A long long time ago...

A long long time ago, I started sending emails asking for prayer.  I had a computer in an extra bedroom in my house across from Hardin Park.  I was scared and asked people to pray for Andrew.  I remember sitting in the chair at the computer not afraid to send a message asking everyone I knew to pray for him.  He had so many issues.  I was so ill-equipped to take care of him.  I believe it was the best thing I ever did.  Then later, I started a blog.  My email had been changed, and I had difficulties setting it back up.  But for years, I know people prayed when they got an email from me.  With a blog, it's not always read.  But I still believe that the people who have read it through strokes and surgeries and a bad diagnosis or two have prayed.  And we are so thankful for each and every prayer.  Sometimes I share on Facebook.  But for a long time, it's been difficult to write.  So I've decided to take the advice of some who have been so dear over the years and start again. 

I had about a year to prepare for our Holy Land trip in February.  I was on a roll getting into good walking shape, eating well, and reading about the places we would go.  Then everything fell apart again, and I was stressed getting ready, getting everything I left in place, and just not feeling as ready, prepared, and organized as I meant to be!  But God worked it all out.  He gave me my sister to take care of ALL of Sam's stuff.  And she did a great job.  She had Andrew and Will to help some, but she had to learn to change his new insulin pump site and wake up to give him something to eat when he got low at night.  She was up a lot one night when Lucy, our Golden Retriever, decided that thunderstorms were just not her thing.  She took on organizing projects and cleaned, of course, while she was at my house!  And I did not worry about Sam one bit like I thought I would.  I only talked to them a little and texted a little.  And they were great.  The others were all fine too.  I had lots of other help in many different ways, and I appreciated it all!

The trip to Charlotte was great.  I did well on the long flight, once I figured out how to open the bathroom door!  And we had the very best group of people.  We only had 17, which ended up being a great number to get in and out of places pretty quickly.  We had a wonderful guide, and we could not have had a better bus driver. I got quite attached to everyone and cried when I left them!

One of the first few days, we were on the Sea of Galilee; and I sat by myself in the middle of a pretty good sized boat.  We thought that would lessen my chance of being sea sick.  So I sat still and enjoyed the boat ride and watched the others.  I was listening to the music being played, and a song I knew came on.  I knew when I got home, I would have things to deal with.  I just didn't know exactly what.  But I felt like God was giving me that time to be still.  Not only to be still, but to be still in the place of the storm on the sea.  Where Jesus walked on water.  Where Peter did until he took his eyes off Jesus.  Where Jesus calmed the storm.  What a blessing that be still time was on the Sea of Galilee.

While most of my trip was documented on my Facebook to help me organize and remember my pictures when I got home, I am still working on my photo book.  I am excited to get it done.  The pictures are all of the trip through my eyes. 

I wasn't sure what Pete was talking about when he talked about going HOME.  But the minute we got to Israel, I felt at home.  I felt at peace.   I was not worried or concerned and never felt unsafe.  We walked around at night in Jerusalem in groups, and it felt safer than downtown Boone!  It was special to be in the land of God's chosen people, the Jews.  And to be where my Lord and Savior walked on this earth.  He is a Jew.  And it's hard to understand why there are so few Christ followers there.  So hard to understand.  But then, I look at myself.  And all around me.  I stick to what I know and have been taught to some extent at least.  And that's what they do.  So I should not be too hard on them, when I do the same with other things.  And people around me do too!

Going to Bethlehem with a special guide, George, was one of my favorite days.  I did not plan to buy many gifts for people - I just did not want to be caught up in that - not knowing how my time would be.  But we did have time to go into shops and the market (multiple times!), so I made a point to look for the most primitive Nativity sets.  I found some simple ones for some of my special people.  There is just something about having a simple Nativity set from Bethlehem or Jerusalem.  It just takes me back.  So we went down under a big church to the place where a star is there to represent where Jesus could have been born.  We are in Bethlehem at a site, and it's representing Jesus' birth.  And I was overcome with thankfulness for the birth of my Savior.  It's hard to describe.  That Mark Schultz song "When Love Was Born" kept running through my head.  We went in a small door to enter the church - not the big front door.  It was the line that says, "Bethlehem, through your small door, came the Hope we've waited for.  The world was changed forevermore, when Love was born."  Chills!

Another day, we saw this beautiful rainbow over Jerusalem.  We saw so many rainbows on this trip.  A lot of them were while we were in a moving bus.  They were extra spectacular and are always such great reminders that God keeps His promises.  Every single one.

On the last day, we went to the Garden of Gethsemane.  I brought home olive branches from there to make something special for my boys.  That is where Jesus prayed in anguish before He was arrested.  It was hard to imagine him arrested at night and lowered into a hole into a stone cave at Caiaphas' house to be held as a prisoner.  It was hard to be the place where He was beaten and scourged.  It was hard to imagine what we've seen on TV and seen in our minds - that we were standing in those places.  It was so real.  We don't have to go to Israel to know that and be thankful for it.  But to be there was a gift of remembrance.  He did all that for me.  And you.

