Blessed This Weekend

After a difficult week, our family was blessed with a good, peaceful weekend.  We worked so hard Friday night and Saturday - helping Pete with a project.  The more people we had, the faster the project went.  It was hard work but went by fast.  We were all together.  We all worked hard together, laughed some together, rubbed our aching backs and arms together, and just were together.  They may not have appreciated it as much as I have.  Despite the hard work, it was good just to be together in one place.  It's good to know I enjoy being with my own family so much - no matter what we are doing!

We are blessed to have a daddy in our family who works so hard.  He is not afraid to have one or two or four or more jobs.  He works hard and appreciates simple things.  He took the boys to buy a new TV last weekend.  We have not bought a new TV in many many years.  They have been talking about one for years.  They did not get anything fancy, but it was much better than what we have been watching - not that I would have known the difference.  They have all been tickled and have enjoyed it so much.  It has come in handy for them to sit together when it's hot and watch something together.  Andy Griffith is a favorite.  Sam has tons of PBS favorites still. 

We are blessed that Andrew is okay.  He had a rough Monday night.  He has a dad who can do what I cannot do to help him.  I am so thankful he was home.  So Andrew is okay.  The rough night is over.  We are still working on his college stuff.  He is excited, and I am trying to be.

We are blessed that Peter can run again.  He has missed it.  He is looking forward to his senior year and has senior pictures this week!  I cannot believe it!  He held Sam while I threw on some clothes Friday morning while we heard the sirens getting closer.  While Sam usually teases Peter and tells him he does not love him, Sam buried his head in Peter's shoulder and said over and over, "I love you, Peter." 

We are blessed that Will is who he is - though it is difficult to keep up with him sometimes.  He has so many things going for him and can do so many things.  I just pray that he will be able to use his many talents and abilities to serve the Lord when he is older - though he could right now.  He is the one you would want on the disaster response teams or building something that would be difficult for most of us.  Our job is to stay right with him and help him find the things the Lord has for him.

We are extra blessed this weekend that Sam is okay.  He woke up quiet Friday.  I never leave in the mornings without checking his blood sugar.  I was getting ready to do that when I asked if he was okay.  He jumped off my bed like something had bitten him.  He was screaming and crying and clutching at me - all of the sudden.  He was screaming for me to help him and was screaming "Mommy" and "Daddy" over and over.  He said things were crawling on his arms.  He kept saying other things that tell us he was so scared.  I was able to get him into the kitchen and check his blood sugar, but by the time we got in there he was jerking.  I cannot tell you how I got icing on his gums or poured the orange juice that I sat in the floor and poured down his mouth while he was still screaming.  Well, I do know how really.  It was God helping me.  He showed me what to do when I could not think clearly - over the screams and frustration that I could not get anyone to hear me yet.  Sam was terrorized.  It was not until I got the sugar in him that I could run upstairs and get the boys to help.  My 911 call did no good until Andrew got on and gave them our address that I had been shouting constantly over Sam's screams.  We sat on the couch while we listened to the sirens getting closer and closer.  The EMT's checked him, and I thought he was still trembling; but then I figured out it was me.  We had our doctor check him out, and he as been close by ever since.  He told me what was crawling on him and that he knows they were not real, now.  I have talked to him to let him know that he needs to let us know if he feels anything like this coming on. 

I have been fighting feeling sorry for myself all week.  I have been tired, and I am old enough to know that is wasted energy! 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 

Such a simple pair of verses to try to remember when I don't understand and when I doubt myself.  That is what I do mostly.  I am thankful for the ones who remind me Who is in control.  They gently remind me that no matter what, He is here.

Thanks to those who pray for our family.  We appreciate the prayers and know God will give us what we need - even on those tough days or during the tough weeks.

A dear friend sent me this song that I had not heard before.  I am sure someone else can benefit from it too.


http://soundcloud.com/plumb-1/08-need-you-now-how-many-times

"Need You Now"  Plumb

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

Chorus:
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

Chorus

Though I walk, though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

Chorus

I need you now
I need you now

Quick Update

It's hot here!  I am not complaining, because I know it is much hotter almost anywhere else!  But it is hot!!!  When my dear husband buys a new air conditioner, I know it is really hot.  We are also glad we were at the beach for a few days last week and not this hotter week!

It was good to get away together for a few days.  We packed a lot into a few days and enjoyed being together.  It's very different now that the boys are old enough to do some things by themselves.  We needed a little break, and they needed that time together before Andrew goes to school! 

