Home from Duke!

We got home this afternoon and are so thankful to be home.  While we see pictures of people vacationing in the little mountain town where we get to live, it makes us even more homesick!  We were happy to climb that mountain and hit the fresh, cool air.

We left Wednesday morning at about 7:00.  We got to Durham and waited for another call.  The one we had earlier said they would call back at 1:00.  Then the 1:00 call said they would call back at 3:00.  We got a call and went on to the hospital admissions where Andrew checked in, and we waited.  And waited.  The man in admissions said they did not have a bed for Andrew, when the caller said his bed was ready.  We finally got up to the 4th floor late that afternoon.  He was hooked up and ready to go by 6:00 or so.  And then we waited again.

Thursday came and went.  Andrew had some tingling in his hands, and he was already getting a little closed in - the room was very small, and he had to stay in bed.  He studied Chemistry.  We had a word puzzle match.  He did not sleep.  He stayed up very late Tuesday night and slept only a couple of hours on Wednesday.  He drank a lot of caffeine.  One resident frowned on that, but then I realized she frowned a lot anyway.

We had instructions on what to do.  We hit the button (I called it the Jeopardy button) if he had a seizure.  And they would run in to help.  He had an IV sticking out of his forearm, in case emergency meds were needed.

Friday came and went.  He had more tingling.  We know some people go the EMU (epilepsy monitoring unit) and never have seizures.  He was off all of his meds, so he had to stay in the bed.  We did not talk among ourselves, but we were feeling like he may not have one.  Andrew was feeling very closed in.

On Friday evening, on the way back to the hotel, I cried.  I was so disappointed that the trip seemed to be in vain, unless we wanted to just stay and stay and stay.  But then I remembered that sometimes we have to just claim victory before we see it.  So I asked people on Facebook and through text messages to pray at 6:00 p.m.  Pete was on the phone with me and had his hands on Andrew and prayed.  And I slept better.

The next morning I got a text from Andrew that he'd had a seizure at 1:40 in the morning.  It was bad, Pete said.  Then the doctor came in and said they needed five seizures.  We felt a little dejected again.

So we asked people to pray again.

And here they came.  The next one was with me.  Andrew started taking very deep breaths and went so fast into a terrible seizure.  I hit the button and yelled for help.  As several nurses responded and worked on him with oxygen and suction, I held his big toe and prayed.  I prayed out loud that God would help him.  And He did.  Everything calmed down.

Pete and Sam came back not long after.  I took Sam to get a sub at Subway downstairs in the hospital, and Pete called me while we were in line to tell me he'd had another.  We rushed back upstairs as he was coming out of it.  So that was three.

Andrew had tons of leads on his head.  They were there to record information during a seizure.  He was also videotaped by two cameras pointed straight at the bed.  During those seizures, and because the leads had been on since Wednesday, some came off.

We were concerned that the information would not be complete without all of the leads, but someone told Pete that the one person in the hospital who could fix them over the weekend was "busy".  So that was our first concern.  Andrew did all he was supposed to do.  We prayed for seizures.  He had them, but they could not keep the equipment fixed?  We became very frustrated.

Someone did come and fix the leads, but in the six seizures he had, some information was not recorded.  And he was in the EMU.  The neurologist told me that the ones they got fully were enough.  And the others confirmed what the good recorded ones said.  But we still were not happy that those other seizures may have been in vain.

All in all, he had six awful, horrible seizures in 24 hours.  Sam and I had gotten in the car to leave, and Pete called again.  So we ran back in to check on him.  He had another one soon after.  And the last one was on Saturday night around 11:30 pm.  By that point, they had already started him back on one of his meds.  Pete insisted they restart all of them.  He did not think Andrew could take much more.

One nurse said every seizure he had was like running a marathon on his body.  And he ran six marathons in 24 hours.

So on Sunday morning, the neurologist came by and told me he could send Andrew home with a fourth seizure med, or he could stay another day.

Andrew was still hooked up to the machines, but he was so out of it.  He would not wake up for anything.  He ate nothing on Saturday or Sunday.  He barely drank.  We could only wake him up enough to take his seizure meds.

So I decided he needed to stay one more day.  I was afraid to take him home.  And Pete agreed.  Andrew's shoulder or arm had been injured in the third seizure.  Andrew's back had started to hurt so badly that he was almost in tears.  When he was out of it, he asked if I could go to Boone Drug and get some aspirin or something.  He never takes pain meds.  So Pete had rolled him onto his stomach to try to relieve the back pain.  And he started having a seizure, so they had to roll him back.

After that seizure, he was crying out in pain.  We could not touch his right hand or arm or even his finger tip.  He kept pointing to his wrist and then his shoulder.  They came in to x-ray but only had orders for his wrist.  He continued to writhe in pain, and so we asked for the shoulder x-ray (that we had asked for in the beginning).  X-ray came again and did his arm.  And Andrew continued to cry with pain.  We finally had let the side of the bed down and somehow that helped.