And then, Golgotha (Calvary, Place of the Skull) where our special guide Allison from Scotland talked to us about "her" Savior Jesus.  And I wanted to come home and talk about Jesus like she does.  She told us how He would have been more at a crossroads instead of up on a hill, for the utmost humiliation and suffering.  She got tears in her eyes talking about Jesus.  She then took us to the EMPTY tomb.  Then we had communion and sang some praise songs.  What a special gift to be there and experience what we did.  I got a special gift or two in that gift shop just because of where it was and a prayer shawl right outside.  It was the hardest place and the most special, where my Lord and Savior laid down His perfect life for me.  And everyone else.

The last night, I took this picture out of our hotel window.  We stayed in nice, safe hotels.  The air, the calm, the atmosphere was something I was not ready to leave.  It's hard to explain, because I was ready to get home; but in some ways I wanted to stay.  I think that's the pull of the Holy Land.  Being where Jesus was while on this earth was an amazing gift and experience.  And I am forever thankful and changed because of it.  I don't know if I'll get to go back, but I would never go on a big trip anywhere else.  I would choose Israel first!  I know the second trip would be just as wonderful - even though it's hard to imagine a better guide, special guides, or bus driver.

So we came home and got caught back up in life pretty quickly.  And things were going on that I did not know about.  And then the COVID-19 came and is still here.  I still work three days a week at the Peds office.  I still clean at a church and just spring clean in place of things I don't clean while we don't have church.  I help sometimes pack the meals to be delivered twice a week to church and community members.  I had to cancel our Easter Egg Hunt but sent our gifts and prizes to another place for children to have before Easter.  I've had the hardest time not seeing baby Emma as she grows faster and faster.  And I've been sad for the weddings that have been "changed" by some of my favorite young people.  I miss Peter in Charlotte.  I miss so many.  But in some ways, this unexpected change has been a break.  It's been a time to spend more time with Sam and his school work.  We walk/run some days and get to talk and work on his running form.  We've worked on some things that are always on the back burner.  We finally got the training and code to update his insulin pump. 

It's been a time to stop and look back.  I don't want to lose that special feeling that I had in Israel.  I don't want to forget how Allison talked about her Savior Jesus, who is my Savior too.  I don't want to forget the horrible imaginings of what Jesus endured for me.  I want to be bold like the Peter who taught about Jesus until his last day.  I want to be strong and courageous like Joshua at Jericho.  And while I am always busy during this time it seems, it has been a good little break in the midst of the unknown.  It's so stressful for some because of their jobs or because they cannot work or open their businesses.  So I pray a lot for our country.  And I pray God will show me when and what I need to do.  Because no matter how hard it gets, God is still in control.  He is still with us.  And He wants us to turn to Him.  What a load off my shoulders that is.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  I Peter 5:7

Merry Christmas ~ 2019

Sam and I just got back from little Emma Kate's baby dedication in Abingdon.  It was beautiful and special, and we were so happy and thankful to be there.  We got to see lots of people we missed on Thanksgiving - because Sam ended up sick at school on that Wednesday!  You cannot be around new babies and older people when you throw up and have a fever!  So Pete went one way with his mom to Winston on Thanksgiving Day.  The older boys went the other way to Bristol.  And Sam and I stayed home.  I needed to be around family and had looked forward to Thanksgiving for months.  We were going to Bristol - all of us - and then were going to host Pete's family on Friday.  When those plans fell apart, Pete told me to go on to Bristol, and he would take his mom to Winston with his family.  I did not want to be separated again for the third year, but I agreed.  Then Sam got sick...

It took until that Wednesday evening to start getting him back on track, trying to miss the ER and fluids to get his blood sugar back under control.  Then at 10:00 pm, he turned around; but we knew we could not go to Bristol.  I appreciated those who called to check on me and to remind me that there is a lot to say for solitude.  And there is.  I am one who needs time alone.  And I rarely get it right now.  So I cried a little with disappointment, but then I set Sam up with Christmas movies and cleaned my white kitchen cabinets inside and out for most of the day.  God used that task to keep me busy and occupied.  I also scrubbed the baseboards and wood floors.  I was tired at the end of the day, but I did not sit home and cry!  And so today was so much sweeter, because I got to see most of the same people and hold little Emma.  As a bonus, I got to hold Buddy, Luke's new Beagle puppy, who is adorable.  That family cannot handle much more cuteness!  Babies and puppies are good for people like me!  (And P.S.  I did go the day after Thanksgiving and got to hold Emma a lot!)

In his sermon today, Stan talked about the Christmas story and peace.  His message was from Luke, but he also talked about the peace that only comes from Jesus.  He asked if there was ever a time when we realized we sinned - whatever sin it is - and we needed a Savior.  We can repent of that sin and accept the gift of salvation that only God can give through His Son Jesus.  What a glorious and wondrous time we celebrate at Christmas!  We celebrate the birth of our one and only Savior of the World.  I am so thankful to know Him!  I pray that all of my family and friends will realize the simple truth that we all sin (Romans 3:23), we are all separated from God because of one sin (Romans 6:23), and Jesus is that only bridge back to God (John 3:16, John 14:6)!  We sure don't want to stand alone without Jesus when we have to answer for our sins.  I pray that for people I don't know!  And I pray that those of us who know it will SHARE it (Mark 16:15)!

