Part 5

The medicine is his infusion meds.  They are shipped to us once a month.  Shipment is set up and can only come on certain days due to the dry ice and speed it needs to get here.  It is extremely expensive, and I always watch for "the box" and get it in as soon as possible.  Without these meds, Andrew's immune system numbers would plummet.  He was be not only susceptible to everyday illnesses but also diseases.  There is a huge concern about these patients getting pneumonia or something they could not fight off.

Once again, I was so mad.  I had worked and researched, and we bought a new plan with the same company.  It is expensive, but it had a deductible we could somehow meet if needed.  It was hard to know if his medicines were covered, because they are all very vague and not very knowledgeable.  But we did the best we could.

So he missed over a month, and THEN we could not get his old insurance coverage cancelled because our company was so backed up.  It took another two weeks to get it all straightened out.

By this time, I had been given a nurse case manager.  She totally understood the problem and was as frustrated as she could be.  She went several levels above her to get him off the old insurance.  It was a miracle, looking back, that she was able to do that.  And I prayed that during that time someone who could change some of this would pay attention.  So another couple of weeks went by, and Andrew's numbers went even lower.

Then he got the infusion meds.  And he was not in the hospital or too sick during that time.  

I will tell you this.  When our nation's leaders talked about the new health plans, I listened.  And they have not done what they said.  Either they did not know what they were talking about or did not care, I don't know.  But it's frustrating to know they do not care about people like my child.  I am not disrespectful, but I cringe when our leaders don't tell the truth.  And this time, it affected our family greatly.

His numbers have gone back up, I am sure.  We actually go to the doctor tomorrow to get him checked out. We are three years into a hopeful two year treatment.  That is discouraging to me.  The longer it drags out, the more it seems it will be forever.  Not really forever, but for the rest of his life.

I was just thinking tonight of a prayer Peter prayed for Andrew one time.  Pete and I both were praying for something specific, and Peter just prayed for Andrew to be healed and to "never have to worry about this stuff again."  After hearing Peter's prayer, we changed ours.

He still has bad seizures every once in a while.  They used to be at home at night, with us.  He has had one in class, one at a track meeting, one before a race, and one while walking to study on campus.  It's scary when my phone rings, and he is not with me.  I hear an ambulance and try to rule out that it's going to Andrew.  He still gets sick at the worst times.  But he keeps going.

Andrew and Sam do not have perfect bodies here in this life.  So they are not tied to this world as tightly as some.  And that can be a blessing if it is looked at and taken the right way.  

We want to be "normal" and not have to fight so much, or learn so much, or travel to doctor appointments instead of fun vacations.  But this is our story.  And our job is to live it the best way we can.  To live it well - in the eyes of Jesus.  I keep hearing about my "story" in different places from different people (because we all have a story to share), and that perspective has really helped me.  

Nichole Nordeman has a song that talks about going back and doing things the easy way.  She says that if we don't know midnight, we won't know morning.  And it's true.  If we don't have the trying times, we cannot see God work in our lives.  God is my constant.  My only constant in a sea of change.  I am so thankful for that.

Life here is not about a perfect life.  It's about living a life that points others to Christ.  I know God brings lots of happiness and joy here on this earth, but it pales in comparison to what He has for us for eternity.  And I need to remember that more.  I need to remember that tough times have a purpose.  My job is to lean on Him and trust Him to show us the way.  It doesn't mean giving up.  We need to take care of our children and take care of our responsibilities, with His help and guidance.  I need to give Him my burdens and stop taking them back.  And in weird-sounding way, I need to be thankful for the things that He allows that will do good things in the big picture.  So songs like this help remind me to keep perspective.  God is love.  He loves me more than I can imagine.  He loves you that way too.

Sunrise (Nichole Nordeman)

If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill
And find that...

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

There's a moment when
Faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You are sunrise

Part 4

So instead of Sam staying until Friday, the doctors released him around noon on Wednesday.  We came home with syringes and vials, which I mentioned earlier.  It was awful.  The needles were so long that we had to push them in at a 45 degree angle just to continue to hit fat in Sam's leg.  We dreaded the shots but were getting better checking blood sugars which only requires a finger prick.  Sam adjusted quickly to those.

Andrew went to see a pediatric neurologist at Duke within a week after that.  They worked him in, and the doctor we saw treated us like an unimportant work-in.  I was not in a mood to take his ugliness.  He also barely looked at us, told us that medication was not working, AND told us that Andrew probably needed brain surgery to get any better.  It was devastating.  Meanwhile, my mom had Sam in the lobby trying to figure out what in the world to give him to drink.  It was an awful, miserable trip.  And I was just about beside myself.