They gave him pain meds in an IV.  He slept.  So when the doctor came in on Sunday morning, I told him that Andrew was in severe pain and asked if someone could possibly check his shoulder.  He ordered the shoulder x-ray.  Hours later, another doctor we had not seen before said apparently Andrew's shoulder was dislocated.  We waited a long time for anyone to come.  And I was gone by then.  And am glad I was.

Pete said it was awful.  Andrew was so out of it but came to as they put a big needle in his shoulder and moved it around.  And then a man and woman pulled and tugged his shoulder back into place - we hope.  No wonder he moaned in pain.

This morning, the same neurologist said we would follow up with ortho.  He said that dislocated shoulders were common with the type of seizure Andrew has.  So I wondered why when I wondered out loud a few times if his shoulder could be dislocated, why did they not check it?

There are some things we learned while in the EMU.

1)  We thought Andrew would be checked on much more frequently than he was.  So it was a good thing we both were there and could switch off.  Sometimes our backs hurt from leaning over the bed for long periods of time making sure Andrew did not pull off his leads - which was our job.  We were the only ones who seemed concerned about how much he did or did not eat or drink.  At times he was monitored, and then he just was not.

2)  We thought we would be told what to do to help Andrew.  And we were told some things.  But we should have let the bed down flat if at all possible during a seizure to minimize the wear on his back.  While we did not want him to choke, it would have helped to have him down and turn him on his side.

3)   We should have thrown a fit about his shoulder.  We knew something was wrong if he was in that much pain.  The nurses looked helpless and told him to try to "breathe through it" ~ and that was just not possible.  I saw my dad writhe in pain with his shoulder and I should have pushed harder.

4)  We should have written down specific questions to ask the doctor.  Communication was not good, which was probably why the leads were not fixed in a timely manner and his shoulder hurt way too long.

If we had known how wearing it would really be, I don't know if any of us would have gone!  But Andrew literally had to suffer to get the information to see if he has other options, other than more medication.  So we will be thankful they got the info and super duper thankful he is done and okay.

As I write this, Andrew finally woke up.  He had a long bath.  It takes a long time to get the glue out of your hair!  Pete and I both worked on his hair for a long time.  He is resting on the couch.

I am trying to email his professors and work supervisor, but he cannot remember his password yet!  So we will watch him closely the next few days and get his shoulder checked and wait for the next step at Duke.  They mentioned a PET scan - and I am not sure why.  He has never had one of those.

Thanks to all of you who pray.  We know others stay much longer in the hospital and have different outcomes.  So we are so thankful for what ours was.  But it was still rough, and we are still thankful God was there every minute.  He really showed Himself through those specifically answered prayers!  We pray that speaks to someone and shows who He is!

We prayed God would be glorified in all of this, and He has been!

My new favorite song is "Salt & Light" by Lauren Daigle.  Here are the words.  I love the part where He "redeemed my story" and "let my life be a song revealing who You are" ~ gives me chills!

"Salt & Light"  Lauren Daigle

Oh the beauty of the King
You make righteous those who seek
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light

Oh the love that set me free
You bring hope to those in need
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are

For You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
You are salt and light
For You are salt and light
For You are salt and light

Getting ready for Duke

I keep reminding myself that these next days are tests - not surgery.  But I feel apprehensive.  Pete and I agree it is just backwards to hope Andrew has seizures that can be tracked.  He will have an IV in case rescue medications are needed.  That's what we are headed into!  But God will be with him, and us.  And I know that in my heart.  And when I know things in my heart, I just have to remember not to get caught up in the moment.

I have packed most of my stuff and Sam's.  I have Andrew's extra stuff packed - pj's, blankets, movies, etc.  I wish we were packing for vacation.  But we are not.  I just hope the trip is not long.  I hope it's fast and helpful and what he needs to know.

Pete and I have worked to get some of our responsibilities done or covered for the rest of the week.  I am heading to bed soon to read and go to sleep early.  I am so tired.  Being dizzy makes me so tired every day.  But I am still going, and I am thankful for that.  I have an ENT appointment in September.  I will never complain about aches and pains again when I am not dizzy!

Sam turns 13 on the day we leave, Wednesday.  We won't know until that morning what time we need to be at Duke.  So we will leave early and get the call on our way.  They will wait for Andrew, but we want to get there and get done!  If he has a later time to check in, we hope to find somewhere special to go and play some games or something.  He won't complain about spending his birthday that way.  He is a team player for sure.

My parents are coming to help at my house, so people will be in and out at all hours with Will's job and Peter's internship on different ends of the day.  I am glad they will be here some.

It's cool today.  Feels like fall.  And I am thankful for all God gives us.  He is giving me more and more peace.  I know, because I have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.  The devil tried to pile stuff on today - frustrations, irritations, and ugliness.  But it floated off - mostly.  I believe in spiritual warfare, and I am so thankful God helps me.

