Sam's Five Year Anniversary

Tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary with Type 1 diabetes in our family.  It seems like yesterday but then also seems so long ago.  I guess that is just how it is with something that takes up so much of your time and effort.

We look back and find many many reasons to be thankful.  We see how different people were put in the right places at the right times to help us – even when most of the time they did not even know!

We appreciate the helpers and encouragers.  We love our helpers (Andrew, Peter, and Will) at home – and Laura.  We love and appreciate our helpers at school – who have taken on a role simply to help our little person.  We appreciate those who have sent Sam things – treats AND supplies.  We appreciate our doctors and nurses who help us along the way.  We appreciate all of the prayers that have been prayed for us and for Sam.

I remember clearly looking up at the ceiling and silently pleading with God not to let Sam have diabetes – right before they had his diagnosis.  That was one of two guesses the doctor had in the ER.  I did not know much about diabetes, but I knew I did not want it in our house.  I even told God that we already deal with a lot.  Remember?  Those seizures I stood in this very same ER and said I could  not handle?  Remember?  Please don’t give us something else.  I can’t do it.

But He knew.  He knew before Sam was even born that this illness would be a part of his life.  It’s not the worst illness.  But it’s wearing.  It’s all of the time every day and every night.  I know you may not understand.  And that’s okay.  I know a lot of you DO totally understand, and we have the reassurance that God loves us.  Like other bad things, we did not cause this; but we can allow Him to work through it.  What other choice is there?  And don’t think I don’t cry some days and some nights – in the middle of the night.  Because I do get tired and frustrated and scared.  But I know God is still with us.  I reach out to Him when the house is quiet and still and the night has not been good.  And He is there – waiting for me.  Because He loves me.  He loves my children.  He loves you!

You know, September 20^th was hard.  September 22^nd was even harder – the night Andrew was taken to the ER in the ambulance with a seizure that would not stop.  Pete was not here to help me, because he was already at the hospital with Sam.  We could not bring Sam home until he was stable, and before we had our training on how to take care of him.  That was hard to take, but it was also a time that I felt so helpless that I had to cry out to Him.  I could do nothing.  It was an awful night.  And He worked it all out.  I cried out to Him – part of the time at the top of my lungs.  And He answered me and assured me and reassured me.  And so, as awful as that night was, I can look back and see where He had us in His hands.  And where else would we want to be?

Sam and I go to Sound to Sea next week with his whole grade.  He is still shy and timid in a lot of situations, but I know Andrew was and still had a great time on this trip.  His mommy and the nurse will be there to keep an eye on him and check his blood sugars during the day and at night.  We will discreetly give him insulin when he is high and snacks or candy when he is low.  We will count his carbs and monitor what he eats.  We will look to see if he looks gray or tired.  But I also know we will watch him grow and come out of his shell a little bit more on this wonderful adventure. 

I don’t think I am special.  I know we all are.  God knows us by name.  I don’t need to worry about if anyone else in the whole world knows my name when I know He does.  He knows my children’s names.  He knows every single person by name, and He knows our hearts.  As Francesca Battistelli sings, “Make no mistake, He knows my name.”  I love that song, because He knows me.  And He still loves  me.

The last five years have been particularly hard.  And I feel God is telling me to turn this burden over to Him even more than I think I have.  I think it’s about time to not let it (the illness) run our lives so much.  Sure, we have to do what we have to do.  But I need to draw nearer to Him and do what we are supposed to do while letting go of fear and frustration – and even sometimes wishing we did not have it.

I love Nichole Nordeman’s song where she says if we did not know midnight, we would not see the sunrise for all it is.  And I have not had the worst midnights, but I have had some pretty bad ones.  It’s all part of our story.  And the point of the story is to point others to Him.  My whole testimony is that I cannot do anything by myself.  God helps me (us) through.  And at the end of my time here, He is the only One who could provide a way for eternal life for me.

So I sit here with tears knowing that I have a little boy who will battle this disease, but he is willing and cooperative.  And he knows that one day he will not have to battle it anymore (or wear glasses), because he has asked Jesus into his heart and is not sure what Heaven will be like but believes it will be better than we can imagine on this earth; and he has a way to be there.  It may seem very surface, but I think he knows this and believes it deep down. 

We still appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement.  God uses you in mighty ways.  The last few months have been hard for different reasons, and God has not let me down.  He knows me and knows what I need.  Even when I don’t.

Thanks again!  Happy Fall!

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."    John 14:6

^“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  II Corinthians 12:9

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”  Philippians 4:13

Busy Days!

Life has been too busy lately - for sure.  School started, and we are getting back on schedule pretty easily.  Everyone seems to be settling in well.

I have been catching myself feeling overwhelmed again, but I am trying to keep on eye on it instead of it getting me.  I have set some good goals - like taking care of what bothers me the most - and keep working towards those.

On the Thursday of the week that school started, I was able to drive to Asheville to see Third Day and Steven Curtis Chapman.  They were in concert on the lawn at the Biltmore House.  It was a privilege to be there - not because of the Vanderbilts or the singers.  It was a privilege to look at one of God's prettiest sunsets in the prettiest scene.  I felt like I did when I was there several years ago - seven years ago.  Life has changed a lot since then, but I remember needing a good pick me up.  And I got it that night seven years ago.  SCC shared a lot about his family's loss (their youngest daughter was killed in an accident in their driveway).  It was only a few months later.  When he sang - totally from his heart that loves God - it was like being at revival.  And I remember feeling like water had washed over my soul.  I knew I needed that again.  And it happened again during the concert.  Listening to Third Day was like being at revival.  And listening to SCC was like being at church on Sunday night with not many in attendance - very down to earth and personal.  And that is what Jesus is all about - very down to earth and personal.  And while I know He is always with me, I need times that I am reassured and reminded.  And I was.

Church has been going well.  It's been difficult in many ways.  It's been a blessing in so many ways.  Sometimes I catch myself avoiding people and things, thinking I will cry from the lump that wells up.  But that is settling down.  There are so many great people at Middle Fork.  It's hard to miss people I have been with for almost 20 years and not see them.  It's hard to be the encourager when I feel discouraged sometimes.  But I truly believe that God calls me to be obedient; and, when I am, He takes care of the rest.  So I am trying to give it over and not take it back.  Sometimes I feel hurt or lonely or left out.  Looking back, sometimes those feelings (if they don't get out of hand!) can help nudge us to the next place we are supposed to be - physically or emotionally.

We just celebrated two boys' birthdays and have one more coming up.  I look back on their lives and what they have meant in mine, and I feel so blessed.  I remember tough times and sweet times.  I found a picture of the boys with me when Will was a baby.  I loved dressing them in cute things and was pretty particular about what they wore.  It was not expensive - I had consignment and TJ Maxx bargains.  But I loved dressing them up and trying to fit their sweet little personalities.  They all looked different and were/are very different.  It's so sweet to look back and see how they were - now that they are all getting so old!

We have just been through another little concern with one of the boys.  It seems to be resolving itself, but it made me dread blood tests and more doctors.  But we may get to skip that last part, and I am thankful for that.  So thankful and hopeful.

I read where so many "children" went to college this year.  Some were close and some were very far away.  And I was again thankful that Andrew's own situation worked out the way it did.  I wish he could go away.  I wish he was able to do that.  I hope he will be able to do that someday soon.  I tried to not think about what my own child could not do but instead be thankful of what he can do and is doing.

We have a triple birthday party tomorrow, so I have another room to clean and lots of gifts to wrap.  Thanks for praying for our family!