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We are sending Christmas cards, but they will be late!!!!  It's beyond my control, so I am sending them when I can!  We love getting Christmas cards and thanks to those who send them to us.  And for those who don't, we totally understand!!!

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Andrew can drive again tomorrow!  He's had one seizure since surgery.  We are hoping he will get on a good schedule soon, and that it will help.  He has worked physically hard for many months saving money to go back to school.  And he has been too exhausted to even run - and running helps keep him even.  He also takes way too much medication, and I hope his neurologist at Duke will work on that harder in the near future.  He still needs lots of prayers.  So please don't stop.  I keep handing him over to God.  It's all I can do.  And the more I realize that, the more peace I have.  He will be 26 next week, so he is in charge of his medical stuff.  I am his "consultant" and have taken a back seat.  We did have a great visit to his immunologist/infectious disease doctor the other week, where he acknowledged how hard he has been on his body the past several months, with his work and schedule.  So that's a start!  I hope he will realize his life will have to have good balance, starting with his time with God.  And I pray that same thing for all of my boys.

The other boys are good.  One will be home soon.  One will drive again soon too (long story, but God works in bad circumstances I have seen firsthand) and works really hard every day with great bosses.  And another needs to be reading better before he can drive, but we are working on that!  He is doing better with his new diabetes pump, and I would rather have learning disabilities with brain problems instead of seizures for him.  God is showing me the good in all of the seeming "bad" situations.  If it were up to me, I would probably (foolishly) try to choose an easier path, but I would not trade these boys for anything.  At least they have a mom who prays for them constantly, and they know I have limits ~ which will help them see even better how God works!  I want them to see parents who pray for them and keep handing them to God, the One who loves them the most.

I look at all my "lists" of things I can (and do - sorry to say) worry about.  And I cannot check anything off!!!!  So I know part of what I am learning is to give it to God.  Not check off the lists but to give it to Him and keep on going.  I learn every single day.  And I fail and worry every day too.  I am telling you, because maybe you feel the same.  It used to be Christmas letters that could make some of us feel so inadequate and like failures.  And I know I have written things in a way to "show" certain people that they did not bother me with all of their information!  Duh!  I would totally give away that it did indeed bother me!  Now Facebook can do it all year!  But we have to remember that we are in God's hand.  He hears us.  He loves us beyond what we can comprehend.  And we wonder where we went wrong or why everything has to be so hard or so difficult.  And I've learned, and still have to remind myself, that I need to be happy for others and then step away and look for the blessings I can see in my own life.  I can start with so many things - the first being Jesus.  Tonight I want to be at the Point of Grace Christmas concert with my family.  But I had to get home to be the evening sitter for Pete's mom.  And I told my sister-in-law as hard as they tried to work it out for me, it just wouldn't work out this time.  And I need to accept this is life right now.  But I do get to go to The Cove tomorrow and spend the night with some of the people I love the most.  And God did work that out.  For Andrew to be able to drive tomorrow and take care of Sarah.  And for Laura and Emma to take care of Sam with his diabetes AND new pump.  Sometimes there is not a good substitute that we can see right away, but I am seeing and thankful for this one!  I know so many have worse trials, and it's certainly not a contest.  But whatever we are in, we can give thanks; because God loves us, each and every one, and is working in each of our lives.  ("In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"  1 Thessalonians 5:18) 

So take it from the person no one would trade places with 99% of the time ~ God is here.  He is working.  I just need to be still and listen and trust.  (“Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10) 

Another great verse that a friend sent me is Exodus 14:14 ~ "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

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We wish you a Merry Christmas!  We hope you rest in the peace that can only come from knowing the one true Hope of the world ~ Jesus Christ!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."   Romans 15:13

May Update for 2019

 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31



This has been my "go to" verse, since high school.  I thought I knew what it meant then, but now I know even more.  It's assurance.  It's encouragement.  It's telling me to be still more often - and wait on the Lord.  I tend to run ahead and try to figure it ALL out.  I want to make a way or at least know the way.  I get terrible headaches rolling things around in my head.  And I have had to work really hard to remember HE is in charge - not me.  I am not.  He is.  What wonderful news to remember.

I have not been able to write.  It is slowly coming back.  I have been in survival mode and trying to do all of the things I mentioned in March.  Now it's almost June, and I am still struggling to get by most days.  But God promised He would not leave me.  And I keep praying.  A lot.

Andrew continues to do well physically.  He is running and working and has not had any seizures!  We are well past the six month mark!  He is still looking at grad school in the fall and continues to plan.  I have stepped way back and try not to help unless he asks me.  I don't think I have been an overbearing mother, but he had to depend on me longer than most; so he is enjoying his independence, and I am getting used to it.  I pray for him more than ever - really, for all my boys.

