Tears and Cheers

Today was supposed to be a fun day!  We left Boone yesterday afternoon - just three of us which was kind of odd.  We spent the night at a hotel with a pool and a putting green, so someone thought he was on a huge vacation!  Andrew was at home with Laura spending the night at our house with him.  They were joined by Grandad and Mimi who took them out to eat and who knows what else?  I got to watch some Home & Garden TV and read in my book.  I got to sleep a tiny bit later than usual.  We got in the car to go to the cross country meet and figured out we were only a few minutes away from the park.

As we were going down the road, I saw Krispy Kreme.  All of the sudden, it hit me.  This would be one of my last trips to this meet!  I did okay last year when Andrew was a senior.  But it hit me that he would not be there today.  When he was a freshman, we got off the interstate right at that Krispy Kreme and were so early that we stopped to get a treat.  Sam did not have diabetes then, and we were new cross country people.  Peter, Will, Sam, and I had left super early to get to the meet. 

So I started crying.  Pete thought I was crying because Andrew would not be there.  I am sure that was part of it, but it's also Peter's senior year.  He keeps getting injured, and I don't want him to run out of time before he has some of those great races I know he has in him.  I was probably a little nervous for him.

But as we entered the park, tears were dripping off my cheeks.  I kept my sunglasses on and kept to myself a lot today.  And I yelled for that boy I was worried about.  I also prayed for him as he got ready to run and ran.  He is not where he needs to be, but we will work on that.  Then I yelled for that next boy who just started running again not long ago.  He did pretty well keeping up in his race.  He has a mountain bike race tomorrow, so I am praying he does not hurt anything in that! 

On the way home, I felt we needed to spend time with the little boy with us who turns EIGHT this week!  Six, maybe.  Eight, no way!  So we detoured to Chuck E. Cheese and extended his little vacation.  And as we left the shopping center, we stopped at Lifeway and bought a new CD so I could sing out some of my heart on the way home.  Pete and Sam slept through most of that!

We met with lot of ASU students at a progressive dinner tonight and then went and cleaned.  So I am pretty worn out and should sleep well tonight!  I think I am tired and weary and need to watch a sad movie and cry my eyes out.  Especially so the next cross country meet won't be so hard on me! 

I determined the weary part yesterday before the other hit.  I told Pete if Blue Cross would stop sending me stamped mail, it would save them a million dollars, I am sure!  I have determined that no one likes to tie up loose ends and get things straight.  They cause me so many extra phone calls and extra work because of it.  So I am going to do my part and then let them do theirs.  I also am getting a home phone on Monday.  It's the only way I can feel better about calling 911 if we ever need them again.  No one has called us back to check on the problem, so I need to take care of that the best I can too.  I am going to get on the school website every day and keep up with my children.  I am going to keep working to find what works with Sam to help him learn and retain what he has learned.  I am going to get my house clean- and my basement!  I am going to weed my flower beds in the front of my house that look like a jungle.  I am going to roll out of bed and walk in the mornings and not be afraid of the sounds I hear!

But...I am also going to be more thankful.  I am going to enjoy my family more.  I am going to feel free to say no or give someone else a chance to do some of the easy stuff I do.  I am going to read my Bible more.  I am going to walk more and read more and have fun more.  I am going to write more notes and cards like I used to do and tell people I hope they feel better or how they helped me last week or last year.  Just to let them know...

That crying sure got me this morning.  But I am not ashamed or embarrassed by it.  I don't have regrets about my boys getting older.  We all wish we had a little (or a lot) more time - especially if we enjoy being around our children.  I stayed home with them for so long and was fortunate to work at night when they were sleeping and could work at home!  I have been to almost every meet and race and have loved every single one.  I have seen good races, great races, surprise races, disappointing races, terrible races, and miracle races.  As a mom, I felt them all too! 

And I am not trying to hold Andrew back - at all.  That boy ran a time trial this week and came in the middle of 21 runners and PR'd by almost a minute!  He is on his way.  He has been to a week of classes and is finding his way (with Laura's help!).  He has a lot of exciting things ahead.  But I did miss him today.

This sure is a rambling post.  Oh well.  That's my life right now.  Sam has a consult with an oral surgeon on Wednesday.  He turns eight on Thursday and may have surgery on Friday!  Andrew runs Friday in his first college meet.  So tomorrow, I hope God reminds me to rest up and get ready.  But I know He will be right there.  He always is.  He has shown me up front and close some miracles lately.  I don't want to take for granted those things.  And He is there through the big and the little - it'a all important to Him.  And I am thankful for that too!