Merry Christmas 2022!!!

 Merry Christmas 2022!!!

Merry Christmas 2022!  We are excited about the season of Christmas ~ celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

The scripture we chose for our Christmas card is not the "normal" Christmas scripture, but it's such a reminder of what we are and are not and what HE is!  And what He's done!  And that's what Christmas is all about!

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." 

I Timothy 1:15-17

What am I and am I not?  I am not perfect.  I am not worthy.  I am a sinner, the worst of them all, and need a savior.

THE BEST NEWS?????  That Savior came down on Christmas in the lowliest of places for you and for me.  

Don't determine to follow Jesus because of someone like me.  Remember, I'm the worst of the worst.  But I hope you will pursue knowing Jesus, because of who He is.  He came for us all.  Not all will accept Him.  Not everyone realizes they need a savior.  But we all need Him.  And He came!

That's what Christmas is ALL about!  Jesus Christ - our Lord and Savior!

(A picture of a shepherd boy in Bethlehem I took in February 2020!)

~~~~

As an update for our family ~ because we seem to be all over the place ~ so I'm sharing the following!

Last January, we got to celebrate Christmas with Peter and Julianna who flew in from Colorado and even got snowed in with us for a day or two!  We had the best time playing games and watching movies and just hanging out!  Peter, Julianna, Will, and I even went to TJ Maxx and the mall!  It was so fun to be with them!

Will and Laiken were engaged, and we celebrated their wedding on September 24!  We are so blessed to now have TWO daughters!

Sensing my need to visit my little Colorado people again, Pete made reservations for us and Sam to fly to see them in November.  We had a great visit with them!

We played at Top Golf in Colorado and had so much fun, so we celebrated Andrew's birthday a little early with a trip to Top Golf in Charlotte!  

In the middle of all of that, Sam started his senior year of high school!  My baby!  He is so helpful and fun and intuitive and smart and has a memory better than mine!

We also got a brand new great nephew five months ago, Maddox, who joined his greatest big sister Emma who turned three in October.  They are certainly the best, and we love seeing them and spending time with them.  Emma is a real encourager, laugh creator, and all around great little person to be around!  And Maddox is the smiliest and sweetest baby ever!  We appreciate that Laura and Ethan share them with all of us!

We lost some precious people this year.  One of my first "big" bosses died and brought together lots of people from the olden days in Admissions ~ while we traded texts back and forth with updates and when we traveled to his funeral to support his family.  

We also lost my pastor's wife, Louise Thrasher.  She has always been in my life.  The Thrashers have been through all of the ups and downs with me (and millions of others).  We know she is with Jesus.  She spent her last days and weeks talking to people about Jesus and praising and worshipping Him.  In fact, the night before she died, she was at a Worship Night in the Train Station in Bristol.  We miss her, but I think I will always see her smiling face and hear her encouraging words until I see her again.  And that's a gift, because she always encouraged me in a way that only one who had Jesus shining through her could.

In April, we sold our house of 15 years ~ right after renovating many things I had wanted to do over the years!  We didn't close until June, so we continued to pare down and give away and sell and throw away lots of stuff.  That sure lightened the load!  We moved into an apartment in Vilas and are so thankful for the friends renting it to us ~ me, Pete, Sam, Sarah, and, of course, Sadie and Lucy!  It has a beautiful view on a hill that will keep me from work on snow days!

We started looking at homes and lots in Bristol and Abingdon in the spring.  I really wanted a home on Valley Street in Abingdon, so I could walk downtown.  Or I would have settled for a house on Solar Street in Bristol that had the most amazing windows in the kitchen and the prettiest staircase.  Or the pretty blue house near my old church that had a window seat and a few fireplaces!  I thought he'd agree on the house my dad's principal lived in, when he was a child.  But Pete was scared of my choices and the enormous work he could see involved.  We decided to build and even picked out a lot.  But the cost of building right now is so high.  While we were going back and forth, a house we had seen online continued to drop in price; and so we went to see it with Tracy - my high school friend and running teammate ~ and a most patient, helpful, and fast to get back to you realtor.  The in between story is very long.  Really, it is.  The longest closing in the history of house closings!  But we both decided the location, the home and its potential, and just the general feel of the place made it a home we both happily agreed upon!  It's close to Boone being right at Exit 19.  

So we are renovating and planning to move in the spring after Sam graduates.  It's getting a new kitchen, new bathrooms, paint, and some updating on plumbing and electrical during all of that.  We will update the outside some too!  If it looks familiar, you've seen it as you exit I-81 North at 19.  I've always thought it was the cutest little house!  If you can still find it on realtor.com, there are some great aerial pictures!  It's on Maringo Road in Abingdon.  

We are thankful and excited to move closer to family, but we will miss our friends in Boone!  We'll only be a little over an hour away and hope to have a garage full of bikes, so we can have people visit and ride on the Virginia Creeper Trail!

Pete is still hoping to find a church to pastor.  He will be ministering and pastoring in some capacity!  We are just praying about where!  Since we left our last church, two years ago, we have visited and attended some good churches; and he's ready to get back to preaching and pastoring.  He still has all of his cleaning jobs now and has to spend most of his other time with his mom.

Sarah (Pete's mom) has lived with us for almost five years ~ since soon after Pop died.  Her dementia gets worse every few months, it seems.  She does not know who we are or what goes on.  Some days are calmer, and some are very busy keeping up with her.  We have a sitter who helps occasionally, and Andrew can still help some for short amounts of time.  Hospice respite has been a huge help - giving us 4-5 days of a break each month for the past few months.  We appreciate the little breaks we have here and there.  We were able to take Sam to Charleston for a few days over spring break, and she stayed with Charlie.  Meg kept her when we went to Colorado in November.  We are thankful for these breaks and know firsthand how caregiving can completely wear you out and wear you down - especially when it's in your own home!  We appreciate all of the prayers prayed for our family!