Peter and Will continue to work.  We don't see either of them nearly enough, even though Will still lives here, but we have fun when we are together.  And I love and appreciate them more than they know.  Right now, Peter is fun but a voice of reason and understanding to me.  And Will is mostly fun and comic relief when I really really need it.  

Sam graduates soon from Hardin Park.  He has grown even more, since I posted in March.  We were able to go to Disney World and Sea World on a short trip a few weeks ago.  It all started when Cindy wanted to take Karen to Sea World on a special vacation (I know some of you don't know who these family and friends are, but that is okay!).  I told her I was in if we could go to Disney World too - since I wanted to take Sam - and she and Karen worked there in college.  So we added Whitney (and tried to add another, but she could not go!) and took off!  We pooled all of our gift cards, bonus points, and birthday money and had a very wonderful few days for a very little cost.  The resort where we stayed could not have been nicer - the people and the place.  We had a wheelchair, and people could not have been more accommodating.  I would have handed out a hundred awards for people who helped us in so many ways at the parks, gas stations, restaurants, etc.  And I would have only given out two or three complaints.  Sam was a huge help, and he had a wonderful time, despite some diabetes issues.  We had help from our own doctor and nurse and friends.  God provides even when things we think are in place fail.  And really, it gives us a chance to see Him work.  He has done it for my family in many ways that I've seen and tons more that I haven't.

We have continued to help my parents with their downsizing.  It's so wonderful to lighten the load.  And I continue to do that, even though it's taking forever it seems, at my own home.  Their home has had quite a few things changed - floors, walls, etc.  And I was quite insistent that they needed an island in their kitchen.  It came last week, and it looks beautiful and will make storage so much easier for my mom.  I'm so glad they listened to my idea!  That was my only one.  But one level living is so much easier on both of them, and we are thankful they are settling in well.

Pete is preaching a revival tonight.  And I am still at home writing this.  I'll have to tell him how James does on Jeopardy!  We have wonderful help coming to our home almost every day now - except for Fridays and Sundays.  It has been such a blessing to have help with Sarah - for her too.  We are still just trying to keep things safe and calm.  And one night, I could not get two of the boys where they needed to be and be at home.  And that night we found out we cannot be gone - just like that everything changed again.  So we are so very thankful for those who recommended extra special help.  And we are getting more soon, as things get worse.  I don't go to church very often at all, and I was offered a name tag not long ago.  But I did get to go at Easter and Mother's Day.  And it's no fun, when that's the only time you can go!

So I was thinking about people who only go at Christmas and Easter but COULD go the rest of the time but choose not to.  It's easy to find things to do on Sunday morning.  It's like bonus time!  But I also feel very depleted, because I don't have what I get at church.  It's more than the singing.  It's more than the sermon or the interaction with others.  It's ALL of of it.  And I cannot wait to get back.  We are praying about it, because I don't want someone else to have to miss so that I can go.  So I listened to Greg Laurie this week during church time.

This is a quick - but not short - update.  I feel the burden lifting some, and I think that is why I could write.  I have talked to God a lot about my burdens, and I am having trouble just laying some down.  And I know He knows.  And the home situation is wearing at best.  And I can see where He is working in all of that.  

I will update again, but we appreciate all of those who pray for our family.  And I wanted you to know we are still here and praising Him still.  We praise Him for who He is AND for all He has done.  And that "all"  should be ALL ~ because giving us salvation through Jesus Christ was enough.  And He still walks with us in our time here.  I hope in all of the real struggles I share, that I make it clear that He is always here and always provides.  I can do nothing without Him.  And I want others to see that He is there to help them too.  And then maybe they will accept His gift of salvation through Jesus. 

Pete said that God has laid it on his heart to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Jesus came as a man, lived a perfect and sinless life, died on the cross for our sins, and ROSE from the dead.  That is the Gospel - the good news, the best news ever.  All we have to do is believe it and accept the gift.

We can accept His gift of salvation by believing that we sinned and are in need of a Savior; and Jesus is the ONLY One who can save us.  I hope you have found forgiveness and peace in Jesus.  It's the only way I get through.  I still have a tough time, because I live in a fallen world.  But no matter what, I have the hope that only comes in knowing Jesus.

Thanks for reading.  And thanks for praying for our family. 

In the midst of the chaos, He is right here.

Joshua 1:9 New International Version (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I am redoing a room upstairs for Sam.  And it will have a Joshua 1:9 theme.  Sam has grown about a foot - just a few inches shorter than his Aunt Whitney, as of yesterday.  He may have passed her today!  We are getting rid of "younger" things and making a peaceful room that will, hopefully, give him a sort of refuge.  He has left his room and bathroom downstairs to Sarah, his grandmother, and now shares my bathroom - preferring it to the one his brothers share. One day, he will understand how something so easy for him to give up was actually very unselfish and made the whole transition much easier.  This mother has moved several rooms of furniture into a home that was pretty full, and I hope to have the excess gone and everything else put up soon.  It's time.