Thanks for those who pray.  We don't need good luck or happy thoughts.  We just need and ask for prayers.  Those are what work.

I will try to update while we are gone.  If I cannot, I will once we get home.

Thanks again!

 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18New King James Version (NKJV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

When You Cannot Drop Your Child Off At School...

I love looking at pictures of college drop offs.  I love seeing the transformed rooms.  And I remember how I felt when I was dropped off.  The first day was hard, but it got easier as new friendships were made and new independence was found.  Pete remembers too, and we laugh because we both cried when our parents left!  I tell him (even though he did not know me yet!) that he should have called, and we would have cried together.  

I always dreaded thinking of college drop off for my boys!  I knew I wanted to have the kind of relationship with them that they always knew they were welcome at home!  I have tried to make sure they know when they grow up and out that we want them to visit often!

But that's not how it has worked out.

Andrew went to talk to a school about 1 1/2 hours away with Pete.  He was so excited that they wanted him to run and would give him a scholarship.  The scholarships, athletic and academic, would help; but the school was very expensive.  But Pete was determined he could go wherever he wanted, because he'd worked so hard.  And he said we'd find a way to pay for it.

I was the one who took him to orientation and got a completely different feel from the feeling they described.  I could not shake it and remember talking to the "very animated during the presentation" school leaders about a couple of concerns about Andrew's safety while in a residence hall.  I felt like I got the eye roll and looks to each other of "helicopter mom" which I totally did not appreciate.  So I kept praying for peace about it, but peace would not come. I tried to chalk it up to lack of faith or just ongoing concern I've always had for Andrew and his health.

We shopped for his college stuff.  He's a minimalist, so it did not take long!  We found a great Tommy Hilfiger preppy comforter set and cotton sheets at TJ Maxx.  We got some navy blue towels and wash cloths at Walmart.  We bought a few dishes and a plastic box to put under his bed.  And I think we were done!!!  I wanted to enjoy picking those things out.  But I could not get peace.

One night, about a month before he was to leave, Andrew had a terrible seizure.  It was one of the worst, and we sat at the kitchen island late into the night after he needed to get up and get something to drink.  And we talked.  And he told me he was afraid.  He was afraid something would happen, and no one would be there to help him.  He had never talked like that before.

And there was the email from my aunt.  My aunt can tell you what she thinks, but she had never really told me what she thought I should do about anything!  But she sent an email and told me that sometimes when we are trying to follow what God wants us to do and have faith, that we are missing His direction.  The reason I could not have peace was not because I was overprotective.  It was because Andrew was not supposed to go there!

But Andrew did have to decide.  And he did.  And fast forward to Plan B.  Plan B was the best plan all along, and God knew it.

Andrew has been able to run at Appalachian most of five years - figuring in some injured seasons.  He joined his dad as an all conference cross country runner - the first father-son duo to do that.  And he did it in the very difficult Sun Belt Conference - had one of the best races of his life at the best time!  He was coached by coaches who knew him from birth and knew us since college.  He won The Bear in 2015 which is organized by his coaches and people who work with him at school.  He has had professors who have watched him grow up.  My friends have observed him over the years and reported back to me things that other parents would never find out (nothing private!) - because their children didn't get to go to school with friends and family.  I know some do, but Andrew's experience has been so unique.  Even more than Peter's who goes to Appalachian too.  Because (good for Peter but not for Andrew) some people remember Andrew because of his struggles.  But they have also had a front seat to those successes that come. And they cheer him on, because they are not luck or flukes.  They are the work of the Lord in Andrew's life.  He has done things he should never have been able to do.

When Andrew first went to Dr. Patel in Charlotte and found out his immune system was pretty much null and void, he was going about his everyday life.  And he should not have been able to live like that!  His numbers were so low he should have been in a hospital!  He is a walking/running miracle!

Andrew never moved in the residence hall at Appalachian.  He had to live at home.  Thankfully, we all like living with each other!  He is a joy to have around, and we appreciate his help.  For him, we know he does not want to live with us forever but doesn't seem to mind it right now!

Sometimes I feel a little twinge when I see the pictures.  And I wish Andrew could have moved into whatever residence hall and whatever college he wanted.  But he would never change his time at Appalachian, so it's easy to accept and be thankful.  Now, we want him to be able to move into his own place at some point soon and be independent.  That's why we are helping him pursue this neurological testing.  And if that does not work out, the seizure alert dog and tiny house in the backyard are on the list of things to check on.

But maybe you feel that twinge too.  Maybe your child did not get into college.  Maybe they procrastinated or did not work hard in high school.  Maybe they have left home to be independent a little too early.  Maybe they will never have a chance to live away from you because of other reasons.
God knows.  He knows how you feel.  And you can feel overwhelmed and wonder why your life or your child's life could not be easier.