It's been a tough summer here in Boone.  Not even a week after little Peyton died, another boy (16) died in an auto accident.  Then so many other things were happening to people all around us.  So much heartbreak.  But also so much hope.  I don't know how people get through these tragedies without hope.

We still have not heard from Andrew's other lab work.  He did go to orientation and loved it.  We went college shopping yesterday so he could okay the bedding I found at TJ Maxx.  Keeping up with his list keeps my mind a little busy when thinking of him going away.  He also got some great news on scholarships this week.  He was awarded a check through the mail from the IDF and got a call last night that he was one of 30 recipients of over 700 applicants for a UCB Scholarship (for people or caregivers of people with seizures).  They were good scholarships and will be very helpful.

Sam is doing well.  He is running a little bit high the past couple of days, but anything can affect his sugar it seems.  He is working hard on his "school work" and things are starting to click some days.  We try to do a lot of fun things that don't seem like work.  He and Andrew go to the endocrinologist in the next couple of weeks, so we will work on his school plan with the doctor.  He has opened an "office" at the top of the stairs to "help" people and let them talk about people bothering them.  I cannot figure out where he got the idea, but he had Andrew make him signs.  It reminds me of something from the Peanuts.

Peter is starting to run again after physical therapy for his foot.  He is a huge help driving and doing errands.  He is helping Sam with his reading which is not as boring as Mommy!

Then there is Will...Will got a new "used" mountain bike right before we went on vacation.  He worked very hard in our neighborhood to earn enough money to be able to get it.  He could not wait to get on it when we got back.  He did, and he wrecked at Rocky Knob and broke his hand and scraped his face to pieces on one side - along with a shoulder and a big gash under his eye.  (He put pictures on facebook that I saw BEFORE I saw him in person!)  He had x-rays, and we were thankful his shoulder was okay.  He has a splint wrapped in ace bandages which are already looking quite dirty even though he has not had them a week!  He is out of biking and running for four weeks.  And mowing and many other things!  Instead of sitting around and pouting, he is out doing whatever he can and has already been able to earn some more money in the neighborhood!

Having a good perspective really makes a difference.  Mine gets messed up quite frequently, and I let petty things get the best of me.  I let things weigh me down and bother me that should just roll or bounce off!  Who really has time for that?  But that also is a signal to me that I am not reading enough in my Bible and/or praying enough or that I am worn out and need to be still for a little bit.  I try so hard, and I am still trying so hard; but I am not hopeless - far from it.  I think the reason I cannot write my story that I have in my head is because I am not far enough along in it.  That could be frustrating, but it is also another hopeful thing. 

This is a song sung at Peyton's funeral.  I wrote about it in my blog.  I know God helped that young man get the words out in some heartbreaking moments, and I know the song ministered to many. 

"How He Loves" David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

I think my favorite part of this song is how many times it tells us He loves us.  He loves us more than anyone else could or can. 

Thanks for reading this.  Happy Weekend!

Love,
Wendi

Precious Little Peyton

As the rain falls outside ~ gently but loud enough to hear, I pray that the sound will wash over my soul and so many others hurting tonight over the loss of precious little Peyton Elizabeth Townsend.

Peyton's mom is a nurse at my office.  Peyton was a "regular" at the office, and we all loved the little blonde girl with the cute nose, bright blue eyes, and sweet smile.  She loved to color...and color...and color.  A lot of us spent the morning with her the Saturday before last at a big yard sale.  Little did we know that the next Saturday she would be in Heaven.  So fast.  So quick.  So unbelievable.  Ask anyone who was told that Peyton was in an accident and did not make it.  The first response was, "What?"  Because our brains and our hearts could not comprehend ~ would not comprehend ~ such an awful thing.  It has been a tough few days.  We know how our hearts have broken, so we can only imagine a tiny bit of what this is for Peyton's mom and dad and sister and other family.

At her funeral tonight, there were so many great things said.  They were honest, hurting speakers who still offered the hope that only comes in knowing Jesus Christ as your Savior.  Peyton had asked Jesus into her heart.  She had spent all week at Bible schools.  She died in an accident at Bible school.  One pastor said that Peyton taught us to 1) Love life 2) Love family and, most importantly, 3) Love Jesus.  So many things were said, but so many things for us to think about no matter where we are ~ an almost believer, a new believer, or an old believer.  So many things to ponder.  The tragedies of life.  What we don't understand.  What matters and what does not.  The pastor also told us to focus on what we do know.  We do know Peyton is in Heaven.  And we do know that with Christ there is hope.  The second pastor echoed a lot and offered a lot of great points.  He was missing one of his little buddies.  It was tough.  His message was "It is Well with Peyton."  He referred to why it is well.  He also said we don't have to like it, but we know Peyton is fine in Heaven.  So we direct our prayers to her family who misses her so desperately.