We came home and decided to never go back to that doctor again.  Andrew did better, and we have an emergency medicine to give him when he has seizures.  It is still hard and scary, but the medicine helps more than it doesn't help sometimes.  Andrew used to have little seizures a couple of times a year at the most.  His face twitched, and he got stiff; but he never stopped breathing.  These seizures were different, and they were awful and scary.  I thought the old ones were bad, but I would take them back as fast as I could given the choice.

Sam started back to preschool a few weeks later.  I went back to work part-time.  Someone had taken my Nashville trip, and life in the Admissions world went on fine without me.

I only worked part-time, because I went to school to check Sam before lunch and stayed to count his carbs and give him an insulin shot.  We would go into the bathroom, but it was still so traumatic for both of us that we ended up going home most days to do it.

All of that changed several weeks later when we went to the endocrinologist in Charlotte for the first time.  When he saw me, he hugged me.  He gave us more information and asked if I wanted a pen.  He showed me the pen, and I could not even believe how easy it was and how short the needle is!  They are nano needles!  We still kept his 24 hour Lantus with a syringe for over a year.  But the other shots are all now given with a pen.  Sam had his first insulin shot with a pen at lunch at South Park Mall.  We were in the bathroom, and he did not even cry.  We were both so happy to have the pen.

I continued to go to school for lunch every day through kindergarten.  Will had started checking Sam before lunch which helped a lot and saved me a lot of time each day.  But the schedule took its toll.  I resigned from my job when I was fortunate enough to find a part-time job at our pediatrics office.  God's hand was in all of that.

Sam continued to do better.  And we have continued to learn.  And we have had to learn more than the medical side.  We have had to learn to ask for help at church or school or wherever Sam goes.  He can only go to one house for a sleepover without us - my sister's house because my niece learned early on how to give shots.  In fact, we took Andrew to a new doctor when Sam had an eye appointment.  And my sister, friend, and niece went with me.  My sister went with Andrew and me (anticipating some bad news), so my friend and niece took Sam to his eye doctor.

Andrew's issues took a big turn in February of 2011.  We found out his immune system was hardly working.  That meant lots of tests.  Lots of frustrating and scary news.  And weekly infusions.

We have also learned how to try to get what we need.  We have learned that our insurance company does not understand, nor do they care about people with severe immune system problems, seizures, or diabetics (mainly test strips which are very expensive).  I have waged many battles with them - that they started.  I could not just sit and not get what they needed.  And it was eventually covered, so it should have been early on - before it wore on me emotionally and physically.  I have talked to the Insurance Commissioner's Office, some top people at my insurance company, AND the Attorney General's Office.  I felt so alone during that time.  Pete listened, and I had a friend who helped more than I could ever have imagined; but it was a battle full of frustration that no one would listen.

They ruined the graduation of my first child because of the battle and stress.  And they turned me into someone who could think of little else during the time I was fighting the biggest battle.  I know I almost drove everyone around me crazy.  We finally were able to get the test strips we could prove they owed.  And then I dropped it.  I had to.  But that was not to be the end of our battles!

Occasionally, they still pop up and deny things - only to fix them soon after.  But before they fix it, Andrew will have a seizure because we cut back his seizure meds to make them last longer until the next refill was approved.  One night, I called a number and had them put  a note in their system that Andrew had a seizure on his way to the starting line of an indoor race.  It was during the time I was battling for a seizure med that they said I needed to pay over $800 for in one month.  I had told them if something happened to him during that time that I would take action. Soon after, the meds were approved, as they should have been initially.  I prayed through the whole process and understand the frustration of not getting what is covered, because I have lived it different times with two different children.  My insurance company had hung up on my doctor's office.  They were vague about paperwork they needed.  One doctor said he had never had to do so much paperwork for his other patients!

Then this past December, we ran into a new road block.  With the new healthcare stuff coming, I tried to be ready, but the ball was dropped; and Andrew went a few weeks without a crucial medicine.

Part 3

We were already so exhausted.  Sam was moved to the pediatric wing.  Pete was still staying with him at night, and I was there during the day.  Except for a few moments in the evening, we were learning everything separately.  We were trying to keep things pretty normal for the other boys who were in school and running.