~~~~

We pray this Christmas season brings you closer to Jesus ~ the one and only Savior of the World.  He is our Light and our Salvation.  Our Hope.  Our Joy.  Our Peace.

Love,

Wendi

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

A Long Overdue Update!

 After I broke my leg, things came to a standstill of sorts!  I felt behind in absolutely everything, but I also felt God's hand on me keeping me from getting too agitated with all my limitations!

We flew to Colorado in June for Peter and Julianna's wedding.  I was treated differently at the different airports, and I appreciated those at the airports and on the flights who asked how they could help.  I was able to get to my seat by holding onto seats - with gloves!  Dwayne and Whitney drove out to meet us, so they were our tour guides.  We spent some quality time with Julianna and Peter and her family.  The wedding was beautiful, and we are so happy Julianna is officially in our family!  They came home in August and had a celebration at Sky Retreat.  It was beautiful too, and more family got to see them dressed up in their wedding clothes!

I was cut off from physical therapy at the very beginning of August - no tapering, no plan.  Just cut off!  The hospital and my insurance did not do well there.  I was still using a walker.  I used Youtube to figure out how to walk with crutches and then a cane.  I am still using a cane.  I go to the pool to swim and do PT three times a week.  I still am making a little progress, but I am anxious to ditch the cane and walk on the Greenway with my friends!

We got to celebrate Christmas with Peter and Julianna at their visit in January.  We got snowed in and played Monopoly and watched movies.  And ate.  And they all walked in the snow.  It was over too soon, but we will see them again soon!

Andrew's Duke video came out today, and we are taken back to 2018 and all of the time leading up to that.  It was not an easy time, and it's wonderful to see him sharing in that way of his - to help others.

You can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7fsZWWXNFU

"I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1

A Broken Leg

 On Saturday, March 13, Sam and I were going to take our very excited dogs for a walk.  We usually put the harnesses and leashes on them in the mudroom or out on the back deck.  Sam had Lucy.  I had Sadie.  I walked outside holding Sadie's leash.  It's common for them to run down the deck stairs and back up in excitement.  When Sadie ran down, I didn't think anything about it.  She did not run back up this time!  She took off in the yard - with me still holding the leash!

I flew off the back deck - several steps up - and was airborne for a second and remember thinking that this was not going to end well.  I bounced down the stairs hitting both ankles.  I landed in a heap on the asphalt driveway after hitting my arm and ribs and head and face.  I could not even make a sound at first.  I knew I was hurt!  Then I started crying - loudly!

After about 30 minutes in the driveway, I was able to sit up but could not get up!  Pete finally told me I would have to go to the ER - that I had probably at least twisted my knee.  Then we decided to call Watauga Medics because I had started shaking badly and could not move that leg.

The man and woman who came to get me could not have been nicer.  I apologized for bothering them.  They took me on my first ambulance ride to the hospital just about three miles away.

They didn't seem that busy, so I did not think much of it when I got instant attention.  It went by so fast until the doctor said I had broken my leg!  I could not believe it.  I had a plateau tibial fracture - right below my knee.  And he said he would send me upstairs where the surgeon would call me.  I was ready to go on home with a leg brace!

It was a very very long night.  The pain was so terrible.  They finally gave me morphine to knock me out!  I had talked to the doctor, who reminded me of one of our pediatricians at work that I really like, so I figured that was God telling me he was okay.  He was going to put on an external fixator on Sunday and send me home.  A what?  Whatever.  Just let me go home!  So the next day I went to have surgery and got to see Dr. Nguyen and wished I'd just seen him at the store or somewhere!