We quote Joshua 1:9 in relation to diabetes.  The 24/7 member of our family that we wish was not here.  We wish it had never invaded our days and nights and schedules and plans - and everything else.  Sam has a CGM now - he got it in October.  He has a new insulin and a new endocrinologist.  His retired, and the new one was not good.  So we just got a new doctor.  And we both really like him, and Sam is doing much better with his numbers after one visit.  He is running some, growing a ton, and getting ready for high school next year - eek!  His getting ready is more difficult than most.  We have to plan for special help, work around his reading classes at ASU, and make sure he is comfortable in the high school his brothers attended not long ago.  He is running middle school track.  The first few practices were nothing less than painful - physically for him - but also for me to watch him with so many children who ignored him.  It's hard.  But he has really been hanging in there and not asking to miss practice.  I am so thankful for his attitude and that the other day he allowed me to walk with him at the high school during warm up instead of him walking alone...again.  And I talked the whole time and told stories, and he laughed.  His blood sugar was too high or too low, and I had told his coach I was waiting to see what he needed anyway.  So with his diabetes and learning disabilities and social difficulties right now, he is doing remarkably well.  And I am thankful God shows me things and encourages me.

When Sam graduates in June, we will end our time at Hardin Park.  Andrew started there in 1999.  20 years.  Lots of great memories.  Lots of challenges.  I will miss the school.  I will miss a lot of people there.  But it will be time to move on; and, for Sam's sake, I am ready.  I am ready for Sam to be in a new place (as big and scary as our one high school can be) and to grow and flourish.  His difficulties will be used in his life somehow, I am sure.  It's been hard not to be able to drop him off and let him go and do his work.  It's been hard to go to meetings and leave feeling so discouraged and biting the inside of my cheek so I would not cry.  It's been hard to watch friends abandon him.  But God will use all of that.  I would not trade him for anything and constantly pray for him.  He is the sweetest, most thoughtful young man.  He is quiet and shy, but he is so funny and loving at home.  He sees things most of us miss.  And he helps me before I have realized I need his help.  When I start to wish things were different, I remember that MRI that shows some things that should not be there.  And I am so very thankful it affects his learning and has not yet caused seizures.

Which brings us to Andrew.  He just got his license back!  After almost two years!  He has had to not drive before, but it has never been this long.  He has his car registered (as his truck was destroyed in a wreck with his dad in April) and his insurance and is ready to go.  And has already gone.  To Bristol.  To church.  To work.  To hike.  Out to eat.  We are so tickled for him.  We hope this will take away some of the closed in feelings he's had since last year.  To be so limited and then to stay in that tiny little room for two weeks (the length of which may or may not have been partially a medication oversight by Duke) would be enough to push anyone over the edge - especially one taking so much medication.  He seems more and more himself.  No seizures.  He is working 40 hours a week at ASU in food services and hopes to hear from graduate school soon.  He is ready to get out and do things, and I pray for him constantly too and have started a couple of Rubbermaid boxes with bedding and towels and extra kitchen things.  I know it will be hard not having him around (because he's always been one of my favorite people), but I would not wish for him to stay with us; especially when he is 25 and wants to get out on his own.  

Peter is out on his own still, in Charlotte.  He does not call every day, but he takes time to call me and Sam a few times a week.  He works hard and has been helping Julianna some with her dog Rigby during tax season.  We miss him, but we are happy he is working hard and being helpful.  I will never ever forget the time he spent with me taking care of Pop during his last week of life last February.  Peter stepped up and did whatever needed to be done - and did it lovingly and well.  One of my favorite things Pop said that week was, "Get Peter over here to do it.  He'll do it right."  Pop was trying to sound gruff, but he gave Peter a high compliment.  And Peter will never forget that time he spent and how God helped him do whatever needed to be done.  He would gently pull the velcro on Pop's neck brace, so Pop would feel some relief - even though he did not move the brace.  When he comes home, we are all excited to see him, especially the dogs who can barely contain their excitement.  

Will is home and works with Solid Ground Grading still.  He has had some challenges this year too.  But he has taken responsibility in certain places and not whined or blamed things on others.  And that shows a lot!  He went with us to visit Grandmother before she died in October.  She loved that he reminded her so much of her brothers.  He saved the day on her funeral day by bringing Sam's extra insulin pen that we had somehow left earlier without.  He also was there, with his brothers and cousins and uncle, to carry Grandmother's casket at her funeral.  She would have loved to have seen that.  Will sleeps in the big bed that Pop made, patterned after a Restoration Hardware bed.  His room is huge, and the queen bed fits in there easily.  I hope one day that he will have the patience to try to build some furniture.  I know he could do it - if he wanted!

Pete and I appreciate all of our friends and family and helpers.  We appreciate our church family and friends.  It's been a tough bit, and we have had people help in ways we could not have imagined.  We have also had to team up and help each other through what I call "the complaint department" ~ which he is better at managing than I am.  It was so hard to be away from home stuck in a hospital with some pretty serious stuff and continue to manage that department.  And we have had to have some little talks to get back on track and not get bogged down in feeling left out or let down or discouraged.  We can only really count on God.  And of course it hurts when someone lets us down or hurts our feelings, especially when we are in a storm.  But it's also something that brings us closer to God, our constant, the One Who never changes.  And Pete always reminds me that we have done the same to our friends and loved ones, even if we did not realize it.  I pray I have grown more in this area and don't dwell on things too long.  Things that don't really matter in the long run.