And it doesn't have to be college!  I wish with all my heart that I could drop off my seventh grader and trust that he could read directions and would be able to do his homework and assignments and be successful and love school.  But he cannot read!  And he is almost 13!  And though we are working on that with ASU and making progress, it is so painfully slow when I keep seeing 13 next week.  And high school is looming.  And parents lament their children going to high school, and a panic rises up in me; because my own child is no where ready.  And I have stop and pray about it.  I have prayed for this ever since Sam was four, and I knew something was wrong.  And I was put off a lot - by everyone.  So here we are.  And I am his mother.  So no matter who put me off or misdirected me, I am the one (Pete too) who wants him to read and be able to "do school" normally.

So drop off at middle school will be hard.  It's hard to sit in a meeting with people wondering out loud what Sam will be able to do.  Will he drive?  Ever live alone?  I am wondering how they see him!  And that panic rises again.  And I have to bite my lip not to cry and pray even more.

Or maybe your child dropped out of school.  I had one who did - twice.  And I can be ashamed and think I did not do a good enough job when Satan was sneaking around and got by me.  But that child would not have had a mother who prayed more for him.  And God helped him get his diploma.  It took a lot of help from a very select group of people.  But it happened.  And it was all God.  And looking back, school was not easy for him a lot.  And college was not something he wanted.  And so now praying he will be a good, responsible worker in whatever he chooses is what I pray.  If he had moved into a residence hall, they would have sent him home after he moved some walls around and drove his truck around campus too loudly.

God knows what we want and hope for our children.  We just have to pray our children find the way God has for them - the best way.  And not all of those ways look the same.

I appreciate so much when someone compliments one of my boys.  I have had times when I was convinced that people went out of their way to make sure that I knew my boys were not perfect.  And I heard other children praised and getting awards and wondered if I was good enough as a mother.  But it's not about other people and their praise and approval.  It's about God.  So if my child did not get recognized for something, God will let me know (somehow) if they did something responsible or tenderhearted or thoughtful or Christ-like.  And those things are most important to me.

I look at young people who struggle in other families.  Some of them have all of the support they need, and they struggle.  And I pray for them.  And I know their parents wonder what happened too.  So the only thing I can be sure of to tell them is that God knows.  He knows.  I don't have answers but must trust that these young people will be ready to answer God's call when it comes ~ some because of their experiences and some in spite of them.

As school starts tomorrow, Sam and I will pick up our morning prayers on the way to school.  We have been thrilled to hear from a couple of people we have prayed for for so long. They told us in one way or another that they felt those prayers.  We always pray for the missing student from ASU and hope he is found soon.  We count it a privilege to pray.

I did get to take one child to college, Peter.  We got his few things ready, and he moved in one day without us!  It worked out for him that he moved into his dad's old residence hall at a non-busy time.  And just like that, it was done!  So God let me have that one "normal" drop off.  And I did not seem to miss much, because Peter certainly did not need me!  He knew we were here, and that was enough for Peter.

I find myself praying harder and more often for my boys every day.  And I prayed a lot before.  Each has a lot going on.  And it's overwhelming.  And I pray for others too.  I have a heart to pray for young people.  Life is tough, and I pray for God to give them what they need.  And then I try to keep my eyes and ears open for those opportunities to be an encouragement or a light or a voice of truth to them.  I want to be salt and light in a world full of junk cleverly disguised as something else that a lot of times seems good. I pray I don't miss those opportunities while doing something else - like thinking too much of myself or how hard things can be.

I leave with the words to one song I love.  A high school friend posted this on Facebook a year or two ago.  I want my children to know I pray and love them and that God is their constant, not me.  And a favorite verse, because God is not a mean father waiting for us to mess up.  He wants what is best for us.  And He loves our children even more than we do.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11


"When I Leave the Room"  Natalie Grant

Good night
Looks like we made it through the day
The moon sighs
And I know that we're okay

Sleep tight
I love to watch you drift away
I would come with you but on my knees I'll stay

Good night
Five little fingers holding mine
Take flight
Into your dreams and lullabies

There's nothing more that I can do
But just fall more in love with you
And ask the angel armies to stand by
When I leave the room

I'm gonna fail you
I already have
Ten thousand times
I will fall down flat

You'll have a seat in the front row
Of everything I don't know
And all I'm trying to be
You'll see

Good night
There will be storms that we come through
In time
We will slay dragons me and you

I'll always wanna hold you tight
Keep you safe with all my might
So I will leave Jesus next to you
When I leave the room

And you will run ahead
As if you know the way
And I will pray more
Then one should have to pray

There will be words we can't take back
Silences too
And I'll be on my knees
You'll see

One night
When I am old and unsteady
You'll want me to fight
But I'll tell you that I'm ready

When there's nothing left to do
I will still be loving you
Then you'll fold your fingers into mine
And I will let Jesus hold you tight
When I leave the room

Getting Ready for School!

