more than anything
Help me want you Jesus more than anything

And the Bible verse attached to my computer at work helps so much too.  Thanks again for praying!

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13


As God would allow, we talked about the Holy Spirit at church this morning.  We had combined church with Laurel Springs out at Parkway School.  I wrote this last night and heard what I needed to hear this morning.  Praise the Lord for once again letting me know He is right here.  What a comfort He is.  What power there is in being a child of the King!  He is in control, so we don't have to be.

Another June update...

We just found out that Andrew will stay until Friday or Saturday after he gets his electrodes out on Wednesday, July 18.  I need to find some more books to put on my kindle.

Thank you again for those who ask ~ especially so you can pray.  We need a lot of prayer.  That's what we need.

Sunday, we had a lot of family and friends (who are family) at our church for Father's Day.  We prayed for Andrew at the end of the service.  He appreciated that so  much.

As we walk through another difficult week trying to get ready for things, I was up too late last night.  I was watching Sam's numbers and answering Sarah's questions over and over.  I finally sat at the computer and started pulling up some songs.  I love "Here" by Kari Jobe.  I think the song and music both are very calming and reassuring. 


"Here"  Kari Jobe

Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down
Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now

[Pre-Chorus:]
You'll find His peace
And know you're not alone anymore
He is near
You'll find His healing
Your heart isn't shattered anymore
He is here

[Chorus:]
Breathe in
Breathe out
You will
You will find Him here

[Bridge:]
I will rest in You

[Outro:]
You will find Him
You will find Him here
You will find Him
You will find Him here

Then I listened to Selah's "I Got Saved" and was set for the night.  I stayed up a little too late reading, but that was my peaceful time for the day after saying my prayers.  I prayed especially for our country, my boys as usual, Pete, and so many other things on my heart and mind.  I can have peace, because of what Selah's song is about!


"I Got Saved"  Selah

There is a river of gladness
That pours from Emmanuel's veins
This sinner was plunged beneath the flood
And got saved

Since then I walk in forgiveness
All of my guilt was erased
The chains of the past
Are broken at last
I got saved
Oh, I got saved

I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more

I've received nothing but goodness
I've tested and tasted Your grace
I was so lost
'Til I fell at the cross
And got saved
Oh, I got saved

I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more

The love of God
Gave me His pardon
The love of God
Won't let me stay the same
The love of God
Pulls me up higher
His will is stronger
That's why I got saved

I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more

I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more

I've got Jesus
How could I want more

I've got Jesus
How could I want more

Again, thanks for checking on us.  We appreciate every single pray and word of encouragement ~ but especially the prayers.