The surgery went well, and I woke up to a huge Star Wars looking contraption on my leg.  And I stayed another night.  I could just feel those dollar signs, but I was in a lot of pain.  I went home on Monday, my birthday!  When we got out to the parking lot to get me in the van (thank goodness I have a Honda van!!), we didn't know how to get me in the car!  I finally pulled myself up into the back seat and was stretched out across the whole back with that thing on my leg.  Pete hurried home, because I was already exhausted!

When we got home, it took forever to get me in the house.  I sat on the stairs after getting to them hopping with a walker.  No weight at all could go on the broken leg.  We eased me up one step at a time.  When we got to the top, we looked around and found a sturdy chair and got me into that.  Then we stood me up and moved the chair into the house, so I could sit on it and swivel around and use the walker to stand.  It was crazy.  Don't let anyone tell you that you won't use things you learn in school.  We have to use ratios and fractions and percentages and all kinds of math with diabetes.  With getting into the house, we used all kinds of physics and probably geometry and who knows what else to figure out how to maneuver and where I could pull up and where I could not.  

I was home until I went back on Thursday for my repair surgery.  William (bless his sweet little heart) came and backed me down the stairs in the wheelchair like the physical therapist had shown Pete.  We heaved me and my monstrosity of a leg back into the car, and I was already about to cry from all of the effort.

We got to the hospital and asked for a blue wheelchair like they'd wheeled me out in.  It had a place to hold up my heavy broken leg.  They couldn't find one, so we had to make a regular one work - until we got into the doors and I was almost in tears.  The kind lady at the front table put a trash can under my leg to give me some relief.  And finally, someone brought a blue wheelchair.

We went to outpatient surgery and checked me in.  I gave them my information and insurance - just like I did in the ER.  In fact, I told Pete not to forget my pocketbook; because I knew they'd want all of my information when they took me in the ambulance.  Then we went to a room to wait.  And I was pretty calm for someone having another surgery in such a short span of time.  But I was ready to move on and get it done!

Surgery went well.  Pain was pretty managed with pain medication.  I got to go home on Friday.  We got me into the car a lot faster, when we left.  Getting back into the house was a challenge, but we did that faster too.  I was relieved.  PT came and helped again.  My leg was still very heavy with all of the bandages and the leg brace.  But it was better than the external fixator.

One of my dear nurse friends came to change my bandages.  I could not look.  She told me things looked good and came back every couple of days to change it.  I still could not look.

I went back to the Ortho after four weeks.  We decided to try leaving the house through the front door.  That was not the best choice, but we did it.  I sat in the waiting room and watched people come in and be called back.  We waited a long time.  I was a little nervous about getting my 36 staples out, and I was getting really tired sitting in a chair with my leg straight out.  Finally, we got called back.  We went to the other end of the building, so I was thankful they got me a wheelchair.  My x-rays looked fine - nothing had moved.  And getting the staples out was not fun, but it was not as bad as I thought it might be.  They told me to come back in four more weeks.  We left in the rain, but I had mastered getting into the car quickly with a little help.  We got home and got into the house

So in the meantime, I have been doing PT a lot.  I have to get my extension back - straightening my leg and my knee bent to 90 degrees.  I have worked hard to meet those goals - almost - before this Friday.  I am hoping that they will let me "walk" with the walker instead of hopping on one foot.  After I master that and can bear weight more, I can graduate to a cane.  I also do a lot of arm exercises that have helped build up my stamina for dragging myself pretty much everywhere I go!

I've only been out of the house for one other appointment!  Since I cannot stand well or balance well, I cannot take a chance on putting weight on my leg.  So I hope this Friday will give me a bit more freedom!  I have things to do!

Our family has been majorly blessed by so many people in so many ways these last several weeks.  We appreciate everything - but mostly the prayers.  This healing and stretching and strengthening is going well, but it's so hard to sleep at night with so much aching in my legs.  But I sleep so much better than I did at first.  I would only make it until 11:30 to 2:30 and then be up in the recliner watching Alfred Hitchcock, so my brain was not just zeroing in on the pain.  We asked for more pain meds to get me through the night, but then we decided I would just use Tylenol.  So I feel better knowing all of that is gone, even if it does mess with my sleep!

I had bad scare in the middle of the night when Pete went to do one of his cleaning jobs - because he woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.  Sam's CGM was showing he was rapidly dropping.  He wouldn't answer his phone, and I was about to panic.  By the time I called Pete or anyone else, he would be too low.  So I was able to get out of bed myself and get to the front hall to yell for him.  Once we got his blood sugar up above the 40's, he helped get me back in bed!  God provides!  Because I would not have thought I could do that - and I did not do it alone!

I've also had Sarah to deal with this whole time.  This has put a huge strain on everyone around me, and I am very thankful for everyone's help.  I can watch Sarah for a little while, but I cannot fix her food or anything; because I cannot get around without the walker yet.  And I cannot balance long enough to do it.  My days to watch her were Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I hope I can start doing that again soon to free Pete up for his part-time job!