Pete takes care of his mom and takes her to Winston every Friday to eat lunch with Meg and, sometimes, Charlie.  Sparing details, she is much worse but is safe and probably the calmest she can be right now with him (us).  She does not know Pete is her son, but she knows he is always around and helps her with whatever.  But I cannot count the times that he tells her to "ask Meg" who handles most of her affairs.  I still don't thing we will be able to truly grieve for Pop until later.  Maybe others in our situation understand.  So we pray a lot.  Because it's just hard.

Next February, we are planning on a Holy Land Tour.  We have several people signed up and a few more coming on board.  We hope to have 25-30 in our group.  A smaller group would be fine, but Pete has worked so hard to get the cost down as cheap as he could get it that he would love more people to be able to go.  I am so excited to go walk where Jesus walked.  

We have lots going on in our extended family and with our friends.  This looks to be an exciting year.  We look back on last year and see how tough it was.  And this year has already had some challenges.  But we are still able to laugh - only because we know we can turn it all over to God.  Oh, I have to turn it all over again and again.  I know it's not as easy as it sounds!  But I know God is with me.  He does not want me to fear but to charge ahead knowing He is with me wherever I go.  That brings such comfort.

And as I have felt so bogged down by life and some of its heavy and dark and depressing weights, I have tried to climb out of the dark by reading and studying my Bible more.  And I am behind.  But I know the days I read are better days.  I pray constantly.  Being still and reading and having that quiet time is hard for me right now.  But I keep trying.  And there is nothing like it.  Sometimes it's best at 2:00 am with low blood sugars and alarms going off (what did we do without the CGM???).  Sometimes it's best on a Sunday afternoon.  But any day with special quiet time with the Lord is a much better day.  

I've also felt such a burden for lost people.  We watched American Gospel, Christ Alone at church.  It's a little over two hours, and you can rent it on a lot of sites for $4.99.  There is a lot of "stuff" out there that is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It's not just ~ Jesus loves you, so live however you want.  NO!  It's that Jesus loves us so much that He died for our sins.  If we don't need to repent of our sins to make a way back to God, why did He have to die???  That Jesus is God, lived as a sinless man on this earth, went to a cross to die for ALL of our sins, and then He rose from the grave.  That is the Gospel.  And I feel such a burden to share it.  We have ways at church that we share.  And we have some great events coming up.  But I pray for people all of the time, individually and collectively, that they will hear the truth and be saved.  I am so grateful that Jesus died for me.  And that is enough.  BUT, He cares about all of the above, and that makes life so much different.  Because a life full of difficulties can also be a life full of Hope ~ that's only found in Jesus.  And what He did.  

I pray for our country, our leaders and their families, our military men and women and their families, and lots more every day on our way to school in the car.  I know a lot of our problems right now stem from untruths.  It's hard to watch.  And it's hard to be silent.  But I hope that God will help me be still until it is time to speak up.  I try to pray instead of responding to people or even starting something in anger.  And sometimes I fail.  But praying is one of the best, most effective, and, sometimes, only things I can do.  So I do it.

Thanks for reading this.  I will end with a Mercy Me song.  Best News Ever.

"Best News Ever"  Mercy Me

Some say, "Don't give up"
And hope that your good is good enough
Head down, keep on working
If you can earn it, you deserve it
Some say, "Push on through"
After all, it's the least that you can do
But don't buy what they're selling
It couldn't be further from the truth

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Some say, "Don't ask for help"
God helps the ones who help themselves
So press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind
Some say "He's keeping score"
"So try hard, then try a little more"
But hold up, if this were true
Explain to me what the cross is for!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever

So won't you, come
Come all you weary and you burdened
You heavy-laden and you hurting
For all of you with nothing left
Come and find rest!

What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight's already been won
Well, I think your day's about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work's already been done
It's not good news
It's the best news ever!
Best news ever...

It's not good news
It's the best news ever
Best news ever
It's not good news
It's the best news ever

Merry Christmas ~ 2018

April D. Green Photography, 2018




I wrote last year that I knew this year would be tough.  I think I was thinking of Andrew's brain surgery mostly and that by Christmas all would be well again.  Well, I was wrong.  This year was actually much tougher than I imagined.  But I can say (and have said it lately) that God has been here for every single step.  And while everything does not look like it will be resolved by Christmas, I do know God won't leave.  I know that for sure.