Tuesday night, Andrew did not feel well.  He seemed tired and out of sorts.  I told him just to sleep downstairs, so I could keep an eye on him.  He woke up around midnight and started talking about geometry.  I flipped on a lamp so I could see him since he was not making sense, and he started having a seizure.  I worked with him and prayed for it to go away.  I was not all awake myself.  Then he started into another one.  It was rough.  So I called 911.  I told them that my husband was at the hospital already with my youngest son and that Andrew was looking bad and that I needed help immediately.  As I waited for them, I tried to get Andrew to come out of his seizure by talking to him, yelling at him, and pleading with him.  I woke the boys up upstairs and ran to get Andrew's medicine (the 911 operator must have told me that - I don't remember that part clearly).  I opened the front door and turned on the porch light.  I was running around like a crazy person running from Andrew back and forth to try to get help more quickly.

Finally, they came. We only live a couple of miles from the ambulance station.  Two young guys came, and one took a quick look at Andrew who was not moving at that point.  He scooped him up and said they would have to take him.  That about did me in.  I remember running outside behind him (after giving the other guy Andrew's meds).  I put my hand on his back so he would not fall backwards as he jumped up in the back of the ambulance.  At that point, I was crying and pleading with God to help him and pleading with Andrew to wake up.  I was not doubting God was there.  I was crying out to Him in a way I had never had to before.  I knew He was listening.  It's almost like crying out to Him (literally) was the only thing I could do.

Someone, a paramedic or fireman, told me I had to calm down.  And I remember telling him I was really not crazy.  Then I flew back in the house to throw on some clothes.  I asked the boys to call some people and ran to the car.  As I took off down the road, I remember Peter sitting on the front porch.  I could not even stop for a second to assure him that Andrew would be okay.  He was not breathing when they put him in the ambulance.

I called Pete and flipped my phone open to speaker.  I was crying and telling him to get someone to stay with Sam and to run down to the ER.  He told me later he could only hope I was exaggerating.  As I pulled into the hospital parking lot not three miles away from our home, Pete called to tell me he was with him; and he was breathing.  Relief flooded through me.

I ran into the ER and asked to see Andrew.  They asked for my insurance card.  Unreal, I know.  I needed to see Andrew.  But I did have it with me and soon was on my way back to see him.  I know if Pete had not called, I would have had to jump over the counter; but fortunately I did not have to do that.  I hurried and gave the unfeeling person my information.

In the back, the paramedic handed me Andrew's medicine bottles from his pocket.  The other apologized for taking him so quickly.  I thanked them and assured them that I called them for help and appreciated their fast help.  When someone is not breathing, you don't want someone to move with turtle speed.

In a little while, I ran and got the car while Pete walked Andrew out of the ER.  He went back upstairs, and I took Andrew home where my parents were already there waiting to help us.  It was a terrible night, but Andrew was okay.  Sam was okay.  And that was what was most important.

Part 2

By the time they were getting ready to take Sam up to ICU, he was so thirsty he was asking anyone to give him a drink.  He asked for water from the "water hose" (fountain) in the hall.  He was pointing to the IV bag and then to his mouth like we were not understanding what he needed.  I tried to explain to him simply a few times that we would get him something as soon as we could.  But he was miserable, and it was hard to watch on top of everything else.

That's why the picture in my mind of a tiny boy eating ice chips (really shoveling them in his mouth) will always stay with me.  He could not get them in there fast enough.  He was sick and thirsty.

It's a good illustration of how we should be with God's love and His Word.  We should realize that we are so sick and thirsty and try to get as much as we can as fast as we can.  Unfortunately, we tend to rely on other things to try to make us feel better.

In ICU, we got settled.  Pete was home by then and spent the night with Sam.  My sister and niece had come and taken Will to get something to eat.  It had been a long day. 

I went home and probably cried.  I went back to the hospital in the morning so Pete could go to work.  When I got there, Sam seemed subdued.  Then he started crying.  He cried for about 15 minutes and screamed.  For a little boy who never threw tantrums (When he was little, he would lie down in the floor and be very still.  The boys and I called those "silent fits" and they were so funny.), it was strange to see him just screaming his little lungs out.  But it cleared his lungs, and he settled down into crying.  And after the 15 minutes were up, he clung to me; and we watched Dora on TV.  The nurses could see into our glass room and kept looking up while he screamed.  When they came in a little later, I told them he just had to get that out.  And he has never done anything like that again.  He turned into a compliant, brave boy.  Now, the story of Mr. Moose in an earlier blog does show another little outburst when he flung Mr. Moose across the room.  The diabetes educator kept talking to Sam and wanted him to acknowledge Mr. Moose (she was using the stuffed animal to try to teach Sam something).  I told Sam we cannot throw things - even Mr. Moose (who now holds a special spot in Sam's closet).