Peter asked if I'd gone outside and gotten some Vitamin D.  No.  We have to keep the doors locked or Sarah is gone.  So I have felt a little bit cooped up but not as bad as you would think.  And that is all God.

I've watched movies with my two movie buddies.  I've read.  I've prayed.  A lot.  In the middle of the night is a great time to pray extra. 

I am still learning.  I will never take walking for granted again.  I am in the waiting room that I've talked about a lot - again.  I am trying to be patient and be a good patient.

God never leaves us.  A broken leg is not the worst thing.  But it is hard and makes you dependent on others.  And that's where I am able to see God's provision during this time.  And I know there is more that I cannot see.  At the very least, I have gained a new perspective in a lot of things and in a lot of ways.  I just want this to bring glory and honor to God.  Someone told me weeks ago that I handled this well, and I told her that I was stuck with myself all day and didn't want to be stuck with my "mean" self.  And I've tried to watch my attitude and have even called people to pray for me and my attitude on tough days.  And I am thankful they stop and pray for me right then!

Thanks for reading this!  It is long, but I wanted to write it so I can read it again later and remember how thankful I am to walk!!!

 

 

One of God's tiniest Angels ~ Happy 29th Birthday Katelyn Elizabeth Ball (November 20, 1991 ~ December 25, 1991)

 I know one of God's tiniest angels.  She slipped into our lives one cold night and showed us so much in the five short, but precious, weeks she was with us.  Then she slipped away to Heaven on Christmas Day.  We think about her often.  We celebrate her birth in November and pray quietly on Christmas.  We remember her.  We love her.  And we cannot wait to see her again!  This is the HOPE we have in Jesus.  

This year, as I remember little tiny Katelyn, I give thanks for the time we had with her.  For knowing her.  For how God has used her life to teach me and remind me of so many things.  

I always pray for her parents, her younger siblings, her grandparents, and all of our other family and friends who are remembering her too!

I am going to cut and paste some past blog entries I wrote about Katelyn.  I always pray I will learn something that will help me be a better light for Jesus in this world.  

~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day to remember.  And to be thankful.  And to have hope.  And though I always cry some tears on this day, I feel that joy deep in my soul that I KNOW where she is and where I will go to see her again.

As life can get harder and harder, Heaven gets more and more real.  I am so thankful Jesus came and died for even me so that I can live with Him one day.  His precious and most painful gift is free, and all I had to do was accept it and believe it.  Why would I want to live for anyone else?  I want to live for the One who died for me.  The only One who could.

I am so thankful that I will see this little person again.  I don't know what she will look like, but I know I will know her.