I went to check the school lists today.  I always go the first day they are up...always!  But I have not felt like walking from my car to the school, so I put it off until today!  Sam has Mrs. Huffman.  Will grew up with Gray and has been friends with him since the 2nd grade!  We love her, and we know she will make a huge difference in Sam's day!  Sam has not wanted to talk about school.  Why talk about something you always dread?  But he has said a couple of things in the last two days.  I got most of his shopping done at Target while Peter and Andrew were looking at Lego sets and Nerf guns with Sam.  I had printed the list before we went last week.  I know I have a handful of things to get, but the list is not nearly as long this year!  I ordered a couple of new shirts and almost have his room put back together.  We were going to put bead board on his ceilings but will have to do that in the next month or so.  I did get his room painted, and so it's ready to be finished.  Once his furniture is all in and arranged and drawers are organized, he will be ready to get ready each day!

I also ordered Andrew more pj's, since I could not find many options here!  They should arrive soon, and we will be about ready with what he needs for his hospital stay.  I ordered the Robert Whitlow movies that I have not watched in years.  Hopefully, he will feel like studying; but we are ready for rest time too - books on the Kindle for me and easy to watch DVD's for him.

We ordered Sam's birthday present and Will's new Carhartt pants.  Since I have not felt like doing much more than I need to do, ordering has been a lifesaver for these upcoming birthdays and appointments.

Andrew gave Sam one of his ASU backpacks, so we did not have to get a new backpack this year either.  His last one had a zipper problem.  We have to be able to get to his emergency snacks and meds, so that would not do!  I think when Sam carries Andrew's old backpack, he seems much taller.

Andrew starts classes Tuesday after Sam starts Monday. Peter starts his internship soon and should be ready to go!  My car goes into the shop for its new bumper on the first day of school, so Andrew will loan his truck to me.  That thing needs a good bath and vacuuming, and I hope to be myself by then and to get all of that done for him!

We are having a birthday party at Boulder Look after Pete preaches at Providence on Sunday, August 27.  We will be having special prayer before Andrew goes into the hospital on Wednesday, August 30th.  We are praying for a safe stay and for a quick stay.  That means Andrew needs to have seizures that they can track and get information from as quickly and safely as he can.  I dread it, but I am hopeful it's something that will have a good outcome.

Thank you for praying for us.  For our family.  We will be at Three Forks Baptist Church this coming Sunday, August 20, filling in.  We are thankful God has given Pete opportunities to preach the Gospel right now.  As we deal with these earthly trials, we want to make sure we are keeping our eyes up on things eternal.  We want to keep our focus on Jesus and what He wants us to do.  Please pray we do this and bring Him glory in all that we say and do, no matter what.

Thanks!

Andrew's MRI

Andrew's MRI went well last night at Duke.  He was back there about 45 minutes total, and we got back to the hotel a little after 11:00.  Peter and Sam had waited up for us, and we all got a good night's sleep before coming home this morning.

And...we just read the MRI results online and got a note from the doctor already through their portal!  I must admit that I have had trouble signing up for some of these, but the Duke one was very easy.  We have already sent a message to the doctor about Andrew's meds before our EMU (epilepsy monitoring unit) stay and got a reply right back.

The MRI shows the same scar tissue (for lack of a better medical term).  It's in the same spot and appears to be unchanged from 2004 ~ good news.  Everything else looks normal.  That's a huge praise.  I sometimes worry that issues are chalked up to previous things, and that something new would easily just march right by me.  That is where I have to pray and pray and pray that God will tell me when to check something out.  I cannot tell you the times He has nudged me when I needed that nudge.

If this scar tissue is determined to be the cause of his seizures, they can look at surgery to take care of it, as long as it does not go too deep.  I am so scared about the possibility of surgery on his brain but hopeful that the trouble spot could be taken away.  It's been a huge trouble spot his whole life, and he would love to be rid of it.

We ate a good breakfast, and then Peter got a speeding ticket on the way home ~ Wilkes County.  I am sure it is playing over in his head, my words, "Drive safely but never speed in Wilkes County; or you'll get a ticket!"  Now he believes me.  He was very respectful to the trooper.  Oh well.  I still appreciate that Peter took another day off to drive us.

I just finished my second antibiotic and was hoping the steroid shot I got Tuesday would kick in.  I am so dizzy and have pretty bad sinus-like headaches.  I sip on Ginger Ale all day for nausea.  I have used every home remedy for sinuses that my grandfather did and one I learned from a veterinarian!  My nose refuses to run, and I am convinced my sinuses are locked up.  I keep praying this goes away soon.  Six weeks is a long time, and I keep reminding God that my shift in the EMU is not going to be easy.  I know He knows, but frustration is creeping in.  I had a hard time walking to the car last night in the dark.  During this, I really feel like God is reminding me how it feels to not be able to do what you need to do - literally.  I had this once before and wondered how long I could go and keep doing what I needed to do.  So I am trying to be patient and hopeful while getting the bare minimum done each day.  And some days I have had to ask God to take over and show me what to do.  And He has.  I just cannot wait to feel like myself again and will never take it for granted.