The music was from the heart and beautiful.  The song "He Loves Us" (David Crowder Band - not sure of the name) was so good, but we knew it was so tough for the main guy singing it.  He kept on going and did not miss a beat.  I believe he opened his mouth and let God bring forth the words.  At one point, I am sure that is what we saw. 

In her four and one half years, Peyton touched literally tons of lives.  Please pray for her family as they miss her and must forge ahead in this temporary life until they go home.  Knowing this is not our home will comfort them at some point, but I am sure all they know right now is wanting their little princess back.

Please pray for this family as they go through this dark dark valley.

Mr. Moose

Sam told me this afternoon, as I was preparing to check his bsl, that he needed to get Rufus - that we had not given him a shot in a long time.  Rufus is the bear with diabetes that Sam got in the hospital.  Another mom of a diabetic son, who is also a nurse, had left us and driven to Charlotte to specifically get a backpack full of information ~ and Rufus.  Rufus is a cute bear with patches to show where injections can be given.  We have not played with Rufus or mentioned him in a long time.

So I asked Sam if he remembered Mr. Moose.  The diabetes educator at the hospital was great.  The nurses were great.  I would have guessed that they educated parents on new diabetics all of the time.  They showed us how to count carbs and draw up insulin with a syringe (We are so thankful for insulin pens!!!!).  They showed us how to give injections and check Sam's blood sugar (This mommy has come a long way from almost passing out after stepping foot in any hospital when I was young!).  We were, of course, so worried about Sam.  He was very very sick.  We were all concerned and did not know what to do minute to minute to keep him fed and settled.

So we were all exhausted.  Every time I got to sit down and close my eyes for a second after Sam was settled, here came the diabetes educator to help me.  I read the information she gave me.  I kept track of things and brought a notebook and folder from home to keep up with everything.  I had to learn.  I knew we had to learn in order to leave ICU and then to go home.  We had to learn fast ~ we did not know yet how fast.

The day Sam was diagnosed was Sunday.  He was in the ER for a long time, and he kept asking for a drink.  They were still doing tests, and he was so very sick.  He could not have a drink the whole time we were there.  He started asking the nurses for water and pointing to the IV bag and then to his mouth like none of us could understand what he wanted!  Then he asked someone to get the water hose (water fountain) in the hall and bring him some water.  He was finally able to get some ice chips and shoveled those in his mouth riding in the bed all the way up to ICU.

Pete and the boys had come back from a baptism in Winston while Will and I had been at the ER all day.  So Pete stayed the night with Sam.  Sam was exhausted and slept hard unless someone was checking something during the night.

The next morning, we switched off.  I cannot remember which one of us took the boys to school, but I stayed with Sam from early in the morning until the evening.  Pete went to work and took care of the boys after school.  The first morning was rough.  Sam woke up sick and hungry and not sure why he was in the hospital.  He started crying and screaming, so out of character for him.  I just held his arm or whatever he would let me hold and let him scream and cry for about 10 minutes.  The nurses looked in curiously.  I just let him let it out.  I felt like he was doing it for me too.  That few minutes represented our feelings of "please get us out of this!" He has not thrown a fit about diabetes since that one morning as a little sick five year old.

After that, we settled in to watch some TV.  Later on, the diabetes educator came in.  She brought "Mr. Moose" to talk to Sam about diabetes.  Still not himself, Sam threw Mr. Moose across the room. We both remember that.  Instead of being embarrassed or apologetic, I just told her that we did not seem to like Mr. Moose - either of us.  We kept him, but he is not our favorite toy as he represents a bad day.  But he is also a reminder of how far we have come.  Sam did not throw a fit.  He just threw Mr. Moose.  Of course I told him he could not throw things, but I knew inside that we both wanted to throw Mr. Moose out of the window!  We did not want a reason to meet Mr. Moose!  We wanted to turn back the clock to the week before when diabetes was something we did not know much about!