Last Christmas, we spent the day with Pete's family at his sister's house.  His dad was in a wheelchair and looked so much worse than he had just a little bit before.  Pete and I decided we would go and visit every chance we got.  We started that after the first of the year and decided we needed to go more often.  Then his dad fell at the end of January.  I remember Pete's sister Meg calling him right as church started that Wednesday evening.  She was very upset and leaving her home to go up to Roanoke, VA, where their dad was being transferred by ambulance.  I got Pete out of church, and we rushed home to pack while our church family stayed and prayed.  He rushed up to Roanoke in the dark,, while I tried to get someone on the phone who would update us on Pop's condition.  I finally got to a nurse who knew Pop was there.  Then I hit the HIPAA wall - which I knew was coming.  So I asked him to tell Pop his family was coming and that we loved him.  And he said he would tell him.  Meg got there first, and Pete got there soon after.  His dad's neck was broken, and he was in a great deal of pain.  His cancer was so much worse, but he wanted to leave palliative care to go home to die.  So he came back home that Saturday by ambulance.  Pete came home, and Meg made a chart to cover his care at home with their mom.  Peter and I went on Monday.  Peter had to leave Tuesday afternoon for a job interview, so I was there until Wednesday night alone.  While Peter was there, he did every single thing Pop needed.  He was so helpful and so good at helping.  Peter and I had stopped at a little store a few minutes before Pop's house.  We both felt inadequate to help - and a little afraid.  But we prayed and just jumped right in - not really knowing what to expect.  I was so overwhelmed and so busy that I did not realize all that was going on with Pete's mom.  I knew things were not right, but my attention was more on his dad.  Pete came on Thursday to trade with me, and he and Meg were there with their dad when he died on Friday afternoon.  I cried my eyes out after I left Thursday and thought about turning around - but I had to get home to Andrew and Sam.  I had kissed Pop and told him I loved him.  He was able to tell me he loved me.  He had told me a few things earlier that morning when Meg had taken Sarah to get some coffee in downtown Floyd.  He told me things about me and the boys.  I will never forget the encouraging things he said.  I was coming back Saturday, in two days, but I knew he would not be there.

After the funeral, Pete's mom tried to stay at her house by herself, but she would call Meg to come and get her.  But then she would want to go right back home.  Pete brought her to our house some, and she even went to Laurinburg for a little bit with Charlie.  To make a long story short, she has been staying with us since late spring.  She has Sam's room and hallway with his bathroom.  Sam has graciously moved upstairs and is spread out all around.  Sarah has dementia and goes back to the doctor this week.  It's hard.  And it's very sad to see. It's really taken over my whole family's life right now.

In April, Peter moved to Charlotte to start a new job.  We miss him, but he seems to be doing well.  He lives with a friend who lived at our house for a few months.  Julianna finished her graduate degree, so she is back in Charlotte working.  That works out well for them!

At the end of April, Pete was in a horrible wreck.  He could not sleep and was going to do one of his cleaning jobs around 2:00 am.  He called me at a little after 2:00 am and told me he could not call 911 himself.  I hopped up and called 911 for him and got Will to take me to the accident -  not knowing what happened or if he was okay.  We went the wrong way - which ended up being better for what we saw - and came upon a big truck that had run a stop sign and hit the front corner of Andrew's smaller Ford Ranger, that Pete was driving because his car was in the shop.  The front end and tire got most of the impact.  It could have been so much worse.  The other guy was fine with his air bags, but Pete was bruised and cut and actually had a crack in his kneecap and neck.  Andrew's truck was totally demolished, and it was scary to see Pete leaned up against the firetruck with blood all over his head and face and down his clothes.  An ambulance finally came to check him out (we still have operator problems), but he had Will drive us to the hospital.  He passed out in the ER, and that's when the doctor finally started doing some tests.  We did not leave until he was checked out well.  We are so thankful, and we praise God for keeping both men from getting hurt worse.

Andrew graduated from Appalachian in May.  Even though he has gone to school for six years, he graduated with one degree and one internship short of another full degree.  He had his EMU testing in July.  It was supposed to be a week or so that stretched into two weeks.  He had a bad seizure that dislocated his shoulder (again) before they put the electrodes IN his brain, so he did not have another for eight days.  It was a long two weeks with lots of prayer and lots of waiting and frustration.  He finally had two seizures that were deemed enough for the information they needed.  We were all tired and frustrated and concerned.  We think a medication oversight was the reason he had the seizure that morning.  We hope we are never in that situation, but I learn more each time about how you have to keep up with every single thing yourself.  In spite of all of that, all the information was obtained.  We know that was all God.

Following that hospital stay, we waited to see if he was a candidate for brain surgery (even though those were two smaller brain surgeries to put the electrodes in and take them out).  He was, and we finally got on the schedule for October.  The time in between was awful and dark and can be found on Andrew's blog - some of the details, but not all.  We ended up taking him totally off one seizure med that we truly believe set off a huge depression, that he had never had to deal with before.  And we are thankful for those who stepped up to help him through those dark months - doctors, a counselor, and my family who took him over to Abingdon and kept him busy during that time.  We also appreciate the others who knew and prayed.  It was as if all of the years of struggles finally crowded in all at once and just about took over.  We are so thankful he is still recovering from all of that, and we trust it will all be used for good at some point.