That said, I am going to bed as soon as I get Sam squared away for the night.  He had such a fun time swimming a little bit again!  Peter found his shoes on the way yesterday for his internship (Thanks, Mimi and Grandad, for the early birthday gift!).  Andrew and I are still looking for pj shirts that button up the front and think some were located in Bristol!  We appreciate all of the help getting our stuff together.  I still need some new author ideas!  Robert Whitlow's new book is not out until September 12 ~ oh, so close!  I wish he knew I was his biggest fan and would send me an early copy!

Everyone else seems fine.  The older boys are working, and Peter starts his internship and final semester soon!  Pete and I attended a celebration of life at the home of a dear couple who lived in Blowing Rock.  It was a wonderful service with many opportunities for people to hear about what gave/gives this family hope.  Remembering that sharing eternal things and not getting bogged down here puts my life in a better perspective.  If you don't know Jesus, you cannot have this hope.  And it's not a statement I put lightly.  I am not His best messenger, but I hope sometimes He can work through even me.

I have gotten cards and texts and messages and face to face visits lately from people I know God put in my path.  And I am so very thankful that when I am so worn down and worn out, that He puts them right in front of my nose where I will not miss them.  And I want to be looking for His provision and the ways He takes care of me (and mine!).  I want to be expecting those things, not wishing for them but not really believing.

Thanks for praying for us.  Please pray as we get ready for this next step.  Andrew seems very fine with it all, and I am dreading it (and trying not to show it).  I am praying for peace for all of us before we walk in those hospital doors.

Happy Friday!  I will leave these verses here that I needed extra today.  I am so thankful I don't have to lean on my own understanding.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Prov. 3:5&6

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:28

Andrew's Duke Appointment and Plans (UPDATED 8/3/17)

It's been a tough few weeks, and I sit here looking back over some of the "other tough times" and have to feel encouraged to know how terrible some of those times were ~ but He brought us through.  And He will do so again.

I have not felt well for at least a few weeks.  I am still "fighting" with BCBS, and it's not something I can let go; because it affects everything for the rest of the year.  Andrew's personal customer service rep has not had to help us with anything big yet, and I am not sure it's going to work out - her help.  Then my car was hit in the Harris Teeter parking lot.  It crunched my bumper, so I can hardly get in the back of my car.  It was a hit and run, but there was a witness who took the tag.  Long story short, somehow the people who hit me got my information even though I did not have theirs.  I was trying to work with them but had already worked a week and a half getting my car lined up to get fixed, a new bumper.  Everything is being dragged out, so I have just had to ask my insurance to handle it.  But my insurance doesn't have their info.  It's frustrating but not the end of the world, I keep telling myself.  It's our only car that can go to Charlotte or Duke.  Pete's Toyota (or Honda, as he calls it) would not make the trip to Wilkesboro!  So all of that, on top of the regular life I lead, has worn me out a little.

And there is more.  There are changes, and I am not good at change.  But I am trying to be obedient and do what God wants me to do.  I have been concerned for Pete too, and I have been praying a lot.  This part is not meant to be cryptic, though it is.  It's just another huge thing to me, and it's all right at the same time as all of this other going on.  But I know I must keep praying and believing that God will take care of all of that too ~ and all my concerns for others.

So we took off Sunday afternoon for Duke.  Peter went with us, in case I did not feel well enough to drive.  We took our first break at the outlets in Mebane and had a fun but hot few minutes walking around.  We got dinner on our way to the hotel and were happy to find a nice, clean pool with no one around!  I could see the boys out of my balcony, and they were able to to out and play twice at night.  The next morning. Peter dropped us off at Duke and took Sam to breakfast and back to the hotel to swim.  Sam loved spending time with two of his brothers and had not been swimming all summer!

Andrew and I really liked the doctor at Duke.  He had gotten some of Andrew's information before the appointment and had a good idea of Andrew's situation.  He asked a ton of questions.   He was great at talking to Andrew and directing most of his questions and answers to him.  But he asked me about the times when Andrew was young, and we both felt he included us both and really wanted to know about Andrew.  It takes a long time to go through the questions on Andrew's medical history, and I usually take a cheat sheet and only elaborate if they want me to.  I left a couple of articles with the doctor, so he would know a little more about Andrew; and he seemed genuinely interested in those.

In a nutshell, Andrew's options for seizures are limited - more drugs, a VNS, or surgery.  After a good explanation from the doctor about the surgery and testing needed to even see if that was an option, Andrew decided to go with that plan.  So he will go back to Duke this month for an MRI.  It's at 9:45 pm, so we will see if we can get the same hotel!  And I am waiting on Duke to call with a time for Andrew to go to their epilepsy monitoring unit (EMU) and spend 4-7 days, so they can evaluate his seizures.  They will take him off his medications to make him have seizures and will monitor him.  We will be with him at all times.  I still don't have my situation even remotely worked out with Sam, but I told Pete he would just have to take that time off.  One of us will be with him, and one can keep up with Sam while taking a break.  It makes me sick to think of it, but I know it's to get him to a better place hopefully.