We had visitors and diabetes education.  I would finally sit down and close my eyes, and the diabetes educator would pop in.  I was so weary, but I knew we had to learn things to take Sam home.  So I tried to learn.  I had brought folders and paper and tried to be organized and put things and info where we could find it.  It was hard.  It turned my weariness into exhaustion.

Some of our visitors already were dealing with diabetes, so their words were able to sink into our fog.  I remember today things people said to me.  And I realize that only God knew what we needed to hear and when.

Sam enjoyed his visitors and gifts.  Pete and I were trying to be brave.  If ever there were two parents totally unprepared and scared to give shots, we were the ones!  But we even had nurses who made our time easier by being practical and as humorous as they could in that type of situation.

Meanwhile, Sam was responding very well to the balance needed to get his body back on track.  They were bringing down his blood sugar while bringing up other things.  It's dangerous and delicate.  But he never wavered in getting better.  And that is a huge blessing.

He did so well, they moved him on down to the pediatric wing on Tuesday.  Then Tuesday night was one of the worst nights in our lives, but it was not Sam who was so sick.

My Brave Little Boy

Sam was diagnosed on September 20, 2009, with Type 1 diabetes.  He had just turned five years old a few weeks before.  No, he did not drink too much Coke or eat too much sugar.  His pancreas was attacked by a virus, and it stopped working.  He was a very sick little boy who had lost six of his 30 pounds in just a few days.  Since we did not know much about diabetes, the signs were not clear.  He was not "thirsty" - he just asked for milk a lot.  He was having some problems making it to the bathroom, but he was doing much better!  How hard that must have been for him to try to make it when he was so sick. 

He spent Sunday to Wednesday in our local hospital.  Most children are shipped to Charlotte or Winston, but we were able to stay here in ICU.  We learned what we needed to learn, very quickly on exhausted brains, so we could take him home.  I will never forget checking his blood sugar for the first time.  We both cried as one of my friends, who had brought him toys and goodies, looked on.  Pete called me when he gave him his first shot.  We left with syringes and vials - no insulin pens yet for us!  It was so hard.  Plus, he had little skinny legs and arms, and it was so hard to give him a shot with a longer needle.  It just plain hurt him.  It was 24 hours a day, and it was draining. 

We went to the hospital on Sunday morning.  Pete dropped us off, so he and the boys could go on to my niece's baptism in Winston.  I had just gotten back from a work trip Thursday night.  Sam had thrown up once on Saturday night, so I knew we may not be able to go.  Then he threw up again early Sunday morning, but Will cleaned it up and put him in bed with him - like any good big brother would do.  So until I put him the bathtub early Sunday morning, we did not have a clue how sick he was.  He was a gray skeleton.  And it scared us.  We thought he was dehydrated from a bug, because Will had done that around Sam's age.  So the plan was to drop Sam and me off at the ER and then get us later in the day after they treated him with fluids.  In the midst of this, one of the cars would not start, so we only had one car anyway.

Will begged to stay with us.  I told him he needed to go.  But Pete said that Will may be a help and distraction for Sam.  Good thing he stayed.  Not thirty minutes later, Will and I started on this journey with Sam while Pete and Andrew and Peter went on to Winston. 

I was going to wait until Pete was out of church before I texted or called him.  Will had my phone and had been quite busy notifying people a little bit later when the doctor said he had diabetes.  At first, Will had big tears in his eyes and asked me if Sam would be okay.  I assured him (out of my little and vague knowledge) that we would take care of him no matter what.  So he got busy texting and asking people to pray - without me knowing.  His texts made it over and around mountains that usually block messages.  They went to our friends and family, and they immediately began praying.

That ER was lonely and discouraging and scary.  But God already  had people in place to start filling those voids and help with the fear.  He was helping us fight already by bringing people to care for Sam and to replace some of our initial fear with some helpful knowledge.

Dr. St. Clair (that I regret having to call on Sundays - seems he was always on call when we needed something on Sunday!) came and explained a great deal to me.  Carla gently told me that Sam would have to stay the night.  I realize now they were giving me what I could handle at the time.  Sam was still so sick and weak.  But he was thirsty most of all.  I remember a tiny little skeleton looking boy shoving ice chips in his mouth as fast as he could as he rode up to ICU in a hospital bed that made him look even smaller.  Just a lesson to see how quickly they can get sick.  Sam did not look like that on Friday.  So it is scary how fast diabetes can work and how sick it can make you.