Andrew had his surgery on Wednesday, October 24, and we were home on Saturday.  We dropped Sarah off at Meg's on our way to Duke on Tuesday and picked her up on our way home Saturday.  It was a very tough week for a lot of reasons.  I felt a weight lifted after the surgery and the doctor reported how it had gone.  He is a good Christian man, and that he prays over Andrew and the surgery made a huge difference to us.  Seeing the brain pictures he took with his iPhone was amazing.  But Andrew was not fully back to himself, so it was difficult to help without helping too much.  He did have a few visitors, and that helped him a lot.

So far, Andrew has not had any seizures.  He remains on two seizure medications with the hope of cutting them down in the spring.  He has been back to the neurologist and the neurosurgeon at Duke for his post op appointments.  He helps watch Sarah during part of the day, and he will look for a job soon to keep him busy as he applies to graduate schools.  He cannot run yet, but he walks several miles a day.  We still pray for complete healing and for all of the scary side effects to go away and stay away for good.  We appreciate our doctors in Boone and Charlotte for all of their help during all of this.  God certainly has blessed us with some great doctors who really care.

During the time Andrew was over in Abingdon, he got to spend a lot of time with my family and see and check on my grandmother a lot while she was at home with Hospice.  Grandmother fell in her yard and broke her arm about the time Andrew went to Duke in July.  She was 93 and lived alone until that fall.  One thing led to another, and she ended up home with Hospice.  She died on October 7.  I had been going over once or twice a week to see her and check on Andrew.  I was sick that morning, the 7th, and did not go to church.  I decided after lunch that I really needed to go see her that day and not wait until Monday afternoon.  I got home in the evening, and my brother called me sometime later that night to tell me she was gone.  She was resting with her favorite channel, the Hallmark channel, playing.  Whitney and Laura were spending the night with her.  Whitney noticed her breathing had changed and was checking on her and asking her if she was okay.  And then she was just gone - to Heaven.  Just like that.  I miss her so much already, but I would not wish her back in that hospital bed.  She had so many visitors and friends and family care for her in her last weeks.  She would just smile, and her blue eyes would twinkle.  And that's how I remember Grandmother.  I am sad, but not for her.  She is in Heaven with so many she has not seen in a long time.  One of the last things she asked me was if Andrew had had his surgery - and had Ben been paid for mowing - and did I get some more of her books to read.  She was still checking on everyone else.

So this year has been hard.  And while we have had some great moments, we have had some of the toughest I've ever known.  There have been more things that have been heavy weights ~ some things with Sam and Will.  There have been times of dealing with mistakes made - things that are hard to watch and I just pray lessons were learned that won't be forgotten.  There are concerns looming on the horizon about Sam and his learning disabilities and how to handle high school next year.  Sam did get a continuous glucose monitor, and we love having the fire truck siren go off in the middle of the night when he is dangerously low.  We don't know what we did before!  I have seen struggles with others' behavior and hurt for those hurt.  There have been so many funerals to attend - and so many that we could not attend.  We have lost loved ones and friends.  But God has made a way through the little and the big struggles.  And He still is.  My goal this year is the read the Bible through again.  I've already ordered a new Bible to do just that.  I think that goal will help me a lot.  This past year has been the year with the most prayers.  It is close to another year in the recent past, but this one definitely required even more prayers on my part.

Will and Sam on Pop's tractor.  The tractor was sold in an online auction two days before Pop died.  It did not leave his house until the day after he died.  I was thankful he was not watching all of his tools and equipment leave, while he was stuck in a hospital bed watching out the big window.  But he was happy those things would be going to good homes, knowing he would never need them again.  Just still thinking of others in his last days.



And even though I still have a handful of thank you notes to write, my family wants to thank everyone who has helped us this year in so many ways.  We have been so blessed by gifts, encouragement, notes, messages, and, most of all, prayers.  We appreciate it all so much.  It's been very overwhelming in the best way.  To see people visit my grandmother.  To see people take time to come to her service.  To see people step up and keep Andrew busy and contact him and check on him.  To have people tell me something they remember that lets me know God knows where I am at the moment.  To get a card in the mail or a text or message.  To just be encouraged or told we are prayed for and prayed over.  It all counts in those blessings.  And it all has helped.

I pray as we are in the Christmas season that my family's year will somehow bring glory and honor to God.  He is good.  Always good.  He has made a way through the most difficult of situations. My testimony is not about what I do- but what God can do through me AND in spite of me.  I hope others see that I depend on Him.  I choose to.  I must.  He is the only One who never changes.  He loves me the most.  Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, so it's a great time to come to know Him or rededicate our commitment to trust Him and follow Him.  That's what I am doing.

One of my main verses this year has been Romans 12:12.  It's been my aim and still will be.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

I sang "It Is Well" at Grandmother's service.  My knees were shaking, but all of the words came out.  I believe it is well only because of God.  There is no other way to have peace.  We don't always sing all of the verses, so I am copying them here.  And if you've never read the story behind the song, please Google it.  I am going to see Pop and Grandmother again.  What glorious hope there is in knowing that!  And I believe God will be with us in the end of 2018 and in in 2019 and beyond.  What a wonderful truth!  Merry Christmas!


"It Is Well"  Horatio Spafford

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well with my soul,
     It is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

April D. Green Photography 2018