After all of the testing, the team at Duke will meet and determine if Andrew is even a candidate for surgery.  He may not be.  Or if there would likely be damage of some kind, they said they will not do surgery.  From what we know now, Andrew meets the criteria to be tested.  And he is ready to do that.

The doctor was very nice and told Andrew that Andrew can stop the process at any time and try more medications.  But he seemed optimistic about helping Andrew get seizure free.  And Andrew wants (right now) to see if that is a possibility.

People comment sometimes that I am strong - and I know what those people mean - not that I am really strong but that I let God help me through things.  I don't want anyone to think I am strong - especially by myself.  But I can tell you that this will be one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced - and I am not the one considering surgery.  I will be counting on God for ALL of the strength we need.

So I am asking for prayers for Andrew.  I am asking for prayers for wisdom and guidance and the right doctors and nurses and radiologists and anyone else involved.  I am also asking for prayers that God can use us through this experience.  It's just scary to me.  So scary it makes me feel sick.  But I want Andrew to have more freedom and less worry and less interruption.  He gives up a lot that not many realize.  And the decision is totally up to him.

Thanks to ALL of you who supported him in his yard sale!  He got rid of tons of our stuff, and we took quite a bit to donate.  He was so excited to do so well!

Thanks again for praying for our family.  We know God is in control.  He knows all.  And I just have to keep my focus on Him.  He loves Andrew even more than Pete and I could.

Holding tightly onto this short but a favorite verse and promise:

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19


UPDATE ON 8/3/17

Andrew will check in at Duke sometime on August 30 (Sam's 13th birthday!).  We will leave our house early in the morning and be on our way or down there by the time they are ready for him.  He should be there 3-5 days (doctor said 4-7).  It will be "not normal" to hope for the right kind and enough seizures for them to get the information they need, while we try to keep him safe.  Our plans are (right now) to take Sam with us.  The rooms are very small, and there is only one reclining chair.  So Pete will spend the nights, and I will take the days.  We can come and go and get food for him, but one of us will need to be with him at all times.  I will be updating my kindle with some new books (PLEASE send me book suggestions - Christian fiction is my favorite - Robert Whitlow, Dee Henderson, Angela Hunt).  He can have DVD's and can study or do whatever he feels like doing.  If anyone knows where to find 100% cotton pj tops for men that button up the front, I would appreciate that information.  I can look outside of Boone when we go back on the 10th for his MRI.  But I don't have that "shopper energy" right now!  I found some at Walmart, but they were not all cotton.

Thanks to all of you who have prayed.  Thanks for the encouragement and offers of help.  Our hotel is already covered by a generous gift someone sent a couple of days ago.

And please pray for Sam as he has to go with us.  Please pray for Peter and Will as they stay at home and work.  Sometimes the siblings need some attention and definitely need prayers.  It's not always easy to be in our family.  We aren't perfect and never want to appear so.  But we are blessed beyond measure.  Our blessings come from knowing God is real and that He is always with us.  And while we don't look forward to this, at all, we are thankful it's soon and will be over with.

And while I always make this about Andrew or Sam usually, I would ask those who pray to pray for one of my little friends going through some of the same testing.  He is in the initial stages, and I pray for him to have something easily treatable and not dangerous and disruptive.  And I pray for peace and comfort for his parents as they go through this tough stuff.  Thanks!

P.S.  You may not want to park near me!  I must be a magnet for accidents!  Evidently a truck backed into the car parked beside me with a trailer hitch and left the scene.  Fortunately, they found him next door, as he did not stay to take responsibility!  Just crazy!

July Update ~ And THE BEAR!

I know I have been so bad to update this blog!  I will try to do better!

Andrew ran The Bear last night.  He finished 5th with a good time.  One of his former Watauga teammates passed him on the very last incline.  But he still finished strong and FIFTH out of around 800 runners.  His best time from 2015 (when he won) would have been a good second this year and is still the 7th fastest time of all the recorded times since 1998 (except for last year's times which were for a short run due to wind!).

He almost did not run.  He had a goal to run The Bear and the Grandfather Mountain Marathon this week.  He was so excited to train.  But his training has been almost non-existent.  He has only been able to run about 30 miles in the last month.

He has been so tired.  He has had some issues with seizures, since April.  It's been tough.  In my previous posts, I have mentioned how we've had to call for help.  EMS is always great - once you can get them to come.  We have gone through many tough times without calling or with calling and canceling.  So it's hard, when you know you really do need the professionals to come.  Right now, Andrew is on three of the best seizure meds he can take while awaiting an appointment at Duke at the end of this month.  So he has been good for the last few weeks, but he is taking a ton of medication.

