Who Is In Control?

Well, I know God is.  I was thinking today that I do not like to be dependent.  I do not like to have to have faith.  I want to know all will be okay.  I want to see how it will be okay.  I can have that and forget it all too easily.

I ready somewhere not long ago that being in a bad place is not the worst place to be.  All bad places vary, of course.  I feel like I have had things coming at me from ALL sides.  And it affects how I react and take all of those things in.  And it affects my days and my life.

But if I step back and look at it as a tough time as a whole, it seems like something I can turn over all at once to Him.  He can take over.  And I can rest.  Will I do it?  It is an all day, every day thing sometimes.  But when I am the weakest, that is when I can see and feel His strength.  This is the time I can clearly see Him work - because I cannot do it myself.  It's either impossible or too much or I am too weary.

I am tired from having sick children.  It takes a lot to keep up with appointments and treatments and prescriptions and refills and monitoring and insurance and everything else.  I am tired from checking on them a lot during the night sometimes.  I am tired of worrying about what will be next.  I am really tired of worrying about how to take care of some of their things and whether I do enough and how I can afford this or that if they need it.  I am not tired of my children, but the sick part does get me weary.  I know they get that way sometimes too.

When I voted, I voted the way I felt I should after I really really prayed.  It was clear to me I could not vote for someone for President who is for abortion.  If those who believe in abortion knew my children would be sick and cost extra money, would they feel that my children were worth being born?  On Facebook, I have seen a quote from Ronald Reagan who said he noticed those who support abortion have already been born.  I don't know if he said that, but it is true.  I don't believe we should kill life - no matter how old it is, no matter how sick it could be, or how convenient it is.  We, who are here, had a chance to be born.  Who are we to kill those who have not yet been born?  I know it's easy to jump on the wagon to explain abortion away or to give reasons or excuses.  But I want no part of that.  I know in my heart it is killing, and I cannot vote for someone who believes it is okay.

I also could not vote for someone who stands up for so many things that the Bible says are not okay.  While no candidate was perfect, the one I could  not vote for stood up and clearly proclaimed his beliefs and feelings.  I feel very uneasy having such a President.  I want someone who will look to God (and lets us know).  I want someone who is not afraid to stand up for what is right.  I want someone who cares about our people and our military and will do everything to help this great country.  I am not disrespectful, but I am distressed greatly.

But I know Who is in control.  And He knew how last night would go.  He knows I fear for my sick children.  He knows.  And He loves me.  He loves us all.  Whether we acknowledge Him or not.  He forgives.  He forgets.  He died for us.  He sacrificed for us.  Imperfect us.  A lot of times, ungrateful us.  And a lot of times in this country, defiant us. 

I know people are searching.  They are looking for a person to fill that hole or void.  They are searching and looking, and He waits and wants us to come to Him.  He wants us to find what we are searching for while we are looking everywhere but at Him.

I do it still.  I try to fix and figure out and plan.  I forget that He loves me.  He loves me more than anyone.  And when I am at my lowest and weakest, that is when I can see His work.  I can see where He pulls me up. 

So I resolve to try to live so He will know I love Him.  I am not ashamed of Him.  When I feel discouraged, I will turn to Him for encouragement.  When I am fearful, I will turn to Him for peace.  When I am tired, I will turn to Him for rest.

When someone hurts my feelings, I will let Him remind me to go on.  When I am frustrated, I will let Him remind me that He is in control and is helping me.  When I don't know what else to do, I will let Him give me answers.

Whether it's the election or the everyday problems of this time in my life, I will look to Him.  He loves me and is waiting for me to turn His way.

"I Look to You"  (Selah)

As I lay me down,
Heaven hear me now.
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all.

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun.
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

About to lose my breath,
There's no more fighting left,
Sinking to rise no more,
Searching for that open door.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/selah-i-look-to-you-lyrics.html ]
And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret.
And I don't know if I'm going to make it.
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

My levees are broken
My walls have come
Tumbling down on me

The rain is falling.
Defeat is calling.
I need you to set me free.

Take me far away from the battle.
I need you.
Shine on me.

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.