Happy 24th Birthday, Katelyn Elizabeth Ball.  We love you and will see you again.

~~~~~~~~


I cannot believe tomorrow is Katelyn's 22nd birthday. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven ~ if there is a need to celebrate when in Heaven on just certain days! I got a text this morning from a dear friend/sister. She asked something, and I knew exactly what she was asking about ~ Katelyn. We all come back to this place this time of year. It's sad, but it's so much more than that. The first years were hard because Katelyn was the first baby in the family and for most of our friends. We did not yet know about all of the blessings that would come. So we felt the loss and felt it very acutely.  We still feel the loss, but we can see how God has worked; and that gives us hope and peace.

 November 20th will always be a day of reflection for me. I can still feel that cinder block wall. I still remember having my brother right there with me ~ knowing exactly how I was feeling and sharing that time of sorrow and concern. I can see my mom sitting in the waiting room. I can see my aunt talking to my uncle. The memories are so sharp. I remember Little Caesars in Winston and the chair that a nurse brought outside the NICU for me to sit on while Whitney visited in the nursery. I remember driving my grandfather back to the road to go home in a small rental car. So many memories half my lifetime ago ~ that seem like yesterday.

I know He lives. And I know we will see her and others we have lost. What a blessing and what hope we have. If you don't have that, please ask someone about it now. The gift of eternal life is free and just needs to be accepted.


This is last year's post ~~~~~

I wrote this original post two years ago. I just read it again...and cried. It seems like it could not be 21 years ago, and then it seems like a lifetime ago. The first weeks were the hardest. Then the first months. God was with us. He is still with us even now - He never left. Never will.

I know one of God's tiniest angels
She slipped into our lives one cold night
Not meant to stay for long
This precious little bundle
She taught us love in her short time on earth
And when it was time to go
She slipped out of our lives
But not out of our hearts
Where she will stay
And we will see her again...in Heaven
(a revision of the poem I wrote a year after she died)

Every year is one year closer...

2011 Post This is actually last year's post. I just read it and cried. But it says what I would want to say again. I am adding some song lyrics to the end. So this is a long one.

Happy Birthday this weekend to my precious little tiny Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Every day is one day closer to seeing her again (and those great grandparents mentioned in this post!). Thinking of the family and friends and praying that her life will still have a strong impact. ~~~~~~~~

I can remember it like it was just last week. I arrived at Forsyth Hospital in Winston where my sister was in labor with her first baby. She had found out about a month before that the baby was not growing and developing. We knew some of what could be, but we did not know much. I found her watching Little House on the Prairie while nurses hovered nearby and lots of doctors were readying to attend the birth. Because Katelyn was my sister's first baby, they really wanted to do everything they could for her and my sister. My dad would check on Whitney periodically, but he would turn a greenish color and have to leave. My aunt was begging my uncle for a cigarette, but he kept reminding her calmly that she had stopped smoking. I remember arriving, checking on Whitney and Dwayne, going to the Hanes Mall to eat (and not even being tempted to shop!) while we waited...and waited.

Then I fast forward to sitting in the hall straight up against a cinder block wall. Katelyn was there, and Whitney was fine. The doctors did not think that tiny baby would make it through the night. One of her pediatricians had mercy on Russell and me and invited us to say hi to Katelyn before they took her to Baptist just a little bit away. She was as long as a newborn because she was term, but she weighed less than three pounds. I remember yellow. Her hair or her skin. And I remember loving her with everything I had. And I remember how my arms ached so badly to hold her. Now I can grab one of the other children to hold when I feel that ache, but then there was no baby to hold. And we could not hold her. I am sure Russell and I prayed for her and over her. And that was one of the only times I was within an arm's length in her whole five weeks.

In the NICU, there are very strict rules with very good reason. Still, I drove to Stuart, VA, every weekend to spend time with Whitney and go with her to the hospital even though it meant sitting on the outside. I got a couple of glimpses, and Dwayne took some pictures. No digital cameras back then! And there is a video. I ached to hold this baby, see her, and get to know her. And somehow through the wall, I was able to do just that - get to know her through pieces of information and pictures. She was supposed to have only part of a kidney. She had more than they thought. She scooted in her tiny bassinet. She scrunched her face and tried to hide from Santa Claus visiting the sick babies. In her little life, she did have personality and fight and determination. And oh was she loved.

My grandparents arrived one day to see her. My grandmother announced to my grandfather that she was going to see the baby - whether he took her or not. They totaled their very large (enormous really) Cadillac on the way to see her - in Cana, VA. It was a multi-car accident where one car stopped suddenly and several cars bumped into the back of each other. My grandparents had to rent a car half the size of theirs and continue on the trip. They got to go in and see her - because they were great grandparents and not just aunts. My grandmother came out and said of my sister, "Well, she has herself a real live baby doll." That meant so much to my sister.

Whitney and I would stop at Little Caesar's in Winston to treat ourselves to Crazy Bread before returning to their home way out in the country. Dwayne worked the night shift a lot, so Whitney appreciated the time I could come. While I was there one weekend with another friend, one of their two dogs came back shot. The other never returned. We searched all over the area where they lived and realized that no one cared if they shot someone else's dog - especially someone with a dying baby. It was a bleak, sad time. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom when I was there. I put myself in that job. I cleaned that tub so much it's a wonder the finish did not come off. It's hard to know what to do with the energy and feelings and aches sometimes.  

Dwayne and Whitney came to Bristol on Christmas Eve in 1991, intending to spend a little time with family and return to the hospital and Katelyn on Christmas Day. I remember the phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was the hospital - no cell phones back then. They cared enough to know where to find them. Dwayne and Whitney rushed to Baptist. By the time we got there a little later, Katelyn was gone. I still remember every Christmas how that felt. Again, I can grab a child now and hold him or her; and for that, I am so thankful.

I try to go and visit her grave on Christmas Eve so I can tell her I love her - even though I know she is not there. It's just a quiet place for reflection and to thank God for what He has given our family and blessed us with.

That time was a hard time in my life too. I took time off from my life the next few months and returned to school to start on a second degree. Thankfully, God worked out my own situation; and I returned to North Carolina and my own life that had seemed suspended for a few months. I remember people being so kind and helpful and thoughtful and supportive. And I still remember times of being so hurt by something someone said that I did not feel I could stand it. Sometimes I remember to keep my mouth closed. I would not want to cause that same pain and confusion for someone else. I appreciate those who quietly prayed for all of us and were there when we needed them - not just pretending to care but allowing God to use them to minister to and sustain our family.

I know one of God's tiniest angels. She slipped into our lives one cold night not meant to stay for long. And when it was time to go, she slipped out again. But she left us with something so hard to explain. In her short little life, she made such a huge impact. I cannot wait to see her again and hold her. I don't know what she will look like in Heaven, and I don't have to know. I just know I will see her, and I will know who she is!  

Happy 19th Birthday to Katelyn Elizabeth Ball. Thank you for affecting my life in such a wonderful and loving way - even though it is not empty of hurt and pain. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are with the One Who loves us the most. ~~~~~ Even though it was indeed scary, her parents loved her without reservation. A lot of us did. And though it has been hard without her here, we have that HOPE that we will see her again. She is worth every falling tear ~ just as they all are!

All of Me (Matt Hammitt)

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
 And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

 I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain
Keep you from my heart
I dread the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

And Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start
It's where I'll start

A long long time ago...

A long long time ago, I started sending emails asking for prayer.  I had a computer in an extra bedroom in my house across from Hardin Park.  I was scared and asked people to pray for Andrew.  I remember sitting in the chair at the computer not afraid to send a message asking everyone I knew to pray for him.  He had so many issues.  I was so ill-equipped to take care of him.  I believe it was the best thing I ever did.  Then later, I started a blog.  My email had been changed, and I had difficulties setting it back up.  But for years, I know people prayed when they got an email from me.  With a blog, it's not always read.  But I still believe that the people who have read it through strokes and surgeries and a bad diagnosis or two have prayed.  And we are so thankful for each and every prayer.  Sometimes I share on Facebook.  But for a long time, it's been difficult to write.  So I've decided to take the advice of some who have been so dear over the years and start again. 

I had about a year to prepare for our Holy Land trip in February.  I was on a roll getting into good walking shape, eating well, and reading about the places we would go.  Then everything fell apart again, and I was stressed getting ready, getting everything I left in place, and just not feeling as ready, prepared, and organized as I meant to be!  But God worked it all out.  He gave me my sister to take care of ALL of Sam's stuff.  And she did a great job.  She had Andrew and Will to help some, but she had to learn to change his new insulin pump site and wake up to give him something to eat when he got low at night.  She was up a lot one night when Lucy, our Golden Retriever, decided that thunderstorms were just not her thing.  She took on organizing projects and cleaned, of course, while she was at my house!  And I did not worry about Sam one bit like I thought I would.  I only talked to them a little and texted a little.  And they were great.  The others were all fine too.  I had lots of other help in many different ways, and I appreciated it all!

The trip to Charlotte was great.  I did well on the long flight, once I figured out how to open the bathroom door!  And we had the very best group of people.  We only had 17, which ended up being a great number to get in and out of places pretty quickly.  We had a wonderful guide, and we could not have had a better bus driver. I got quite attached to everyone and cried when I left them!

One of the first few days, we were on the Sea of Galilee; and I sat by myself in the middle of a pretty good sized boat.  We thought that would lessen my chance of being sea sick.  So I sat still and enjoyed the boat ride and watched the others.  I was listening to the music being played, and a song I knew came on.  I knew when I got home, I would have things to deal with.  I just didn't know exactly what.  But I felt like God was giving me that time to be still.  Not only to be still, but to be still in the place of the storm on the sea.  Where Jesus walked on water.  Where Peter did until he took his eyes off Jesus.  Where Jesus calmed the storm.  What a blessing that be still time was on the Sea of Galilee.

While most of my trip was documented on my Facebook to help me organize and remember my pictures when I got home, I am still working on my photo book.  I am excited to get it done.  The pictures are all of the trip through my eyes. 

I wasn't sure what Pete was talking about when he talked about going HOME.  But the minute we got to Israel, I felt at home.  I felt at peace.   I was not worried or concerned and never felt unsafe.  We walked around at night in Jerusalem in groups, and it felt safer than downtown Boone!  It was special to be in the land of God's chosen people, the Jews.  And to be where my Lord and Savior walked on this earth.  He is a Jew.  And it's hard to understand why there are so few Christ followers there.  So hard to understand.  But then, I look at myself.  And all around me.  I stick to what I know and have been taught to some extent at least.  And that's what they do.  So I should not be too hard on them, when I do the same with other things.  And people around me do too!

Going to Bethlehem with a special guide, George, was one of my favorite days.  I did not plan to buy many gifts for people - I just did not want to be caught up in that - not knowing how my time would be.  But we did have time to go into shops and the market (multiple times!), so I made a point to look for the most primitive Nativity sets.  I found some simple ones for some of my special people.  There is just something about having a simple Nativity set from Bethlehem or Jerusalem.  It just takes me back.  So we went down under a big church to the place where a star is there to represent where Jesus could have been born.  We are in Bethlehem at a site, and it's representing Jesus' birth.  And I was overcome with thankfulness for the birth of my Savior.  It's hard to describe.  That Mark Schultz song "When Love Was Born" kept running through my head.  We went in a small door to enter the church - not the big front door.  It was the line that says, "Bethlehem, through your small door, came the Hope we've waited for.  The world was changed forevermore, when Love was born."  Chills!

Another day, we saw this beautiful rainbow over Jerusalem.  We saw so many rainbows on this trip.  A lot of them were while we were in a moving bus.  They were extra spectacular and are always such great reminders that God keeps His promises.  Every single one.

On the last day, we went to the Garden of Gethsemane.  I brought home olive branches from there to make something special for my boys.  That is where Jesus prayed in anguish before He was arrested.  It was hard to imagine him arrested at night and lowered into a hole into a stone cave at Caiaphas' house to be held as a prisoner.  It was hard to be the place where He was beaten and scourged.  It was hard to imagine what we've seen on TV and seen in our minds - that we were standing in those places.  It was so real.  We don't have to go to Israel to know that and be thankful for it.  But to be there was a gift of remembrance.  He did all that for me.  And you.

And then, Golgotha (Calvary, Place of the Skull) where our special guide Allison from Scotland talked to us about "her" Savior Jesus.  And I wanted to come home and talk about Jesus like she does.  She told us how He would have been more at a crossroads instead of up on a hill, for the utmost humiliation and suffering.  She got tears in her eyes talking about Jesus.  She then took us to the EMPTY tomb.  Then we had communion and sang some praise songs.  What a special gift to be there and experience what we did.  I got a special gift or two in that gift shop just because of where it was and a prayer shawl right outside.  It was the hardest place and the most special, where my Lord and Savior laid down His perfect life for me.  And everyone else.

The last night, I took this picture out of our hotel window.  We stayed in nice, safe hotels.  The air, the calm, the atmosphere was something I was not ready to leave.  It's hard to explain, because I was ready to get home; but in some ways I wanted to stay.  I think that's the pull of the Holy Land.  Being where Jesus was while on this earth was an amazing gift and experience.  And I am forever thankful and changed because of it.  I don't know if I'll get to go back, but I would never go on a big trip anywhere else.  I would choose Israel first!  I know the second trip would be just as wonderful - even though it's hard to imagine a better guide, special guides, or bus driver.

So we came home and got caught back up in life pretty quickly.  And things were going on that I did not know about.  And then the COVID-19 came and is still here.  I still work three days a week at the Peds office.  I still clean at a church and just spring clean in place of things I don't clean while we don't have church.  I help sometimes pack the meals to be delivered twice a week to church and community members.  I had to cancel our Easter Egg Hunt but sent our gifts and prizes to another place for children to have before Easter.  I've had the hardest time not seeing baby Emma as she grows faster and faster.  And I've been sad for the weddings that have been "changed" by some of my favorite young people.  I miss Peter in Charlotte.  I miss so many.  But in some ways, this unexpected change has been a break.  It's been a time to spend more time with Sam and his school work.  We walk/run some days and get to talk and work on his running form.  We've worked on some things that are always on the back burner.  We finally got the training and code to update his insulin pump. 

It's been a time to stop and look back.  I don't want to lose that special feeling that I had in Israel.  I don't want to forget how Allison talked about her Savior Jesus, who is my Savior too.  I don't want to forget the horrible imaginings of what Jesus endured for me.  I want to be bold like the Peter who taught about Jesus until his last day.  I want to be strong and courageous like Joshua at Jericho.  And while I am always busy during this time it seems, it has been a good little break in the midst of the unknown.  It's so stressful for some because of their jobs or because they cannot work or open their businesses.  So I pray a lot for our country.  And I pray God will show me when and what I need to do.  Because no matter how hard it gets, God is still in control.  He is still with us.  And He wants us to turn to Him.  What a load off my shoulders that is.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  I Peter 5:7

Merry Christmas ~ 2019

Sam and I just got back from little Emma Kate's baby dedication in Abingdon.  It was beautiful and special, and we were so happy and thankful to be there.  We got to see lots of people we missed on Thanksgiving - because Sam ended up sick at school on that Wednesday!  You cannot be around new babies and older people when you throw up and have a fever!  So Pete went one way with his mom to Winston on Thanksgiving Day.  The older boys went the other way to Bristol.  And Sam and I stayed home.  I needed to be around family and had looked forward to Thanksgiving for months.  We were going to Bristol - all of us - and then were going to host Pete's family on Friday.  When those plans fell apart, Pete told me to go on to Bristol, and he would take his mom to Winston with his family.  I did not want to be separated again for the third year, but I agreed.  Then Sam got sick...

It took until that Wednesday evening to start getting him back on track, trying to miss the ER and fluids to get his blood sugar back under control.  Then at 10:00 pm, he turned around; but we knew we could not go to Bristol.  I appreciated those who called to check on me and to remind me that there is a lot to say for solitude.  And there is.  I am one who needs time alone.  And I rarely get it right now.  So I cried a little with disappointment, but then I set Sam up with Christmas movies and cleaned my white kitchen cabinets inside and out for most of the day.  God used that task to keep me busy and occupied.  I also scrubbed the baseboards and wood floors.  I was tired at the end of the day, but I did not sit home and cry!  And so today was so much sweeter, because I got to see most of the same people and hold little Emma.  As a bonus, I got to hold Buddy, Luke's new Beagle puppy, who is adorable.  That family cannot handle much more cuteness!  Babies and puppies are good for people like me!  (And P.S.  I did go the day after Thanksgiving and got to hold Emma a lot!)

In his sermon today, Stan talked about the Christmas story and peace.  His message was from Luke, but he also talked about the peace that only comes from Jesus.  He asked if there was ever a time when we realized we sinned - whatever sin it is - and we needed a Savior.  We can repent of that sin and accept the gift of salvation that only God can give through His Son Jesus.  What a glorious and wondrous time we celebrate at Christmas!  We celebrate the birth of our one and only Savior of the World.  I am so thankful to know Him!  I pray that all of my family and friends will realize the simple truth that we all sin (Romans 3:23), we are all separated from God because of one sin (Romans 6:23), and Jesus is that only bridge back to God (John 3:16, John 14:6)!  We sure don't want to stand alone without Jesus when we have to answer for our sins.  I pray that for people I don't know!  And I pray that those of us who know it will SHARE it (Mark 16:15)!

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We are sending Christmas cards, but they will be late!!!!  It's beyond my control, so I am sending them when I can!  We love getting Christmas cards and thanks to those who send them to us.  And for those who don't, we totally understand!!!

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Andrew can drive again tomorrow!  He's had one seizure since surgery.  We are hoping he will get on a good schedule soon, and that it will help.  He has worked physically hard for many months saving money to go back to school.  And he has been too exhausted to even run - and running helps keep him even.  He also takes way too much medication, and I hope his neurologist at Duke will work on that harder in the near future.  He still needs lots of prayers.  So please don't stop.  I keep handing him over to God.  It's all I can do.  And the more I realize that, the more peace I have.  He will be 26 next week, so he is in charge of his medical stuff.  I am his "consultant" and have taken a back seat.  We did have a great visit to his immunologist/infectious disease doctor the other week, where he acknowledged how hard he has been on his body the past several months, with his work and schedule.  So that's a start!  I hope he will realize his life will have to have good balance, starting with his time with God.  And I pray that same thing for all of my boys.

The other boys are good.  One will be home soon.  One will drive again soon too (long story, but God works in bad circumstances I have seen firsthand) and works really hard every day with great bosses.  And another needs to be reading better before he can drive, but we are working on that!  He is doing better with his new diabetes pump, and I would rather have learning disabilities with brain problems instead of seizures for him.  God is showing me the good in all of the seeming "bad" situations.  If it were up to me, I would probably (foolishly) try to choose an easier path, but I would not trade these boys for anything.  At least they have a mom who prays for them constantly, and they know I have limits ~ which will help them see even better how God works!  I want them to see parents who pray for them and keep handing them to God, the One who loves them the most.

I look at all my "lists" of things I can (and do - sorry to say) worry about.  And I cannot check anything off!!!!  So I know part of what I am learning is to give it to God.  Not check off the lists but to give it to Him and keep on going.  I learn every single day.  And I fail and worry every day too.  I am telling you, because maybe you feel the same.  It used to be Christmas letters that could make some of us feel so inadequate and like failures.  And I know I have written things in a way to "show" certain people that they did not bother me with all of their information!  Duh!  I would totally give away that it did indeed bother me!  Now Facebook can do it all year!  But we have to remember that we are in God's hand.  He hears us.  He loves us beyond what we can comprehend.  And we wonder where we went wrong or why everything has to be so hard or so difficult.  And I've learned, and still have to remind myself, that I need to be happy for others and then step away and look for the blessings I can see in my own life.  I can start with so many things - the first being Jesus.  Tonight I want to be at the Point of Grace Christmas concert with my family.  But I had to get home to be the evening sitter for Pete's mom.  And I told my sister-in-law as hard as they tried to work it out for me, it just wouldn't work out this time.  And I need to accept this is life right now.  But I do get to go to The Cove tomorrow and spend the night with some of the people I love the most.  And God did work that out.  For Andrew to be able to drive tomorrow and take care of Sarah.  And for Laura and Emma to take care of Sam with his diabetes AND new pump.  Sometimes there is not a good substitute that we can see right away, but I am seeing and thankful for this one!  I know so many have worse trials, and it's certainly not a contest.  But whatever we are in, we can give thanks; because God loves us, each and every one, and is working in each of our lives.  ("In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"  1 Thessalonians 5:18) 

So take it from the person no one would trade places with 99% of the time ~ God is here.  He is working.  I just need to be still and listen and trust.  (“Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10) 

Another great verse that a friend sent me is Exodus 14:14 ~ "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

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We wish you a Merry Christmas!  We hope you rest in the peace that can only come from knowing the one true Hope of the world ~ Jesus Christ!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."   Romans 15:13