I will add more to this story...

Recharging and Getting Ready for Change!

I am not good at change.  Never have been.  Oh, how I have been tested in this area!

I have moved from house to house.  Sometimes I could not wait to move.  Other times it almost broke my heart.  But through those moves, God provided ways to show me home is where my family is.  And He continued to show me that living in a fixer upper may not be so bad in a lot of ways.  And He has shown me that location is sometimes more important for what is going to happen - whether it's where school or work is...or a hospital close by.

I have changed jobs.  I have changed my schedule.  Sometimes it has been better, but sometimes it has been really challenging.  At my age, I have learned to be a little more patient and look forward to what is next when I don't already know.  But sometimes, I just want to stay where I am and not change!

Pete has changed jobs.  That did not always affect me, but it sure has in the last few years.  But again, God has shown me that not everything is forever and He will provide.  He will also bring about opportunities that would not have been taken if we had stayed in the same spot and not been willing to move.

So when I thought about change last year, I did not even think about church.  It just never occurred to me.  But here it is.  A big change.  Pete answered a call to ministry last year.  I shared with him something that was on my heart, and he listened politely and did not think about it much again.  And it has resurfaced - just in time to be a way that God shows me that His timing is perfect.  I won't address my idea in this post.  I will write about it as it unfolds.  And I call it "my" idea, but I know it did not really come from me!

When he was given an opportunity a few weeks ago to preach at a small baptist church near Tweetsie, I was happy for him but did not even begin to think that Sunday would again bring big change into my life.

When the pastor search committee offered him the church, we prayed; but I did not think he (we) would go.  He was doing so much already at OUR church.  And I had recently taken over his Sunday School class so he could do more.  I knew people needed him, and I was not that concerned about change.

Surprise.  It has been a journey already, and he starts next Sunday.  We have been going to Sunday School at our church and then church at the new church.  Pete took on another Sunday School class that was only a month long.  I realized a couple of weeks ago that I have not seen my church members for weeks because I have to hurry out after Sunday School.  I love seeing the people in my class, but I have missed a lot of others.  And it has made me sad.  It's been a quick and unexpected change.  Too fast for me to handle all at once.

We have been welcomed with open arms at our new church.  And I am thankful for those people and the opportunities and excitement there.  But it has been hard for me to move on without having much transition time.  Not much at all.

I know God has been changing my heart.  He has been helping me be more willing instead of feeling sorry for me.  I have gradually let up on the brakes that I put on full force when Pete dared say he felt called to the new church.  I felt like he would listen to reason.  Listen to some friends.  But he prayed and felt he needed to listen to God.  How can I argue with that?

So in this big change, I am trying to see the things I need to be doing.  I am looking for the signs that He gives me that not only will things be okay but assurance that He is with me.  As I looked down the pew in church this morning, I had five (not four!) handsome young men with me listening to their dad and uncle.  I know that I need to be where they are.

It can be a lonely time.  Just a quick word of advice when someone answers the call to ministry.  Don't laugh.  Don't tell them you are glad it's them and not you.  Don't make it seem like a curse.  It may be you one day - if you are called AND you are willing.  I know God has great plans.  I know He will guide us if we look to Him.  I am working on being "strong and courageous" during this change.  I am looking to draw closer to my husband and my boys.  Pete tells me to keep looking to Him.  He keeps reminding me that He is the One who will not let me down.  He will fill me with joy in Him.

Please pray for us as we start a new ministry, one I feel so unqualified to be part of.  I want to be an obedient servant and draw others to the One and Only Way.  I want to be a light for Him.

So in the midst of all of this, I decided to treat myself to a quick trip to some outlets that I like.  I sang and sang in the car and probably looked ridiculous to anyone who passed me!  But it was a good time.  A quick trip.  Then I listened to several Beth Moore teachings on the way home.  I felt a little more recharged and refreshed.  Not from the shopping but from the time with the Lord in the car by myself.  I will learn what to do to get away quickly and make time to have some time.

Two Appointments and a Quick Update

Sam and Andrew had appointments in Charlotte yesterday.  Andrew had two scheduled for the end of this month, but we had to reschedule one due to the doctor's schedule.  So he went with us yesterday!

Sam's day started off great with a break at Target before his appointment.  He gets a "surprise" (as he calls it) for going to the doctor.  So he was excited to pick a new Lego set.  His dad kept teasing him when he came home -saying that I had gotten it for him (Daddy).  But Sam knew that he gets something to help break up a long day.

His appointment was good.  His a1c is up a little bit, but his numbers have been totally out of whack lately.  So we talked about what I had already changed and changed a tiny bit more (since I had already made some pretty big changes over the last two weeks - with some nurse help).  It was good to show the log book and the numbers and show how frustrating it all can be.  Dr. Parker was a real encouragement yesterday and understood what I was asking and my concerns - since he works with this all of the time!  He thinks we are already on a much better track.  But he warned me (again) that things will change as Sam turns 10.

We left there and ran to South Park mall for a quick lunch.  They have a huge Apple Store now where Andrew likes to go look now, and Sam and I were able to run in a few of my favorite places.  We had my friend's GPS again, so it got us to Andrew's appointment at least 20 minutes faster than my route!

Dr. Black said Andrew's lungs are at 120% - which is amazing, he said, considering all of the infections and problems he has had.  He said that most of us are at 100%.  He is so happy Andrew is doing well.  I told my Sunday School class Sunday that Dr. Black probably saved Andrew's life - that he may have died from pneumonia by now if he had not helped find his immune system problems (that are treated by another doctor).  We appreciate him so much.  Andrew was worn out when we left as they had a new machine to measure lung function, and he had to do his breathing several times before it worked.  He may have even better than 120%, but he told the nurse that he wanted to keep trying so his numbers were good!

We then went to a couple of my favorite places before heading back and stopping at Birkdale Village at the bookstore for Andrew.  Sam and I were using a coupon to buy him some jeans, and the registers were messed up at that store; so that gave Andrew a little more time to look around.  I wish we had a big bookstore closer.

It was a good day.  It was full of information, but I returned home thankful that they are both doing well.  We take these things for granted  until we get hit with something, and I am able to see how thankful I should be when things are running pretty smoothly.

We are still in Joshua in my Sunday School class.  What great reminders that God is with us all of the time and that HE can do the impossible.  It also reminds us to seek Him for guidance and not just fly off on our own.  And as Toby says, God is already there.  He already knows what we will face.  What a great feeling to know He walks beside us.  And not only beside me, but beside my children as well - as they go off and are not always with us.  Especially when "normal" things happen, I need to remember to turn to Him and give it to Him and wait for Him to tell me what to do.  I woke up one morning last week and knew I should do something for one of my children, and it turned out better than I thought.  And I think that child knew I had prayed and appreciated my little bit of help.

I enjoyed graduations for two of my children but am happy to have a break this year.  I have listened to this Natalie Grant song a lot lately and may have already shared it.  It talks about turning our children over to Jesus to take care of them.  I listened to it yesterday coming back in the car when the boys (who say they cannot sleep in the car when it's daytime) were both sound asleep.  It's sweet and makes me cry, but it's so true.

Have a great rest of the week!

"When I Leave the Room"  (Natalie Grant)  *** I should have known Nichole Nordeman helped write this!  She is great!

 Good night
 Looks like we made it through the day
 The moon sighs
 And I know that we're okay

Sleep tight
 I love to watch you drift away
 I would come with you but on my knees I'll stay

Good night
 Five little fingers holding mine
 Take flight
 Into your dreams and lullabies

There's nothing more that I can do
 But just fall more in love with you
 And ask the angel armies to stand by
 When I leave the room

I'm gonna fail you
 I already have
 Ten thousand times
 I will fall down flat

You'll have a seat in the front row
 Of everything I don't know
 And all I'm trying to be
 You'll see

Good night
 There will be storms that we come through
 In time
 We will slay dragons me and you

I'll always wanna hold you tight
 Keep you safe with all my might
 So I will leave Jesus next to you
 When I leave the room

And you will run ahead
 As if you know the way
 And I will pray more
 Then one should have to pray

There will be words we can't take back
 Silences too
 And I'll be on my knees
 You'll see

One night
 When I am old and unsteady
 You'll want me to fight
 But I'll tell you that I'm ready

When there's nothing left to do
 I will still be loving you
 Then you'll fold your fingers into mine
 And I will let Jesus hold you tight
 When I leave the room


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Songwriters
 HERMS, BERNIE / NORDEMAN, NICHOLE ELLYSE / GRANT, NATALIE DIANE