Sam's day got better as some of his favorite people visited him, and he got lots of gifts and attention ~ something he was not used to.  He watched Scooby Doo on a portable DVD player and had two trucks in his bed to keep him occupied while hooked up to things.  I remember Pete calling me at night to tell me he had given Sam a shot.  I could not believe it.  Of course, I started giving them the next day!  We were so worried about air bubbles and just knew we would never get the hang of drawing up insulin.

Once Sam was moved to the pediatric wing, we thought we had a couple of learning days left.  But when Andrew had a couple of bad seizures and was brought in by an ambulance to the ER while Sam was upstairs in the pediatric wing, things kicked into high gear; and we were allowed to "practice" a few more times before bringing Sam home the next day.  It is so hard to learn when we are exhausted, but God let the right things sink in and stay.

We dreaded meal times because we dreaded giving him injections.  He had to stay still so that we, as inexperienced as we were, could give him injections with a syringe at a 45 degree angle.  If he did not want to stay still, we had to hold him with our legs.  Tough does not come close to describing it.  When he first returned to preschool, I had to leave with him many times to give him his injection at home.  Again, we are so thankful for the progress made in the past several years with diabetes equipment and supplies.

So Mr. Moose still lives in Sam's room ~ a reminder that no matter how impossible things seem, God will make a way to get through them.  Today, the boys can all check Sam's blood sugar and give him injections.  Wow.  We did not think we would ever be used to this new life we all have - Sam especially.  But here we are.  Mr. Moose and all.  And to be able to laugh at Mr. Moose flying across the room is a good thing.  A really really good thing.

He Made It!

Andrew made it to the state meet - barely!  His race started off fine for him, but he took the lead earlier; because the pace was not fast enough.  With his best time, he was ranked in first place by quite a bit.  But with all of his struggles the past week and a half, we could not count on that time.  He looked okay but not great.  With a few laps to go, two guys passed him.  He stayed with them a little, but then he started struggling a bit.  The last lap, especially the last 100, was so hard to watch!  I was in the corner at turn 4 and could not see if he made it.  Third, fourth, and fifth finished within one second of each other.  It could not have been closer, and Andrew was fourth.  Four places made it to state. 

We found out yesterday that Andrew has bronchitis, so he started antibiotics.  Hopefully, that will help him get back on track for Saturday.  As I prayed for him running that last 100 where his feet were barely coming off the track, I turned and prayed that he could hold on to his place.  I thought he was passed but turned around just in time to see that there was a slight chance of him making it.  Pete was at the finish and held up his hands a few inches apart.  We are thankful he held on that much.

The last couple of days, I have been reminded two different times that Andrew won't live with us full-time much longer!  Before I started that dread, I believe the promises that were whispered to me the other night kicked in.  I had an email from a mom I have not seen in a couple of years.  She emailed to ask me about something for someone else.  Then she told me to cry a lot the night before graduation.  She did that and was fine the day of graduation!  Another special friend left a message that hit the right spot at just the right time.  And then I was reminded that even though Andrew is getting ready to go that he has already been getting ready to go.  He is very independent and:

1.  Worked 32-40 hours each week last summer showing that he can survive in a place where he is not immediately comfortable and may not always want to be!

2.  Earned the money to buy his truck from Uncle Dwayne and Aunt Whitney.  It means more that he bought it himself.

3.  Has been doing his own laundry for a few years now.  He knows how to treat stains, especially that mud splatter from running, and how to sort his clothes.

4.  Can feed himself which he does even more since he has changed his diet a lot in the past several months.

5.  Takes a lot of medication each day and keeps up with when he takes it and when he is running low.

6.  Does not like to spend/waste his money or ours.  He will be frugal and get what he needs but not overspend.

7.  Can do his own infusions - not needing any help from me.

8.  Is learning more and more to check on things himself and is not afraid to ask questions. 

9.  Has done some really thoughtful things lately to keep me informed or help me not worry about him.

Although he has a long way to go, he has made some huge steps in the way of independence already.  I know I will be better off if I focus on what he can do already and appreciate that while praying for him as he learns more and more.  And I know these are positives that God reminded me of today.

So thanks for praying.  He runs the 3200 in Greensboro Saturday, and then will run home and get ready for the prom!  It will be a big day and night!

I have been listening to the Steven Curtis Chapman CD that Whitney gave me and found a great song for Andrew as he graduates.  He may not listen to it!  But I am!  It reminds me of something his fourth grade teacher would give him.   I guess it is normal at this point to remember all of those who have impacted his life, and ours, so much in the past 18 years.