Andrew has also been volunteering for 30+ hours a week at the Hospitality House.  He just finished his last week of that but will continue to help throughout the summer.  He is helping me with Sam's camp for the next two weeks.  So (side note), I am going to put info on FB about a yard sale he will be having to raise some money and get rid of some of our stuff.  I will give him the stuff, and he will hopefully sell it and make some money for fall (since he has worked all summer so far for free!).

So from the setbacks from the seizures, some infections and other medical issues, and work, Andrew had to give up his goal/dream of running the two events.  He knows the organizers and most of the volunteers and has always wanted to run both after he finished his eligibility.

Then, he decided he wanted to try The Bear.  Pete and I told him he could do whatever he wanted.  He did not have to be at his best.  We know other runners who won and then ran after running other races the week of or not being able to train much.  Pete and I prayed with him yesterday.  We also prayed for him (more than once!), and Pete specifically asked that he could be in the top 20 or so - just to encourage him.  We were hoping he would at least get a mug.

So we made the trek up the mountain.  I have been sick and dizzy all week.  I had to rest most of yesterday to even be able to go up there.  As I stood up in my usual spot, I prayed and prayed for him - for his safety and for his race.  Then, after what seemed like a very long time, Pete came over and said, "Mama, look!  I think Andrew is in 4th!"  And he was.  I could tell by his arms and his dark blue shirt ( a Mast Store high school race shirt that has remained a favorite).  His former teammate passed him, but Andrew still finished strong in the race that almost wasn't.  And once again, I had to stop and thank God for letting him have that.

Sometimes it's hard to be Andrew's mom.  For all of the good races or good days, there are some tough ones.  And I would not trade if for anything.  But I looked at some of those runners, and they looked just fine.  And I know some of them have struggles I don't see.  But I look at Andrew and see a miracle.  And not many people know that, because he doesn't look sick.  So I am disappointed when he is disappointed, but I sure am happy and thankful when he is happy! (http://www.wataugademocrat.com/sports/local_sports/first-timers-grab-victories-at-the-bear/article_4bd369f8-0cc0-52da-a634-25e44b84e3dc.html)

Andrew had three specialist appointments in a week.  Talk about overload for information.  They were all fine, and everything should be on track.  I was a little disappointed that no one could see a pattern that may explain the increase in seizures.  So at Duke, I plan on asking for a new MRI at least. And I am praying for a doctor who takes an interest in him and really wants to help him.

My niece Laura had surgery (brain surgery) for her Trigeminal Nerve on Wednesday.  She was supposed to spend one night in ICU and be at the Mayo Clinic (in Florida) for another 3-4 days.  She did so well that they released her on Thursday!  She has to stay around until Saturday, but we have been so relieved and thankful for a successful surgery.  She is sore and in pain from the surgery, but we pray she is healed from this pain she has suffered from.  She has had to take all kinds of medications, some of the same ones Andrew has taken.  So our prayer is that she no longer needs any of that.  Her husband goes to training in a few days for a few weeks.  And then he deploys for a year in January.  So it's been tough and emotional for their young little family.  And we keep them in our prayers and will keep lifting them up and supporting them.  Laura was able to get our texts and calls and was so happy for Andrew.

I know I have mentioned Sam's learning issues.  We have an appointment for him in Asheville in September.  I just keep praying for him.  I am so thankful for the program at Appalachian that is helping him learn to read.  And I am thankful for people God has put in my path to encourage me in such a discouraging situation.  But the last few days as I have been so sick, he has been the best nurse I could have.  He anticipates what you need before you ask.  And he can get the TV on or the phone fixed before I even try.  He is also happy to help with any house things that need to be done.  He is beyond his years in being intuitive and thoughtful and helpful, and I thank God for allowing me to be his mother.  His last endocrinology check up was good.  Even though diabetes has been hard and you feel like you have a C for A+ effort, I am thankful for any good check ups.  Our JDRF race is probably going to be October 7, and we will start putting things on FB soon!

One of the moms I know because of diabetes posted a video of Mercy Me and their new song "Even If" that I love.  I did not realize the lead singer's son is a Type 1.  And what he said in the video hit home.  Our world seems to revolve around this disease so much.  And the doctor visits can be frustrating.  You wish you could just not have to do that anymore.  And I feel like that a lot with Sam AND Andrew (who just had three big specialist appointments).  I think it's partly overload and overwhelming.  So I am sharing the video and song link below.  Because no matter what, God is still my hope.  I still believe that He sent Jesus to save us.  And this is not my home.  One day we will all be happy and healed, those of us who believe and accept that Gift of salvation.  The hardest times make me closer to God.  And for that, I have to be thankful.  I don't want to sail through this life enjoying every minute because it's easy and miss the opportunity to point others to eternal life with Christ.  And I am afraid I would.  So it's not that this world should be all depressing and dull, but my focus should be on that the best is yet to come.  And I want people to know and choose to be in the best.

Thanks for reading this!


"Even If"  Mercy Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHosmHnOrb8 - cut and paste this to hear his testimony!

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can't

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful, You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You're able
I know You can

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul