Compromise - among other things

Getting ready for college - yes, me. I am getting ready for Andrew to go to college. I remember my first day. It will not be the same as his. He won't cry after everyone leaves while cleaning his desk with Lysol. And he won't have an older brother who won't go to eat with him for a week to give him a chance to make his own way (like I had that older sister!). Funny side note ~ one of the first times I went to eat with her, Pete was there.

There are so many things about to change. And I don't like change. I have lived in too many houses. I have "lost" too many friends in the past few years. I do have some good things, of course, but I don't really like change. God knows this. And I know that change is part of life. I will do it, but I would rather not most of the time! When I look back over my life, change has brought the best and the biggest blessings.

Pete toured the college where Andrew has decided to attend. The parent with 20+ years in Admissions was not available ~ I was at my other learning post, one of Sam's doctors. I did not do something with my own child that I have helped others with for many years. The school is small. It is a Christian school. And Andrew will be able to run in at least the top three right now. The coaches were great. The people they met were helpful and kind. And Andrew is excited. So I have to be excited too. This means pushing back, but also dealing with them at the same time, the fears that I hold for him. I have to overcome them just as much as he has. I have to trust more and have more faith in the One Who loves him the most. It's hard. It will be harder.

So I have started his "college shopping." Andrew thinks less is more, so our list is not extensive. I have gotten some towels, a great blanket from the Pottery Barn Outlet (it should be fun to shop, right?), and a few other odds and ends. We have a list. I can pick out the stuff he will like - as long as he does not have to go shopping! I am waiting for things to "appear" at TJ Maxx. I thought this project would keep me a little bit busy on something positive that will help get him ready.

We have started making plans for graduation and a party afterwards. I have gathered some napkins and decorations and have some great ideas. He does not like to be the focus, so it has to be low key too. I want him to know how much we appreciate him and love him while we get him ready to go.

He has a truck he bought with his own money from working 32-40 hours every week last summer. He has money he has saved. His job while at school will be running for the great scholarship he has been offered. So he is looking for another summer job and will spend his last summer at home as a full-time, live-in family member. After that, he will only live here part-time. And while he is welcome any time, he will be on his way to his life ~ the one we have been readying him for all of these years.

And yes, I would go back to when he was five or six. Or ten when Sam was born. Or when he first started high school. I would go back and relive every single good, hard, scary, and special time. But since I cannot, I look at other parents (particularly moms) who have done a great job readying their children to go and letting them leave ~ and I find great comfort and encouragement in watching them. They don't know I am watching. But I am. More and more.

We wish Andrew the very best in this next phase of life. We are excited to see what he does. We know he will go to class and study. We know he will run and respect his coaches and work hard for his team. We know that is who he is.

So when I worry about the awful health stuff, I do try to remember of some things that God has blessed me with in regard to Andrew. He won't compromise on some things that most college students do. He won't drink or do drugs. Andrew is very aware of keeping himself as healthy as he can. He has changed a lot of eating habits on his own with his own research. But it's more than that. He doesn't have a desire to do those things. And for that, I am so thankful. So he won't be bringing on things to himself. He will do his best (he's not perfect), and he will see how God helps him overcome and blesses him in this next time period.

I did go on a tour with my boys. I dragged them around in a thunderstorm to tour a school I always thought they would attend. The tour guide was great and full of interesting and helpful information. But they had to mention beer. And pretty much everyone had to laugh as if it was a great part of the college experience. And I pray and pray the rest of my boys will not be interested. That they won't want to "just try it." I don't want them to just like it a little bit. I don't want them to be tied to it at all. So that put a little damper on things but made me realize how important that one thing is. It would not be a deal breaker, but I wish it had not gotten so widespread and out of hand.

I love Karen Kingsbury books. I was so disappointed in one of her latest books that seemed like no one took the time to proof it very well. The wrong character's name was used in one spot along with some grammar and spelling issues. Her last book was great but had one very disappointing part in it. I won't spoil the book, but I felt like she went out of her way to compromise on something that did not even have to be addressed in the story line. While I was excited for my own niece to read the series (and I don't worry about her getting any bad ideas from the books!), I was let down when I read that one line. I just don't understand why she put it in her book.

We often talk in Sunday School about reasons we don't share Jesus enough. One is because we don't want to offend anyone. We don't want to make people uncomfortable. But we surely compromise all of the time when we don't speak up and share the most wonderful thing we could ever share - the gift of salvation freely given to us by Jesus when He died on the cross for our sins. I seem to hesitate to share that while tip toe-ing around issues that threaten people's earthly lives as well as their eternal lives. Sometimes the best way to share is in the way we live our lives. When I let everything "slide" by, I don't look any different than anyone else. I want to be like that little 5th grader (the one getting ready to graduate this spring) who did not care that only he and one other boy voted for George Bush in his class. He did not back down nor was he ashamed. He knew why we did not vote for "the other guy" and held fast to his own convictions when we were not there to back him up. Those convictions became his own - not just inherited from his parents. And I am happy that little 5th grader can now vote as North Carolina has a very important issue coming up soon.

So while I am trying to prepare for the first one going to college - one that I did not think could leave home so soon - I am praying to handle it with grace and learn what I need to learn and give attention where it is needed ~ whether it is under the same roof or an hour and a half away. And I pray my children will have their own convictions and lead a loving and giving life that makes them stand out (in a good, solid way) and point people in the right direction.

A whole other issue ~ but I want my children to know they are loved and special but to break the mold of living like they are most important and that their happiness is imperative above all else! I don't know what lessons they will have to learn or the obstacles that will be in their way. But I keep praying that God will use them and that they will be willing to be used. They are great boys, and I hope they realize all they have been blessed with and that they have so much to share.