Wendi



Meant to Be ~ Steven Curtis Chapman


Long Before You Drew Your First Breath
A Dream Was Coming True

God Wanted to Give A Gift To The World
So He Wrapped It Up In You

Every Step That You’ve Taken
Every Move That You Make
Is Part Of His Plan

You Were Meant To Be Touching
The Lives That You Touch

And Meant To Be Here
Making This World So Much More
Than It Would Be Without You In It

You Were Meant To Be Bringing
The Gifts That You Bring
And Singing The Songs
You’ve Been Given To Sing

You Are Perfectly, Wonderfully,
Beautifully Meant To Be
You Were Meant To Be

Long Before You Took Your First Fall
You stumbled to the ground
God started telling the story of you to the angles around
Every failure and victory
Everything in between
Its all in his hand

You Were Meant To Be Touching
The Lives That You Touch
And Meant To Be Here
Making This World So Much More
Than It Would Be Without You In It

You Were Meant To Be Bringing
The Gifts That You Bring

And Singing The Songs
You’ve Been Given To Sing

You Are Perfectly, Wonderfully,
Beautifully Meant To Be
You Were Meant To Be (yeah)
Meant To Be
You are
You are
You are meant to be
You are
You are
You are meant to be

For every breath that your taking
And every move that you make
It’s a meaningful life you’ve been given
Live it well

You Were Meant To Be Touching
The Lives That You Touch
And Meant To Be Here
Making This World So Much More
Than It Would Be Without You In It

You Were Meant To Be Bringing
The Gifts That You Bring
And Singing The Songs
You’ve Been Given To Sing

You Are Perfectly, Wonderfully,
Beautifully Meant To Be (yeah)
You Were Meant To Be (yeah)
You Were Meant To Be (yeah)
You Were Meant To Be
To Be
You Were Meant To Be

Day 5 ~ Freedom

Today is Day 5 - as Sam calls it!  Pete is sleeping near the edge of the Dead Sea, the lowest point on earth.  I think it is 1300 feet below sea level.  And we are here at 3333 in Boone!  He was in Jericho today for lunch.  I cannot wait to talk to him.  We have texted each day, but we have not talked!

Last night Andrew and I stayed up getting all of his paperwork signed for Milligan - scholarships, athletic stuff, housing info, deposit, etc.  And we finished up a big scholarship packet and mailed it too.  When I went to mail the package and get stamps, I got the new forever stamps.  The one I picked to put on his college stuff said "Freedom" ~ how fitting.  I need to give him his freedom to go out and be who God wants him to be.  It's tough, but I know that is what I need to do.  I cannot keep him with me anymore.

Sam reminds me so much of Andrew when he was little - only more like Andrew than Andrew himself.  He can sometimes cling a little bit.  He loves to hug me and be close by.  He wants me to "tap him on the shoulder" before we leave (so he won't get left behind).  He likes to have me close.  And I won't make some of the same questionable decisions I made to "help" Andrew come out of his shell.  I won't make him go to strange Bible schools to get him to open up.  I won't fret over him not being as outgoing as his peers.  (I mean, I will try not to.)  I will give him  the opportunities and encourage, but not push, him to take them.  Andrew found his way.  Sam will too.  One thing I won't do is be timid to ask questions or ask people for help.  I tried to not bother anyone before, but it's worth bothering. 

So tomorrow will be Day 6.  And Andrew is getting ready to be free.  I am excited that he is excited.

Day Two

Sam has called this Day Two since early today on the way to school. He asked me late this evening if it was Day Three yet! He misses Daddy!

Daddy is in Israel. I have only heard from him once. But that was enough to take the edge of worry off. He was going to eat and then go to bed. It was 11:20 our time and 6:20 his. So I think he is still asleep right now!

Day Two was not productive except that we did everything we needed to do. I did not get my second walk in because I was going to a meeting, but I never found the people! Will and I went to clean at Greenway, and the parking lot was FULL of firetrucks. Lightning had struck, and smoke was seen. The scene was almost cleared, so we got to go in and get started. We got finished in record time - not wanting to be stuck with the alarm that may or may not behave!

So my upstairs painting project is still waiting. No track meet tomorrow so maybe a good deal of painting getting done!

Off to check on a blond headed little person who misses his daddy...

Next time I wake up, we will be on Day Three...